What would a guy really think if a woman asked HIM out on a date?

[Redhead14]

I've only done this once in my life, and it went very well, although I could tell the guy kind of acted like he was in uncharted territory lol. I liked him a lot and thought, what the hell?! What's the worst thing he could say to me?

 

Well, when I get back into dating again, I'm thinking about doing this - but ONLY with a guy that I really like and am attracted to. Again, what's the worst reaction that a guy could have? He might say "No thank you" or "My, aren't you forward?" or something else along those lines that would equal to a rejection. I'm not worried about being rejected - it's more like I'm wondering if a guy would think I was a weirdo for asking him out and paying for the entire date! Most of my friends think it'd be a cool thing to do and that most guys would like it, but some of them think I'd be flipping the dating dynamic too far in the other direction and that it might give a guy the wrong message.

 

So, I'd like to read some posts from the guys here on what you would HONESTLY think (after messaging/talking on the phone with a woman you've met on OLD or IRL for a week and after you've met for the first time at a coffee shop, etc. and you liked her) if she asked YOU out on an official date with her paying your way?! Could a guy feel offended by this gesture? Would he think she was being too forward? Would he feel weirded out? I'm really curious about this and would like to know the truth about what some of you would REALLY think if this happened to you.

 

To the gals: Would you ever ask a guy out on an official date and pay his way for the entire evening? Or are you more traditional and would never do something like that?

 

 

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Well, there are men who like it when a woman initiates and men who don't. The problem is that you don't know which ones do and which ones don't if you approach them.

 

I am more traditional, but if you really want to do that, the best way to do it is to strike up a very casual conversation with the man. Make a general statement about what you're looking for for yourself out of your dating experiences in the long run and let him tell you what he's looking for. If you're on the same page, I'd simply say I've enjoyed talking with you and the time we've spent together. I'd like it if I saw you again. If he asks for your number, great. If he likes you enough too, he'll take the hint at least. You've clearly given him a heads up that you want to see him again but you've left the ball in his court. If he doesn't call you for an official date, you've been rejected, but not in person at least

 

You don't have to actually ask for a date, just give him the green light to ask you and he won't have the fear of being rejected either.

[katiegrl]

Well, there are men who like it when a woman initiates and men who don't. The problem is that you don't know which ones do and which ones don't if you approach them.

 

I am more traditional, but if you really want to do that, the best way to do it is to strike up a very casual conversation with the man. Make a general statement about what you're looking for for yourself out of your dating experiences in the long run and let him tell you what he's looking for. If you're on the same page, I'd simply say I've enjoyed talking with you and the time we've spent together. I'd like it if I saw you again. If he asks for your number, great. If he likes you enough too, he'll take the hint at least. You've clearly given him a heads up that you want to see him again but you've left the ball in his court. If he doesn't call you for an official date, you've been rejected, but not in person at least

 

You don't have to actually ask for a date, just give him the green light to ask you and he won't have the fear of being rejected either.

 

Are you suggesting that a woman approach a complete stranger, strike up a *casual* convo, but then proceed to tell him what she is looking for and hoping to experience in her dating relationships?

 

Really? How does she know he is even single and available? It's WAY too soon for a convo like that Red....save that discussion for the first actual DATE!

 

I have no problem striking up conversations with men, on a totally spontaneous basis, when the situation seems appropriate.

 

NOT necessarily with the goal of getting his number and dating him, but simply because I enjoy meeting and talking to PEOPLE in general, men AND women.

 

To women -- If you are inclined to want to ask a man out, let the interaction/convo flow spontaneously and genuinely. Nothing should be forced. Casual, light and breezy.

 

And good god, NOTHING about dating, or if you are even single! WAY too soon. Make it totally casual, like you just met a new friend who you enjoy talking to.

 

If the convo starts to escalate (still very casual, light and breezy) and you seem to be clicking, then before your exit, you could say, "It was fun chatting! You wanna grab coffee sometime later in the week?". And then gauge his response.

