That's all folks..

[Oregon_Dude]

Bro.

 

This new girl is NUTS, or pushy, or needy, or all of the above.

 

Stay away. She is trouble. Yes, someone is interested in you - great. But she is "pushing hard for a relationship right now"? When you barely know each other? That's crazy behavior. Have you even gone on a date with her yet?

 

Methinks you need to get your head on straight by not worrying about women at all right now, and doing fun stuff with your friends.

[na49]

I thought it was odd too. I've told her that I'm not interested in a relationship at the moment, and just want to see her as a friend. She'll probably keep asking me to hang out until I actually hang out with her, so I feel like I'd need to do it at least once. As nice as a relationship sounds, the reality of one isn't as appealing at the moment. I never thought I'd say that, but I think I'm okay just worrying about myself.

[na49]

Well a week or so has passed since I updated this thread. I don't post when I'm doing well, but I've hit a bit of a wall recently. The girl at work was originally upset when I let her know I'm getting over a breakup. She was really mad, and even a little nasty towards me. I totally understood, and thought I'd lost her. She's since gotten over it, and I feel like she might still be interested. I'd say we are friends now.

 

The problem is that I am starting to wonder if I should have agreed to "date" her like that. She is really cool, and the more I see her/talk to her, the more attracted to her I feel. I don't want to mistake my feelings though. I don't want to end up pursuing her just because I miss having a relationship.

[Chi townD]

Well, I'm all for a girl that takes the bull by the horns and expresses her interest. However, the way you're describing her makes it sound like she's got you walking her down the aisle.

 

 

Talk to her. Tell her that she's pushing too hard too fast. That you had your heart broken and all the pieces haven't healed yet. But, you are interested in taking her out on a date with nothing more that going out and having a good time. But, on the flip side, you're not interested in making her your rebound. That's definitely not fair to her or to you. But, you wouldn't mind taking her out to just have fun. NO EXPECTATIONS. I think she'll appreciate your honesty.

Edited August 21, 2015 by Chi townD

[lil hoodlum]

Come on man! She's just a girl.

 

Go out on a date, have fun, enjoy life......

 

 

Jeeze, quit thinking about everything so much and just go with the flow.

[na49]

Well, I'm all for a girl that takes the bull by the horns and expresses her interest. However, the way you're describing her makes it sound like she's got you walking her down the aisle.

 

 

Talk to her. Tell her that she's pushing too hard too fast. That you had your heart broken and all the pieces haven't healed yet. But, you are interested in taking her out on a date with nothing more that going out and having a good time. But, on the flip side, you're not interested in making her your rebound. That's definitely not fair to her or to you. But, you wouldn't mind taking her out to just have fun. NO EXPECTATIONS. I think she'll appreciate your honesty.

 

I basically told her this in so many words, and she is upset again. She really wants to date me right now, but I know I'm not ready. I know I'm not ready because I had a weak moment and checked my Trash folder last night.

 

I hate leading her on like this because in a few months if I'm ready, I'd definitely be interested. I understand if she moves on by then, but I guess we'll see what happens next time we hang out.

[Simon Phoenix]

Way too much thinking still.

[na49]

Way too much thinking still.

 

She was acting "distant" again last night when I told her I'm not ready for a relationship again. We were having a fine conversation until she brought that up, and told me she liked me as more than a friend. I don't want to overthink this, but what exactly am I supposed to do now?

[Simon Phoenix]

She was acting "distant" again last night when I told her I'm not ready for a relationship again. We were having a fine conversation until she brought that up, and told me she liked me as more than a friend. I don't want to overthink this, but what exactly am I supposed to do now?

 

Either go out with her again or don't.

[na49]

I haven't had the chance to go out with her since I last posted here, but I'm still mulling it over. I feel like if I don't take this opportunity, I'll regret it down the line. At the same time, I don't want to get involved too much.

 

I'm going back to school next week, and am having massive amounts of anxiety about it. I'll have to worry about seeing her every day again. I'll see her friends, and immediately wonder if they'll tell her they saw me. I'll walk past places on campus we used to sit, and just feeling like crying.

 

I believe I've improved a lot this summer, but I feel like going back to school will completely undo all of my progress. I think I'm dreading going back to school more because of her than the schoolwork.

[Chi townD]

I haven't had the chance to go out with her since I last posted here, but I'm still mulling it over. I feel like if I don't take this opportunity, I'll regret it down the line. At the same time, I don't want to get involved too much.

