That's all folks..

[BC1980]

Maybe you should deactivate your own FB for awhile. Just stay off of social media for the time being.

[na49]

Maybe you should deactivate your own FB for awhile. Just stay off of social media for the time being.

 

I'm not as active on social media since the breakup. It isn't as interesting now that I don't have anyone to follow really. I got rid of Instagram because outside of her and her friends, I wasn't really following anyone else I knew. (or if I did know them they didn't post anything). Facebook and Twitter aren't as interesting either but I've kept them.

 

I've blocked so many of her friends on Facebook, I find a new person that I need to block every day. I don't want any windows into her life. One of her friends putting up a picture of her will kill me. Whether it is with a new guy or not. During the first breakup, just seeing a picture of her happy was enough to ruin my mood.

 

I'm trying to remind myself of my situation. Reading stories about "on and off" couples makes me think that she will come back again, and I can't live thinking that she'll come back again.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm not as active on social media since the breakup. It isn't as interesting now that I don't have anyone to follow really. I got rid of Instagram because outside of her and her friends, I wasn't really following anyone else I knew. (or if I did know them they didn't post anything). Facebook and Twitter aren't as interesting either but I've kept them.

 

I've blocked so many of her friends on Facebook, I find a new person that I need to block every day. I don't want any windows into her life. One of her friends putting up a picture of her will kill me. Whether it is with a new guy or not. During the first breakup, just seeing a picture of her happy was enough to ruin my mood.

 

I'm trying to remind myself of my situation. Reading stories about "on and off" couples makes me think that she will come back again, and I can't live thinking that she'll come back again.

 

Why in f*ck would you want to be an "on and off" couple? I mean, somehow you need to find some pride and dignity down deep within you and actually be proactive in your life instead of waiting around hoping to be used as table scraps again. All of your issues go back to the fact that you refuse to develop more social options/hobbies. Diversify your game instead of pining for someone who has repeatedly shown a lack of respect and regard for you. I mean, you can't just continue to sit around mopey and feeling sorry for yourself. That's no way to live.

[mtnbiker3000]

You are a textbook case of a "nice guy". You have low self esteem and zero boundaries. You are enmeshed in your ex and need to differentiate.

 

Please read this book: No More Mr Nice Guy, by Robert Glover. PM me your address and I'll send you my copy!!!

[na49]

I guess I just don't really know where to start with creating more social options/hobbies. I didn't wake up pining for her this morning, but I find myself really missing her and what we had.

 

Also thanks for the offer mtnbiker3000, but I can buy my own copy.

[Chi townD]

I guess I just don't really know where to start with creating more social options/hobbies. I didn't wake up pining for her this morning, but I find myself really missing her and what we had.

 

Also thanks for the offer mtnbiker3000, but I can buy my own copy.

 

 

Lets see. Take dive lessons and get dive certified. You can garner friendships with your classmates because you HAVE to get to know them well because you're going to get paired off a lot for training. Especially for the buddy breathing portion. And doing gear checks before going in the water.

 

 

You're at University for Pete sakes! There's all kinds of Clubs to join. You can join a cycling club where these people get together and travel to different locations to mountain bike. Running clubs where a group of folks get together and travel to 5k, 10k, half marathons and full marathons. Some of these runs they go to is like, the Warrior Dash, Mud Runners, Zombie Runs, Spartan Run and the fun part of these runs is the after party!

 

 

co-ed sports. Softball and soccer. Join a travel club. Like, Global Expedition Club. These clubs have chapters and have meet up's all the time so you get the opportunity to meet and get to know the people you would be traveling with before you go! Your University might have discounted trips.

 

 

Cross Fit teams. Where you meet up and work out and everyone is encouraging everyone else achieve their goals.

 

 

And when you join these folks, get involved. Don't be the guy shying away and sitting in the back. PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE! Even if it feels a little awkward, just do it. Folks aren't going to bite. You'll get to know if that's the club for you or not after the first couple of times of meeting up.

 

 

Put yourself out there and meet new people!

