That's all folks..

[Simon Phoenix]

It sounds like a great idea, I just don't know if it is in the cards for me, or if I'd be that interested in studying abroad at the moment. I can stay where I am and get away from my ex and her games.

 

I started thinking about how lonely this summer will be without her. How she'll be spending her birthday with all of her friends most likely, and not with me. I'll spend my birthday without her. I got so used to our dates on each other's birthdays, it will suck not doing that anymore. I was on the top of the mountain for a few hours when I was angry/indifferent, but feel myself coming back down. I still miss her and am having a hard time believing it is over.

 

There is a part of me that wants her to come back, another part that believes she is never coming back, and a very small part of me that still feels like she may come back whether I want her to or not. I just feel like this can't really be the end of us for some reason. Someone slap me.

 

Slapping you doesn't work. I mean, this girl was basically boasting about other guys wanting her and her wanting other guys when dating you. If that's not enough to get you out of your emo "I want her no matter what" funk, a well-placed fist to the face won't work either.

 

Kudos to you for putting the block back on, but you need to be active in overcoming this because your default response is not great right now.

[na49]

Slapping you doesn't work. I mean, this girl was basically boasting about other guys wanting her and her wanting other guys when dating you. If that's not enough to get you out of your emo "I want her no matter what" funk, a well-placed fist to the face won't work either.

 

Kudos to you for putting the block back on, but you need to be active in overcoming this because your default response is not great right now.

 

I get that she did all of that stuff, and how wrong it is. I just put it up against all of the things that I think that I did wrong in the relationship, and I feel like it evens out so I end up accepting it. I never boasted about girls or anything, but I definitely did things wrong too.

 

I am still stuck in the "I want her no matter what" funk.. I blocked her, but I feel like taking the block off again. Just because I can. I feel like snooping on her social media, but I realize how badly that could hurt.

[Simon Phoenix]

I get that she did all of that stuff, and how wrong it is. I just put it up against all of the things that I think that I did wrong in the relationship, and I feel like it evens out so I end up accepting it. I never boasted about girls or anything, but I definitely did things wrong too.

 

I am still stuck in the "I want her no matter what" funk.. I blocked her, but I feel like taking the block off again. Just because I can. I feel like snooping on her social media, but I realize how badly that could hurt.

 

Dude, stop making excuses because you are afraid. I'm sure you did things wrong, but nothing to that extent. There are different degrees of wrong, and her wrongs supercede whatever wrongs you did. So stop bargaining and making excuses and looking for any and all reasons to hang on to her. The codependency thing has gotta go man.

[na49]

I know that it has to go. I spent a little time thinking about everything earlier, and thought about a few things in particular.

 

I don't think I ever would have left her. Not just because I loved her. The reason why I don't think I could have seen myself leaving is my codependency issue. She became a giant part of my life. Because I was with her, I had so many amazing things. Her being out of it, made me lose so much. I don't have the pieces/people to replace that, or fill that space in right now. I haven't had it for as long as I'd been dating her. She fills the space I left with 3 new guy friends, and it's like I don't exist again. That's how come she gets over me so fast.

 

Another thing I thought about is how all of her friends were entering new relationships and she was still in an "old" relationship. She may just want that new relationship feel again. She wants to experience those over the top things that new couples do. We were still intimate, but according to her, I wasn't intimate enough. She would also compare me to other guys she saw on Instagram. She'd tell me "most guys do this for their girlfriends" and I'd let her know that she isn't dating most guys, she is dating me.

 

I feel like she always wanted me to be something that I couldn't be, and for some reason that was my fault. She made me feel like I was always wrong, and she was always right. By the end of it, I was asking her "what would a "good" boyfriend do in this situation? because I don't have the answer" she never gave me a good answer to that question... I just couldn't make her happy in the end. I always felt like she had more fun with her friends than me.

Edited February 10, 2015 by na49

[Situasian]

Hey sorry for hijacking this thread NA but was wondering what you guys thought of this message im planning to send to my ex sometime this week.