 

IF he is single and available, AND interested, he will jump all over that, and probably take the lead at that point.

 

If he is NOT single, available or interested, he will politely decline.

 

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, but the key is to make the interaction FUN, and the conversation easy, light and breezy.

 

DON'T put your cards on the table about dating, your goals, what you want. It's not the time!

 

Again, save that convo for when you are actually out together on a date!

 

That's my take anyway, and has always worked beautifully for me....

[alphamale]

How come?

 

 

 

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it was just a joke

[Redhead14]

Are you suggesting that a woman approach a complete stranger, strike up a *casual* convo, but then proceed to tell him what she is looking for and hoping to experience in her dating relationships?

 

Really? How does she know he is even single and available? It's WAY too soon for a convo like that Red....save that discussion for the first actual DATE!

 

I have no problem striking up conversations with men, on a totally spontaneous basis, when the situation seems appropriate.

 

NOT necessarily with the goal of getting his number and dating him, but simply because I enjoy meeting and talking to PEOPLE in general, men AND women.

 

To women -- If you are inclined to want to ask a man out, let the interaction/convo flow spontaneously and genuinely. Nothing should be forced. Casual, light and breezy.

 

And good god, NOTHING about dating, or if you are even single! WAY too soon. Make it totally casual, like you just met a new friend who you enjoy talking to.

 

If the convo starts to escalate (still very casual, light and breezy) and you seem to be clicking, then before your exit, you could say, "It was fun chatting! You wanna grab coffee sometime later in the week?". And then gauge his response.

 

IF he is single and available, AND interested, he will jump all over that, and probably take the lead at that point.

 

If he is NOT single, available or interested, he will politely decline.

 

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, but the key is to make the interaction FUN, and the conversation easy, light and breezy.

 

DON'T put your cards on the table about dating, your goals, what you want. It's not the time!

 

Again, save that convo for when you are actually out together on a date!

 

That's my take anyway, and has always worked beautifully for me....

 

She has been messaging this guy for a little with on OLD and met with him already.

 

OLD is notorious for guys looking for a hook up. And, it is never too soon to make sure you are on the same page with a potential new dating partner. You would not say you want that with them at that point. It's just a general statement about what you want for yourself and they should tell you what they are looking for. Why should you go through a bunch of dates with someone and guessing if they even want what you want. This is how people get too far into a relationship, investing emotion and time only to find out you don't even have the same goals. And, you don't bring it up in the first sentence you speak. You let the conversation and interaction go on for a while and at some point segue into it and a least by the second date.

 

If you like him enough already, just give a non-descript green light for him to ask you. This way he knows you like him but the ball is still in his court. Women often just go through a date, get to the end and say "gee, I hope he thinks I like him enough to ask me again". The guy is going through the same mental process usually if he likes her at that point. Even though you think you've given all the regular signs like flirting, touching, eye contact, etc. sometimes people just aren't good at reading that or were too nervous to read it.

 

And, this is about the woman wanting to ask a man for a date and worried about whether he'd be put off by it. I'm just saying she doesn't have to ask, just tell him she'd like if they saw each other again. That's non-pressuring and not forward. It's just a general statement about how she feels.

[Timshel]

This OP fascinates me BOZG because at the age of 46, this is all hitting home for me for the first time ever. I have never done OLD and am not planning to. Yet have found myself now as a single woman trying to navigate all of this male/female and do/don't do stuff.

Men approach me and that is what I am familiar with, however, so far I have only wanted friendship so....then be friends but then they want more so don't be friends? Or be friends but keep reiterating that we are only friends?

Then If I am curious about someone but do not necessarily want to date but get to know them better and express interest, then I am the aggressor? So I should not express interest because the assumption becomes that I want to hop in the sack with them or that I an easy?

Uuuugh! So never mind I think. My life is full so I am not so preoccupied with it but occasionally feel that I am very clumsy when a situation arises.

Can an older filly learn new tricks? I think I'll stay off the field.

[katiegrl]

She has been messaging this guy for a little with on OLD and met with him already.

