Author Maverick27 Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 Hi everyone, This will be my final post on Loveshack. I have been spending upwards of 4 hours a day on here over the past month seeking advice and support through my dark time, but it's time to say goodbye, for now. I would like to thank each and every one of you that read my posts and helped me analyse my situation. I would like to thank every one that gave me advice on what to do and what to expect. I am extremely grateful for all the support i have received. I have now well and truly accepted that my relationship is over. I dont think i truly realised it until this afternoon. Although it is sad, i am relieved of the burden of thinking that i can revive what has long been dead. Reading back through all of my posts and threads, i came to the realisation that i never truly thought about my ex's feelings throughout the entire break up - it was all about me and how i can fix it. I have come to the realisation that she was right when she said i was selfish. I really did take her for granted and every attempt i have made at rationalising my behaviour towards her during the relationship just made her more sad. Yes, she cheated on me, which was very hard to come to terms with. But at the end of the day we are all just human beings that want to be loved, and i didnt make her feel that way. Which is the saddest realisation of all. I urge anyone who is currently going through a breakup to thoroughly follow the advice of the people on this forum, although it may seem counter-intuitive at the time, the outside perspective is generally better than your emotional-clad rationals. And like so many of us have learned, if i had followed No Contact from the beginning i would have completely avoided all the heartache and probably would have moved on by now. Please, please look into the No Contact rule. I will reply to any questions anyone has to do with this thread, but other than that im off to try and heal and enjoy my time on Earth with the rest of the happy people. Stay Positive! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
hollypolly Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Best of luck to you in your life. I hope you find true love and happiness one day. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Good luck to you, dude. Just remember that this place is always here for you and if you've truly healed and moved on, then maybe you'll find your way back to come help people through your own experiences like I did. Link to post Share on other sites
quattrob Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Although I'm not around here as much anymore, I did happen to read some of your posts and I am glad that you finally are relieved from all this. It is good that you finally can fully accept that this relationship is done. Even though many people on here gave you advice that goes against your own judgement (happens more often than not on here), I feel that in the end going through all this heartache and headache will make you stronger and learn... sometimes that's how some of us learn. Just make sure if you're somehow in this same position again you'll stay strong and do what you've learned here. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maverick27 Posted April 30, 2015 Author Share Posted April 30, 2015 Hi guys! I've been no contact for about two weeks now. I'm going to a gig in two days which i know my ex will be at, possibly with the guy she left me for... I really dont want to see them together.... I want to text her and say 'Hey anon, hope your doing well! I know you said your going to this gig on saturday, just want to know if your going to be there with your new BF? I was thinking i probably wont go if so, just to make things easier for the both of us. let me know x' Yes or no? Does this make me sound like i have no control over myself and weak? Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Yes. You should fake it until you make it. Of course you FEEL vulnerable, but you can't live your life walking on egg-shells and fearing 'what might happen'. Goodness, you should develop the feeling of "I don't give a fiddler's elbow"... You know...."Wave your hands in the air like you don't care...!" She's your ex. She's getting on with her life. Don't get stuck in a rut and walk around in fear and hesitation. Throw your head back, chest out, breathe deep and mentally pop the finger. THAT'S what you should be 'sending'.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maverick27 Posted April 30, 2015 Author Share Posted April 30, 2015 ?????????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Don't send that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maverick27 Posted April 30, 2015 Author Share Posted April 30, 2015 can you elaborate as to the reasons why? thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
imbax Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Hi guys! I've been no contact for about two weeks now. I'm going to a gig in two days which i know my ex will be at, possibly with the guy she left me for... I really dont want to see them together.... I want to text her and say 'Hey anon, hope your doing well! I know you said your going to this gig on saturday, just want to know if your going to be there with your new BF? I was thinking i probably wont go if so, just to make things easier for the both of us. let me know x' Yes or no? Does this make me sound like i have no control over myself and weak? DEFINITELY DONT SEND THAT!!!! It shows that you still care and that you are still her doormat. Just do whatever you want without telling her, thats the true sign of a man. You make your own decisions because you have no right to ask her what she wants or doesn't want because she is NOT with you at the moment. Just go silent and no contact x infinite. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Why are you trying to make this so complicated for yourself? Why are you looking for reasons to break NC? Stick to the NC. Go to the gig. If you see them, ignore them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maverick27 Posted April 30, 2015 Author Share Posted April 30, 2015 hahaha... I guess maybe i am looking for reasons to reach out to her... Maybe she wont have as much fun if she is sweating that im going to be there.... Ok, maybe i wont do it... Wow - I had a couple of drinks tonight after a month of not touching alcohol...maybe its to the booz rationalizing a line of contact Link to post Share on other sites
