Has anyone accepted the possibility of being forever alone?

[preraph]

I am someone who has stayed alone into older age. I had options. But I wasn't having kids or living that lifestyle, was having too much fun when young in my career to even consider settling down, and I don't regret it. The only two things that worry me about it are that I have financial issues, barely scraping by even though I've always worked like a dog (this is because I'm a woman -- I'd be doing fine if I was making that extra 30 percent men make) and I worry if there will be anyone to adopt whatever pets I have when I die.

[StanMusial]

It's not good for people to be alone.

 

Maybe I'm just optimistic about relationships, I don't know. I'll be married for the first time later this year and I also turn 40 this year. I was talking to an older lady recently about relationships and this and that and as the conversation progressed she said "You're still positive about all of it". I guess that's true... I don't have the divorce(s) and bad decisions weighing me down. But with that being said, I still believe it's not good to be alone.

 

Question for OP - do you accept the possibility as something unpleasant that you have to live and suffer with, like a cancerous tumor eating away your brain until you die? Or do you accept the possibility like a chance of rain tomorrow that might have an effect on your plans but life goes on, you find something else to do or just cope with it?

[Gloria25]

The only purpose that I see in ever being in a long term relationship or getting married is having children.

 

If I don't believe that the woman will make a good mother (the vast majority of women that I meet have absolutely no nurturing ability), then I'm okay with letting her go.

 

Also, I haven't met many women that actually add something to my life. So I'm not particularly sad about the idea of ending up alone.

 

To what I highlighted in bold ^^...is what amazes me on some people who marry now a days. If she can't/doesn't cook, maintain a home, maintain her appearance, and/or treat/sex you like a "man" then why does she deserve a ring?

 

Marriage is not just to have someone you deem appropriate to get pregnant - but with a woman who can make a "house" a "home"....but, the women guys marry now a days makes me scratch my head.

 

So, I'm guessing some people marry cuz they don't wanna die alone....ok, what - ever

[Gloria25]

Define 'alone'...

 

 

No, I don't accept the possibility of being forever alone... I have great friends and family.

 

 

I have accepted or am coming to accept that I won't find someone I can share my life with.

 

 

Around here, most of the single men (and lots of the married men too) have questionable integrity and have let themselves go physically and intellectually. I could move, but I don't see things improving much that way. It's just how things are in the dating world these days... since I refuse to be anyone's FWB, f*ckbuddy, or placeholder.

 

 

There are lots of other things I'd rather do than spend my time and energy on those men.

 

THANK YOU!!!

 

If there was a "double like" button here!!!

 

My fav podcaster raised this issue on various occasions...being "alone" doesn't mean you are doomed cuz you're not in a romantic RL and/or married. Life has so much to offer. If you're there dooomed and gloomed cuz you don't have a mate - then you are missing out on so much.

 

Yes, having a partner has shown physical and emotional health improvement for us as a species - but we're not gonna die if we don't have one all the time.

[Phoe]

To what I highlighted in bold ^^...is what amazes me on some people who marry now a days. If she can't/doesn't cook, maintain a home, maintain her appearance, and/or treat/sex you like a "man" then why does she deserve a ring?

 

I'd say those things aren't really necessary to most people. Sure, they're nice to have, but they aren't gonna make or break it. Many people prefer to focus on connections and compatibility rather than extra skill sets.

 

I love cooking and cleaning, maintain myself grooming from head to toe, and will worship a man's penis in bed, but none of that gets me a man, because it really isn't relevant. It's just pleasantries. It's extra. None of that is a REAL selling point, it takes more!

[Gloria25]

I've lived in New York and California.

 

I'm also a professional that has spent time in the military. So I've spent a lot of time around "career-driven, independent" (read: very masculine) women.

 

Believe it or not ^^ I agree with you. That's why I think when I meet a guy I wanna land, I go overboard and become too accommodating (a doormat), cuz I'm trying so hard to show him I have a softer/feminine side and make myself attractive to him...

 

I forgot who posted something the other day - but they were asking how/why career women seem to have problems keeping/getting a RL and I've pondered that at times. Like the attractive, go-getting, military Hispanic chick that got murdered by her roommate - she reminded me so much of myself and I hate to say it, but I kinda felt good when they said she had trouble dating..that she dealt with a lot of OLD, players, drama...cuz, felt good to know that it's not just "me" having problems dating.

