Why is there such a social stigma to being a virgin?

[Wait]

Music, movies, books, etc... are the major influences IMO.

 

It's "cool" to have sex like it was "cool" to smoke cigarettes; ergo, if you're not having sex you're not "cool".

 

Sex has always been a huge part of every society across the world for hundreds of years but I think that the millenial generation is by far and away the most consumed with it.

 

What happened to when girls were called "elegant" and "beautiful"? Now they're "hot" and "sexy".

 

Although not a virgin, I am a Christian which obviously has shaped my ideology but I believe, religious or not, that people place too much emphasis and value on sex in a relationship. Sex is so much more than getting off and I think people have been desensitized to the fact that sex is not just physical.

 

So to conclude my thoughts, I think that we have so many influences from media sources today. We have become consumed by the idea that sex is "cool" and that if you're a virgin you must be a weirdo or some bible thumping Jesus lover. I commend those who wait for marriage, or "the one", and that's not because of my religious beliefs but rather because I believe in sex as an expression of true love.

[endlessabyss]

Are you implying that I SHOULD hire a hooker? I guess I should regret letting the "young and full of energy" days pass me by, huh?

 

 

Hard to say, broski.

 

 

I can tell you that having a one night stand with a girl is essentially the same experience as hiring an escort, except the escort is a cut to the chase type of deal.

 

 

Dating seems to get way more difficult as you get older. I have tried to do things the old fashioned way over the last few years, but all I have gotten was games, and a few hook-ups. Obviously I was looking for more, but I didn't get what I was actually looking for. I got sort of sick of it and tried the escort thing a few times, and the experiences were no different than the random hook-ups I had; both bring temporary gratification, and in the long run it makes nothing better.

 

 

My first sexual experience was at 15, and I hardly cared about the person; it was hardly "special", and didn't revolutionize my life. I was the same kid before, and I was essentially the same kid after.

 

 

The ideal type of situation is to have sex in a intimate relationship, but being you may have never experienced this, I can see your concern that you might not get this opportunity.

 

 

I'd say wait it out if you can, because having a one night fling could possibly leave you feeling worse afterwards. I couldn't fault you if you did though, being a man and all. My personal belief is that intimacy is a need in life, not a want.

[Phoe]

I'd say if you were looking into an escort, that you should do so solely because you are interested in having sex. Nothing more nothing less.

 

It should NOT be about "I HAVE TO lose my virginity so that other women don't scorn me."

 

That is absolutely the wrong reason! Do it because you want to, not because you're worried about what others think.

 

You'll probably feel much happier about it if you're doing it simply because you want to, without ulterior motives.

[barcode88]

Are you implying that I SHOULD hire a hooker? I guess I should regret letting the "young and full of energy" days pass me by, huh?

 

Get an escort not some street hooker. Do some research too and make sure you get someone reputable. You'll get a better experience that way, and hopefully won't get ripped off.

 

Like another poster said, it'll be like a ONS, but it should help you get over your hangups for being a virgin still. You only live once man, get out there and have some sex and enjoy it Don't let people shame you into not trying it.

 

 

I'd say if you were looking into an escort, that you should do so solely because you are interested in having sex. Nothing more nothing less.

 

It should NOT be about "I HAVE TO lose my virginity so that other women don't scorn me."

 

That is absolutely the wrong reason! Do it because you want to, not because you're worried about what others think.

 

You'll probably feel much happier about it if you're doing it simply because you want to, without ulterior motives.

 

I agree, but whether the op realizes it or not, there is a social stigma for being a guy who's still a virgin going on 30. A lot of times its in their own head too and they don't realize it.

 

I think I can say pretty much every guy likes sex, and if he hasn't had it yet, he'll probably enjoy himself his first time, even if it's with an escort. Guys view sex a bit differently than women.

Edited March 29, 2015 by barcode88

[AVarma]

You're a guy so I know you men think differently. But please don't do that. No matter how nervous or even awkward, your first time should MATTER. It should be with someone you care about.

 

Okay, enough much.

 

I personally have mixed feelings about this. Yeah it would be nice for it to be with someone you are about but I do think that might be putting too much pressure on someone. But hey what do I know? I'm still a virgin after all.

[somedude81]

Good sex is too amazing to live without.

 

I can't imagine why anybody would want to be a virgin past 25.

 

Just get an escort and find out what you are missing. The only thing to make sure about is that she will allow more than one "pop." Some escorts limit guys to only one orgasm even if she charges by the hour.

[E-Squared]

Good sex is too amazing to live without.

 

I can't imagine why anybody would want to be a virgin past 25.

 

Just get an escort and find out what you are missing. The only thing to make sure about is that she will allow more than one "pop." Some escorts limit guys to only one orgasm even if she charges by the hour.

 

Says the guy who can't seem to accept that teetotalers exist. Also, I never said that I WANT to be a virgin. I am only talking in general why a stigma exists. I am sorry if I didn't get laid in the ideal time of high school like you did.

[E-Squared]

Get an escort not some street hooker. Do some research too and make sure you get someone reputable. You'll get a better experience that way, and hopefully won't get ripped off.

 

Like another poster said, it'll be like a ONS, but it should help you get over your hangups for being a virgin still. You only live once man, get out there and have some sex and enjoy it Don't let people shame you into not trying it.

 

 

 

 

I agree, but whether the op realizes it or not, there is a social stigma for being a guy who's still a virgin going on 30. A lot of times its in their own head too and they don't realize it.

 

I think I can say pretty much every guy likes sex, and if he hasn't had it yet, he'll probably enjoy himself his first time, even if it's with an escort. Guys view sex a bit differently than women.

 

You seem like you are shaming me for not having drilled into a hole already, if you know what I mean.

[somedude81]

Says the guy who can't seem to accept that teetotalers exist. Also, I never said that I WANT to be a virgin. I am only talking in general why a stigma exists. I am sorry if I didn't get laid in the ideal time of high school like you did.

 

Maybe if you got drunk you'd actually know what a vagina feels like.

 

Dude don't waste your time complaining about the troubles of being a virgin and get laid already.

 

You'll thank me later.

[barcode88]

You seem like you are shaming me for not having drilled into a hole already, if you know what I mean.

 

Not at all.

 

 

We all make impressions on people, and a lot of people have sex before they're 21, so when they run into someone who's close to 30 and is still a virgin, they're going to silently judge that person - sometimes positively, sometimes negatively. It really depends on the person's values.

 

 

Guys are judged a little more harshly I think, since we're the ones who have to work for it the most - a guy who hasn't sex and they're approaching 30 may be deemed socially awkward or undesirable. Being able to have sex with Women is one of the ways that guys self-validate themselves as Men.

 

 

Keep in mind I'm generalizing here.. There are a lot of people who wait for religious reasons/etc., and not everyone thinks that being a virgin is a bad thing.

 

 

 

 

My PERSONAL opinion - I don't think it matters, everyone should do what THEY want. That being said, if a guy is frustrated that he hasn't had sex yet, I don't think there's anything wrong with using an escort to lose your virginity.

 

 

Keep in mind, if you're getting hung up on the social stigma people are applying towards you, you're probably insecure about your virgin status even if you think it doesn't matter.

[E-Squared]

Not at all.

 

 

We all make impressions on people, and a lot of people have sex before they're 21, so when they run into someone who's close to 30 and is still a virgin, they're going to silently judge that person - sometimes positively, sometimes negatively. It really depends on the person's values.

 

 

Guys are judged a little more harshly I think, since we're the ones who have to work for it the most - a guy who hasn't sex and they're approaching 30 may be deemed socially awkward or undesirable. Being able to have sex with Women is one of the ways that guys self-validate themselves as Men.

 

 

Keep in mind I'm generalizing here.. There are a lot of people who wait for religious reasons/etc., and not everyone thinks that being a virgin is a bad thing.

 

 

 

 

My PERSONAL opinion - I don't think it matters, everyone should do what THEY want. That being said, if a guy is frustrated that he hasn't had sex yet, I don't think there's anything wrong with using an escort to lose your virginity.

 

 

Keep in mind, if you're getting hung up on the social stigma people are applying towards you, you're probably insecure about your virgin status even if you think it doesn't matter.

You made some valid points.

[digdug75]

.

 

 

You've seemed to get good answers on why there are stigma's about virginity. After knowing or receiving answers to your question does it make things easier for you to handle?

 

I just have a few questions for you. What kind of relationship do you want from a women? what kind of qualities are you looking for in a women? Do you really want your first memory of having sex to be with an escort vs someone you are deeply in love with? What is the rush in having sex? Where is this pressure to have sex at your age coming from? Is it just your own thoughts putting this pressure on you? Do you have moral values on the subject of sex? What would be your thoughts of a women who told you she was a virgin? Would you think less of her? Would you rather be with a loose women who has slept around? Are you worried about STD's? How do you see yourself as an individual? What are your good qualities? Have you considered that masturbation may contribute to your lack of motivation to meet women? Do you want a women who bases her opinion of you, because of lack of sexual experience? what is your goal in life?

