I have never been so turned off and uncomfortable on a date in my life

[abby_tx]

Holy ****. OP has to be a troll. Right?

[PumpkinLumpkin]

This is such a Larry David Curb your Enthusiasm episode.

[BlueIris]

I went on a second date tonight and got the biggest shock of my life. The girl shows up to the date with a CANE????? Saying she has HIP issues and it helps her walk straight. I asked her why didn't have it on the 1st meeting and she said....."she should have because she was in a lot of pain"

 

So basically I am walking around on a saturday night with a woman who is walking with a cane which was so uncomfortable for me. If she was in that much pain she should have not come out tonight because I am too young to be on a date with someone who has a cane.

 

So there will be no more dates from this point on because I am turned off completely. I could not believe she bought a cane on a 2nd date.

 

Worst date ever

 

How dare she?!?!

 

Be very grateful that this is the most shocking thing that has happened in your life. If this is a shock and affront to you, I'd definitely tell this story in your OLD profile to find a woman who aligns with your values and perspectives.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I'm not going to be in this situation again until I'm in my 60's

You mean getting a second date? :confused: HAHA! Just kidding!

[smg15]

People who deal with chronic pain or injuries are entirely within their right to continue dating.

 

And now she knows everything she needed to know about you.

 

 

 

She said she was in PAIN so it was no need for her to be out on a date. We could have had a INDOOR DATE instead because what I planned involved lots and lots of walking

[smg15]

This is such a Larry David Curb your Enthusiasm episode.

 

I never seen that show is it good?

[Phoe]

Would it have hurt for her to mention it? No.

 

But is it reasonable for you to fly off the handle about how horrible she is for not informing you? How disgusted and embarassed you are that she had to walk at a slow pace and people have to go around her?

 

You seem to be mad at her for "ruining" your plans. Instead of just going with the flow, you were SO caught up on what you had "planned" and it's all her fault that it didn't work the way you wanted it.

 

Not once have you stopped and thought about her. All you've thought about is you and your plans and how they got screwed up and how you are so embarassed. You didn't stop and think about the fact that this woman cared enough to see you again. You didn't stop and think about the fact that despite being in pain, she wanted to meet up with you again. She wanted to spend time with you, and trusted you to not judge her for being in pain. But nope, you went and crapped all over that and despite your insistence that you were gentlemanly, I'm sure she could feel the resentment.

 

You might feel bad about the date. I guarantee she feels worse. It could've been a GREAT date, had you decided it could be. But you seemed dead set once you saw that cane that it was going to be a bad date.

[Cinnimon]

Awe. I'm sorry but my first thought was , wow she was in pain but liked you so much she went on the date anyway.

I can see how it would be a bit shocking but if you like her, it shouldn't be a deal breaker.

[PumpkinLumpkin]

I never seen that show is it good?

 

YES. You must watch.

 

You are the Larry David of the dating world.

 

 

 

[SawtoothMars]

I went on a second date tonight and got the biggest shock of my life. The girl shows up to the date with a CANE????? Saying she has HIP issues and it helps her walk straight. I asked her why didn't have it on the 1st meeting and she said....."she should have because she was in a lot of pain"

So basically I am walking around on a saturday night with a woman who is walking with a cane which was so uncomfortable for me. If she was in that much pain she should have not come out tonight because I am too young to be on a date with someone who has a cane.

So there will be no more dates from this point on because I am turned off completely. I could not believe she bought a cane on a 2nd date.

Worst date ever

 

While I think your reaction is uncalled for and over the top... a woman with debilitating hip pain would make me worry that this would destroy any kind of future sex life. However, if I liked everything else about her, I would still be more than willing to try AND I would not be embarrassed by the cain, because I don't care what other people think.

 

On another note. I do not think most people will find it acceptable for a man to judge a woman based on this kind of criteria. Most people are only comfortable with women judging men, not the reverse.

 

As a man, I am generally used to being weighed and measured constantly. Women are rarely ever judged openly and as such tend to freak out over even the slightest possibility it may happen.

[smg15]

While I think your reaction is uncalled for and over the top... a woman with debilitating hip pain would make me worry that this would destroy any kind of future sex life. However, if I liked everything else about her, I would still be more than willing to try AND I would not be embarrassed by the cain, because I don't care what other people think.

 

On another note. I do not think most people will find it acceptable for a man to judge a woman based on this kind of criteria. Most people are only comfortable with women judging men, not the reverse.

 

As a man, I am generally used to being weighed and measured constantly. Women are rarely ever judged openly and as such tend to freak out over even the slightest possibility it may happen.

 

Yeah it's a double standard

 

Women get to be shallow but no way can a man be shallow. You know how many times I was rejected because of my weight? Let a man reject a woman because of her weight and he is a jerk.

[Phoe]

Women get judged plenty. Heck, I got rejected once being told I look like a dude. LOL mkay.

[BikerAccnt]

I think part of the problem here is your seeming callous attitude about it. I can understand your preference for not wanting to date her if you lead an active life and she's unable to because of hip problems. Still, it's the way you are presenting it here that is causing the up roar.

 

She's probably every bit as sorry as you are that she brought it. As a matter of fact I'd bet she didn't bring it the first time because she didn't want to do that on the first date. She wanted to see what kind of a man you were first.

