I will confront my ex-gf about her affair!Wish me luck!

[Ruby65]

First: it's not an affair between them -- she's not your wife or even your girlfriend anymore!

 

Second: this is not news to you. You knew about them seeing each other months ago, you even posted about it here.

 

Stop the theatrics. NO, you won't be getting back together with her. NO, you probably won't be friends with her new boyfriend.

 

Walk away before things get out of control and you do something you regret.

[Fufu]

Time to man up and walk away with dignity.

 

You don't deserve all this drama. Live your life the way you want it.

[elaine567]

after numerous attempts of me telling him to back off and leave my ex-gf alone as i wanted to reconcile with her he finally bursted out and told me how unhappy she was with me and tha is happier without me(lies i assume) and why haven't i let him date her when she wanted to? ))))))!

 

YOU wrote this on the 2nd March.

She obviously IS now happier with him.

 

YOU are acting deranged, people date, they break up, they date other people. It is called life.

YOU are not married, you are not even going out with the girl.

YOU have no say in who she sees, where she goes, or who she talks to, or who she sleeps with.

IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Let it go.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

YOU wrote this on the 2nd March.

She obviously IS now happier with him.

 

YOU are acting deranged, people date, they break up, they date other people. It is called life.

YOU are not married, you are not even going out with the girl.

YOU have no say in who she sees, where she goes, or who she talks to, or who she sleeps with.

IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Let it go.

 

it quite is some of my business since their lying is making water turn to ice,that is how cold some people can be, as a matter of fact she herself told me that she's selfish and cold -_- and of course i was deranged when i found out i was living a lie! hello?!?!

[elaine567]

it quite is some of my business since their lying is making water turn to ice,that is how cold some people can be, as a matter of fact she herself told me that she's selfish and cold -_- and of course i was deranged when i found out i was living a lie! hello?!?!

 

Who cares how cold or selfish she is?

What has it actually got to do with you any more?

[Ruby65]

it quite is some of my business since their lying is making water turn to ice,that is how cold some people can be, as a matter of fact she herself told me that she's selfish and cold -_- and of course i was deranged when i found out i was living a lie! hello?!?!

 

You're not making any rational sense here.

 

You need to get a grip.

 

You have NO JUSTIFICATION for your outrage. Obviously they're going to lie when this is how poorly you accept the truth.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

Live your life the way you want it.

 

i would if i could! and actually i think i have very high chances of doing it! pretty soon! my question right now is why did she had included me in future plans like when we move into a new city we will hang out and stuff, if she has another "lover" ? o.O

[AdamantyumKrystal]

First: it's not an affair between them -- she's not your wife or even your girlfriend anymore!

 

Second: this is not news to you. You knew about them seeing each other months ago, you even posted about it here.

 

Stop the theatrics. NO, you won't be getting back together with her. NO, you probably won't be friends with her new boyfriend.

 

Walk away before things get out of control and you do something you regret.

 

i don't wanna end up doing something to regret again! oky? -_- to be honest i knew that if i breka NC the possibility to get get more pain and be twice as hurt as the first time is there! and i still did it ! now what? i broke NC in hopes she's single and a reconciliation is on the roads but instead karma bited me right in the butt! now i sit around and wonder how my life would be now if i wouldn't had broke NC , or better if i would've never meet her! damn social media x(

Edited April 21, 2015 by AdamantyumKrystal

[Ruby65]

i don't wanna end up doing something to regret again! oky? -_- to be honest i knew that if i breka NC the possibility to get get more pain and be twice as hurt as the first time is there! and i still did it ! now what? i broke NC in hopes she's single and a reconciliation is on the roads but instead karma bited me right in the butt! now i sit around and wonder how my life would be now if i wouldn't had broke NC , or better if i would've never meet her! damn social media x(

 

Okay, so now you know that isn't going to happen.

 

She isn't single and -- as you suspected before -- she's dating your former best friend.

 

It's very painful, but at least now you know the truth for sure and can resume your NC and start to really heal and move forward with your life.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

Who cares how cold or selfish she is?

What has it actually got to do with you any more?

 

i'm guilty coz i still carry feelings for her and i'm still very phisically attracted to her! i am demisexual and i can't even look at other women . it seems i don't want to be lonely anymore and she would've been the perfect match since i couldn't find other potential partners since then. what i need is to go back to dating world and find a girlfriend for which i can develop feelings for , furthermore >>> attraction! but it seems too complicated to meet someone new again to get to know eachother, i have to repeat all of those steps again? pwff. i actually tried dating 2 girls since then and it didn't work out. And yea i know it's not a good move to go back into an toxic relationship out of loneliness..

[AdamantyumKrystal]

You're not making any rational sense here.