[Simon Phoenix]

ChiTown pretty much covered it. You're in college -- that's the easiest time to meet people. So do it! The options are endless, you just have to want to do it. This ain't rocket science dude.

[na49]

I'm a member of a Psychology club but I haven't gone to any meetings. They meet every 3 weeks, but it's on a day that I work. It's stupid, but I actually am afraid of joining clubs because she knows so many people on campus. She may be friends with people in the club and the people she's friends with won't like me.

 

I've been doing okay today. I miss her, unblocked her number, will probably block it again later. I've been staying busy though.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm a member of a Psychology club but I haven't gone to any meetings. They meet every 3 weeks, but it's on a day that I work. It's stupid, but I actually am afraid of joining clubs because she knows so many people on campus. She may be friends with people in the club and the people she's friends with won't like me.

 

I've been doing okay today. I miss her, unblocked her number, will probably block it again later. I've been staying busy though.

 

Stop unblocking the damn number and stop making excuses for not being social. Even if she knows 1 or 2 people in clubs, she won't know everyone. It almost seems like you are just looking for justification to cling on to whatever straw you can find.

 

Block. Stop making excuses. This is hard, but it's like you are looking to intentionally make it harder.

[dyna85]

Hey na49...I went through a horrific breakup in college and the best things for me were:

 

a) gym!! work off that frustration and get some feel good endorphins running through your body

b) lunch/dinner with friends

c) studying/immersing myself in the books

d) library

e) activities...as Chi Town mentioned, there are plenty of them...even if it hurts, just do it

 

Just some thoughts.

 

You need to put yourself out there and stop letting her control you. You're in the driver's seat. Don't let thoughts of who she knows and yadda yadda affect what you do with your valuable time, which is precious and transient, and to be cherished, since you only experience college once. Don't allow some person who chose to eject you from her life to ruin this for you. Her friends don't matter. You are a freaking valuable person. I hope you realize this and don't let her hold you back from doing things. I know it's tough, but push through those thoughts of her holding the reins to your life. Make the choice to not let her dictate what you do with your time. YOLOOOOO. Hello!!!! I know this is tough, but she doesn't deserve to have this power over you. Only you can ensure that you have the power over your life though. It's about choices. I hope you decide to do what's best for you.

 

Good luck & speedy recovery to your heart.

[na49]

Thank you for that dyna85. I read your list over a few times this morning before I went to class. I'm having a good day so far, and tried talking to people in my classes. I always feel good after doing that. I have to start somewhere with meeting people. I'm going to try challenging myself to do it again tomorrow.

 

I saw one of her friends today.. he was at a computer next to me in the library. He nodded at me and said "hey". I felt like punching him in the face because this was the same guy who's brother told my ex that he had a crush on her. when we were still together...

 

I just smiled and said hello back. Then I left because the computer wasn't working. I hate having to act civil and keep my composure around her closer friends because they all piss me off so much now. I always think that they'll report back to her that they saw me. (like any of them really care at this point.. )

[Chi townD]

I saw one of her friends today.. he was at a computer next to me in the library. He nodded at me and said "hey". I felt like punching him in the face because this was the same guy who's brother told my ex that he had a crush on her. when we were still together...

 

I just smiled and said hello back. Then I left because the computer wasn't working. I hate having to act civil and keep my composure around her closer friends because they all piss me off so much now. I always think that they'll report back to her that they saw me. (like any of them really care at this point.. )

 

 

 

Seriously dude? The Campus isn't out to get you!!!!! No one is keeping tabs on what you're doing and your movements! There isn't a network of people stationed around Campus with walkie talkies saying, "Okay, I have the target. He left Hammer Hall and appears to be headed to lunch. Someone track him to the dining hall and report back what he ate."

 

 

This dude didn't care! He said "Hey" and went back to what he was doing! Probably never gave you a second thought.

 

 

And so what if she knows a lot of people on Campus! That could be a plus for you! These people will get to know you! And see that you're an okay guy and not some bat sh*t crazy dude that she MIGHT have painted you to others. "I don't know what that crazy bitch was talking about, na9 seems pretty normal to me."

 

 

And if she does know a lot of people and you are making massive positive changes to you life. Would you have a problem with them telling her all the cool stuff you're doing?!?!

 

 

"Hey, aren't you or didn't you used to date na9? Yeah, he's in my "whatever" club. Well, he wasn't on campus for about two weeks. I asked him why he didn't come to the last meeting. He said that he took a trip to Australia to dive the Great Barrier Reef. He showed me some pics he got with a go pro and they were pretty cool. But, the reason why I had to ask you is because I saw a pic of him standing on a deck of a boat with his arm around this really pretty blonde aussie girl. I asked him who that was and he said it was his dive partner. But, they looked alittle too familiar with each other just to be 'dive partners' and I didn't know if you were still dating him, so I thought you had a right to know."

 

 

Leave her thinking, "Why did he go to Australia? When did he learn to dive? Why the Great Barrier Reef? AND WHO THE F*CK WAS THE GIRL IN THE PIC?!?!"

 

 

See, that's how you get your revenge! Lead a damn good life! Because what reports is she getting of you right now? "na9? I don't know. Everytime I ever see him, he scatters off like a scared little mouse."

 

 

Get your revenge dude!

[na49]

I was laughing when I read that because of how right it is. Nobody cares if they see me or not, and I shouldn't look intimidated if I see them. I've been trying to keep my head up when I walk past anyone she knows.

 

I know that the best revenge is to lead a good life. I'm sure that traveling is a big help, but I'm a poor college student as it is. I want to get a better job before I think about trips. and I am looking for a better job, and need to find things to do during the summer. I don't want to spend the summer thinking about her or what she is doing because I'll drive myself insane.

[Simon Phoenix]

I have to echo what ChiTown said. There isn't some massive group on campus monitoring you or conspiring against you. The only person that's conspired against you is yourself. I truly don't think any of her friends really care about you either way, so just do your thing and stop being so worried about everything except the thing you should be worrying about -- yourself.

[na49]

I know how stupid it is for me to think that her friends actually still think about me or care when they see me. They probably didn't tell her that they saw me when we were together. It's just me making things up.

 

I think that I'm feeling the best I've felt since the breakup today. I have her blocked, and don't want to unblock her. I have no interest in hearing from her, and really just hate her/everyone she knows. I am content with just worrying about myself, and feel awesome after running on the treadmill. I think of her and miss her still, but it hasn't send me into a deep sadness. Is there anything I can do to have more days like this?

[darkbloom]

NA -- I was thinking about you today. I hope you're feeling better about the whole thing and keeping your head up. Sending all the positive energy your way!

[Situasian]

Just checking up on you NA, hope all is well. Trust me things do get better man, i went to see a hypnotherapist about 2 weeks ago and tbh i thought it was going to be a waste of money but i'm very surprised at the result. I definately feel better and bought an app on my iphone i listen to at night that makes me fall asleep. You deserve better remember that buddy! we are in the same boat so dont be afraid to reach out when your feeling weak!

[na49]

Thank you both for your support! I hope that both of you are doing well. We all deserve to be happy. It's just hard sometimes when they were such a big reason for your happiness.

 

I've come back down to earth today. I don't feel as good as I did yesterday. I had positive dreams about her and those always ruin my mood because I wake up realizing they were just dreams.

[seminoles84]

Hey Na, keep at it.. I still have tough days but it does get easier.

[na49]

Thanks man, today is a tough day. I don't know when Thursdays will stop being hard, but we always went out on Thursdays so I always feel like I should still be hanging out with her today. Instead, I'm just missing her. I started shaking after one of my classes because I was so afraid of seeing her. It wasn't a lot, but I felt myself getting extremely nervous as I was leaving my class because I thought she'd be outside (she wasn't). I know it's pathetic. I was feeling so good yesterday too...

 

The thoughts of wanting her to come back and reconcile are in a constant war with the rational part of me that knows a relationship with her would never work, that she doesn't want to reconcile because she says "it is over" and she "isn't looking back".

