That's all folks..

[dyna85]

I agree that it doesn't do much for you that she responded, but I would at least prefer that to nothing, bc in my situation I got nothing in response when I poured my heart out and it hurt like hell. I think it at least gives you closure to move on, if you leave it at that.

 

As for her friends not liking you, who cares? Can't please everybody. If they ever got caught up in your fights during the relationship, that could explain why. But really, it doesn't matter, like you said, since you're free from it all at this point.

 

As for the items she got you, I think it's good to get rid of some triggers, but I've kept things that I really liked from a past relationship and simply stored them away, out of sight, for a long while. However, some things I did toss bc it was just too much of a reminder.

 

That does stink that it didn't work out the second time. Of course it's frustrating...

[na49]

Well.. I saw her today.. I had some time in between classes so I went to a sitting area and sat where we used to sit. Right away it brought back memories. I won't do that again. Later, as I was walking to class, I see her down the hallway talking to her friend. I couldn't go a different way, so I had to walk past her. She's very loud, so as one of her professors passed her, and told her he'd see her later she said "you bet!" sounding happy as ever. Her friend and her stopped talking when they saw me. They both looked at me. I passed a quick glance at her, but then looked right back at the floor. As I passed them, after some silence, they kept talking. My legs felt really weak, and I felt really sad.

 

Then once I got to my class, I felt angry. I felt like banging the desk. Like this b*tch left me twice, and I'm the bad guy again? I also felt relieved that I got the first encounter post breakup out of the way. I feel like I am really rushing my healing process this time. I got the message from her yesterday. She told me she's done. I saw her today. She didn't look very sad, and she's someone who wears her emotions on her sleeve and is very dramatic. If she's sad, everyone will know. That wasn't the case though. She's showing me that she's done. Now it's my turn.

 

Also, her friends did get caught up in our fights. She talked to them more than she talked to me during fights. So she vented to them, instead of trying to work things out with me. Every fight was just more ammunition for her to use against me. I had no interest in getting to know most of her friends, and they didn't really want to know me. They rarely made me feel welcome around them. They were paying attention to her, and I was just a spectator. I'd chime in with something witty every now and then, but otherwise I was a statue. I watched guys hug her from behind while I was sitting right there. I watched her get cuddly with her guy friends and sit closer to them than me at times. When I brought up how it made me feel, of course I was the bad guy. I couldn't tell her anything that made me uncomfortable. She was always right. and I was always wrong. Ugh..

[na49]

I've been using tonight to catch up on work that I would otherwise be putting off because we would always go out tonight. This feels like it will be my busiest semester so far, so the extra time to work on assignments is nice. As I was typing up a summary earlier, I accidentally wrote her name. I deleted it quickly, and then slammed my fist on my bed in frustration.

 

Overreaction? Probably. I just was so annoyed that I thought of her like that. I wonder what she's up to right now.. I know she isn't regretting her decision. That's for sure.

[mtnbiker3000]

It stinks knowing that all of our time together was for nothing.

 

Wrong!! Absolutely not for nothing. A very important step in your life. Take positive from it. Then you win!!!

[sober and dry]

na49 there are many good things you can get out of this terrible experience and you will see it, sooner or later you will get this.

[Zoe Lilith]

 

I really do want all of these feelings of sadness to be gone already. I've been getting rid of anything and everything that I consider to be a "trigger" for me. I've kept some of the things I got while I was with her. I'm just curious how others handle this. Do you guys keep anything that your ex gave you as a gift? If it is just something like a sweatshirt, or a poster? They have no emotional value attached to them, they were just things she knew I'd like and got them for me. I'm pretty sure she kept some of the stuff I got her. I really do like some of these gifts, and it stinks that she has to be attached to each of them.

 

Every time my mind wanders to wanting her back, and wanting what we used to have. I remind myself of what she told me yesterday. I remind myself that it didn't work. We tried it twice. She realizes it now. It sucks, but it gets me through it.

 

I kept some thing from my ex for awhile, it was during my grieving, realisation and then the anger process that I couldn't get rid of. Recently, I came across his t-shirt, and few other things and without any thoughts I throw it away. I can't believe what kind of a moron I have been crying and hoping that one day, he will realise that I am the "best thing that ever happened to him :D" (I know, I was in denial about many, many things) and he will call and beg me to take him back....I used to hate him, I used to be mad at myself for allowing myself to be fooled like that..now, I just smile thinking about it (If) I think about him and that period..I have to say, I couldn't be happier that it is over. I've learned my lesson and I'm greatful for that.