 

Look Jess this whole situation/scenario could and should have been avoided. All of it could be avoided if you were honest and communicated with me properly, this all started the night of my birthday party. You said you were just messaging a mate which I can understand but when I asked if I could see the message, you declined, if you didn't and just showed me we wouldn't even be in this situation. You could say you didn't have to show me and I should have trusted you and I would of any other time but it was past 12 at night and the way you reacted made me suspicious. Then when we actually talked about it you said you didn't love me anymore and weren't happy. Well your a liar then because earlier that same day of my surprise party you said you loved me and couldn't wait to get engaged so either you were lieing then or you were lieing when you said you didn't love me etc. Another issue you said we had was we wanted different things, like I said I knew you wanted to go to Europe and do tomorrowland etc and whilst I really wanted to go to the U.S. But however I decided that night that I was going to go to Europe with you because of the effort you put in for my surprise. We could of had it all Jess honestly, we could of been that couple everyone was jealous about, we could of had the life you and I always wanted and dreamed of if you just waited till the end of this year we could of travelled the world together and made memories, eventually buy a house together and have family together. Everything you wanted to do/have we could of had but you through it all away because you didn't want to communicate. You had a guy who would of done anything for you to make you happy. I would of give you the shirt off my back to provide for you and keep you happy. I thought I proved that everyday I went to work when we lived in Mount Gambier and I went to work to make sure you didn't have to worry about anything but to study. I loved you with all my heart and even though I was at fault sometimes as well I always promise you I wouldn't give up because we both had a dream together and I knew it could be done. I'm not a perfect person and I know your not either but you lost someone who would of died for you and who wouldn't ever stop loving you but all you had to do was communicate with me more but you never did and this is how we ended up here, I just wish you could see that.

[towardthefuture]

Just make a new thread.

 

Don't send it.

[na49]

That sounds like begging to me Situasian. If I'm not allowed to beg, then neither are you lol. Honestly, send it if you are ready for the worst.

 

I woke up this morning and got a friend request from a mutual friend of ours. One of her friends added me last week, and I thought it was her trying to get in contact with me. I ended up blocking the guy. This friend isn't as close to her, and I like this person too. You don't think she cares enough to ask people to add me on Facebook, and keep tabs on me. Right?

 

It seems like a harmless friend request. I guess I'll accept it.

[Situasian]

Lol it's not really begging I've blocked her on my phone and she has left abusive voicemails and wanting me to look after the cats while she goes on holidays with friends. I had to change my locks today due to the fact she said she will be dropping them at my place regardless if I'm there or not and I couldn't remember if I gave her keys. Thank god I organised to stay at a mates for a few days. Only reason I was planning to send that text was to let her know this was it for me no more using me as a door mat and pointing out on what she lost. Tbh I wouldn't accept it she most likely will use this mutal friend to spy on you in my thoughts

[seminoles84]

Lol it's not really begging I've blocked her on my phone and she has left abusive voicemails and wanting me to look after the cats while she goes on holidays with friends. I had to change my locks today due to the fact she said she will be dropping them at my place regardless if I'm there or not and I couldn't remember if I gave her keys. Thank god I organised to stay at a mates for a few days. Only reason I was planning to send that text was to let her know this was it for me no more using me as a door mat and pointing out on what she lost. Tbh I wouldn't accept it she most likely will use this mutal friend to spy on you in my thoughts

 

 

Yeah don't send that text, it comes off pathetic.

[Simon Phoenix]

Hey sorry for hijacking this thread NA but was wondering what you guys thought of this message im planning to send to my ex sometime this week.

 

Look Jess this whole situation/scenario could and should have been avoided. All of it could be avoided if you were honest and communicated with me properly, this all started the night of my birthday party. You said you were just messaging a mate which I can understand but when I asked if I could see the message, you declined, if you didn't and just showed me we wouldn't even be in this situation. You could say you didn't have to show me and I should have trusted you and I would of any other time but it was past 12 at night and the way you reacted made me suspicious. Then when we actually talked about it you said you didn't love me anymore and weren't happy. Well your a liar then because earlier that same day of my surprise party you said you loved me and couldn't wait to get engaged so either you were lieing then or you were lieing when you said you didn't love me etc. Another issue you said we had was we wanted different things, like I said I knew you wanted to go to Europe and do tomorrowland etc and whilst I really wanted to go to the U.S. But however I decided that night that I was going to go to Europe with you because of the effort you put in for my surprise. We could of had it all Jess honestly, we could of been that couple everyone was jealous about, we could of had the life you and I always wanted and dreamed of if you just waited till the end of this year we could of travelled the world together and made memories, eventually buy a house together and have family together. Everything you wanted to do/have we could of had but you through it all away because you didn't want to communicate. You had a guy who would of done anything for you to make you happy. I would of give you the shirt off my back to provide for you and keep you happy. I thought I proved that everyday I went to work when we lived in Mount Gambier and I went to work to make sure you didn't have to worry about anything but to study. I loved you with all my heart and even though I was at fault sometimes as well I always promise you I wouldn't give up because we both had a dream together and I knew it could be done. I'm not a perfect person and I know your not either but you lost someone who would of died for you and who wouldn't ever stop loving you but all you had to do was communicate with me more but you never did and this is how we ended up here, I just wish you could see that.

 

Never in a million years send that. And next time start your own thread.

[na49]

As if seeing her once isn't bad enough, I freaking saw her twice today... I felt myself regressing as it happened.

 

I was standing outside of my classroom, and there she comes out of one class, walking in my direction to her next. I noticed her coming, and quickly looked down at my phone. I looked at her when she passed, and she looked back just briefly.

 

Then, I had to speak to my professor after class, and who is the first person to walk in? Yep. My ex. Again. She sat pretty far from where I was, but I didn't even look over in her direction. I honestly just wanted to leave. A friend of hers was waiting to talk to the professor too, and as she walks in she says hi to him. Sounding as happy as ever. Is she really this happy, or was it an act? She walked out of the room before I finished talking to the professor. Did she walk out because she didn't want to see me? Or was she just bored with like 10 minutes to kill before class? So many questions.

 

I've been weighing my options of whether or not I should just break NC again. I want to, but then realize how much it would hurt to hear what she has to say. She told me last week that she wasn't looking back. Why do I still believe that she regrets her decision? Why shouldn't I do the same, and not look back at someone who treated me this way?

 

Tonight will be a rough night.

[Chi townD]

Tonight will be a rough night.

 

 

It will only be a rough night if you LET it be a rough night. I mean, come on dude! If you already KNOW it's going to be bad, then plan to change that! Schedule something fun! Even if it's just playing a couple games of pool with some friends or bowling or WHATEVER!

 

 

We are in charge of our own happiness!

[Simon Phoenix]

Dude, is there any way you can move into a different lecture or section of the same class? I dropped a class in college because it had an ex in it. I was like "Screw that". But that's probably not a great option right now, so maybe look into switching to a lecture or a discussion section at a different time. It can't hurt to ask.

 

And don't be a turd and break No Contact -- if you can't handle just seeing her, there's no way in hell you can have an intelligent conversation with her where you don't look like a blubbering mess.

[Simon Phoenix]

It will only be a rough night if you LET it be a rough night. I mean, come on dude! If you already KNOW it's going to be bad, then plan to change that! Schedule something fun! Even if it's just playing a couple games of pool with some friends or bowling or WHATEVER!

 

 

We are in charge of our own happiness!

 

Exactly. na, you have to stop defeating yourself. Once of the reasons why these instances continue to hit you is not only because you let them, but because you almost seemingly want to wallow in them. Instead of forging ahead, it's like you make a gameplan to be miserable. Stop.

[na49]

I need this class to graduate, and it isn't offered at other times that work. It's not like she is actually in the class with me, which is nice. She is in the class after, which I think I can handle. I asked myself if she missed me when she looked back. I wonder what she thought when she saw me? Did she spend her class thinking about me? Probably not.