 

 

Here are my thoughts on the subject. Societies stigma on virginity is as wrong as stereotypes, and prejudice. Social stigma, stereotypes, and prejudice proves nothing and explains nothing about the individual. They are to me false beliefs. I like what a poster wrote a while back. A women will teach you what she likes.

 

 

Sex does not determine a successful relationship. If that is what you desire. Love, caring, understanding, honesty, communication, encouragement, expressing appreciation, commitment, similar values and belief, social connectedness, and the ability to adapt to life changes. Think about this. Some successful couples have a partner who is paralyzed from the waste down. Never having sex or at one time did have sex and are unable to have "normal" sex again. Yet still married and still in love.

 

 

Disregard the thought that you are less of a person because you have not had the right moment to have sex. It is your moment, and should be treated as a special one that should provide a long lasting loving memory.

 

 

There are plenty of single people who have plenty sexual experience and are still "single"! Plenty of women and men who have sexual experience and are no good at sex. If I was able to take everything back knowing what I know now. I would want to be a virgin. Why? you may ask. Well, because I now feel that sex is more than just the act. It is something should be shared and explored for the first time with someone that you truly love and seek a life long relationship with. It is a bonding experience that is meant to unite and create stronger emotions for one another. If you care to take the time look up oxytocin.

 

 

Well I think that is all I have to say! Best hopes for you coming to a solution that best fits you and who you are, and not how others think you should be. Take care!

 

 

P.S. Try not to allow your mind to be consumed about what if's. What if's are attempts to try to prepare for the unknown. Every one is an individual who make there own choices, and you will not always receive the same response to your actions. You will grow, and learn as we all do, but we grow and learn at our own pace.

Edited April 15, 2015 by digdug75

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I would say it was probably due to the sexual revolution that occurred sometime in the 20th century, I think it began in the 60's.

[E-Squared]

You've seemed to get good answers on why there are stigma's about virginity. After knowing or receiving answers to your question does it make things easier for you to handle?

 

I just have a few questions for you. What kind of relationship do you want from a women? what kind of qualities are you looking for in a women? Do you really want your first memory of having sex to be with an escort vs someone you are deeply in love with? What is the rush in having sex? Where is this pressure to have sex at your age coming from? Is it just your own thoughts putting this pressure on you? Do you have moral values on the subject of sex? What would be your thoughts of a women who told you she was a virgin? Would you think less of her? Would you rather be with a loose women who has slept around? Are you worried about STD's? How do you see yourself as an individual? What are your good qualities? Have you considered that masturbation may contribute to your lack of motivation to meet women? Do you want a women who bases her opinion of you, because of lack of sexual experience? what is your goal in life?

 

 

Here are my thoughts on the subject. Societies stigma on virginity is as wrong as stereotypes, and prejudice. Social stigma, stereotypes, and prejudice proves nothing and explains nothing about the individual. They are to me false beliefs. I like what a poster wrote a while back. A women will teach you what she likes.

 

 

Sex does not determine a successful relationship. If that is what you desire. Love, caring, understanding, honesty, communication, encouragement, expressing appreciation, commitment, similar values and belief, social connectedness, and the ability to adapt to life changes. Think about this. Some successful couples have a partner who is paralyzed from the waste down. Never having sex or at one time did have sex and are unable to have "normal" sex again. Yet still married and still in love.

 

 

Disregard the thought that you are less of a person because you have not had the right moment to have sex. It is your moment, and should be treated as a special one that should provide a long lasting loving memory.

 

 

There are plenty of single people who have plenty sexual experience and are still "single"! Plenty of women and men who have sexual experience and are no good at sex. If I was able to take everything back knowing what I know now. I would want to be a virgin. Why? you may ask. Well, because I now feel that sex is more than just the act. It is something should be shared and explored for the first time with someone that you truly love and seek a life long relationship with. It is a bonding experience that is meant to unite and create stronger emotions for one another. If you care to take the time look up oxytocin.

 

 

Well I think that is all I have to say! Best hopes for you coming to a solution that best fits you and who you are, and not how others think you should be. Take care!

 

 

P.S. Try not to allow your mind to be consumed about what if's. What if's are attempts to try to prepare for the unknown. Every one is an individual who make there own choices, and you will not always receive the same response to your actions. You will grow, and learn as we all do, but we grow and learn at our own pace.

Well, I can say that a factor is that I remember some girl who I talked to a long time ago sort of gave me crap about me being a virgin. Same with reading a lot of threads which have posts from woman who say that they don't want a male virgin, leaving me with little hope, and it's a factor in me not trying to pursue women.