 

You need to get a grip.

 

You have NO JUSTIFICATION for your outrage. Obviously they're going to lie when this is how poorly you accept the truth.

 

 

My justification is that i deserve to be told the truth not kept in the dark and lied to again and again and again. I actually planned carefully my plan of reconciling with her but this new "event" turned me upside down all over again ,that is why i came to LS to make sure i won't make an even bigger surprise this time!

[Jessie1231]

it quite is some of my business since their lying is making water turn to ice,that is how cold some people can be, as a matter of fact she herself told me that she's selfish and cold -_- and of course i was deranged when i found out i was living a lie! hello?!?!

 

They both tried to be honest with you about their feelings for each other, but you clearly didn't handle it well so they are hiding it. From your posts, I wouldn't be surprised if they are hiding it because they are genuinely afraid of your reaction.

 

If you keep this behavior up, the best case scenario is that you end up with a restraining order against you.

[mightycpa]

i'm guilty coz i still carry feelings for her and i'm still very phisically attracted to her! i am demisexual and i can't even look at other women . it seems i don't want to be lonely anymore and she would've been the perfect match since i couldn't find other potential partners since then. what i need is to go back to dating world and find a girlfriend for which i can develop feelings for , furthermore >>> attraction! but it seems too complicated to meet someone new again to get to know eachother, i have to repeat all of those steps again? pwff. i actually tried dating 2 girls since then and it didn't work out. And yea i know it's not a good move to go back into an toxic relationship out of loneliness..

Demisexual.. does this mean you are incapable of having sex with a (near) stranger, capable but indifferent to the act, repulsed by it, or what?

 

And why is your emotional connection not broken with this girl? Do you feel close to her when she shows you her ability to be ice cold?

 

What if you got close to a bunch of people? Do you latch onto one, or do you feel attracted to all of them? If I were you, I'd go join a club that is fun and that has a lot of girls in it, and I'd get to know all of them really well.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

They both tried to be honest with you about their feelings for each other, but you clearly didn't handle it well so they are hiding it. From your posts, I wouldn't be surprised if they are hiding it because they are genuinely afraid of your reaction.

 

If you keep this behavior up, the best case scenario is that you end up with a restraining order against you.

 

restraining order, that would be an funny outcome wouldn't it? .

afraid of my reaction? well i am a jealous man what can i say? How could they reveal it after all the pain and suffering they have caused? and since most likely she is a serial cheater how in the seven hells can they believe it would work-out? When your relationship has a hard time you do not just end it and jump into another one, you fix things! and how can you think feelings of love when you feel guilty all of the time and you know that what you are doing is wrong!? i used the term "affair" bcoz that is what it actually was!

[Jessie1231]

restraining order, that would be an funny outcome wouldn't it? .

afraid of my reaction? well i am a jealous man what can i say? How could they reveal it after all the pain and suffering they have caused? and since most likely she is a serial cheater how in the seven hells can they believe it would work-out? When your relationship has a hard time you do not just end it and jump into another one, you fix things! and how can you think feelings of love when you feel guilty all of the time and you know that what you are doing is wrong!? i used the term "affair" bcoz that is what it actually was!

 

If someone had a restraining order against me, I definitely wouldn't find it funny. And I don't think guilt is what's causing them to try to hide this from you. I think they are hiding it from you because of a natural defense mechanism to keep themselves clear of whatever reaction you might have. I mean this thread sounds like something that eventually will show up on an episode of Snapped.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

Demisexual.. does this mean you are incapable of having sex with a (near) stranger, capable but indifferent to the act, repulsed by it, or what?

 

And why is your emotional connection not broken with this girl? Do you feel close to her when she shows you her ability to be ice cold?

 

What if you got close to a bunch of people? Do you latch onto one, or do you feel attracted to all of them? If I were you, I'd go join a club that is fun and that has a lot of girls in it, and I'd get to know all of them really well.

 

Yes exactly that! i am incapable of having sex with an stranger! i mean i don't trust this person! i barely know it and who knows what diseases it might carry.I don't wanna feel low and regretful after i would do it.Even though i am a man i would probably feel like a used slut.I have my principles and morals and i will never break them!I feel repulsed by this behaviour and and it irritates me! I mean i worked hard for myself to stay like this ! it's not like i'm going to let you take advantage of me! If you wanna get that close to me then you will have to work hard,like really really hard! so my answer is NOPE NOPE NOPE . i would never have sex with a stranger.

 

Why isn't my emotional connexion broken yet? I do not know it myself either. I suspect that it was my first real girlfriend and she got so close to me i told her everything about me and i really trusted her more than myself even when she told me not to trust her. So it feels ten times worse than loosing my best-friend it feels like i lost a part of myself.