 

I thought about sending her this.

 

"I hate having to act like a stranger. Can we please just go back to the way things were? I'd do anything.. I miss you so much."

 

Posting texts that I want to send her, and being told how bad they sound really helped me last time. In my head, this seems like an awesome idea. She finds out how much I'm hurting, feels bad, realizes what she had, and we try again. Nothing's changed since last week though when she told me it was over. I don't want to be that crazy ex who contacts her all the time. Her ex before me was in constant contact with her throughout our relationship even though she knew I hated his guts, and asked her to block him multiple times. She always cited her relationship with him as being this terrible, abusive thing. Yet, she still talked to him, even if it wasn't very often. He'd always pop up, and completely ruin my mood because she didn't listen to me. I'm not planning on staying in her life as anything less than a significant other.

[Simon Phoenix]

I need this class to graduate, and it isn't offered at other times that work. It's not like she is actually in the class with me, which is nice. She is in the class after, which I think I can handle. I asked myself if she missed me when she looked back. I wonder what she thought when she saw me? Did she spend her class thinking about me? Probably not.

 

I thought about sending her this.

 

"I hate having to act like a stranger. Can we please just go back to the way things were? I'd do anything.. I miss you so much."

 

Posting texts that I want to send her, and being told how bad they sound really helped me last time. In my head, this seems like an awesome idea. She finds out how much I'm hurting, feels bad, realizes what she had, and we try again. Nothing's changed since last week though when she told me it was over. I don't want to be that crazy ex who contacts her all the time. Her ex before me was in constant contact with her throughout our relationship even though she knew I hated his guts, and asked her to block him multiple times. She always cited her relationship with him as being this terrible, abusive thing. Yet, she still talked to him, even if it wasn't very often. He'd always pop up, and completely ruin my mood because she didn't listen to me. I'm not planning on staying in her life as anything less than a significant other.

 

She would just find you pathetic if you send stuff like that. All messages like that make people realize that they are happy to be away from that stress and drama. I mean, it's time for you to take a cue from her and move forward. She might miss you, but unless she tells you so and indicates that she wants to try again (which she has already proven she's capable of doing), you need to move forward. Every text idea you come up with is a horrible idea because texting is a horrible idea!

 

You might be more frustrating to me now than you were the first time around because you know all of this information yet you seem fixated on wanting to do the wrong thing and wallowing in your own self-pity. This isn't your first breakup; it's not even your first breakup with this girl! I mean, you know what you have to do but you are so deadset about not doing it. It's like you want to feel this way.

 

But if an ex sent me a message like you want to send, I would be like "god damn, get a f*cking clue".

[na49]

I am SO F*CKING HAPPY that I didn't send that desperate text. I just caved and checked her Facebook though... Her profile picture is of her and her friend's brother... That b*tch! I knew she was looking for a way out! I give their relationship a few months, and then she'll come crawling back to me.

 

Good luck you wh*re! This is what anger feels like! I am more motivated than ever right now to be better off without her.

[Chi townD]

 

"I hate having to act like a stranger. Can we please just go back to the way things were? I'd do anything.. I miss you so much."

 

 

 

Glad you found your anger and didn't send this. I cringed when I read this and I don't even know ya!

[fronk]

I am SO F*CKING HAPPY that I didn't send that desperate text. I just caved and checked her Facebook though... Her profile picture is of her and her friend's brother... That b*tch! I knew she was looking for a way out! I give their relationship a few months, and then she'll come crawling back to me.

 

Good luck you wh*re! This is what anger feels like! I am more motivated than ever right now to be better off without her.

 

You really need to remove her from FB.

[Chi townD]

You really need to remove her from FB.

 

 

A newbie with 36 posts figured it out! You have over 1000! Are you seeing a theme here?

 

 

YOU NEED TO START NC!!! It's bad enough you got to see her in school. Why add insult to injury.