 

OLD is notorious for guys looking for a hook up. And, it is never too soon to make sure you are on the same page with a potential new dating partner. You would not say you want that with them at that point. It's just a general statement about what you want for yourself and they should tell you what they are looking for. Why should you go through a bunch of dates with someone and guessing if they even want what you want. This is how people get too far into a relationship, investing emotion and time only to find out you don't even have the same goals. And, you don't bring it up in the first sentence you speak. You let the conversation and interaction go on for a while and at some point segue into it and a least by the second date.

 

If you like him enough already, just give a non-descript green light for him to ask you. This way he knows you like him but the ball is still in his court. Women often just go through a date, get to the end and say "gee, I hope he thinks I like him enough to ask me again". The guy is going through the same mental process usually if he likes her at that point. Even though you think you've given all the regular signs like flirting, touching, eye contact, etc. sometimes people just aren't good at reading that or were too nervous to read it.

 

And, this is about the woman wanting to ask a man for a date and worried about whether he'd be put off by it. I'm just saying she doesn't have to ask, just tell him she'd like if they saw each other again. That's non-pressuring and not forward. It's just a general statement about how she feels.

 

Sorry, Red, I thought we were talking about women doing the approaching, initiating a convo, and asking a man out.

 

My bad!

[Frank2thepoint]

I agree with you preraph. A guy may feel emasculated by a woman who asks him out. And some men will assume she's an easy lay if she makes the first move. It's so hard to know until you ask the guy out, how he'll respond.

 

I'd really like to know why a man would feel emasculated by a woman who asked him out. What I don't like is when a guy gives me his phone number, instead of asking me to give him mine. Is romance dead already? Don't men ask for phone numbers anymore?

 

Personally I wouldn't feel emasculated. I would consider it endearing and a progressive move on part of the woman. Her taking the initiative means she understands the common miscommunication and misinterpreted signals many men receive when chasing a woman, so she cuts through all that bullsh*t. Plus there's a special kind of confidence about a woman that is willing to ask a man out. A very rare quality. Ultimately it just means the woman really likes a man and won't risk missing an opportunity.

 

Of course I understand the hesitation of many women to initiate anything, due to bad experiences with immature men that can't handle a brave woman. It's unfortunate a few bad apples have dissuaded many women.

[Gary S]

Ya just say, "What's your number, hotlips!"

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

"How do I get rid of her without hurting her feelings?"

 

Hey Gaius. I find it interesting that, not only are you against an attractive woman asking you out on a date and paying your way, but you seem to be actually repulsed and disgusted by it!

 

I hope that I never run into a guy like you, although I'm well aware of the risk that it could very well happen to me.

 

To each his own! God Bless! ~

 

 

 

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[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Another question: why would you ask a guy out and pay his way??

 

But to answer your question..they would feel flattered if you are hot. and probably indifferent or even off-put if you are not very attractive

 

Why?? Well, why do guys ask a woman that they're attracted to out on a date and pay her way? When you answer that question, you'll get my answer to YOUR question.

 

So...if a guy feels flattered, turned on or indifferent, 'off-put' or grossed out by a woman asking him out on a date, it would depend on whether she's "hot" or not, eh? Hmm... Since I don't consider myself to be "hot" nor do I consider myself to be fugly, I guess I have a 50/50 chance of having my offer of a date being accepted or rejected. I guess I could have worse odds; so I'm willing to take that chance. Sometimes, taking risks in life can be worth it!

 

 

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[smackie9]

When I was single I asked guys out on dates and never did I have a problem with it. Women don't know that we have to approach differently from men. You still need to act like a lady, be feminine, and subtle....none of this Joey Tribbiani "So how you doooo'in"

[Timshel]

smackie9

 

:laugh:

[h0000]

Why?? Well, why do guys ask a woman that they're attracted to out on a date and pay her way? When you answer that question, you'll get my answer to YOUR question.