 

Apparently, she thought enough of you on that first date to feel open and trusting enough to feel comfortable using the cane. Did you ever consider that?

 

Her pain mustn't always be severe, or else you would have noticed it on that first date.

 

I can only imagine a similar reaction if I had come on here after my first "night" with my GF to complain that because of breast cancer she only had one breast instead of two! How dare she make ME feel uncomfortable because of her illness.

 

Dude, date who you want, just try to have some empathy for people. And if you can't, don't post about it because as you see, you'll get jumped all on all over about it.

[smg15]

Women get judged plenty. Heck, I got rejected once being told I look like a dude. LOL mkay.

 

The point is when women are judged it's a problem. When men are judged it's OH WELL

[smg15]

I think part of the problem here is your seeming callous attitude about it. I can understand your preference for not wanting to date her if you lead an active life and she's unable to because of hip problems. Still, it's the way you are presenting it here that is causing the up roar.

 

She's probably every bit as sorry as you are that she brought it. As a matter of fact I'd bet she didn't bring it the first time because she didn't want to do that on the first date. She wanted to see what kind of a man you were first.

 

Apparently, she thought enough of you on that first date to feel open and trusting enough to feel comfortable using the cane. Did you ever consider that?

 

Her pain mustn't always be severe, or else you would have noticed it on that first date.

 

I can only imagine a similar reaction if I had come on here after my first "night" with my GF to complain that because of breast cancer she only had one breast instead of two! How dare she make ME feel uncomfortable because of her illness.

 

Dude, date who you want, just try to have some empathy for people. And if you can't, don't post about it because as you see, you'll get jumped all on all over about it.

 

 

Well i showed empathy during the date when I said to her if she was in pain we could have postponed or did something at home. No one should be in PAIN when they are on a date which is why years ago when my arthritis started I would take 4 pain pills 7 hours before my date.

[Gaeta]

Well i showed empathy during the date when I said to her if she was in pain we could have postponed or did something at home. No one should be in PAIN when they are on a date which is why years ago when my arthritis started I would take 4 pain pills 7 hours before my date.

 

So, were you at least able to see past the can? What kind of woman is she? how is her character? you must find her attractive you invited her out on a second date.

[smg15]

So, were you at least able to see past the can? What kind of woman is she? how is her character? you must find her attractive you invited her out on a second date.

 

She said she is recovering from a car accident but I am not sure how long she has to walk with a cane. I mean it;s about to be very warm soon and I cannot be out with someone who is not as mobile as I am. I am sorry that she is in that situation but I prefer not to be on a date with someone who needs a cane for support.

[SawtoothMars]

Yeah it's a double standard

Women get to be shallow but no way can a man be shallow. You know how many times I was rejected because of my weight? Let a man reject a woman because of her weight and he is a jerk.

 

Double standards are a part of life. People in general don't like to be judged... it's just after a while most guys get used to it.

 

The point is when women are judged it's a problem. When men are judged it's OH WELL

 

Pretty much. That doesn't mean you are correct in this situation. You should be able to see beyond the cain, as I would expect any woman to do!

 

 

Women get judged plenty. Heck, I got rejected once being told I look like a dude. LOL mkay.

 

True, and we can universally agree that he is in the wrong. If you look like a man, then I'm probably gay.

[BikerAccnt]

She said she is recovering from a car accident but I am not sure how long she has to walk with a cane. I mean it;s about to be very warm soon and I cannot be out with someone who is not as mobile as I am. I am sorry that she is in that situation but I prefer not to be on a date with someone who needs a cane for support.

 

 

And that's fine, and that's understandable. Like I said previously, it's all in the way you present it, and presenting it here like you did makes you come across as an A-1 jerk.

 

Really, this is one of those instances where it's best to just keep your opinion/feeling to yourself. Unless of course your goal was to stir up message board drama.

 

In which case, I commend you on a job well done.

[smg15]

Double standards are a part of life. People in general don't like to be judged... it's just after a while most guys get used to it.

 

 

 

Pretty much. That doesn't mean you are correct in this situation. You should be able to see beyond the cain, as I would expect any woman to do!

 

 

 

 

True, and we can universally agree that he is in the wrong. If you look like a man, then I'm probably gay.

 

 

 

Just like any woman, all men have a preference of who they want to date for whatever the reason is which is life in the dating world.

[Peachland]

She said she is recovering from a car accident but I am not sure how long she has to walk with a cane. I mean it;s about to be very warm soon and I cannot be out with someone who is not as mobile as I am. I am sorry that she is in that situation but I prefer not to be on a date with someone who needs a cane for support.

 

Oh wow....I can't believe how shallow you are.

[smg15]

Oh wow....I can't believe how shallow you are.

 

 

 

I don't do anything that makes me uncomfortable and I'm sure you don't either.

[Happy01]

I'm loving everyone's reaction to this! There are good, nonjudgemental people in the world. Reinforces my faith in people's kindness and empathy. I'd have walked proudly and encouraged her to do likewise. I hope OP is learning a lesson here ... unfortunately I fear the message is falling on deaf ears.

[cessna]

I don't know how old you are smg15, but you come across to me as about 15.

[smg15]

I don't know how old you are smg15, but you come across to me as about 15.

 

That's your opinion and you are entitled to it