 

It's like we independent women have to strive to allow ourselves to be vulnerable/dependent - while living our lives. But, men see us being independent and at first glance get turned off cuz it's like "she doesn't need me around".

 

And, like I said, I don't want a "pet". I'm not gonna do like some women and pick up a "project" or some guy that I pay for (sorta gigolos, scrubs). He has to handle his own stuff.

 

So, doomed to die alone here.

[Gloria25]

I'd say those things aren't really necessary to most people. Sure, they're nice to have, but they aren't gonna make or break it. Many people prefer to focus on connections and compatibility rather than extra skill sets.

 

I love cooking and cleaning, maintain myself grooming from head to toe, and will worship a man's penis in bed, but none of that gets me a man, because it really isn't relevant. It's just pleasantries. It's extra. None of that is a REAL selling point, it takes more!

 

Yes, connections/compatibility is glue that will keep a RL together, but that doesn't mean cuz the person and you like the same popcorn that he/she is going to have the skills/abilities to be a husband/wife.

 

IMO, marriage counseling should be mandatory before marriage. That way you go beyond the "we like the same popcorn" nonsense and really find out if you two are ready/capable of marriage.

 

Marriage isn't just companionship for life (well, unless you don't want any kids)...marriage is raising kids, creating a family, and the products you create are future members of society. In the home we learn religion, ethics, nutrition, respect, work ethic, love, trust, etc. IMO, marriage is a serious thing to take on.

 

That's why weddings are a big deal - not cuz it's some woman's day to take endless pictures in a white dress. It's two people coming together to build more lives and continue our existence as a species...

[DukeNukem47]

Believe it or not ^^ I agree with you. That's why I think when I meet a guy I wanna land, I go overboard and become too accommodating (a doormat), cuz I'm trying so hard to show him I have a softer/feminine side and make myself attractive to him...

 

I forgot who posted something the other day - but they were asking how/why career women seem to have problems keeping/getting a RL and I've pondered that at times. Like the attractive, go-getting, military Hispanic chick that got murdered by her roommate - she reminded me so much of myself and I hate to say it, but I kinda felt good when they said she had trouble dating..that she dealt with a lot of OLD, players, drama...cuz, felt good to know that it's not just "me" having problems dating.

 

It's like we independent women have to strive to allow ourselves to be vulnerable/dependent - while living our lives. But, men see us being independent and at first glance get turned off cuz it's like "she doesn't need me around".

 

And, like I said, I don't want a "pet". I'm not gonna do like some women and pick up a "project" or some guy that I pay for (sorta gigolos, scrubs). He has to handle his own stuff.

 

So, doomed to die alone here.

 

Yes, I'd definitely like a woman that is vulnerable and somewhat dependent. However, the big thing that's been turning me off lately is how nasty many "independent" women can be.

 

Very critical. Not very helpful (at work or otherwise). Not very friendly. But then also very demanding as well. Then, they seem to expect men to chase them around all over the place. So they want men to play the traditional role of courting, but don't want to play the traditional roles themselves.

 

Again, not all professional women are like this. Enough are though for me to notice a trend. And, as I've said, this is something that I see IRL. I'm not just getting this stuff from the internet.

[NJ123]

The possibility of being alone of course has crossed my mind. I can't say what the future holds but I guess if that's what happens than so be it I guess.

[DukeNukem47]

To what I highlighted in bold ^^...is what amazes me on some people who marry now a days. If she can't/doesn't cook, maintain a home, maintain her appearance, and/or treat/sex you like a "man" then why does she deserve a ring?

 

Agreed.

 

Marriage is not just to have someone you deem appropriate to get pregnant - but with a woman who can make a "house" a "home"....but, the women guys marry now a days makes me scratch my head.

 

Totally agree. This is why I've avoided marriage and, lately, relationships. I actually have standards, unlike most men who are just happy to have someone like them.

 

So, I'm guessing some people marry cuz they don't wanna die alone....ok, what - ever

 

I think it's more about wanting to fit in. It's the same reason why people buy luxury cars that they can't afford. Their friends are doing it so it must be a good idea.

