Author AdamantyumKrystal Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Dude, you need to stop. First of all, they aren't having an affair. You were broken up with before they started dating. Second, it's none of your business who she dates once she breaks up with you. You don't get to have that information. Yes, it's crappy that your friend is dating your ex-girlfriend, but that doesn't justify your behavior. You need to stop getting involved in this and move forward. You need to cut them out of your life. No more e-mails, no more texts, no more conversations, end it all now. Easy to say... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Easy to say... And you can do it. It's hard, but you can. But you'd rather choose to continue to play the victim apparently. I mean, the solution to your problem is extremely simple. Yes, it's hard to do, but the actual solution is simple. You just don't want to. Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I can appreciate your sentiments on some level. I was also raised in a home where decent Christian values were encouraged. You have to come to the realization that some people are operating under a different sense of moral obligation. That means you will always come out the loser. You will always come out the fool. Guess what? You are the loser. You are the fool. But...only to a certain extent. You see, by circumstances unfolding the way they did both of these people have shown that they are deceitful and cowardly. So maybe you are naive and yearning. These people are dishonest, selfish and cowardly. Let it rest at that. The greatest lessons in life come through pain. You are going to listen to the advice people are giving you. You are going to continue NC. You are going to focus on you and improve your life. You are going to read other people's stories and educate yourself on how to be smarter and more assertive in relationships. You are going to be watchful for the mistakes that you made and the mistakes that other people make. You are going to hurt some more. You are not through the fire yet. But you will be O.K. in the end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AdamantyumKrystal Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Stop trying to teach them lessons. They don't care about your lessons. No Contact is only for you and only for YOUR recovery. They aren't involved. This has nothing to do with you not being able to give up on people. This has to do with you not having the backbone and strength to do things on your own. Stop trying to make yourself out to be a saint -- you refuse to go No Contact out of fear, not because you are this virtuous person who wants to help people. Stop lying to yourself. Your refusal to go No Contact is purely selfish, because you are still under the delusion that you have a chance with your ex-girlfriend. Hell, you have been calling this an "affair" because I think you still believe that she is your girlfriend in some way. You need to stop telling yourself lies and rejoin the real world. I've been calling it an affair exaclty because it started before we broke up.What if i go NC and after some time i break it again? wouldn't that be selfish too? Truth is i follow my heart maybe too much this time yeah... I still need more time to think all of this through. I'm trying to choose between NC and sending that "email" then NC . Link to post Share on other sites
seminoles84 Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 OP, calling you a creeper or a stalker is unwarranted. Most people in your situation, including myself, would have done the same thing. When this sort of thing happens to you, it feels unreal. You have to get as close to the thing and be burned by it for it to register. And you did! Absolutely not. Especially AFTER being broken up for 6 months. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I've been calling it an affair exaclty because it started before we broke up.What if i go NC and after some time i break it again? wouldn't that be selfish too? Truth is i follow my heart maybe too much this time yeah... I still need more time to think all of this through. I'm trying to choose between NC and sending that "email" then NC . Why would you break it again? No more breaking it -- you need to move forward, not keep circling back. If you were truly betrayed by these people, why the hell would you ever talk to them again? C'mon on dude. No e-mails, no explanations, go No Contact and move on with your life. Stop rehashing this. Stop being that guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Her subsequent e-mail to M. OMG, guess what just happened? He sent me this long, gushing e-mail about how he knows the truth about us. Apparently one night he followed us to your place and stood outside the window while we had sex! I mean HELLO---STALKER!!! WTF??? This guy is totally f***ing psychotic! Why can't he just get a clue??? I told him like a hundred bajillion times that we were through. And he just won't get it!!! Well, at least he now knows the truth and maybe can go get a life of his own. I'm so done dating little boys!!! OMG. I'm like hella sick of these immature kids trying to emotionally blackmail me. Besides, he was so lousy in bed. He'll be lucky if he can find any girl that will take him seriously. He has a really small d***, too. Oh, and his breath reeks! I know we've talked about that... Anyway, glad that's over. So, did you still want to hang out this weekend or did you have other plans??? xoxo Steph 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Absolutely not. Especially AFTER being broken up for 6 months.Alright. You and I are friends. One day we're hanging out in a front of your apartment complex. You tell me to watch your bag, which contains $400, while you run a quick errand. "Sure. No problem." A couple of days later you discover that the $400 is missing. You call me. "I'm sorry. I have no idea. I never left the bag out of my sight. Are you sure there was money in the bag?" Six months pass. The Super of your apartment mentions in passing to you that the surveillance video cameras which are installed in the front of the apartment were vital in catching a burglar in the area. Would you ask to look at the surveillance feed from six months ago? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AdamantyumKrystal Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Myeah .. i can imagine how many times they bad-talked me .. I seriously need to stand-up for myself and and eliminate these toxic people from my life before it is too late. I guess now i should choose a day when to ,delete , block and eject them. why does it feel so hard to do it? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Myeah .. i can imagine how many times they bad-talked me .. I seriously need to stand-up for myself and and eliminate these toxic people from my life before it is too late. I guess now i should choose a day when to ,delete , block and eject them. why does it feel so hard to do it? How about today? Why wait? And in this case, standing up for yourself means no longer communicating with them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Let it go, all these are just wasting your time and energy. In my opinion, sometimes we have to use our head more than our heart in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AdamantyumKrystal Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 How about today? Why wait? And in this case, standing up for yourself means no longer communicating with them. I can't do it today i'm too ... "addicted" and my emotional side has all the control :| Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I can't do it today i'm too ... "addicted" and my emotional side has all the control :| Of course you can do it today. You just are looking for any and all excuses not to. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Myeah .. i can imagine how many times they bad-talked me .. I seriously need to stand-up for myself and and eliminate these toxic people from my life before it is too late. I guess now i should choose a day when to ,delete , block and eject them. why does it feel so hard to do it? Who cares what they commented about you. They are not your oxygen. You don't live your life for them... Stand up for yourself? The best to do it is to move on. Start your own new chapter of life. Choose a day? / Stay faraway from Toxic People Do it NOW! delete, block and eject them The best day is right NOW. No waiting, no delaying, no hesitation. Why turn yourself into another person? See my signature. (A healthy relationship makes you a better and wiser person. A toxic relationship makes you crazy and toxic and drives away all the goodness in you.) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AdamantyumKrystal Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Yeah it seems she never truly loved me as i loved her and i never loved her as she loved me . Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 So when you strip it all away, it is laid bare. At the end of the day, there are two kinds of people. Those would would put it behind them, move on and lick their wounds in private, and those who thrive on the fighting, the emotional back and forth, the intense negative interactions. Drama queen. Having read all this, I think it's that simple. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Yeah it seems she never truly loved me as i loved her and i never loved her as she loved me . Love yourself first You can move on, we believe in you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Okay, sh strung you along all the while screwing your friend and the next day she texts you all happy and bubbly. Your friend betrays you and sleeps with the girl he KNOWS you still have feelings for and he see's you the next day and is talking to you as if nothing happened. THESE ARE THE TYPE OF PEOPLE YOU'RE DEALING WITH!!! They don't care about you or your feelings. So, why the hell is it too hard to block them today? Why do you still want them around? Link to post Share on other sites
seminoles84 Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Alright. You and I are friends. One day we're hanging out in a front of your apartment complex. You tell me to watch your bag, which contains $400, while you run a quick errand. "Sure. No problem." A couple of days later you discover that the $400 is missing. You call me. "I'm sorry. I have no idea. I never left the bag out of my sight. Are you sure there was money in the bag?" Six months pass. The Super of your apartment mentions in passing to you that the surveillance video cameras which are installed in the front of the apartment were vital in catching a burglar in the area. Would you ask to look at the surveillance feed from six months ago? What? This is nothing like stalking and watching others engage in sexual intercourse. Surely you understand this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 What? This is nothing like stalking and watching others engage in sexual intercourse. Surely you understand this. Does it really matter? The point is, even though he's not dating her anymore, she was still filling him up with false hope and his friend betrayed him after he was open and honest with him about still having feelings for her! How would you feel if you got divorce and your best friend started to date and sleep with your Ex behind your back? I'm guessing it wouldn't feel too good. The OP learn the truth. He found out for himself. All we're trying to do is to get him to realize that he doesn't need them in his life and to move on as of today. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 What? This is nothing like stalking and watching others engage in sexual intercourse. Surely you understand this.Stalkers derive pleasure out of watching people from afar. Are you suggesting that the OP might continue this behavior with other women? Is this thread about his stalker tendencies? As Chi Town D pointed out, he had to get proof for himself. I totally understand this sentiment. I did it myself. I snooped my gf's computer. And guess what? I got the proof I needed. I knew the only choice was for me to say, "It's over. This person doesn't care about me. This person will continue to hurt me. I have to be rid of this person once and for all." With the OP, it's not just about a romantic interest. His best friend was in question, too. Even if his gf broke up with him six months before, he had a gut feeling that his best friend was deceiving him. I understand your point of view. I agree that certain lines must not be crossed. I understand that this behavior is bordering on the pathological. But celebrated sex columnist Dan Savage, whom I consider one of the most progressive minds with regards to the sexes, advocates this kind of behavior. If your gut is telling you something, and your health and well-being is at risk, you have every right to violate the perpetrator's privacy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I wouldn't be surprised to have some mental disorder but u are not the first and the last person to tell me this so i'm ok with it ! Did your ex gf tell you this as well? If not she will when and if you confront her. If she doesn't say it, she'll be thinking it for sure. She doesn't owe you anything. If she wants to talk badly about you or lie to you she's got that right. If she wants to screw your old buddy or any other guy, she can do that too. There's no laws against it. You don't own her, stop acting like you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AdamantyumKrystal Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Okay, sh strung you along all the while screwing your friend and the next day she texts you all happy and bubbly. Your friend betrays you and sleeps with the girl he KNOWS you still have feelings for and he see's you the next day and is talking to you as if nothing happened. THESE ARE THE TYPE OF PEOPLE YOU'RE DEALING WITH!!! They don't care about you or your feelings. So, why the hell is it too hard to block them today? Why do you still want them around? This is so weird, i feel like i am losing the battle against him.I feel like in an competition.Like if he stays with her more than she did with me i feel like i lose? Wtf i even think about this now? By staying in active with her i feel like i would not be under him yet. Like i would still have some impact? And i wouldn't lose the battle yet? yeah i think i just said a lot of crap and i'm delirious but these are my actual thoughts right now and i bet my future self will be disgusted by the emotional 'state i'm in right now. And the truth is i am selfish, i would probably afford losing him easier than her .I just feel like i will lose her completely and my stupid mind can't stop remembering memories of her . I still have so many things to talk to her.. to say and share with her, but she probably wouldn't give a shiet! WHY is it so hard letting go of someone who doesn't respect or care about me at all? Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 (edited) Time to take back your dignity. She is not the prize, you are. Any friend that would fu*k your girlfriend is no friend, get rid of him, he doesn't deserve one more moment of your time. Let him have your leftovers because that is all she should be to you now. They are plotting against you, they are two against you, they are turning your friendship into a joke. You can't control their actions but you sure as hell can control yours. You can take yourself out of this drama anytime you want yet you keep putting your self in the line of fire, stop it right now. Cheating, lying and deceitful women make very poor girlfriends. If you want to really fu*k up your life and go back for more hurt than she is the perfect girlfriend. She has proven that she is more than willing to cheat on you if the opportunity presents itself and she thinks she can get away with it. This girl is tainted, your friend must think your a complete fool for taking her back. How smug do you think he felt knowing your girlfriend left you to go have sex with him? Put her to the curb, block them both, go dark on them. Stop putting your good energy on bad sh*t, move on, you will have a better and more rewarding life without deceitful people like them in it. Edited April 21, 2015 by aliveagain 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 This isn't a competition. He's able to hold her longer than you do? Poor little boy, wasting his time with a b!tch and believing himself great for "taking her" because "he's better". Try to look at this frmo an objective point of view; she's a cheater, so she's the worst kind of material you want to build a relationship with. Even a pet rock would leave with more dignity. Move on, you, your ex and your ex "friend" have nothing to say to each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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