Well when she showed that "ability" to me , usually i started crying and she would feel bad and stop it! (pretty lame i know getting her to feel pity for me and guilt for herself ,not quiet the smartest move around,but i didn't knew to act differently at that time since i had no real experience with women and girls ,like nothing at all.)

 

I do not have any groups like that around here. IT's a small town with small population.

[Chi townD]

Well, then I think it's about time you moved. Look for a job in another town. Get away from them and make a fresh start for yourself. It's not that hard, people do it all the time.

[SycamoreCircle]

OP, calling you a creeper or a stalker is unwarranted. Most people in your situation, including myself, would have done the same thing. When this sort of thing happens to you, it feels unreal. You have to get as close to the thing and be burned by it for it to register. And you did!

 

Now, speaking from firsthand experience, I'm going to give you your only option in this matter: unrelenting, XXX, hardcore NC.

 

Don't confront anyone. You have no upper hand. A million truths thrown in her face would not stir a hair. She has already said inexcusable, terrible things about you to him. He has said inexcusable, terrible things about you to her. These people are not your friends. Get away from them. They are toxic. They don't care about you. They don't care if you get hurt. They care only about themselves. Their relationship will end as deceitfully as it started.

 

Want to exact real revenge on them? Extricate them from your life. Give them nothing. They will bear the awfulness, the foreboding which is AMBIGUITY. Does he know about us? Did you, M. say something? You a**hole, you told him, didn't you? A terrible monologue will begin in each of their minds. Why did this person suddenly remove himself?

 

The second mode of revenge is focusing on you. Being good to yourself. Realizing that this is not your fault. Realizing that it is the product of youth, immaturity, stupidity and selfishness. Make your life better. Throw away everything associated to these people. Get involved in something new. After some time has gone by, ask a new girl out, try to develop a real relationship with someone, look for a person who has more mature qualities. A year from now you will be in a different place, you will have grown, and you can put this toxic experience out of your life.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

If someone had a restraining order against me, I definitely wouldn't find it funny. And I don't think guilt is what's causing them to try to hide this from you. I think they are hiding it from you because of a natural defense mechanism to keep themselves clear of whatever reaction you might have. I mean this thread sounds like something that eventually will show up on an episode of Snapped.

 

I have a dark sense of humour man what do ya expect?

 

Not guilty? You lie to someone for like 6 months and u don't feel guilty about it everyday? And take it logically. What reaction could i have now? after all i have saw and witnessed? There we're so many oportunities when i could've snapped out and make a total scene with blood,guts and music! I would've beated him to death if someone would've tried to harm my "sweety-pie" and everytime i could've done it i didn't do it. I,myself am amazed by that fact.I asked my friends what would've they done in a similar situation and they all answered that they would've beated him , since then they are more careful around him and said they won't let him near their girlfriends(on good reason).

Possibility why i haven't go berserk is that i thought about the consequences it might have. Involving the police, families all the sharade.I am still very young and have a long way to go! it would be reckless to ruin my reputation futile by impulsivity.It just wouldn't worth the consequences... It's true i had anger/rage issues when i was younger but i learnt to control them in time so most likely it's very hard to get me furious by any means. Usually i'm a funny guy who jokes about evrything and make fun in crucial situations around people. But this time around it got me pretty well fired up and i wasn't far from exploding like an constipated frog.It was all funny and happy till it involved my love feelings and integrity. I am a very loyal man who would never cheat or harm anyone (except an self-defense situation or something) .I always look for peaceful ways to end conflicts maybe that is why i try fighting so hard for them, even though they both proved to me they are not worth my time or my effort.

Does this mean i am ok with them being togheter ? That i really let them step over me this easy? How much crap will i still endure?

[mightycpa]

I always look for peaceful ways to end conflicts

Then end this conflict peacefully. Leave them both alone.

[elaine567]

You lie to someone for like 6 months and u don't feel guilty about it everyday?

 

She split up with you 6 months ago.

She dumped you.

From that moment, she doesn't need to tell you anything about her private life, IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

[Simon Phoenix]

Dude, you need to stop. First of all, they aren't having an affair. You were broken up with before they started dating. Second, it's none of your business who she dates once she breaks up with you. You don't get to have that information. Yes, it's crappy that your friend is dating your ex-girlfriend, but that doesn't justify your behavior. You need to stop getting involved in this and move forward. You need to cut them out of your life. No more e-mails, no more texts, no more conversations, end it all now.

[AdamantyumKrystal]

OP, calling you a creeper or a stalker is unwarranted. Most people in your situation, including myself, would have done the same thing. When this sort of thing happens to you, it feels unreal. You have to get as close to the thing and be burned by it for it to register. And you did!

