Satu Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 What does the word, 'love,' mean to you? When you say you 'love her,' what does that mean? What is it that you experience, when you believe you are feeling love for her? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Yeah, that's kind of messed up dude, no offense. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 love is kind......and that aint kind....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maverick27 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 I guess im mixing up my 'love' for her with my happiness - which left at the same time that she did. I know it's messed up...i dont want to be having these thoughts. Maybe it's just residual anger over how the whole breakup went down. She's completely moved on and enjoying life and im circling the drain - after two and a half months, STILL. Just thought i'd vent my thoughts onto the internet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 I don't think that's love really, because you didn't want her to be sad when you were with her. You are just angry that she isn't yours anymore, and if she isn't happy with you then you'd rather her just be miserable. It's actually pretty normal to feel that way I think. A lot of people probably aren't "happy" for their ex having an easier time moving on than they are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 I guess im mixing up my 'love' for her with my happiness - which left at the same time that she did. I know it's messed up...i dont want to be having these thoughts. Maybe it's just residual anger over how the whole breakup went down. She's completely moved on and enjoying life and im circling the drain - after two and a half months, STILL. Just thought i'd vent my thoughts onto the internet. A lot of that circling is your own doing though. You've continued to chase and contact, which not only keeps you in the muck, but also makes it easy for them to get past you. You have the right to be mad, no question, but you need to look inward too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Do you believe in unconditional love? unconditional romantic love doesn't exist - we fall in love with folks for a reason... don't we? the only unconditional love that there is -- the love between a parent & a child. you're jealous, upset & hurt over the break - up so your feelings are understandable and it doesn't mean that you don't really love her - quite the opposite. where there is anger, there is always pain beneath. and where there is pain... there was love. as simple as that. it's a phase and once you let go of the hope, you'll focus on the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 OP: Would you like to answer my questions? You might benefit from it. ************************************************************* What does the word, 'love,' mean to you? When you say you 'love her,' what does that mean? What is it that you experience, when you believe you are feeling love for her? ************************************************************** Don't worry, I won't ask again. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 (edited) deleted. Ten characters. Edited May 8, 2015 by Satu Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Sometimes, when I'm in a bad place and really missing her, i find myself hoping that there is some tragedy in her life that brings her back to me for support. I dont like having these thoughts, but im having them all the same. I realise how pathetic they are aswell... I dont want her to be happy. I want her to be sad. Does this mean i dont truly love her? Does this make me selfish? Do you believe in unconditional love? Has anyone ever loved someone so much that they are happy to let them go into another mans arms? That isn't love you are describing, that is hurt and betrayal. You may love her - none of us can answer that for you - but those feelings you are describing are not love. It is, though, a part of the grieving process. Let's face it, breaking up with someone you loved (and may still love) is like losing a loved one. It's not quite as traumatic usually, but the grieving process is pretty similar. You want to know why women seem to bounce back a little better than men? Because we share our pain. We talk about it with friends. We don't hold back and keep our feelings in. We do this when the break-up happens. You may have done that, or you may not have. My experience with men, though, is that they don't do this. They hold things in and don't let it out, so it ends up prolonging the grieving process. Reaching out and talking (or even writing your thoughts down like this) helps. It helps you eventually make sense of things, and accept it. Everyone has their own timeline, and some people are better at faking it until they make it there. Hang in there, and keep focus on the things you want. You'll get there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maverick27 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 Hello again everyone, To those of you who have been following my story so far and told me not to contact her...I'm sorry - but i had to pick up the phone, incase there was something wrong... I answered, she starts crying. She had lost her handbag and was very stressed out about her life at the moment, with Uni, work etc. I consoled her. She then started crying harder saying 'long distance relationships are so hard' - referring to the the guy she left me for. I didnt really know what to do - i thought it was a little inappropriate to be calling ME upset that she is struggling with the distance with the new guy. BUT, being the ridiculously nice person i am, i consoled her and made her feel better. A very large part of me wanted to tell her how 'long distance rebounds are doomed - you should never have gone into it in the first place', but i didnt. I took the high road. I calmed her down and made her feel better. We then talked for an hour or so, just about our lives in general. She said she still misses my company, and i said the same to her. I said to her in the end ' I know this breakup has been hard on both of us, but i cant help you with these problems anymore. It's not that i dont want to, because i care about you, but this isnt my place anymore. If you are ever in a really bad position and you've got no one else to call, then call me, but other that, i need time to get over this before speaking to again'. She understood. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maverick27 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 Hello again everyone, To those of you who have been following my story so far and told me not to contact her...I'm sorry - but i had to pick up the phone, incase there was something wrong... I answered, she starts crying. She had lost her handbag and was very stressed out about her life at the moment, with Uni, work etc. I consoled her. She then started crying harder saying 'long distance relationships are so hard' - referring to the the guy she left me for. I didnt really know what to do - i thought it was a little inappropriate to be calling ME upset that she is struggling with the distance with the new guy. BUT, being the ridiculously nice person i am, i consoled her and made her feel better. A very large part of me wanted to tell her how 'long distance rebounds are doomed - you should never have gone into it in the first place', but i didnt. I took the high road. I calmed her down and made her feel better. We then talked for an hour or so, just about our lives in general. She said she still misses my company, and i said the same to her. I said to her in the end ' I know this breakup has been hard on both of us, but i cant help you with these problems anymore. It's not that i dont want to, because i care about you, but this isnt my place anymore. If you are ever in a really bad position and you've got no one else to call, then call me, but other that, i need time to get over this before speaking to again'. She understood. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 You didn't have to answer. If she had something urgent, she would have left a message. Besides, it's not your job to deal with urgent anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Who cares if she had something urgent? You don't seem to understand that it's not your problem any more. I didnt really know what to do I'll give you a clue, it begins with "hang" and ends with "up". You are perpetuating your own misery. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dangerbang Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Yeah you failed here mate. Talking to her for an hour? Consoling her? Consoling someone who dumped you for someone else? Christ almighty... Really living up to your doormat image she has of you. Congrats! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maverick27 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 Well i did. When someone you were so close with is crying their eyes out on the phone to you....its difficult to hang up. I feel a little bit better after the phone call actually. I dont know if that's just because i got my 'fix' or because it is nice to know that she misses me - although maybe she just said that so i would talk to her, who knows. One thing it did remind me of is how tiring it got dealing with her daily struggles that she always needed help with. Sorta glad to be rid of that part of my life to be honest. In regards to the doormat concept, yeah, i am being one. But im not going to go out of my way to reach her again, and who knows, maybe the next time she calls i wont give a **** and tell her to take a hike. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 When someone you were so close with is crying their eyes out on the phone to you....its difficult to hang up. Dude WTF? When someone who dumped you for another guy calls you, it's very easy to hang up, whether they are crying or not! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dangerbang Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 I feel a little bit better after the phone call actually. I dont know if that's just because i got my 'fix' or because it is nice to know that she misses me - although maybe she just said that so i would talk to her, who knows. It's your fix. It's like cocaine, as soon as it wears off you'll be itching for more. So this isn't you being confident and happy and not caring, it's you thinking OMG she still loves me because she called me!! Trust me, that phone call was not good for you and you'll see that pretty soon. But im not going to go out of my way to reach her again, and who knows, maybe the next time she calls i wont give a **** and tell her to take a hike. I very much doubt it. An hour listening to her crying over a guy she was f**king instead of you? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Dude....... Link to post Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 She must have been fresh out of emotional tampons. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 maybe the next time she calls i wont give a **** and tell her to take a hike. Here's a wild concept -- how about not answering? Here's another one -- how about blocking her number? I mean, c'mon man. Link to post Share on other sites
tylerj Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 It may well have been a setback but some of us can't just switch off the caring part of our personalities. It's what makes us who we are. In this instance, Maverick, this is probably going to set you back a bit. At least you told her she can't call you. But realistically, to prevent this happening, you need to block her number. You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
dangerbang Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 It may well have been a setback but some of us can't just switch off the caring part of our personalities. It's what makes us who we are.. Lord give me strength. Caring? The guy has no respect for himself, and shows no compassion towards himself. Without that it's impossible to be "caring". It's not a caring part of your personalities it's a weak minded unawareness of yourself. There are selfish motives behind acts like this. Expecting the girl to redeem him, make all his insecurities right. It's not up to her. It's up to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete her from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Dude WTF? When someone who dumped you for another guy calls you, it's very easy to hang up, whether they are crying or not! More so when they are using you as an emotional back up because the other guy just ain't that great! OP you need to realise that you are not back up. You are worth being someones number 1... Don't pick up to her again. It might be great for her to have the attention but its holding you back and is not good for you. Delete, block do whatever. ***YOU ARE NOT FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE*** Link to post Share on other sites
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