Has anyone accepted the possibility of being forever alone?

[ThaWholigan]

No sex drive

 

 

 

Victim complex

 

 

 

 

Acceptance

 

 

 

Rationalization and deflection

 

Good luck with that!

LOL I don't think Red Robin has "no sex drive" going by her past posts in the sex forum! It'd be fun to find out but maybe in another lifetime

[ltjg45]

I have considered that. More times than I should, if I had to be honest.

 

Sometimes I would be happy enough to try and approach a woman but when I see what is around me, I get immediately depressed. At times, I would be bold enough to try something new but then when I hear of everything that can go wrong, I get depressed thinking I am foolish for even considering the idea.

 

I don't know. Perhaps I am better off forever alone. So far, it is working really well. 28 years old, no relationships yet, and it won't be long before I hit 29.

 

Before I know it, I will be the next 40-year old virgin.

[Selfish]

I have considered that. More times than I should, if I had to be honest.

 

Sometimes I would be happy enough to try and approach a woman but when I see what is around me, I get immediately depressed. At times, I would be bold enough to try something new but then when I hear of everything that can go wrong, I get depressed thinking I am foolish for even considering the idea.

 

I don't know. Perhaps I am better off forever alone. So far, it is working really well. 28 years old, no relationships yet, and it won't be long before I hit 29.

 

Before I know it, I will be the next 40-year old virgin.

 

You're a little young to resign yourself to dying alone, lol. It can happen so fast.

 

But, being happy and succesful on your own is a great thing. Don't trade that for anything else.

[ltjg45]

You're a little young to resign yourself to dying alone, lol. It can happen so fast.

 

But, being happy and succesful on your own is a great thing. Don't trade that for anything else.

 

That is what I am working on but I do have to admit that I have been focusing on being successful so much that I doubt I will have time to even date, which goes back to why I should consider the possibility of being forever alone. This doesn't account as to whether or not I will be successful enough to be worth dating.

 

It's only less than 12 years before I hit 40. When I think of it that way and knowing over 10 years has passed since I graduated from high school, that isn't a lot of time left.

 

It is already high enough that I am at a disadvantage. I do have to keep that in mind as well.

[Selfish]

That is what I am working on but I do have to admit that I have been focusing on being successful so much that I doubt I will have time to even date, which goes back to why I should consider the possibility of being forever alone. This doesn't account as to whether or not I will be successful enough to be worth dating.

 

It's only less than 12 years before I hit 40. When I think of it that way and knowing over 10 years has passed since I graduated from high school, that isn't a lot of time left.

 

It is already high enough that I am at a disadvantage. I do have to keep that in mind as well.

 

I met my husband and we were married a little over a year later. We had two kids within five years. It can happen fast. But yes, onedoes have to be lookin somewhat and open to the possibility of a relationship. Still, your male right? You have far more time than a woman does if you want to have a family. If you stay in shape and take care of yourself a lot of women in their late twenties on do not mind an older guy.

[ltjg45]

I met my husband and we were married a little over a year later. We had two kids within five years. It can happen fast. But yes, onedoes have to be lookin somewhat and open to the possibility of a relationship. Still, your male right? You have far more time than a woman does if you want to have a family. If you stay in shape and take care of yourself a lot of women in their late twenties on do not mind an older guy.

 

That is what I am working on right now.

 

Unfortunately, knowing how to do it right is expensive. I will be down $1800 for 6 months with a personal trainer. Knowing I only make less than a thousand a month, that is a hard hit.

 

I just hope it is worth it. 2 weeks in, not a huge gain but I am not walking around in pain so that's something.

 

I just got a lot on my mind right now. While I do have hope, I can't just expect anything from it either.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Yes, I'd definitely like a woman that is vulnerable and somewhat dependent. However, the big thing that's been turning me off lately is how nasty many "independent" women can be.

 

Very critical. Not very helpful (at work or otherwise). Not very friendly. But then also very demanding as well. Then, they seem to expect men to chase them around all over the place. So they want men to play the traditional role of courting, but don't want to play the traditional roles themselves.

 

If you want a vulnerable and somewhat dependent woman it shows that you have a very weak ego. I don't think there are a lot of women who will tell you that they want a vulnerable and somewhat dependent man...