 

Now, speaking from firsthand experience, I'm going to give you your only option in this matter: unrelenting, XXX, hardcore NC.

 

Don't confront anyone. You have no upper hand. A million truths thrown in her face would not stir a hair. She has already said inexcusable, terrible things about you to him. He has said inexcusable, terrible things about you to her. These people are not your friends. Get away from them. They are toxic. They don't care about you. They don't care if you get hurt. They care only about themselves. Their relationship will end as deceitfully as it started.

 

Want to exact real revenge on them? Extricate them from your life. Give them nothing. They will bear the awfulness, the foreboding which is AMBIGUITY. Does he know about us? Did you, M. say something? You a**hole, you told him, didn't you? A terrible monologue will begin in each of their minds. Why did this person suddenly remove himself?

 

The second mode of revenge is focusing on you. Being good to yourself. Realizing that this is not your fault. Realizing that it is the product of youth, immaturity, stupidity and selfishness. Make your life better. Throw away everything associated to these people. Get involved in something new. After some time has gone by, ask a new girl out, try to develop a real relationship with someone, look for a person who has more mature qualities. A year from now you will be in a different place, you will have grown, and you can put this toxic experience out of your life.

 

 

Pwff i feel like the biggest moron walking the face of the earth... AAGAAAAAIN!!! I went full NC on her , 2 months later i went NC on him too! now considering what u have said about ambiguity might have worked but now that i am back into their lives or they are into mine for the X time(everytime i was the one making the first step) i bet now they see me as an extreme fool which will come back asking for forgiveness to them again endlessly .

 

I'm afraid that if i go full NC this time too they won't take it seriously and expect me to crawl out again and they won't feel too affected. Sincerely i'm afraid i could do it too due to my forgiveful kind character.

Truth : If u're good u'll be taken as a fool.This saying fits perfectly in my case. I have been raised in a christian family and i have to thank my grandma for teaching me and raising me well. I have grown to be different from many teens of my age. I don't go to parties i don't smoke/drink/swear or any degrading behaviours and i am tenderly generous with people. I even thought she was like me(lame fool i was) . And yeah it seems i cannot give up on people. AND I KNOW . i know it very well that the only way to completely heal and move on is to cut them entirely from my life and never contact them AGAIN! But i'm afraid i don't have the power do it yet... I am still an emotional wreck and i feel like the bad guy again if i would do that to them...:| And despise the aspect of my "peaceful life" i still have more fun and accomplishments than most partying people. :3

[AdamantyumKrystal]

She split up with you 6 months ago.

She dumped you.

From that moment, she doesn't need to tell you anything about her private life, IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

 

You are just being straight and harsh man.It's not the most helpful way to show me how wrong i am, ya know? thank you

for trying to open my eyes,i appreciate it.

[Simon Phoenix]

Pwff i feel like the biggest moron walking the face of the earth... AAGAAAAAIN!!! I went full NC on her , 2 months later i went NC on him too! now considering what u have said about ambiguity might have worked but now that i am back into their lives or they are into mine for the X time(everytime i was the one making the first step) i bet now they see me as an extreme fool which will come back asking for forgiveness to them again endlessly .

 

I'm afraid that if i go full NC this time too they won't take it seriously and expect me to crawl out again and they won't feel too affected. Sincerely i'm afraid i could do it too due to my forgiveful kind character.

Truth : If u're good u'll be taken as a fool.This saying fits perfectly in my case. I have been raised in a christian family and i have to thank my grandma for teaching me and raising me well. I have grown to be different from many teens of my age. I don't go to parties i don't smoke/drink/swear or any degrading behaviours and i am tenderly generous with people. I even thought she was like me(lame fool i was) . And yeah it seems i cannot give up on people. AND I KNOW . i know it very well that the only way to completely heal and move on is to cut them entirely from my life and never contact them AGAIN! But i'm afraid i don't have the power do it yet... I am still an emotional wreck and i feel like the bad guy again if i would do that to them...:| And despise the aspect of my "peaceful life" i still have more fun and accomplishments than most partying people. :3

 

Stop trying to teach them lessons. They don't care about your lessons. No Contact is only for you and only for YOUR recovery. They aren't involved. This has nothing to do with you not being able to give up on people. This has to do with you not having the backbone and strength to do things on your own. Stop trying to make yourself out to be a saint -- you refuse to go No Contact out of fear, not because you are this virtuous person who wants to help people. Stop lying to yourself. Your refusal to go No Contact is purely selfish, because you are still under the delusion that you have a chance with your ex-girlfriend. Hell, you have been calling this an "affair" because I think you still believe that she is your girlfriend in some way.

 

You need to stop telling yourself lies and rejoin the real world.