Wife Co-workers

[fellini]

I know that female coworker is single and divorced, but am not sure why she is making a you know what out of my wife.

 

I think you mean why your wife is listening to and following her advice. The difference is not subtle.

[2.50 a gallon]

The toxic, same sex, divorced, co-worker friend, has broken up many a marriage. Who knows why they do this? They are divorced and go out of their way to break up other married couples.

Has the toxic friend reached the point where she refers to you, the husband, as "the animal" or "the monster"? That is what happened to a good friend of mine. I was friend to both of them. Once the wife started listening to the toxic co-worker friend, the marriage was over as she stopped listening to the advice of her life long friend and close relatives. He caught her cheating with a younger guy and divorced her.

[Winterina]

OMG. She is actually already cheating on you. She is not there where she said should would be, there is no party with Jen, she is excited to get the attention of others... And make no mistake, 50 years old guys can be very smooth talkers and give her the attention she craves to get her to bed. Happened to a beautiful friend of mine who slept with a guy her father's age even though she hated how fat and ugly he was. Just because he was persistent and giving her all the compliments.

Here is something that caught my attention... she said she was flirting with guys and had shots of alcohol and had someone keep a check on her so she would not f someone else... come on, is this really a wife you want? If she cannot keep checks on herself and not do all that to attract all that attention in a first place, then what the hell are you doing sticking around... as I said she is already sleeping around, wake up, and she will continue.

 

 

Here is my suggestion - ask her to give you right now and right here all the passwords for all the emails she has, messages, FB, phone... If she has nothing to hide, she will hide nothing.

I am willing to bet you will find something there to indicate she was cheating.

She is treating you like a total naïve idiot and gives you excuses you don't contest. If you are so easy to lie to she will lie to you. She has zero respect for you, your marriage, or herself..

[italianjob]

You should be more concerned about why your wife is following the coworker's advice than about the coworker's motivations.

 

Anyway, it's actually quite simple: Your wife is young and attractive, she'll get a lot of attention behaving in a certain way. She obviously won't be able to handle all those interested, so there' ll be plenty of action for her older friend...

And if she gets divorced because of it, it's all the better for her older "friend": she gets to go bar hopping with a young and attractive lady, lots of guys hanging around...

[jen1447]

So I have been looking through my wife's phone when she is asleep or taking a shower, try to find proof of cheating. She had some text from men, a few like "would like to see you in a bikini again," but mostly just office conversations and complaining about co-workers. Then I noticed a lot of messages from that older female co-workers so I decided to take a look. It turns out that instead of trying to defend or "look out" for my wife, the problem is the female coworker! She has been encouraging my wife to dress sexy, flirt, and to go to lunch with various men. I started reading the older text, and I can see my wife starting out feeling guilty and shy, but eventually feeling more outgoing, with that female coworker saying things like "guys couldn't keep your eyes off of you." Also, they have been shopping for outfits and has been changing into these outfits after she leave the house. I know that female coworker is single and divorced, but am not sure why she is making a you know what out of my wife.

 

There's no way to really put this question diplomatically OP, so I'll just ask it - is you're wife a reasonably intelligent woman, or is she possibly not all that sharp and/or a little naive? Serious question.

[Popsicle]

My wife who is 30 started a new job a few months ago. She is a receptionist for a building supply company. She is only one of 2 females (the other one is about 50) and most of the males co-workers are 50+. I have notice that her work outfits are getting sexier and shes doing her makeup more often. I figure she just likes the attention her male co-workers and clients must be giving her. Last week one of her co-workers had a swim and Bar-B-Q party. I was busy working on her car, so one of her co-workers picked her up. My wife left only wearing a bikini. I did not think too much of it as I figured it's a pool party. A few days ago, I found pictures taken of the party by the only other female co-worker on her FB. It looked like other than that female, she was the only other female there, and basically every guy had their picture taken with her. There was nothing bad, most of the guys had there arm around her and she sat on a few laps. I am not the jealous type but is it strange I am not more upset? I think if the guys were younger I would be, but most are old and fat. I don't think she would fall for any of them. I also wonder if I should discreetly talk to the other female co-worker?

 

I honestly feel like you have nothing to worry about here.