Moley87 Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Yeah do not send that message at all, it's asking for a answer you already know and don't want to hear. True story my Ex and I split because she travelling to Oz to emigrate so what did the boys do on my first night out took me to a Oz bar in town. I was annoyed with them but now I see why, end of the day why should I stop doing what I would normally do because of the ex, So go to the gig take a mate with you as support and don't go looking to find your ex if you see her accept she is there and carry on (you'll feel emotions for sure) but just remember your there for you. If your in NC stick to it otherwise you be right back to square one. Link to post Share on other sites
Tone Loc Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Definitely don't send that, it's a horrible idea. Maintain NC. As far as she knows, you're doing great, you're completely happy and you've started dating new girls. Go to the gig, have a great time there and enjoy yourself. Even if you're feeling sad or miserable inside, you must not break NC and you can't give her any more ammunition to boost her ego. If you see her there, ignore her completely, don't talk to her, don't look, don't stare. If she comes over to talk to you, don't be all sad and miserable, keep conversation to an absolute minimum and make it seem like you're really happy and having and amazing time. She's out of your life for good now, she's moved on completely and so should you. Forget about her, delete her number, cut all contact with her. Don't let her control your life or your happiness, time for you to take the driving seat. Please don't break NC! Have fun at the gig. Link to post Share on other sites
hunk Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 I'm gonna say don't go to the gig, you're night is gonna be ruined with just the prospect of her being there and you seeing her. You'll just be anticipating it all night and I know you're gonna be very very hurt if you do see her and it's going to set you back to day 1. You're in no mental state to be in the same area as her. Please stay NC and erase her from your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hunk Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Also that message is pathetic, don't even THINK of sending it Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 can you elaborate as to the reasons why? thanks! Because it's a bad idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Sanosuke Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 (edited) I also recommend not going to be honest. Unless you're in the same friendgroup and you are likely to be seeing her at future gigs also.. In that case you can't just keep yourself from going out because there might be the possibility that you can see her.. But if it's just this one gig and then you won't see her again, I wouldn't go. Made the same mistake myself. I knew my ex was going to this party last week. Normally I don't see her anywhere on parties, decided to go anyway. The first thing I see is her kissing someone she was texting & skyping with during our relationship. Luckily I got so sh itfaced after that, that I can't even picture them kissing anymore, so I got that going for me.. Edited April 30, 2015 by Sanosuke Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 After everything you've just been through..... all the contact..... all the suffering.... all the swearing never to break NC again..... are you kidding me? Please don't send that message. Please don't go to the concert or gig or whatever it is. AVOID anyplace she's going to be -- especially if it means running into her and the guy she cheated on you with!! Link to post Share on other sites
seminoles84 Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Yeah you shouldn't go with the state of mind you are in right now. Sending that text is a terrible idea. Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Go to the gig. I know it's probably the last thing you want to do right now, but if you go and your ex & her new boyfriend are there, they'll see you happy (even if you aren't feeling happy) And please, dear goddess, do not send that letter. It shows her that you are weak & that she still occupies significant portions of your brain & heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Why the hell would you even think about sending that? Yeesh. That's a terrible reason to break it. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 That message makes you sound weak. Go and hold your head high. You don't need to hide. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maverick27 Posted April 30, 2015 Author Share Posted April 30, 2015 OK OK OK OK OK I wont send it. Wow - im so glad loveshack exists, i would have definitely sent that in my moment of weakness without you guys.... I'm not going to go to the gig, it's not worth it... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maverick27 Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 I had to break no contact this afternoon. She is on the lease at the house I'm still living in (she moved out) and need it to get changed into the new tenant's name, so she needs to come over and sign the forms. There are two roads i can go down: The Lonely Road: - Once i get the forms in the mail, scan them and email them to her and have absolutely zero contact. The Mystery Road: - Get her to come over to my place, firstly sign the forms - then get her to stick around for a coffee or something, be at my absolute best and show her what she's missing. What do you reakon? I look alot better since she last saw me.... I've lost a total of 11 KG's since break up, have very clear skin, new clothes, new sharp hair cut, whitened teeth... just want her to see how well im doing....since the last time i spoke to her i was confessing my eternal love for her in vein. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts