If a man's love is based on looks, why should I get married?

[xxoo]

Even if the assumption was true for all or most people, I personally don't see the point in challenging someone else's priorities, the assumption being that my priorities would be better than theirs, and that would be presumptuous, IMO. Other people's priorities may be personalities first, they may be shared values first, they may be common hobbies or favourite music first, I won't be the one telling them they're wrong and if it works for them, I'm happy for them. All it takes is finding someone who has the same priorities as you have, whatever they are.

 

I don't even think it takes finding someone with the same priorities as you. It just takes meeting each other's attraction triggers, which may be different.

 

I know what makes my H's heart flutter, and he knows what makes my heart flutter. We don't need to be the same, just to accept and respect each other as we are, and make an effort to keep each other's hearts fluttering.

[PrettyEmily77]

I don't even think it takes finding someone with the same priorities as you. It just takes meeting each other's attraction triggers, which may be different.

 

I know what makes my H's heart flutter, and he knows what makes my heart flutter. We don't need to be the same, just to accept and respect each other as we are, and make an effort to keep each other's hearts fluttering.

 

Re the bolded: that's what I was (badly) trying to say .

And happy to know you've found that with your H.

[Mrlonelyone]

Nobody is suggesting dismissing appearances entirely, for either gender. The premise of the OP's question was under the assumption that "a man's love is based on looks", which implies that looks are the primary factor for all men if the assumption is true. This is what some of us are challenging. There is a big difference between something being 'part of the package' and it being the sole or main basis for the relationship.

 

 

Exactly. I wasn't saying looks don't matter. I was saying is that looks are not constant for anyone.

 

People don't get married for looks alone. They start dating based on looks and find out over time that they really truly like the person they are dating who happens to look good. Plenty of good looking people (i.e. in Hollywood) don't get married or can't stay married if their lives depended on it.

 

I'd wager most of us here are single due to having bad luck*, bad timing, or a bad people picker (due to a bad mental attitude).

 

Whether or not one gets married is 75% the luck of meeting the right person at the right time. 20% having the right mental attitude to carry of a relationship with that person at the same time that they do. 5% looking attractive enough to be sexable.

 

 

*Or the good luck to have had it not work out with people who weren't really right for us.

[Mrlonelyone]

I don't even think it takes finding someone with the same priorities as you. It just takes meeting each other's attraction triggers, which may be different.

 

You really think priorities don't matter. I understand from things you have said on board many times you got married young and stayed married, right? So if you and your husband had radically different priorities would not that have thrown a monkey wrench into the works? I mean suppose he wanted to travel to exotic lands and you want to or have to stay at home for some reason.

 

 

I am in a line of work where people the same or an allied line of work often get married. This has created what we call the two body problem.

 

 

 

I know what makes my H's heart flutter, and he knows what makes my heart flutter. We don't need to be the same, just to accept and respect each other as we are, and make an effort to keep each other's hearts fluttering.

 

That heart flutter is certainly critical to keeping marriage alive. Is it really all one needs?

[xxoo]

You really think priorities don't matter. I understand from things you have said on board many times you got married young and stayed married, right? So if you and your husband had radically different priorities would not that have thrown a monkey wrench into the works? I mean suppose he wanted to travel to exotic lands and you want to or have to stay at home for some reason.

 

 

I am in a line of work where people the same or an allied line of work often get married. This has created what we call the two body problem.

 

 

 

 

 

That heart flutter is certainly critical to keeping marriage alive. Is it really all one needs?

 

I was talking about the attraction part only, not the compatibility part.

 

We don't have to be attracted the same way to be compatible. Beauty is more compelling to him than to me. That's ok.

[preraph]

This I believe. I feel like everybody really wants a partner to build up their ego.

 

An emotionally healthy person doesn't need someone to build up their ego, though. Only the insecure person with low self-esteem needs that.

[Mrlonelyone]

This I believe. I feel like everybody really wants a partner to build up their ego.

 

That's not quite what I meant.

 

If a man dates a healthy number of women and decides to marry one and not the other it is because one made him feel good and secure and wanted and loved. The other maybe made him feel good and loved but not secure.

 

 

I have had the chance to marry a couple of women, it could have worked with either of them. The thing is.... I never felt super secure with them. By which I mean I never felt I could depend on them to keep to their word....not to the level that a wife has to . A wife/husband has to be utterly trustable to be worth the trouble.

 

Another poster said in another thread if you feel like you are home when you are with someone marry them. That feeling of home is what I mean.