 

So...if a guy feels flattered, turned on or indifferent, 'off-put' or grossed out by a woman asking him out on a date, it would depend on whether she's "hot" or not, eh? Hmm... Since I don't consider myself to be "hot" nor do I consider myself to be fugly, I guess I have a 50/50 chance of having my offer of a date being accepted or rejected. I guess I could have worse odds; so I'm willing to take that chance. Sometimes, taking risks in life can be worth it!

 

 

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Guys ask women out because it is their role. When they are interested they will do the work. I also find it weird that women pay on the first date. I don't want to start the equality thing here because there is no gender equality,period.

But of course you can play your own rule and ask guys out. It does not completely depend on your look because if he knows you for a long time he can be attracted to your personality. But if you barely know each other, then yeah it's mostly about the look..

[wb1988]

If a man isn't willing to chase me, he isn't that interested.

Not necessarily true. I personally try to avoid the chase (from my end) because I have a "if I can't fk you then I'll just fk your friend" mentality but that doesn't mean that I'm not really into the girl. Are you saying that if a guy runs after you then he's really interested and not just desperate?

 

It just seems like the best way to know that a man is interested in you, when he asks you for your phone number. I don't like having to offer my phone number, or take his phone number.

 

Offer your number and if he calls then he's at least somewhat interested in you, duh

[DoesntGetIt]

I found a lot of the answers surprising, which also makes me wonder the ages of the people making the response.

 

 

I wouldn't mind one bit if a woman asked me out, nor if she wanted to pay for the date. I would try to get her to split the cost with me, but if she insisted, not a problem.

 

 

Anyone who has read my posts knows that I actually prefer straight forward women who aren't afraid of the traditional bull**** (that crap makes no sense in modern times) and who is willing to go after what she wants. It is also a turn on for me.

 

 

It isn't that I won't do the asking, I will, and have, and will in the future, but it gets old having to follow the same standard format of the guy asking, setting it up, blah blah blah.

 

 

I also won't chase hard either. If a woman is interested but plays games and/or plays hard to get, I'm gone. I'm just a no bull**** kind of guy all around.

[Imported]

 

Originally Posted by blackcat777

If a man isn't willing to chase me, he isn't that interested.

 

Not necessarily true. I personally try to avoid the chase (from my end) because I have a "if I can't fk you then I'll just fk your friend" mentality but that doesn't mean that I'm not really into the girl. Are you saying that if a guy runs after you then he's really interested and not just desperate?

 

I go for women that seem to like me and are generally "paving the way" for me to "chase" them.

 

Now, if a girl shows me nothing or puts obsticals in my way when I "chase" her, I'm not going to waste my time. It's not all about you and at this point, you're just a person I don't know. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Nothing lost either. There's always another girl. Good luck with the next guy.

 

 

OP, I don't like women actually approaching me. In all my experience, it's been very high pressure. Like a lot is riding on it for them. Too much to deal with. I don't like it. I don't like being put on the spot and that is usually what they do.

 

You talk to me enough and you can tell how I'd respond to going out with you. And if I want to go out with you on a date after talking with you that much, I'll ask. Just make me feel like when I ask, you'll say yes.

 

Why not just flirt better'er? Make your interest appearant without directly stating it? Hell, why not just ..kinda...sorta...."suggest" a guy ask you out?

[mortensorchid]

I've been on both sides of said fence before. Quite honestly, I think there is relevance to that old fashioned saying that the woman should be asked by the man. I have taken the bull by the horns a few times and asked someone out, that is on the phone. If you are talking OLD, there is nothing wrong with sending a wink or a first message like "Hi how are you?" to someone. If it goes from there, it goes from there, but that's the OLD world.

 

 

Honestly, I have come to the conclusion that if the man is interested in you, he will ask you. You may be thinking "he's shy", "he's insecure", etc. And that may be the case, but you will not find him being shy or insecure about other things in life. He's simply not interested in being with you if he doesn't ask you out and that's how it is. Also, if you have not heard from him within the first 24-48 hours of the get together, you will not hear from him again either. If you do, you'll see him one more time and then never again. That's the law.