 

Attributing certain character traits to a woman because she is a career woman is nonsense. There are as many unfriendly critical women who don't work and don't have a career. As a matter of fact my impression is that you have more depression and obesity in SAHM than in working women.

 

Of course if for you friendly means waiting for your guy with his slippers ready and dinner on the table, then there are indeed a lot of unfriendly women around. Everyone, men and women, are totally knackered when they come home from their fulltime job. So what do they do? They agree for example that the one who is home first from work peels some potatoes and puts them to the boil. And while the potatoes are getting ready they put some laundry in or out of the machine. Maybe put the garbage bag outside.

That's how it works in a modern couple anno 2015: you are a team, you organise yourself so that the practical burdens are divided more or less fairly over the two of you.

[Selfish]

If you want a vulnerable and somewhat dependent woman it shows that you have a very weak ego. I don't think there are a lot of women who will tell you that they want a vulnerable and somewhat dependent man...

 

Attributing certain character traits to a woman because she is a career woman is nonsense. There are as many unfriendly critical women who don't work and don't have a career. As a matter of fact my impression is that you have more depression and obesity in SAHM than in working women.

 

Of course if for you friendly means waiting for your guy with his slippers ready and dinner on the table, then there are indeed a lot of unfriendly women around. Everyone, men and women, are totally knackered when they come home from their fulltime job. So what do they do? They agree for example that the one who is home first from work peels some potatoes and puts them to the boil. And while the potatoes are getting ready they put some laundry in or out of the machine. Maybe put the garbage bag outside.

That's how it works in a modern couple anno 2015: you are a team, you organise yourself so that the practical burdens are divided more or less fairly over the two of you.

 

I don't agree with your sahm jugement. Far too much of the fellow woman bashing that goes on within our sex. But the last part is so true. It is how we run our house and it works. (I should note here my H has a far more taxing job on his mind than mine... And my job is far more physical labour.

[DukeNukem47]

Of course if for you friendly means waiting for your guy with his slippers ready and dinner on the table, then there are indeed a lot of unfriendly women around. Everyone, men and women, are totally knackered when they come home from their fulltime job. So what do they do? They agree for example that the one who is home first from work peels some potatoes and puts them to the boil. And while the potatoes are getting ready they put some laundry in or out of the machine. Maybe put the garbage bag outside.

That's how it works in a modern couple anno 2015: you are a team, you organise yourself so that the practical burdens are divided more or less fairly over the two of you.

 

The bolded would be a sweet arrangement.

 

Why shouldn't I expect that if I make enough money to support both of us?

[endlessabyss]

No, I'm not blaming the so-called fish and bicycle crowd. I think in my entire life I've only met one woman who actually believes that...

 

 

In reality, it's a myth that sexist men keep propagating so that they have an excuse to use women and feel sorry for themselves.

 

 

Weak men need weak, dependent, needy women in order to feel special. Strong men want strong women.

 

 

Too bad there are so few men who are truly secure in their manhood... or secure enough that a self-sufficient woman who wants a real partnership based on love and mutual respect doesn't pose a threat to his cherished so-called male identity.

 

[autumnnight]

Most of the time when someone is perpetually alone, there is a reason. Just sayin. I don't mean temporarily. But when someone is constantly whining about how they are alone and no one of the opposite gender will give them a chance, etc etc etc....there is a very clear reason. They just happen to be the only ones who will not see it.

[Phoe]

Of course if for you friendly means waiting for your guy with his slippers ready and dinner on the table, then there are indeed a lot of unfriendly women around. .

 

See, I'm the type of woman who does like to have dinner ready, warm towel fluffed in the dryer, fresh pajamas ready, etc. I like to pamper men. But I also want to work and make my own living too. I don't want to be supported, but I do want to pamper a man and show him that I love him.

 

That IMO, doesn't dictate friendly or unfriendly, good or bad, anything like that. There's nothing wrong with wanting to do those things.

[PinkInTheLimo]

The bolded would be a sweet arrangement.

 

Why shouldn't I expect that if I make enough money to support both of us?

 

Why would the woman be the one who puts your slippers ready and prepare dinner? Why don't you put her slippers ready and prepare dinner?

 

Wake up call: women anno 2015 WANT to work because they want to realise their potential and they have more potential than be some maid for a man!