[Gloria25]

Yes, I'd definitely like a woman that is vulnerable and somewhat dependent. However, the big thing that's been turning me off lately is how nasty many "independent" women can be.

 

Very critical. Not very helpful (at work or otherwise). Not very friendly. But then also very demanding as well. Then, they seem to expect men to chase them around all over the place. So they want men to play the traditional role of courting, but don't want to play the traditional roles themselves.

 

Again, not all professional women are like this. Enough are though for me to notice a trend. And, as I've said, this is something that I see IRL. I'm not just getting this stuff from the internet.

 

Agreed ^^, IMO, lots of independent women are a turn off to me too. Like when you hear them on the radio and in real life, their "tone" just comes off as off-putting - like Hilary Clinton, Nancy Grace. No femininity to their approach, way of dress, etc.

 

Like I said, lots of independent women don't see men as "men" - they see them as their "pet". While I may be with a guy who isn't in the same place as I am, I do not treat him as such. He still "is" my man...But, I will say it is hard for me to relax and just let him "do" things for me. One guy I was seeing was like, 'hey, how 'bout I come over and cut the grass this weekend? and I was like 'oh, I got it'. That was years ago. Now, if a guy would say that, I'd be like "ok" and use it as an opportunity for me to serve him lemonade (spiked) or beers in short-shorts as he tends to the lawn

[Phoe]

Yes, I'd definitely like a woman that is vulnerable and somewhat dependent. However, the big thing that's been turning me off lately is how nasty many "independent" women can be.

 

Very critical. Not very helpful (at work or otherwise). Not very friendly. But then also very demanding as well. Then, they seem to expect men to chase them around all over the place. So they want men to play the traditional role of courting, but don't want to play the traditional roles themselves.

 

Again, not all professional women are like this. Enough are though for me to notice a trend. And, as I've said, this is something that I see IRL. I'm not just getting this stuff from the internet.

 

Independence doesn't have to mean masculine or nasty.

 

I'm independent simply because that's how I was raised, and once I reached adulthood, it was either sink or swim. Take care of myself, be fully self-sufficient, or fail.

 

No one to rely on, so I got it done myself.

 

Doesn't mean I'm a nasty person. I enjoy being friendly and kind and helpful to others.

 

Nor am I masculine. I'm physically strong, low maintenance, and not "girly" in the sense of lots of frills and flowers and pink and lace... but I'm still feminine and a woman.

 

When I was in that "sink or swim" moment, was I supposed to take responsibillity for myself, or was I supposed to just flounder and hope someone came to my rescue?

 

Because trust me, no one was coming. There was no rescue boat on the way.

[Woggle]

The male bashers really screwed over career women looking for happy relationships without knowing it. It's unfair that just because a woman is successful and smart that some men view her as not relationship material but the misandrists beat us over the head with the woman needs a man like a fish needs bicycle stuff so a lot of men go for women who need them. Nobody man or woman likes to feel disposable and useless to the people they date and have relationships and that is exactly how the man haters have made men feel with modern women.

[DukeNukem47]

The male bashers really screwed over career women looking for happy relationships without knowing it. It's unfair that just because a woman is successful and smart that some men view her as not relationship material but the misandrists beat us over the head with the woman needs a man like a fish needs bicycle stuff so a lot of men go for women who need them. Nobody man or woman likes to feel disposable and useless to the people they date and have relationships and that is exactly how the man haters have made men feel with modern women.

 

To be fair, if you work in a professional setting long enough, you will realize that there are some women that are not misandrists, though they are in the minority.

 

After a while, you learn to expect that the woman is a misandrist, but get to know them anyway and hope to be pleasantly surprised.

 

Generally though, if you have a woman that is a professional and not a man-hater, there will be a lot of competition for her. So there's the downside.

[RedRobin]

For the purposes of my response, alone is described as being without a romantic and sexual partner and actively making a choice to not pursue same. This is a bit easier for a typical man since we have to make the efforts of pursuit, at least in my generation. A woman who makes the choice to accept still has to fend off male advances. Different kettle of fish. I saw some examples of those differences during the couple decades my mother was a widow. Socializing meant dealing with men hitting on her and she simply wasn't interested. I'll have no such challenges. I'll simply live alone, exist and romance and sex will be somewhere else. I've seen that already in the five years since divorce. It's easy (the results, not the choice).

