ascendotum Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Thank you and I m really trying not to be too hard but between fun and feelings I hit my head hard against the wall a few times . I know Alot about that "circle " from players to groupies and I would reccomend not to get attached to them as nice and cool as they seem. Even amateur athletes do well with the ladies let alone the professionals. Plenty of stories from former players(playas). Some of the girls I knew when younger (and former gfs) slept with them, sometimes 2-4 at a time. If they are handsome like this guy, they have plenty of options...and well know it. This guy is older though so maybe he has got past that stage to a degree and will appreciate his gfs/flings more especially the cute sweet natured young ones. I get his reason to an extent about leaving without saying goodbye but I still think it is a crappy thing to do, but I'm sure he's learned to skip the drama with the ladies and just enjoy the fun times. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 He told you this is how he does it. There is some reason he does it this way. My guess it's because he's macho and knows long good-byes can make him cry and he doesn't want to cry in front of people, especially at the airport or whatever. I have flat refused to take someone moving away to the airport before because I knew it would be too hard on me. I think we all get the avoidance of the airport emotion, and even the potential media waiting, what we do not get is him telling cheerbabe93 he would go hiking with her in the next few days, then texting from the airport to say he was leaving for good in 30 minutes, too late for her to do anything about it. Any decent person is surely going to say "Hey babe I am going to have to leave tomorrow, I hate long goodbyes at airports so why don't we say good-bye now, I am going to miss you a lot.", NOT "Lets go hiking on Wednesday" and on Monday sends a text from the airport "My flight is in 30 minutes" Who does that? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 ^ Any invitation he turned down or any date not planned would have revealed that he was leaving. For whatever reason, he wanted to get gone without drama. He had to act normal or she'd have known because her antenna was already up. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 We only skyped once since he's been back home but when we did he initiated it and it was Sunday morning for him and he was still in bed when we skyped... Alone of course That's good, though, that he was alone in bed. Look, if he has any fame or money, he probably has women different places. So if he really is a pro baller and gets media attention, just assume he does. But he stayed in touch. He's single. You're single. He obviously wasn't ready for any commitment to you, so I have no way of knowing if it's too soon or he just isn't ready or you're not it. But he likes you. You're free to roam and go out and date, and you should do it but not throw it in his face. He's going to have a life and you should too. Keep in touch, do NOT act needy and make him text too much, and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
melissacus Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 That's good, though, that he was alone in bed. Look, if he has any fame or money, he probably has women different places. So if he really is a pro baller and gets media attention, just assume he does. But he stayed in touch. He's single. You're single. He obviously wasn't ready for any commitment to you, so I have no way of knowing if it's too soon or he just isn't ready or you're not it. But he likes you. You're free to roam and go out and date, and you should do it but not throw it in his face. He's going to have a life and you should too. Keep in touch, do NOT act needy and make him text too much, and see what happens. I think it's foolish to act any way that's not true to how you feel just to keep somebody around. It's also degrading and prioritizes another person's needs over your own. If you're getting a certain way or want something from this guy, I think you should express it. If you desire a certain amount of communication from him and don't receive it, either express it to him honestly and affectionately, or decide that you are fine with not getting your wants met by this person. The whole "act this way to keep him around or gauge his interest" is a high school approach. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 ^ Any invitation he turned down or any date not planned would have revealed that he was leaving. For whatever reason, he wanted to get gone without drama. He had to act normal or she'd have known because her antenna was already up. Well to be fair I said we "kinda" made plans. I asked if he wanted to go hiking the following week cause the weather was gonna be really nice and we had been talking about going on that hike for a while now. He did not say yes he said "we'll have to see about that" sooo I probably should have known better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 So I just texted him saying that I'm head over heels in love with him and his response was "how do you know?" And a few minutes later "if you're head over heels in love prove it" Not how I wanted this to go down lol *facepalm* Oh, lord. WHY??? Why in heaven's name would you send a message like that? You realize this man is nearly 40 years old. He's been around love-sick young women before, I imagine. You are putting yourself in a bad spot here, OP. He clearly isn't reciprocating that feeling. You're sending him the message that he can do whatever he wants (ie. ditching you) and you'll still cling to him. Not wise, girl. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 *facepalm* Oh, lord. WHY??? Why in heaven's name would you send a message like that? You realize this man is nearly 40 years old. He's been around love-sick young women before, I imagine. You are putting yourself in a bad spot here, OP. He clearly isn't reciprocating that feeling. You're sending him the message that he can do whatever he wants (ie. ditching you) and you'll still cling to him. Not wise, girl. I totally regret doing that. The reason I texted him that is because in the past he always said "however much you like me just know that I feel twice as much" So that kinda gave me hope Link to post Share on other sites
MoreFire Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 (edited) I totally regret doing that. The reason I texted him that is because in the past he always said "however much you like me just know that I feel twice as much" So that kinda gave me hope You shouldnt take that literally ,it's like saying "I miss you more " ,doesnt mean that a person actually misses u more . Lol. Leave him be ,he doesn't need you now,if you know what I mean Edited April 16, 2015 by MoreFire 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 So I just texted him saying that I'm head over heels in love with him and his response was "how do you know?" And a few minutes later "if you're head over heels in love prove it" Not how I wanted this to go down lol Wanna know how he isn't head over heels in love with you? He snuck out of town without saying goodbye to you or giving you a chance to "prove" you being head over heels in love with him by looking in his eyes and telling him so before he left. This proof is going to cost you something. Might be money, might be dignity, might be pride, most likely will be hurt feelings. Question is: can you afford to prove it to him? Spending $5k chasing guys around the globe is money that could have been invested for your retirement. Now that's squandered on failed relationships. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 I totally regret doing that. The reason I texted him that is because in the past he always said "however much you like me just know that I feel twice as much" So that kinda gave me hope Girl, no. He doesn't feel the same way you do; he isn't head over heels in love with you. If he did, he would never have slithered off out of the country without a proper goodbye. Stop believing his smooth talk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 Today he told me that we are not together. So it doesn't matter anymore. Clearly he doesn't feel the same for me and I'm not gonna chase after him. **** this Link to post Share on other sites
shvrk Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Today he told me that we are not together. So it doesn't matter anymore. Clearly he doesn't feel the same for me and I'm not gonna chase after him. **** this I'm sorry This just means you can date someone that will respect you and go on all the hikes you want! Once you're with someone that respects you you'll be like **** that dude, what was I thinking? But overall you'll feel better. Take some time for self growth and developing your consciousness! Still go on that hike, meditate under a tree! Life is too beautiful to be down about some *******. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Today he told me that we are not together. So it doesn't matter anymore. Clearly he doesn't feel the same for me and I'm not gonna chase after him. **** this OP, I know it's not easy to believe, but he's doing you a huge favor. Knowing this now frees you up to date other people and not waste your time with a man-child. Seriously...he's almost 40 and behaving like this? He's got some growing up to do. Completely not worth your time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Today he told me that we are not together. So it doesn't matter anymore. Clearly he doesn't feel the same for me and I'm not gonna chase after him. **** this I am very sorry to hear this. This man was a user from day one, I am sorry to say, and I am glad he finally had the courage to let you know, albeit once he was out of the country. You are young, but you need to learn from this and stop letting men use you and treat you bad. Work on your self esteem. Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Today he told me that we are not together. So it doesn't matter anymore. Clearly he doesn't feel the same for me and I'm not gonna chase after him. **** this Did he explain why he feels this way now that he's left. What changed for him that made him say this to you? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Today he told me that we are not together. So it doesn't matter anymore. Clearly he doesn't feel the same for me and I'm not gonna chase after him. **** this Look, you don't reward someone who's leaving you by declaring your undying love. It's just basic behavioral training 101. You reward good behavior. Sought-after guys with endless opportunity like that have women all over and most of them do not keep up with them once they leave. He liked you enough to keep up with you, which is good, but at the same time, he is nowhere near looking for a wife or commitment, which should be obvious. If he had had serious immediate interest or love for you, he'd have been plotting how to keep you happy and engaged enough that you not go out with other guys. In the absence of that, you have just that he likes you but is not serious. And that's what this is. For celebrities, it's actually easy to get laid but hard to have a relationship. It's easy to get laid, but it's often more trouble than it's worth because it's hard to get the women to then go away. Because they have fame and money, all the women want to marry them and latch one onto them. This is why celebs often instead lay prostitutes and strippers. They are paid to go away. For falling in love, they need a woman who is also sought after or in the business enough to understand the situation before they can even trust her. If you hadn't written that email, you'd probably have seen him again someday, but the truth is, now he knows you're more serious than him and I will say that at least he had the courtesy to think about your feelings some and not continue to string you along and he spelled it out for you when he realized you weren't getting it. I'm sorry you got let down. But try to remember you had some fun, because even failed relationships are good for some fun memories when you get older. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Very well could be a short-term boost. That's why I said a month, not a week. If I were you, I'd proceed with caution. Thought so. At least you found out now, before going through 3 more weeks of believing everything was awesome. If he comes back to your country, beware. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted April 17, 2015 Author Share Posted April 17, 2015 This is getting confusing. Yesterday he said we aren't together. Today he tells me that he's gonna fly me out in the summer to see him. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 You don't have to be together for him to fly you out for a "tune up". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 What he means is he is not committed to you. You are not his girlfriend. You are A girlfriend. He likes you, but he doesn't want to deal with someone who wants commitment because he is in a position of fame and opportunity and most guys will want to remain single and play the field when they get a rare chance like that. So you have to decide if you can handle being A girlfriend, but not the only girlfriend. If not, don't torture yourself and let him go. If you like the excitement of dating a celebrity enough to offset it and you can just have fun and enjoy it while it lasts, then enjoy it while it lasts. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 This is getting confusing. Yesterday he said we aren't together. Today he tells me that he's gonna fly me out in the summer to see him. It's not confusing. It just means you are his "friend" who he likes to see "naked". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 It's not confusing. It just means you are his "friend" who he likes to see "naked". I agree. OP, don't read into his offer of you visiting him. It's not some symbol of commitment or importance. He was actually very clear. You aren't a couple. But he wouldn't mind spending a little time together and having some fun. Don't have any expectations, because you are going to be very disappointed. I would not carry on any contact with him. You want a relationship, he doesn't. If you find yourself getting weak or trying to convince yourself he really does have feelings, come back and read this thread. It was clear from you first post that you two were not on the same page whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 This is getting confusing. Yesterday he said we aren't together. Today he tells me that he's gonna fly me out in the summer to see him. You both aren't together as a couple but together for summer sex fling. Nothing confusing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 You want a relationship, he doesn't. If you find yourself getting weak or trying to convince yourself he really does have feelings, come back and read this thread. It was clear from you first post that you two were not on the same page whatsoever. It was not only clear from this thread, but every other thread and post you have ever made about him, Cheerbabe93. This was one of the saddest things, I have read on LS on so many levels. Cheerbabe93 wrote: Yesterday I was over at my guys house. We had sex and watched a movie after. The thing that got me upset was that basically during the entire movie he was glued to his phone texting someone and not paying attention to me. Well he did rub my hand every once in a while but still. After the movie ended he was still on his phone and I was looking at the black tv screen for a good 10-15 minutes until he noticed that the movie ended... I didn't say anything because I didn't wanna cause a fight and I didn't wanna be a needy brat (he hates that) But he kinda hurt my feelings... ...I'm pretty sure he was talking to other women http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/514205-how-tell-him-he-hurt-my-feelings-without-causing-fight#post6144858 Link to post Share on other sites
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