I wish you all the luck in future, and you know what you have to do...stay NC, keep your head up and concentrate on YOURSELF and your future. Good luck

[na49]

Thanks everyone, it just feels like a waste. I didn't date her, just to have her leave me twice.

 

I'm feeling really weak this morning. I want to call her, and beg. I feel so weak, and like nothing will get better. It feels like this is really it. She's in a different place now than she was when she left the first time, and has no use for me anymore

[na49]

My mom got home, and let me know that she told everyone at work what happened. I wanted her to do that so that I didn't get asked about it. Especially with Valentine's Day coming up, I don't need anyone asking me what I'm doing.

 

She saw me getting emotional, and figured I didn't want to talk about it. She did tell me that it is over though. She told me that my ex isn't welcome here anymore, and that if she ever comes back I need to reject her. The problem is, I know I'm not strong enough to do that. If she called me in 5 minutes, and asked to try things again, I know I would do it.

 

Part of me knows how much sh*t I'd get from literally everyone I know for taking her back again. but I honestly wouldn't care. I heard it all the first time, I didn't care. I feel like being with her is what would make me happy, and everyone else would need to live with my decision, like they did last time. I feel crummy that my mom even put the thoughts in my head of her coming back. It gave me a little hope, that I need to get rid of.

[erklat]

On a side note you should solve that relationship you

have with your mom. You are on a drivers seat of your

life here and only you and no one else calls the shots

here on who's welcome to be a part of your life.

 

I'm not saying that you need to accept your ex though.

[erklat]

I kept some thing from my ex for awhile, it was during my grieving, realisation and then the anger process that I couldn't get rid of. Recently, I came across his t-shirt, and few other things and without any thoughts I throw it away. I can't believe what kind of a moron I have been crying and hoping that one day, he will realise that I am the "best thing that ever happened to him :D" (I know, I was in denial about many, many things) and he will call and beg me to take him back....I used to hate him, I used to be mad at myself for allowing myself to be fooled like that..now, I just smile thinking about it (If) I think about him and that period..I have to say, I couldn't be happier that it is over. I've learned my lesson and I'm greatful for that.

I wish you all the luck in future, and you know what you have to do...stay NC, keep your head up and concentrate on YOURSELF and your future. Good luck

 

Thanks for this great and uplifting post!

 

It's a great place to be where we are now.

[EuTuBrute]

Wow your story is just like mine OP

 

Dated my ex for 2.5 years.. She broke up with me very coldly out of the blue.

 

I was a mess for the longest time. I couldn't believe how someone i loved and cared so much about could do this to me.

 

I held onto hope for the longest time that someday we would get back together.

 

Well just like you OP, i did get her back. It was pure bliss. This lasted for another 6 months until she pulled the same thing she did the first time. She became cold and distant, and one day just stopped talking to me (again out of the blue)

 

However this time, I followed the advise on this forum. I went FULL NC. I became a ghost. I deleted her and all her friends off Facebook. I deleted her number.

 

Long story short OP. The second time was a blessing. After the first time I held on to hope i would get her back. This second time has taught me that a leopard cant change its spots. This second time has taught me that I deserve better.

 

I do miss my ex, everyone does. However, this time i know my own power and i will never let someone take that away again.

 

P.S. One day she will realize what she lost (again...lol). When she does make sure to show her the middle finger.

[Simon Phoenix]

My mom got home, and let me know that she told everyone at work what happened. I wanted her to do that so that I didn't get asked about it. Especially with Valentine's Day coming up, I don't need anyone asking me what I'm doing.

 

She saw me getting emotional, and figured I didn't want to talk about it. She did tell me that it is over though. She told me that my ex isn't welcome here anymore, and that if she ever comes back I need to reject her. The problem is, I know I'm not strong enough to do that. If she called me in 5 minutes, and asked to try things again, I know I would do it.

 

Part of me knows how much sh*t I'd get from literally everyone I know for taking her back again. but I honestly wouldn't care. I heard it all the first time, I didn't care. I feel like being with her is what would make me happy, and everyone else would need to live with my decision, like they did last time. I feel crummy that my mom even put the thoughts in my head of her coming back. It gave me a little hope, that I need to get rid of.

 

Dude, it happened twice. Once can be a mistake, but twice? It's over man, and good for you. It's time for you to branch out and stop being afraid of your own shadow. Do you really want to be in a codependent breakup/makeup relationship? Because if she comes back, that's what you'll be in.

 

I hope to hell she never contacts you again and doesn't come back, because you need to break out of your damn shell and start living life. It's like you haven't learned anything from the first time. The exact same problems you had then about having little social interaction without her are the exact same. Instead of continuing to look back and try to fix something that's been broken TWICE, it's time to do you. It's time to be a better you. It's time for you to actually value yourself as a person and not a pet.

 

Don't make me get out my crowbar ...

[dyna85]

My gut tells me this girl will be coming back.

 

I just felt compelled to share my thoughts.

[EuTuBrute]

Dude, it happened twice. Once can be a mistake, but twice? It's over man, and good for you. It's time for you to branch out and stop being afraid of your own shadow.

 

Well said. This is absolutely true. For the longest time I was afraid of my own shadow.

 

This breakup as cliche as it is has mad me stronger. NEVER, I repeat NEVER settle less than you deserve.

 

Sorry for beating a dead horse, but like everyone said, this second breakup is a good thing. It is time to move on to better things.

[Zoe Lilith]

I feel like being with her is what would make me happy, and everyone else would need to live with my decision, like they did last time. I feel crummy that my mom even put the thoughts in my head of her coming back. It gave me a little hope, that I need to get rid of.

 

You won't accept the fact that she doesn't want to be with you! I understand how you feel, it hurts, I know. But right now, at this point, you are your own worst enemy! Concentrate on yourself, go out more, find a new hobby, do anything that would get your thoughts focused towards something that is acctually worth thinking about. It's an experience in life, take it as a lesson. Don't let her treat you like a doormat over and over again!

[Zoe Lilith]

Just because you think that; " the only that could make you happy is to be with her", could be a wrong way of thinking. You might have been miserable in the relationship without even realising it.. We, as humans, have the tendencies to stick with familiar people or things that we know were nice, beautiful, almost perfect..but, people, places and even things change, and nothing is like it was, but some of us a still holding on to them just because it's familiar, but not necessarily good for us. We love to use famous quotes like: "what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger" but we mostly take that as a motto or inspiration while on the wrong path and most of the time we view it from a wrong perspective ..you'd say that getting back together with your ex didn't harm you in any way...take that quote and say to yourself: "the breakup didn't kill me, I'm now wiser and stronger, more confident and more experienced. It's time to move on"..

[na49]

erklat: My mom just doesn't want to see me get hurt again. My parents weren't ecstatic that we got back together the first time, but respected my decision. If she did come back, and I did take her back, my parents wouldn't be standing in my way, preventing me from seeing her. They just wouldn't be very happy with my decision.

 

EuTuBrute: It's nice to see I'm not the only one who is going through this for the second time with the same person. My ex was pretty cold, and distant towards the end. Everything became a fight. I admitted everything I did wrong, just to stop us from fighting, but she insisted on hammering me for anything and everything. She was also never guilty of anything. I couldn't express how I was feeling about something without her turning me into the bad guy.

 

Simon: I know I need to break out of my shell, and start living my life. If she never comes back, it'll be a good "problem" to have. It'll make me move on. I do have a feeling this second time is the real finish. There's still something inside me that thinks she'll come back again though. I try to remind myself of what she told me though. She told me it is over. She told me she isn't looking back. I need to believe her.

 

Once I graduate next year, I won't see her at all unless I drive to her house. She lives like 30 minutes away when she isn't on campus, so unless I go driving to her house (which I'm not crazy enough to do) I won't see her again. There's a part of me that feels like as long as I'm going to school with her, I'll never be able to completely move on.

 

dyna85: damn! I don't need any false hope! She told me that it is over when I asked if I could call her. She didn't think there was anything to talk about. and told me she isn't looking back. I am probably dead to all of her friends if she told them all of my "deep dark secrets". That means she's not coming back. (...right?)

 

Zoe Lilith: I really don't want to believe it. I need to though. She'll fall in love with someone who isn't me. That needs to be okay, even if it hurts. and when I'm ready, I'll fall in love with someone who isn't her. That doesn't feel like it will happen anytime soon though. and that needs to be okay too.

[dyna85]

na49, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to give false hope. I just couldn't help but note my observation. I can't help but think that she's kind of full of it and at some point will recognize the error of her ways. However, for the purposes of your healing, please disregard my comment.

 

I think you need to (and you will, eventually) get back to that place where you were when you had her blocked, just before she came back running.

 

In reviewing this thread, I noted in post #9, you stated 'could she have been cheating on me again?' Did she cheat on you during your relationship? If so, this girl is no good for you dude.

 

Also, you blame yourself a whole heck of a lot for what went down, but have you put much thought into what YOU needed that she didn't give?

[Simon Phoenix]

na49, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to give false hope. I just couldn't help but note my observation. I can't help but think that she's kind of full of it and at some point will recognize the error of her ways. However, for the purposes of your healing, please disregard my comment.

 

I think you need to (and you will, eventually) get back to that place where you were when you had her blocked, just before she came back running.

 

In reviewing this thread, I noted in post #9, you stated 'could she have been cheating on me again?' Did she cheat on you during your relationship? If so, this girl is no good for you dude.

 

Also, you blame yourself a whole heck of a lot for what went down, but have you put much thought into what YOU needed that she didn't give?

 

If she comes back, it isn't because she recognizes the error of her ways. It's because other things didn't work out and na49 is an easy, safe pick. He lets her do what she wants when she wants and very rarely speaks up about it. When he does, it seems like she's rather skilled at turning the tables on him and making him feel like crap for standing up for himself.

 

He doesn't need her to come back. That would be the worst thing ever. He needs to emerge and become a stronger, more confident man, a man with options, a man with boundaries, a man with self-respect. That won't happen if she comes back. Whether he neuters himself out of fear of loss or whether she toys with him, he's not his best when she's around.

[dyna85]

If she comes back, it isn't because she recognizes the error of her ways. It's because other things didn't work out and na49 is an easy, safe pick. He lets her do what she wants when she wants and very rarely speaks up about it. When he does, it seems like she's rather skilled at turning the tables on him and making him feel like crap for standing up for himself.

 

He doesn't need her to come back. That would be the worst thing ever. He needs to emerge and become a stronger, more confident man, a man with options, a man with boundaries, a man with self-respect. That won't happen if she comes back. Whether he neuters himself out of fear of loss or whether she toys with him, he's not his best when she's around.

 

Actually, I am entitled to my opinion and you are not the omniscient one, so to say 'if she comes back, it isn't because she recognizes the error of her ways, it's because na49 is an easy, safe pick,' is just an opinion, and not a fact, and actually a bit insulting to the OP. My comment was supportive and valid and I stand by it and don't need you trying to challenge it.

 

This forum is about different perspectives, not just yours.

 

Things are not always so black and white in life and you're coming from a place as though you know the full details of their relationship, whereas I'm interpreting based on the bits and pieces provided.

[na49]

It's cool lol. You could be right, she may be full of it. She said a lot of things she didn't mean, and exaggerated things a lot. She was known for that. I will take her at her word for now though. She looked happy when I saw her yesterday. She doesn't want to talk about anything, or care that I was hurt. I'll believe her.

 

I had her blocked for 3 months before she came back. The block had worn off I guess. I don't think this block will wear off unless I unblock her. She'll need to bust the door down again if she wants to contact me at all. I have her blocked everywhere, and have most of her friends blocked on Facebook as well. I don't trust myself enough to not snoop on her friends to get info about her.

 

Yes, I believed that she cheated the first time. Both times she has left were eerily similar. The first time, I went to go celebrate a monthaversary with her, and after giving her my gifts, she told me that one of her friends told her he "might have feelings for her" but she doesn't think she had feelings for him. Conveniently, I was dumped the day after, because she needed to "find herself".

 

This time, one of her friend's brothers came to visit. Her friend's brother told her that he had a crush on her. I didn't take that information so well, and this guy became her "best friend" even though she met him like twice.. There were just a bit too many pictures with him on her Facebook for my taste, and she would worship him as being a "best friend who hears what she doesn't say". I even let her know at one point that I felt like she was going to leave again because of how similar everything was to the last time she left. She assured me it would not be the case. Conveniently, I was dumped a week later because she needed to "find herself". :rolleyes:

 

Another reason for my suspicion is because one day she was walking with a bunch of her male friends, and apparently someone yelled at her from a car "Do you have a new guy every week!?". Why would they yell that at her? Everyone and their mom knew I was her boyfriend because it was all over Facebook.

 

I had no idea what to make of it when she told me this happened. I'd like to know people's thoughts on that though. I didn't think too much of it then, it really made me angry. Maybe someone just trying to start something, but a lot of girls have male friends. They probably don't get hollered at for it?

 

Also, I'm not the type of person who likes to blame others, even if it is their fault. That's something I actually learned to do during the first breakup. By the end of the relationship, she had me convinced that everything was my fault.

[Simon Phoenix]

Actually, I am entitled to my opinion and you are not the omniscient one, so to say 'if she comes back, it isn't because she recognizes the error of her ways, it's because na49 is an easy, safe pick,' is just an opinion, and not a fact, and actually a bit insulting to the OP. My comment was supportive and valid and I stand by it and don't need you trying to challenge it.

 

This forum is about different perspectives, not just yours.

 

Things are not always so black and white in life and you're coming from a place as though you know the full details of their relationship, whereas I'm interpreting based on the bits and pieces provided.

 

Who said you weren't entitled to your opinion? I never did, so stop whining. You are certainly entitled to your opinion, and I'm entitled to disagree with it. Learn how to handle different points of view and don't throw a fit.

 

As for the OP, I was around when she dumped him the first time and posted with him in that thread a lot and have always supported him. Post whatever opinions you want, but don't act like a petulant child when someone has a different opinion.

 

I wasn't the least bit insulting toward you, so I really have no idea why you are attacking me. I disagreed and stated why without even remotely coming close to calling you a name. So settle down and stop taking things so personally.

Edited February 7, 2015 by Simon Phoenix

[dyna85]

Who said you weren't entitled to your opinion? I never did, so stop whining. You are certainly entitled to your opinion, and I'm entitled to disagree with it. Learn how to handle different points of view and don't throw a fit.

 

As for the OP, I was around when she dumped him the first time and posted with him in that thread a lot and have always supported him. Post whatever opinions you want, but don't act like a petulant child when someone has a different opinion.

 

I wasn't the least bit insulting toward you, so I really have no idea why you are attacking me. I disagreed and stated why. So settle down and stop taking things so personally.

 

You just told me to stop whining and stated that I'm acting like a petulant child. Wow, yeah, you're not insulting.

 

Handle different opinions without throwing a fit? Read your post buddy. Who is throwing the fit?

 

Attacking you? Hmm... so I'm attacking you by responding to your countering of my post. Wow. Okay. This is... beyond words.

[Simon Phoenix]

You just told me to stop whining and stated that I'm acting like a petulant child. Wow, yeah, you're not insulting.

 

Handle different opinions without throwing a fit? Read your post buddy. Who is throwing the fit?

 

Attacking you? Hmm... so I'm attacking you by responding to your countering of my post. Wow. Okay. This is... beyond words.

 

So reading comprehension isn't your thing. Let's slow this down.

 

1. When I said I wasn't remotely insulting, I was referring to the first post of mine that you quoted, which is below:

 

If she comes back, it isn't because she recognizes the error of her ways. It's because other things didn't work out and na49 is an easy, safe pick. He lets her do what she wants when she wants and very rarely speaks up about it. When he does, it seems like she's rather skilled at turning the tables on him and making him feel like crap for standing up for himself.

 

He doesn't need her to come back. That would be the worst thing ever. He needs to emerge and become a stronger, more confident man, a man with options, a man with boundaries, a man with self-respect. That won't happen if she comes back. Whether he neuters himself out of fear of loss or whether she toys with him, he's not his best when she's around.

 

Nothing in that post takes a shot at you at all, so I'm confused why you decided to throw shade in my direction. I fully admit that my second post had insults, because I was confused why you decided to make things personal. Do you get it now?

 

I'm more than willing to end this now, because this is stupid. I have no problem with you posting your opinions. Different opinions are what makes this place valuable. There was no need for you to take it personally and start throwing out insults though, and there was no need for me to respond and call you a child.

 

So can we stop this moronic feud and get back to the subject at hand? Or do you really want to continue this ridiculous debate? If you do, PM me.

[dyna85]

Reading comprehension is not my thing. Wow. Point proven.

 

I didn't make anything personal until you started insulting me. Then it got personal.

 

Your initial post which highlighted my comment challenged my opinion in a way that I felt was rude, which is why I said as such.

Edited February 7, 2015 by dyna85