 

 

I agree with you there.

 

 

I learned a long time ago that the vast majority of male advances don't mean anything... Just cast-net fishing. It is rather bittersweet to be on the receiving end of such advances knowing they don't give a flying rat's ass about me as a human being.... and they are only hitting on me to see if I'll agree to be yet another anonymous hole sexually, or if I'll agree to let them suck me dry emotionally... which is how most men these days treat women. Even the ones they claim to 'love'.

 

 

I'd much rather be in your shoes. You can choose what kind of shyte-heads you are exposed to.

[RedRobin]

... since when does being able to take care of yourself mean you don't need love and companionship?

 

 

My impression of a lot of men is that their need to be needed isn't based on anything healthy. They want the woman to be weak so that they feel superior. Our culture and religious heritage have programmed men to feel that if they aren't superior in every way they care about (except raising children), then they must some how be less than a man or *gasp* the woman is somehow emasculating him because of her ability to fend for herself.

 

 

A healthy relationship is based on inter-dependency... they both need each other and support each other.

 

 

My relatives somehow figured this out without any issues. My female relatives are all strong, self-sufficient women. The men are caring and nurturing and also self-sufficient. My dad's eyes well up every time I tell him I love him, for instance. He doesn't call me a man-hating man basher when we get together and fix the car together... He doesn't tell me I'm going to scare all the men away if I learn how to replace a tire myself for chrissakes. Or drive my own motorcycle.... oooooo!!

 

 

Then again, my background is Scandinavian. They don't breed weak women... and the men aren't as hung up on Anglo-American, fundamentalist Christian so-called traditional values.

[most_distant_galaxy]

Yes, many times... And then I meet someone who causes me to daydream.

[DukeNukem47]

... since when does being able to take care of yourself mean you don't need love and companionship?

 

 

My impression of a lot of men is that their need to be needed isn't based on anything healthy. They want the woman to be weak so that they feel superior. Our culture and religious heritage have programmed men to feel that if they aren't superior in every way they care about (except raising children), then they must some how be less than a man or *gasp* the woman is somehow emasculating him because of her ability to fend for herself.

 

 

A healthy relationship is based on inter-dependency... they both need each other and support each other.

 

 

My relatives somehow figured this out without any issues. My female relatives are all strong, self-sufficient women. The men are caring and nurturing and also self-sufficient. My dad's eyes well up every time I tell him I love him, for instance. He doesn't call me a man-hating man basher when we get together and fix the car together... He doesn't tell me I'm going to scare all the men away if I learn how to replace a tire myself for chrissakes. Or drive my own motorcycle.... oooooo!!

 

How's all of your parents' teachings working for ya? Still single, right?

 

Then again, my background is Scandinavian. They don't breed weak women... and the men aren't as hung up on Anglo-American, fundamentalist Christian so-called traditional values.

 

My understanding is that Scandinavian countries have some of the worst sexism against men in the world. I've heard that the countries are even worse with PC, unfair marriage/child laws (for men), and the lowest morality (and highest degree of promiscuous women). Nothing to be proud of there.

[Woggle]

... since when does being able to take care of yourself mean you don't need love and companionship?

 

 

.

 

It doesn't but blame the fish and bicycle crowd for pushing that idea.

[RedRobin]

How's all of your parents' teachings working for ya? Still single, right?

 

 

 

My understanding is that Scandinavian countries have some of the worst sexism against men in the world. I've heard that the countries are even worse with PC, unfair marriage/child laws (for men), and the lowest morality (and highest degree of promiscuous women). Nothing to be proud of there.

 

 

You don't know much about Scandinavian countries, clearly. Are you Scandinavian? No. Do you know any Scandinavians? No. You just 'heard' this junk from some MRA sites, most likely.

 

 

Here's the truth... They are routinely reported as being the 'happiest' in the world. They routinely have the most stable economies and lowest crime of all countries in the world. There are no PC, unfair marriage/child laws against men. They get paternity leave (like women). They get equal benefits for being an established couple or married. How's them apples? Women aren't treated like weak little babies who need to be 'protected'. And men aren't treated like emotionless robots and cash cows.

 

 

... and as the promiscuity argument goes... I constantly hear U.S. men and those from ACTUAL sexist countries talking out of both sides of their mouth when it comes to 'promiscuous' women. You want a steady supply of women willing to have sex with YOU, so you can feed your ego... but you also want the right to judge them after the fact for behavior you engage in yourself.

 

 

Is that working for you? Because most of those Scandinavian men seem to be pretty happy with the way things are. *shrug*

 

 

Me personally... your d*ck ain't gold plated. And if I'm going to be treated like an orifice and live in nanny and maid, I'll stay single. Absolutely. That's working for me great. I'm not wasting my life giving my energy to an emotional parasite... which is what lots of guys are these days. Entitled emotional parasites (most of them fat and out of shape too... from the looks of things) who think all they have to do is earn a living and every woman should be beating a path to their door to wait on them hand and foot. Good luck with that.

Edited March 1, 2015 by RedRobin

[RedRobin]

It doesn't but blame the fish and bicycle crowd for pushing that idea.

 

 

No, I'm not blaming the so-called fish and bicycle crowd. I think in my entire life I've only met one woman who actually believes that...

 

 

In reality, it's a myth that sexist men keep propagating so that they have an excuse to use women and feel sorry for themselves.

 

 

Weak men need weak, dependent, needy women in order to feel special. Strong men want strong women.

 

 

Too bad there are so few men who are truly secure in their manhood... or secure enough that a self-sufficient woman who wants a real partnership based on love and mutual respect doesn't pose a threat to his cherished so-called male identity.

[RedRobin]

No, I'm not blaming the so-called fish and bicycle crowd. I think in my entire life I've only met one woman who actually believes that...

 

 

In reality, it's a myth that sexist men keep propagating so that they have an excuse to use women and feel sorry for themselves.

 

 

Weak men need weak, dependent, needy women in order to feel special. Strong men want strong women.

 

 

Too bad there are so few men who are truly secure in their manhood... or secure enough that a self-sufficient woman who wants a real partnership based on love and mutual respect doesn't pose a threat to his cherished so-called male identity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This song just came on my favorite station. Kind of comes to mind with this topic...

 

 

 

 

So many lonely people these days... all searching for connection through what? TV shows? Social media? Screwing lots of people? Yea, my parents and relatives are a lot happier than most of the youngsters I see these days. Its not my fault if so many men think it is beneath them to commit to anyone... or will only commit if they can find a woman-slave.

[Woggle]

No, I'm not blaming the so-called fish and bicycle crowd. I think in my entire life I've only met one woman who actually believes that...

 

 

In reality, it's a myth that sexist men keep propagating so that they have an excuse to use women and feel sorry for themselves.

 

 

Weak men need weak, dependent, needy women in order to feel special. Strong men want strong women.

 

 

Too bad there are so few men who are truly secure in their manhood... or secure enough that a self-sufficient woman who wants a real partnership based on love and mutual respect doesn't pose a threat to his cherished so-called male identity.

Well you and I must run in different crowds because I have met a good number who feel like that. It's to the point where a woman was almost a pariah if she admitted she loved her husband and was happy. My wife was treated like a pariah at work because she wouldn't cheat on me. I admit it is much better where I live now though.

[Robert Z]

Me personally... your d*ck ain't gold plated.

 

No sex drive

 

And if I'm going to be treated like an orifice and live in nanny and maid,

 

Victim complex

 

 

I'll stay single. Absolutely.

 

Acceptance

 

That's working for me great. I'm not wasting my life giving my energy to an emotional parasite... which is what lots of guys are these days. Entitled emotional parasites (most of them fat and out of shape too... from the looks of things) who think all they have to do is earn a living and every woman should be beating a path to their door to wait on them hand and foot. Good luck with that.

 

Rationalization and deflection

 

Good luck with that!

[Timshel]

What's heck with the posts? I can't read all these pages but obvi things have devolved.

 

Annnny way, yeppers, don't really want to go the rest of it alone but I won't be desperate because I get horny. Good heavens what goes on around here?

 

So I focus on career, love my family and maybe die an old maid. That won't kill me. I could do it but I do believe it would be nice to have teamwork and laughter and sex. A person can keep hope for a good one while doing lot's of good.