What would a guy really think if a woman asked HIM out on a date?

[carhill]

 

 

 

No, no. You must've not read my entire OP. I asked what would a guy really think if a woman asked him out on an official date AND paid his way?

 

 

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Ha, you think I made it to 37,000+ posts by reading everything? Perish the thought!

 

Had I though, the answer would still have been the same, since I can't read minds when agreeing to the date and I always pay for dates. Over and done!

[DivorcedDad123]

I've had this happen a few times. The only problem was a) they were women I didnt want to go out with or b) I was dating someone. I had one girl recently ask to take me out and pay for dinner and get us a hotel room, since her daughter lives at home. While its an ego booster, I had to say no thanks.

I don't think any less of any of them because they asked. They new what they wanted and went for it. They didn't waste any time. Kudos to them.

[jen1447]

To the gals: Would you ever ask a guy out on an official date and pay his way for the entire evening? Or are you more traditional and would never do something like that?.

Sure, I've done that quite a few times. When it's already in a relationship (even early), many many times. Sort of like a 5th date "hey, I'm taking you to such and such, pick you up at 7, look sharp! ;)" type thing.

 

I'm not really one to abide by any gender norms as far as that stuff goes - if I want to go out with someone and they don't ask first, I just ask them. No big deal.

 

Funny incidental quirk type thing - servers usually bring me the check at restaurants anyway lol.

[Phoe]

I did the approaching about a dozen times in my life, give or take.

 

 

All of them got me rejected, haha! Major Fails...

 

 

Yeah... never really realized that there is a certain dynamic that many men like, where a woman who is forward, is just really off-putting to them.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I've been asked out many times, it's not a problem... if I like her, I don't care who asks who. Male/female dynamics, please, give me a break - as long as the woman is feminine and the man is masculine, it does not matter!

 

The only thing I say is, since guys will usually ask out first if they like a woman, why should a woman lift a finger and risk rejection if they don't have to? If I had legs like a supermodel, I wouldn't! As long as you are aware of the risk of rejection, it's no problem.

 

This is how I feel. As long as the guy is 'masculine' and the woman is 'feminine', I don't think it should matter who asks who out! Also, it's not about 'why should a woman lift a finger and risk rejection if they don't have to'...what if she isn't worried about 'risking rejection'? And, why should the guy always be 'lifting a finger' and putting forth all of the effort - as well as always being the one to risk rejection - in asking a woman out? I guess guys wouldn't be used to feeling wanted and desired and being treated special by a woman who was attracted to them and liked them. Sad, but true.

 

 

There is also an element of challenge to be mindful of. If he has your number, it's better to wait for him to ask you... because if he is asking, he's ready.... plus, playing hard to get doubles interest.

If Scarlett Johansson asked a bachelor out, would he turn her down?! I'll bet over a million bachelors out there would not turn her down. Since you are a beautiful woman, you are in the league. Do you smell the coffee?! It's a coffee date.

 

I understand that part of it. That guys like to be the ones to pursue...that it supposedly increases their interest in a woman if she 'plays hard to get' - but, to me, a woman who does that is PLAYING GAMES. I'm not a game player; and I wouldn't think a guy would be into a woman who was one; but, judging by your post, maybe most guys are. I definitely wouldn't want a guy to play games with me like that. Idk...I think some time is wasted by women who do that, instead of just letting him know that she's interested in him. What's wrong with that? It's not like she's asking him for his hand in marriage or is buying him a car lol

 

It's too bad a decent and caring guy can't just enjoy the flattery and knowing that there's a woman who's into him and is willing to let him know that, without expecting anything from him in return other than enjoying his company and conversation!

 

 

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[Gary S]

The reason some guys give a woman their number or card instead of asking for her number is, they don't know what else to do, they don't have very good "game". It's a confusing world.

 

If they were instructed that women usually don't want to call first, they would quickly change their ways.

 

This is happening a lot on dating sites also.

[SawtoothMars]

I've only done this once in my life, and it went very well, although I could tell the guy kind of acted like he was in uncharted territory lol. I liked him a lot and thought, what the hell?! What's the worst thing he could say to me?

So, I'd like to read some posts from the guys here on what you would HONESTLY think

 

I would admire her courage and confidence. I think it would make her more attractive to me.

 

When I was younger and kind of shy... I was very dense. There were a number of girls who really liked me, and I liked them back, but we never connected simply because I couldn't imagine them being interested in dating me.

[SawtoothMars]

The reason some guys give a woman their number or card instead of asking for her number is, they don't know what else to do, they don't have very good "game". It's a confusing world.

If they were instructed that women usually don't want to call first, they would quickly change their ways.

This is happening a lot on dating sites also.

 

I think most of these guys feel that allowing her to call him is perceived as "non-threatening" by females.

[carhill]

Ha, the phone thing reminded me of one of my last dating experiences where it got real close to the lady asking me out in that she made first contact on OLD, though I was the one who phoned her to ask her out. The funny part? She used some phone obfuscation service that redialed her real phone from a throwaway number so I wouldn't know her real phone number. That was exciting How did I find this out? Well, we dated for over a month and finally she gave me her 'real' number.

 

That's the closest I've been to being asked out in, whoa, about 40 years and thousands of women. Scary! To me it doesn't really matter. I don't get bound up in all that stuff. I pay because it's my generation's habit as a man. Had I been asked out and paid for by women all along, perhaps I'd view things differently. I don't see all the asking out and paying as reflective of who the woman is. Perhaps a tiny part but not a big blip on my radar screen of relationships.

[gaius]

"How do I get rid of her without hurting her feelings?"

[GravityMan]

I've had several women ask me out over the years. The ones I liked, I accepted and went on nice dates with them (and I initiated the second and/or third dates). It just so happened that those women beat me to the punch in terms of who asked whom out on the first date. The couple of women I weren't interested in, I politely declined. It wasn't a big deal in any case.

 

I never felt that my "manhood" was adversely affected, threatened or endangered in any way...why even give a sh*t about such petty stuff in the first place. There are plenty of ways that masculinity naturally rises to the surface.

 

I've also made the first move myself a number of times. Again it generally wasn't a big deal. In the cases where it led to a second (or more) dates, sometimes I asked, sometimes she did.

 

I'm all for being a "take the lead" guy, and definitely enjoy making a woman feel desired, feminine and all that. But I also think that some people of both genders put way too much focus into "who initiates" and "who asks out who". Such folks seem to trip over their own feet. Just make a move and go out and enjoy each others company. The waiting game does you no favors.

 

Lastly, to the guys...don't make the mistake that just because many women prefer the guy to initiate and generally take the lead...that those women are shy or afraid of rejection or something. A LOT of those women are NOT shy, are quite outgoing and have multiple good male friends. Some of those women are also highly successful and are excellent conversationalists. They simply enjoy it when the guy takes charge...asks her out, plans the date (while still being flexible and taking her input into account, and also without being OCD about it), pays for the date, initiates kissing and sex, drives the car, makes important decisions, acts like he owns the room without coming across as arrogant and so on. It's just attractive to those women, that's all. They like feeling feminine. And a lot of guys, perhaps even a solid majority of all guys, like to occupy that "leader" role...it makes THEM feel good. Furthermore, don't make the mistake that this somehow means that the guy "puts in all the work" or some stupid crap. Yes, there are some women who sit back and act like leeches and/or come across as entitled princesses, however many of these feminine women actually contribute in a lot of ways.

 

And please don't give the woman your business card (or ask for hers) if you're interested in dating her. That's lame, and prone to her misinterpreting your intent. Just chat with her for a bit and if that goes well (ideally it includes humor and flirting from both of you), ask for her number or ask her out on a date. Unless you're on business at a networking event or a conference, leave the biz cards in your pocket. They're called BUSINESS cards for a reason.

[katiegrl]

How come?

 

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LOL, I am fairly certain that comment was tongue-n-cheek BkackOps...

[neowulf]

Worst case; flattered

 

Best case; Best. Day. Ever

[Gary S]

 

Best case; Best. Day. Ever

 

- lol, yeah, I hear you. But what's really a great day is when some beautiful woman you don't even know walks right up to you and kisses you

 

And I don't mean like your momma kisses you

[neowulf]

- lol, yeah, I hear you. But what's really a great day is when some beautiful woman you don't even know walks right up to you and kisses you

 

And I don't mean like your momma kisses you

 

Oh man, that has happened to me *once!*

 

I was at a concert with an old ex and one of her friends. We all got split up during the concert and I ended up hanging with this friend for most of the concert.

 

At the end of the thing, just before we're about to head back she just turns and plants one on me, smiles and says "You're cute"

 

She didn't want to get involved, due to the friendship with my ex, but man, I had a grin a mile wide on the way home

[h0000]

Another question: why would you ask a guy out and pay his way??

 

But to answer your question..they would feel flattered if you are hot. and probably indifferent or even off-put if you are not very attractive

[Syberia]

My wife was the one to begin our relationship. I was going to do so if she didn't, but the lack of pressure was wonderful.

[Hawaii51]

I would tell her "I don't like being objectified, and I feel it's getting ridiculous nowadays that I can even stand in line at a coffee shop without some cougar or pussy cat trying to get in my pants. But yes, I'd love to share some time with you."

[Dork Vader]

Women taking initiative is by far one of the most attractive things a women can do/be. It screams self confidence, self worth, security and so much more.

 

I had an average women that I likely would have never asked on a date walk up too me and start talking to me. She got my number and we dated for a while.

 

At worst you'll get told no thanks, I'm not single or something a long those lines. But it's dust your shoulder brush it off and move a long.. You're an attractive confident women with a lot to offer. Confidence in women is insanely attractive!

[gaius]

Nah, it's gross. I've lost interest in women I've fancied because they've turned out to be too easy to get when I've asked them out. Her not even making me ask her out = total

[Gottabestrong]

(after messaging/talking on the phone with a woman you've met on OLD or IRL for a week and after you've met for the first time at a coffee shop, etc. and you liked her)

 

To the gals: Would you ever ask a guy out on an official date and pay his way for the entire evening? Or are you more traditional and would never do something like that?.

 

So this would not be the first date, but the 2nd? Sure. If we had a great time on the first date and I knew about a thing I wanted to attend in the near future I have often asked a guy if he wanted to join me for that.

 

To be honest, I've also asked guys on a first date, if we met online and have been chatting for a while, if he did not ask to meet within a week or so, I have often asked if they wanted to get together for a cup of coffee.

 

I also have no problem paying for the date, in fact I usually alternate with my boyfriend now when we go out, but we have been doing this pretty much from the beginning since we started dating.

[lucy_in_disguise]

I ask guys out all the time. I get asked out a lot, too, but not usually by guys i am into. I dont have the patience to wait for the ones i do like to figure it out.

 

I cant say that its worked all that well for me since i am almost 30 and have never been married. But it works well enough. I dont recall anyone ever turning me down, and most of my relationships have been with guys ive pursued. if you are reasonably attractive, i think most guys will be flattered. It does help if you prefer guys that are less aggressive, as i do- ive never been into the stereotypical "alfa" types (hate that term).

 

I try to avoid taking on the male stereotype by phrasing it as "grabbing drinks" or "hanging out" vs. a date. I dont offer to pay for us both, but always go dutch. i think this tactis works by allowing me to express interest and get a date set up, while also leaving the ball in his court.

 

I should clarify that this is for guys ive met in real life- i dont do OLD.

[Toodaloo]

I am as subtle as a brick but I do let the guys actually ask the question...

 

Every time I have asked its been a disaster.

[Diezel]

If I feel attracted to her, sure, why not?

Isn't this why women burned bras years ago?

[Toodaloo]

If I feel attracted to her, sure, why not?

Isn't this why women burned bras years ago?

 

No it was so we could start a new fashion thing where we tuck our bossoms into our socks... You guys still insist on every thing being in place though...