[Popsicle]

So I have been looking through my wife's phone when she is asleep or taking a shower, try to find proof of cheating. She had some text from men, a few like "would like to see you in a bikini again," but mostly just office conversations and complaining about co-workers. Then I noticed a lot of messages from that older female co-workers so I decided to take a look. It turns out that instead of trying to defend or "look out" for my wife, the problem is the female coworker! She has been encouraging my wife to dress sexy, flirt, and to go to lunch with various men. I started reading the older text, and I can see my wife starting out feeling guilty and shy, but eventually feeling more outgoing, with that female coworker saying things like "guys couldn't keep your eyes off of you." Also, they have been shopping for outfits and has been changing into these outfits after she leave the house. I know that female coworker is single and divorced, but am not sure why she is making a you know what out of my wife.

 

Well, maybe you do have something to worry about.

 

And your wife is not a "you know what" so don't say that. I guess the coworker wants to live vicariously through your wife. If you are younger and better looking than these men at work, you probably still don't have anything to worry about. No way they would beat you out. Treat your wife well and be into her and you'll be fine. If you want, you can act a little jealous and possessive. She'll like it.

[Morro72]

Changing clothes after she leaves the house is just bizarre. The only reason to do this is so that you don't see what she's wearing. Let's see, why might she not want you to know what she's wearing?

[BryanGuy]

To be honest she is very smart in somethings, but she grew up in a strict, conservative, dress modestly environment. She never had much of a life but picked a great time to want to be popular.

[beach]

So I have been looking through my wife's phone when she is asleep or taking a shower, try to find proof of cheating. She had some text from men, a few like "would like to see you in a bikini again," but mostly just office conversations and complaining about co-workers. Then I noticed a lot of messages from that older female co-workers so I decided to take a look. It turns out that instead of trying to defend or "look out" for my wife, the problem is the female coworker! She has been encouraging my wife to dress sexy, flirt, and to go to lunch with various men. I started reading the older text, and I can see my wife starting out feeling guilty and shy, but eventually feeling more outgoing, with that female coworker saying things like "guys couldn't keep your eyes off of you." Also, they have been shopping for outfits and has been changing into these outfits after she leave the house. I know that female coworker is single and divorced, but am not sure why she is making a you know what out of my wife.

 

She may have any woman's name attached to her contacts - but that doesn't mean it's actually that person.

 

It could easily be a man she put down under a woman's contact name as her cover up.

 

Don't assume that's the right person she is texting.

[jen1447]

To be honest she is very smart in somethings, but she grew up in a strict, conservative, dress modestly environment. She never had much of a life but picked a great time to want to be popular.

 

Ok, let me try to be more precise ....do you have any idea what her IQ range is?

[TobyBoy]

There's something else going on here. It's almost as this "older friend" is grooming your wife into a certain "lifestyle" and your wife is enjoying it!!!

 

Hell..... I'm just going to say it......this friend is pimping out your wife!!

 

This stops when you say it stops Bryan!!!

[beach]

It's obviously more important to her than your marriage and your feelings.

 

She's not trustworthy and disrespecting your marriage.

 

Why is that ok with you? It will change when you draw the line and have her head spinning by kicking her out with one small bag of belongings.

[beach]

Ok, let me try to be more precise ....do you have any idea what her IQ range is?

 

Like this has any significance once any person decides to cheat...

[jen1447]

Excuse me, but was I asking you?

 

Hell..... I'm just going to say it......this friend is pimping out your wife!!

This is actually what I was starting to wonder, seriously. People tend to not realize it happens, but prostitution does sometimes go on in the workplace, and if OP's wife was maybe not very quick on the uptake and vulnerable to outside influences, her "friend' could indeed be pimping her. I think it's probably unlikely, but the friend taking such a keen interest in OP's wife's daily appearance and promoting her associating with a variety of guys and hosting or escorting on these outings seems ....suspicious to me frankly.

[happyman64]

Bryan

 

 

Why not ask your wife if she wants to be married anymore????

 

 

HM

[Hope Shimmers]

Excuse me, but was I asking you?

 

 

This is actually what I was starting to wonder, seriously. People tend to not realize it happens, but prostitution does sometimes go on in the workplace, and if OP's wife was maybe not very quick on the uptake and vulnerable to outside influences, her "friend' could indeed be pimping her. I think it's probably unlikely, but the friend taking such a keen interest in OP's wife's daily appearance and promoting her associating with a variety of guys and hosting or escorting on these outings seems ....suspicious to me frankly.

 

I think you are reaching.

 

Her IQ has nothing to do with this.

[jen1447]

Reaching by saying there's a possibility? Nonsense. And if the possibility exists, her intellect and potential naivete could have a great lot to do with it.

[Binster]

why not just start by kissing her good by as she goes to work, then call in to see her and ask where the hell the new clothes came from.

[Popsicle]

Bryan

 

 

Why not ask your wife if she wants to be married anymore????

 

 

HM

 

Well because they all say yes.

[Morro72]

Reaching by saying there's a possibility? Nonsense. And if the possibility exists, her intellect and potential naivete could have a great lot to do with it.

 

The workplace pimping hypothesis (or some variant of it) is definitely not an overreach. There aren't a lot of possibilities consistent with the facts as they have been laid out but your suggestion is certainly one of them. The only way to narrow things down is to ask the right questions, which you've done.

[Buckeye2]

I started reading the older text, and I can see my wife starting out feeling guilty and shy, but eventually feeling more outgoing, with that female coworker saying things like "guys couldn't keep your eyes off of you."

 

Also, they have been shopping for outfits and has been changing into these outfits after she leave the house. I know that female coworker is single and divorced, but am not sure why she is making a you know what out of my wife.

 

The most innocent expiation is that the female coworker is living vicariously through your wife.

 

The problem is that your wife has discovered that she enjoys flirting (otherwise known as fishing). It may just be a game to her now but what happens when she catches something? She may not have considered that yet. Does she just throw the fish back or does she feel some obligation to the fish because she put out the bait?

 

Don’t feel safe because they're old farts. It’s not a contest of sexual stamina. It’s a contest of paying attention. They will be paying attention to your wife like it’s their job. In a way it is because they’re anticipating a big payday.

 

Believe it or not sometimes the woman isn’t all that interested in sex with the other man (OM). She just loves the attention and feels that she owes it to him because of all the effort he put in. Plus the attention might stop if she doesn’t put out.

 

It would be interesting to know why her female coworker got a divorce. If you can get a young person to follow in your footsteps it validates your life choices.

Edited May 4, 2015 by Buckeye2

[Just a Guy]

I guess Bryanguy has lost interest in his own thread. He has not been visiting here very regularly or responding to the many good posts giving him thoughtful advice. I would think that he does not agree with most of the posters so instead of responding he has chosen to remain quiet. Probably the issue is not as threatening to him as some of the others feel. Actually he knows his wife best and would be able to judge whether she is up to any mischief or not. So I guess the rest of the folk should hold their horses and let him sort out his issues himself. If in future he comes back to this forum then he may be advised accordingly.

[italianjob]

I guess Bryanguy has lost interest in his own thread. He has not been visiting here very regularly or responding to the many good posts giving him thoughtful advice. I would think that he does not agree with most of the posters so instead of responding he has chosen to remain quiet. Probably the issue is not as threatening to him as some of the others feel. Actually he knows his wife best and would be able to judge whether she is up to any mischief or not. So I guess the rest of the folk should hold their horses and let him sort out his issues himself. If in future he comes back to this forum then he may be advised accordingly.

 

And who exactly are you to decide what other posters should or shouldn't do on this or other threads?

 

Besides the OP updated just two days ago, so YOU should hold your horses, IMO.

[aliveagain]

The older woman is using your wife to draw men to her. She probably gets little attention from men on her own. I know women like this, they pay for drinks until the guys start showing them attention than she gets the guys to pay for their night. She makes dates with men on the condition she brings your wife along. She is no friend of your marriage. She is showing your wife how much fun she and the men that swarm them are and just how boring you are. She is building a wedge between you that you may never recover from unless you take action now. You may start by booking up her evenings and weekends so she wants to come home to you(couples dance lessons, go listen to live music in small clubs with her, usually you pay a small cover charge and the bands are amazing. Start a couples gourmet cooking club where you do things as couples with other couples, do a movie night during the week where you meet after work for a cheap dinner than take in a movie). There are so many things you can do together. Stop letting her meet people who's interests don't include you.