 

The solution for you is to get some bar maid in Thailand who will be very happy to be your obedient wife. But don't complain that she's only interested in your money (because that is what really attracts her).

Oh and you better 'd check whether it is a real woman and not a ladyboy .

[Steady Eddie]

I'm not even bad-looking, however it's just such a burden to find, date, and attempt to make women happy. Even if something serious does start to form, at no point in time can I "coast" like the woman does; I need to keep making her happy and always have in my mind the possibility of her cheating or walking off. It just seems too stressful to get involved with anyone.

 

I'm not even motivated by sex. That's what masturbation and escorts are for.

 

I'm giving serious consideration to just dying alone; never finding someone.

 

Anyone else gone down this path?

 

In other words you feel disposable in the confines of a relationship. Which in turn leads to a sense of insecurity. This is often masked by spontaneous purchases for no apparent reason and finding ways to make your partner's life as easy as possible. Even at your detriment.

You can rationalize these acts away by claiming she's your girlfriend and deserves the things you do for her. But deep down you know it's because you don't have parity in the relationship and never will.

 

I hope this isn't seen as a derogatory explanation of the facts, since I'm aware if a man had a natural advantage in any sphere, he would use it to his own ends. I can't fault a woman for doing the same.

 

Although I won't allow my inferiority to impoverish me.

[autumnnight]

In other words you feel disposable in the confines of a relationship. Which in turn leads to a sense of insecurity. This is often masked by spontaneous purchases for no apparent reason and finding ways to make your partner's life as easy as possible. Even at your detriment.

You can rationalize these acts away by claiming she's your girlfriend and deserves the things you do for her. But deep down you know it's because you don't have parity in the relationship and never will.

 

I hope this isn't seen as a derogatory explanation of the facts, since I'm aware if a man had a natural advantage in any sphere, he would use it to his own ends. I can't fault a woman for doing the same.

 

Although I won't allow my inferiority to impoverish me.

 

I feel so dumb. All these years I could have had furs and diamonds and cars just by flashing my boobs......And yet I was willing to settle for a caring man who respected me.

[Steady Eddie]

I feel so dumb. All these years I could have had furs and diamonds and cars just by flashing my boobs......And yet I was willing to settle for a caring man who respected me.

 

How much did this caring man "respect" you? Enough to buy you diamonds and furs?

[autumnnight]

How much did this caring man "respect" you? Enough to buy you diamonds and furs?

 

He cared enough to encourage me, admire me. He cared enough to hold me when I cried. He cared enough to tell me lovingly to put down the tissue and buck up. He cared enough to accept my apology those times I got moody. He cared enough to call me on it though. He cared enough to remember my birthday. He cared enough to reassure me I was a good mom when I worried about it. He cared enough to share similar worries about being a dad with me.

 

He did take me to dinner at times and bought a great bottle of wine once on a getaway. He sent me smiling selfies when we were apart and I missed him. I told me he loved me almost every single day.

 

You can keep the furs and diamonds.

[Otter2569]

It is / was on my mind and I am completely ok with it. Not to sound like an ass but I am a good looking guy, in shape, have a professional job, house, good kids etc. I dont have much trouble getting a date but finding THE one was always an issue. My standards are realistic and I refuse to settle.

 

Getting divorced has opened my eyes. The sex is better, wilder and I have more fun now just enjoying life. Plus I would rather be alone than with someone that I am not happy with. Luckily at the time I was giving up the bizzarro world that is on line dating I met an amazing woman.

 

For the first time in many years I am thrilled at the thought of spending my life with someone and am looking forward (fingers crossed) to an amazing relationship.

[William]

Noting some incursions from previously banned members, I cleaned up a bit but left some of it to preserve continuity. That stated, it appears this thread is drifting away from accepting being forever alone and onto gender roles and other aspects having nothing to do with accepting being alone so let's get back there. Other threads are available, for free, to discuss gender roles in relationships and society.

[ladyc4]

yes, I have accepted that possibility. Was happily married for 25 yrs and he passed away of a sudden heart attack. I was not even 50 when this happened.

 

I've dated, been in relationships, etc, but there just hasn't been that "this was meant to be" feeling.

Amd I would rather be unpartnered than to involve myself in a "settled for" situation.

[Confused48]

Hey OP,

 

I only read the first page of responses but wanted to put my $.02 in anyway. I was thinking along some similar lines as you and saw your post.

 

I've been in a few semi-long term relationships. None of them great enough or they would have become marriages. I spent a good stretch alone as well. I hated that. Now I'm married, almost 15 years. I waited to get married bc frankly I did not like any of my choices up till then. Till I met my spouse. I was thinking this is fantastic! We are so compatible it is scary! Even now, I still think this. Thought we would be together till death. I used to text, TDDUP, (Till death do us part) a quote from the wedding vows.

 

Then my "fantastic" spouse became a WS, had an affair.

 

Now I'm thinking, do I really want to go start dating again? Get into a series of failed relationships again. I do enjoy intimacy that builds over a long time with the same person. The sex is way better, the closeness, the companionship. But I just hate the endings. Whether I want to end it or the other person. It seems inevitable and I'm just sick of it.

 

So while I hate being alone, maybe I hate breaking up even more. Maybe I should just face it that being in a relationship is a temporary thing. I'm never going to find that TDDUP person. So therefore, it is not worth it. For me.

[PinkInTheLimo]

yes, I have accepted that possibility. Was happily married for 25 yrs and he passed away of a sudden heart attack. I was not even 50 when this happened.

 

I've dated, been in relationships, etc, but there just hasn't been that "this was meant to be" feeling.

Amd I would rather be unpartnered than to involve myself in a "settled for" situation.

 

I am so sorry for your loss. Your only consolation is that you had a long time together with your husband. Yet it should have lasted a lot longer. You must miss him terribly.

 

I agree with your last sentence. There's got to be that feeling that the universe wanted this to happen. It has to have something fatal (but in the good sense).

I have had that feeling in the past with 3 men. I however doubt that they were feeling the same thing about me because they all broke my heart. The last one was particularly painful. I often say that he not only broke my heart, but ripped it out of my body and trampled on it.

 

I recovered but it took me a long time. I am fine now and enjoying life. Still I have not met anyone who makes my heart beat faster. Sometimes I wonder if I still have it in me. I am very careful now. My last break-up was so painful I really wanted to die, that's how terrible the pain was. I would like to find love yes but I never want to experience the same turbulence again (caused by all the lying and the cheating).

[Got it]

I'm not even bad-looking, however it's just such a burden to find, date, and attempt to make women happy. Even if something serious does start to form, at no point in time can I "coast" like the woman does; I need to keep making her happy and always have in my mind the possibility of her cheating or walking off. It just seems too stressful to get involved with anyone.

 

I'm not even motivated by sex. That's what masturbation and escorts are for.

 

I'm giving serious consideration to just dying alone; never finding someone.

 

Anyone else gone down this path?

 

No. Of course not. I have no issues having relationships with others and developing and nurturing relationships. So I find a great deal of happiness and success/satisfaction in them.

 

And, as a woman, I do not "coast" in my relationship. I fully understand what a healthy and mature relationship is and know that it takes a healthy back and forth between both parties doing things to make each other happy. That is what makes relationships satisfying. You both are working at it and you both have a vested interest.

[MissBee]

I'm not even bad-looking, however it's just such a burden to find, date, and attempt to make women happy. Even if something serious does start to form, at no point in time can I "coast" like the woman does; I need to keep making her happy and always have in my mind the possibility of her cheating or walking off. It just seems too stressful to get involved with anyone.

 

I'm not even motivated by sex. That's what masturbation and escorts are for.

 

I'm giving serious consideration to just dying alone; never finding someone.

 

Anyone else gone down this path?

 

No can't say I have.

 

Then again, I'm a woman so I coast on by, I never have to worry about a man cheating or any other thing, men just fall at my feet and relationships spontaneously happen and turn into fairy tales with not a worry, effort or concern on my part.

[Got it]

No can't say I have.

 

Then again, I'm a woman so I coasts on by, I never have to worry about a man cheating or any other thing, men just fall at my feet and relationships spontaneously happen and turn into fairy tales with not a worry, effort or concern on my part..

 

We need a clapping icon! :bunny::bunny::bunny:

 

Brilliant post of the day! :laugh::laugh:

 

I always appreciate a woman that can make things happen.