[Shining One]

I'm flattered when a woman asks me out. It's only happened a few times, but the experience was always positive. I've only rejected one and that was due to me already being involved with someone else. I only saw one of them as a "sure thing" and that was due to her specific approach. My two longest and most fulfilling relationships started with women asking me out.

Guys ask women out because it is their role. When they are interested they will do the work. I also find it weird that women pay on the first date.

To each their own, but this seems like a very archaic point of view. Then again, I've eschewed a culture that has even older views than this.

Honestly, I have come to the conclusion that if the man is interested in you, he will ask you. You may be thinking "he's shy", "he's insecure", etc. And that may be the case, but you will not find him being shy or insecure about other things in life. He's simply not interested in being with you if he doesn't ask you out and that's how it is.

I may not ask a woman out for reasons other than lack of interest.

• Low confidence at the time (usually after a string of rejections)
  
• Attracted to two (or more) women in a group, need to determine who has a better chance of reacting positively because I only get to ask one of them out
  
• Thought she wasn't single
  

[gaius]

It's like welfare. A guy doesn't really want to be handed free money anymore than he does a woman who will ask him out and pay for everything. How many guys are happy staying on welfare? =/

 

It might work OK with a guy that's not used to getting much attention or success with women. That doesn't have much other choice. But if you're aiming for something more valuable you have to have the confidence as a woman to make him work for you a little bit.

[No Limit]

A friend of mine was crushing on a guy. She tried establishing contact via Facebook and sent him one single message. The next day he was venting to his buddies how she stalked him and that he just wants to be left alone. And that was the last time she ever approached a guy, lol.

[gaius]

A friend of mine was crushing on a guy. She tried establishing contact via Facebook and sent him one single message. The next day he was venting to his buddies how she stalked him and that he just wants to be left alone. And that was the last time she ever approached a guy, lol.

Smart girl.

[Frank2thepoint]

Guys ask women out because it is their role. When they are interested they will do the work.

 

And what role does a woman supposed the play? And what work is the woman doing to earn interest? Does the woman flirt and show interest herself, or does she expect the man to do the work, as you say, meaning all of the work?

 

 

OP, I don't like women actually approaching me. In all my experience, it's been very high pressure. Like a lot is riding on it for them. Too much to deal with. I don't like it. I don't like being put on the spot and that is usually what they do.

 

First, concerning the boldface, you are making a woman that approaches sound desperate. That's demeaning her, and devaluing her action, when simply the act of asking a guy out is the same thing as a man asking a woman out. She's interested and doesn't want to risk losing out on an opportunity.

 

Second, your overall message that you are uncomfortable with a woman asking you out, means you lack the confidence and maturity to handle the situation appropriately. Are you afraid she will not live up to some physical standard you have, that you will be disgusted with her?

[Shining One]

A friend of mine was crushing on a guy. She tried establishing contact via Facebook and sent him one single message. The next day he was venting to his buddies how she stalked him and that he just wants to be left alone. And that was the last time she ever approached a guy, lol.

Now, imagine if every person (man or woman) gave up after one negative experience when approaching the opposite sex. Humanity would have died out a long time ago.

[carhill]

Heh, fortunately most men are socialized to take a beating and keep on meeting. That socialization is probably at the root of the OP's concerns, in that someone used to taking a beating will be suspect of something so easy as obvious and overt interest from a woman. Since psychologies differ, so will responses. Some of us see it as positive, some negative and some neutral. Only way to know is to ask.

[elaine567]

So, I'd like to read some posts from the guys here on what you would HONESTLY think (after messaging/talking on the phone with a woman you've met on OLD or IRL for a week and after you've met for the first time at a coffee shop, etc. and you liked her) if she asked YOU out on an official date with her paying your way?!

 

The OPs question above is actually framed around the second date and whether men would be upset if the woman did the asking re the second date.

I think the dynamic is slightly different from a woman cold approaching men or asking a known man to go out on a first date.