[dyna85]

The fact that she would change her pic that fast to depict her and this guy (within a week of the breakup) says A LOT about her. Insensitive much? You know she knew you'd see that pic.

 

You are better off without her.

 

Whatever you do, whenever you pass her by on campus, stand tall and act like you don't gaf.

 

The worst thing you could do is show you care about someone who clearly disrespects you and is inconsiderate of your feelings.

 

Keep on moving on.

[na49]

I have her blocked on my account. I had made another Facebook account a while ago and used it to search for her. I was feeling weak, but not right now. Right now I am feeling angry as ever. I am so happy I didn't send her any text. I am motivated as ever to be the best person I can be without her. Life will catch up to her at some point. Maybe I should delete that fake account too, just to fight urges in the future.

 

I will stand tall next time I see her. I feel like a fool for cowering in fear of her today. Showing her how hurt I am. Next time I see her, I will have my head up, and be strong. I can be strong now. This girl is a witch. I wish her and this fella the best of luck. The dude didn't go to college, and I have no idea what he's doing with his life.

[na49]

It annoys me to think how she is making herself look like the victim. As I was looking at her profile earlier (because I figured, if I'm going to look, let me look at everything so I don't have any questions) she is posting quotes about how "People aren't mature enough to appreciate you" and garbage like that. Whether it is about me or not, it is still so immature. She also got rid of all traces of me. There are basically no pictures of me left on her profile. I guess that's fine though, because there are no pictures of her on my profile either. It hurts that she is kind of "erasing" those three years with me from her life, but I have to deal with it. It's part of moving on.

 

I find myself missing what we used to have, but that's about it. I don't miss the person she is now. The person she was for the past few weeks of the relationship. That person was a liar. Her friends all make me just as angry as she does. They watched her do this. Plot ways to get rid of me so she could date this new guy. I feel so disposable. It makes me more angry than sad, but it does make me a little sad.

 

The best revenge is to do my thing. Live and love my life, and the people who are still in it. I'm not done venting by any means, and this will continue to be my journal thread. I have no idea what I'll feel like tomorrow. I just wanted to thank every single person who gave me advice, and continues to give me advice. You guys are all awesome.

[darkbloom]

I have her blocked on my account. I had made another Facebook account a while ago and used it to search for her. I was feeling weak, but not right now. Right now I am feeling angry as ever. I am so happy I didn't send her any text. I am motivated as ever to be the best person I can be without her. Life will catch up to her at some point. Maybe I should delete that fake account too, just to fight urges in the future.

 

I will stand tall next time I see her. I feel like a fool for cowering in fear of her today. Showing her how hurt I am. Next time I see her, I will have my head up, and be strong. I can be strong now. This girl is a witch. I wish her and this fella the best of luck. The dude didn't go to college, and I have no idea what he's doing with his life.

 

 

 

na49-- I just read this entire thread, all 9 pages. I suggest you have a friend change the password on your other account and not tell you the password for 6 months. You BLOCKED her on your personal account so you could NOT see her change her profile picture. Who cares who is in it? It means nothing to you because she said "It's over" meaning whatever she does is no longer your business.

 

 

I understand your desperation in wanting her back. But she is never going to get back and STAY with you if you continue these desperate actions. You need to commit to NC. If you need to stay angry for awhile to make that commitment then you should do it.

 

 

Whatever you do, for the love of God, do NOT send her that text. In fact, do not send her any text. I am cringing inside at the thought of receiving that text.

 

 

You are amazing and you have provided very good advice for the members on these forums. What would you say to anyone else posting about this? You would tell them NC and stick to it!

[na49]

I appreciate you reading all of this. It's probably a pretty frustrating read

 

I don't plan on sending that text anymore. As soon as I saw everything on her profile, it snapped me out of my funk. I don't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing how hurt I am, when it's clear she doesn't care. She doesn't have to care either. I don't have to care about her, and I hope I can start to care less about her, what she is doing, and what she thinks.