[na49]

I can't focus on any of the work I have to do right now. My mind also wanders to her when I'm in class. I want to look at her Facebook again for some dumb reason. It's annoying how great I was feeling yesterday, and how sh*tty I feel today.. I feel like maybe looking at her Facebook again will help me move on, but I just did that last week. That should have helped me move on.

 

Maybe seeing that one picture of her with a new guy will do it for me. Maybe I need to see a legitimate relationship status change because I didn't see it last time. He was in her profile picture though... I was able to fight all of these feelings yesterday, but today they are just beating me up.

[Simon Phoenix]

I can't focus on any of the work I have to do right now. My mind also wanders to her when I'm in class. I want to look at her Facebook again for some dumb reason. It's annoying how great I was feeling yesterday, and how sh*tty I feel today.. I feel like maybe looking at her Facebook again will help me move on, but I just did that last week. That should have helped me move on.

 

Maybe seeing that one picture of her with a new guy will do it for me. Maybe I need to see a legitimate relationship status change because I didn't see it last time. He was in her profile picture though... I was able to fight all of these feelings yesterday, but today they are just beating me up.

 

It won't help. It didn't help before, it's not going to help now. You have to just ride it out. These ups and downs happen, but you have to stay strong. Don't unblock, don't cave, ride it out. The more you ride it out, the less low the lows will make you.

 

You will get through this, even though you don't seem to want to at times. But you will.

[dontexpect]

I can't focus on any of the work I have to do right now. My mind also wanders to her when I'm in class. I want to look at her Facebook again for some dumb reason. It's annoying how great I was feeling yesterday, and how sh*tty I feel today.. I feel like maybe looking at her Facebook again will help me move on, but I just did that last week. That should have helped me move on.

 

Maybe seeing that one picture of her with a new guy will do it for me. Maybe I need to see a legitimate relationship status change because I didn't see it last time. He was in her profile picture though... I was able to fight all of these feelings yesterday, but today they are just beating me up.

 

I am experiencing almost the same thing you are experiencing right now! I cannot focus on my studies. I am very miserable. I have this urge not just to look at her facebook but to log in to her facebook account and look at her messages to her new close friend and her crush. Why did we think it was a good idea to tell each other our passwords ugh. Anyway, her messages to that crush did it for me. Just like you, we broke up once before and she came back. I was clinging to that hope that maybe she'll come back again but now not anymore. Sorry for sharing this. Anyway, I think it is natural to feel those cycles of being relieved and getting depressed. I feel the same way, too. Sometimes I feel that urge to check up on her. But I know it will never do me any good in the long run. Be strong but at the same time be kind to yourself. I know for a fact that it is tough because I think I am in the same boat as you are. But we just have to believe that we will get through this. And like they say, ride out these emotions. I think you are doing great!

[na49]

Simon: It does feel like I don't want to get through it at times. It feels easier to just stay where I am than to push any ridiculous thoughts away, and move forward. Maybe I'm just not ready to move on yet. I'm almost 3 weeks post BU. I didn't choose to move on until like 3 months post BU the first time.

 

I woke up this morning still wanting to see her Facebook to remind myself that she is moved on. Then I realize how much it will ruin my weekend no matter what I see. If she is with her friend's brother, that will suck. If she is single, but happy without me, that will suck.

 

dontexpect: It's so hard when you're trying to study, or read something and your mind just can't actually take in what you're reading. I end up dozing off in class thinking about her. I had my ex's Facebook password too. She probably changed it because the password had to do with us. I never wanted to check her profile when we were together because I felt like if I needed to do that, then it meant I didn't trust her. I never wanted to check her Facebook because it would only start trouble.

 

Meanwhile, she was free to go through my phone, and knew my passwords. She checked my texts sometimes (never found anything, who am I going to flirt with?) but she was very defensive with her phone and messages between others. Also, don't be sorry for sharing lol. It's nice to know I'm really not alone in all of this.

[na49]

I'm posting here instead of checking her Facebook. My urge has been so strong these past few days, and I just don't know if I need to touch the stove to get burned again, or wait for it to pass...

 

I thought going for a run would help, but I was thinking about it while I was running.