 

I'm going back to school next week, and am having massive amounts of anxiety about it. I'll have to worry about seeing her every day again. I'll see her friends, and immediately wonder if they'll tell her they saw me. I'll walk past places on campus we used to sit, and just feeling like crying.

 

I believe I've improved a lot this summer, but I feel like going back to school will completely undo all of my progress. I think I'm dreading going back to school more because of her than the schoolwork.

 

 

 

You know what I'm starting to think? I think that you don't want to go out with her because in your mind, that would be the last nail in the coffin for any chance to get your Ex back. That moving onto someone else solidifies all closure to your Ex and you're afraid to do that.

 

 

I mean, sure this new girl sounds a bit pushy. But, then again there's nothing wrong with a girl that knows what she wants and goes out and gets it. You might be passing up on someone that will treat you right, is proud to have you as her man and knows how to stay loyal to a good thing. ALL THE THINGS YOUR EX IS NOT!

 

 

If she's pursuing you this hard, then I think that if you treat her right, she's going to safeguard something that she worked so hard to get!

 

 

No one is saying long term commitment. No one is saying engagement. No one is saying marriage! What we are saying is a SIMPLE DATE! Go out and have a good time! Don't you think you deserve that? Haven't you been through enough that you MIGHT enjoy some fun and happiness? Go out! HAVE FUN! Get to know her! Be vulnerable for a moment and let her in!

 

 

So, go online and find out what's coming to your surrounding community. Then call her up and just say, "Hey, there's a carnival coming one town over from us, I was wondering if you like to go with me." or Horseback riding and pizza afterward, or to an art gallery, or see if you have indoor skydiving around you, or a music festival. There are a lot of end of summer things going on right now. If you called her; man, you would probably make her day.

Edited August 26, 2015 by Chi townD

[Lizrd3000]

I agree with chi on this one Na.

Especially the correct observation of you not wanting to date this new girl because that would be the last nail in the coffin for you and your ex. But you know what? The things your ex put you through were all the last nail in the coffin, you shouldnt want her back. You CANT have her back. Even of you two would get back together, do you honestly see a future with her? Cus i dont.

 

I dont know if you have read my thread, but i did get back together with my ex for one week, but couldnt deal with the things that have been done, i also realized i did not want to deal with the things i was able to deal with during our relationship.

 

If i were in your position, id just go out with this new girl, taste what other girls are like (figure of speech and hopefully literally too(?)) And just have fun.

 

Also, if your ex knew you were dating someone else, do you think she'd be happy with that? That'd show her youre succesfully trying to move on. That sweet revenge is a bonus.

 

I just hope you make the right decisions here, man. I've grown to care for your wellbeing, even if I dont really know you. You've got absolutely nothing to lose with this new girl, except some potential nut busting! You're a young person exploring his opportunities. Dont take them for granted, because who knows how long it'll be before another cool girl comes along.

[na49]

Overall, I've been doing well since I last posted. I've been busy living my life so I haven't had as much time to post here. I guess that's a good thing.

 

I'm still talking to the new girl, and hanging out with her when I can. (now that school started, I haven't had much time) She had some problem and isn't currently working. She mentioned this to me when she was leaving, and said it wouldn't be weird if we dated now. I told her I still don't want to dive into anything serious. I like where I stand with her right now. The attention from another girl has helped my confidence because it proves that there will be other girls in the future.

 

However since school has started, I do notice I am having more bad days. I am afraid of running into my ex, and my thoughts get going whenever I see one her friends. I only have one more year of college, but I dread going to class every day just because I might see her. It's stupid, I know. I'm also having my first really bad night in a long time.

 

I think as time passes, this whole breakup is becoming more of a memory. I just keep it alive by thinking about it. It really isn't relevant to anything that happens from now on. When I think about it like that, it's a lot easier to deal with.

[BC1980]

I used to dread running into my ex at work. I used to hate going to work if I knew he would be there. I let it consume me and wondered what I would do if I saw him. How I could avoid him. It will drive you insane if you allow it to. Now, I don't even care. I just pretend like he's not there and go about my day. Sometimes, the anticipation of running into the person is greater than it needs to be, and it's no big deal when it happens.

[aboucher21]

I feel you on this one man. I am in college as well with my ex and we share many friends including my roommate. It sucks on the weekends when he and my other friends go out with her and I just stay in or do something light with other friends because I cant be with her or it would kill me. It definitely has its drawbacks and I feel as though I have to make major sacrifices that are unfair but it's life. Just one step closer to finding someone that makes all of this pain and hurt worth it. Keep seeing this girl. I am ready to meet someone new and I think you should be too!

[na49]

Dammit.. I'm having a bad night tonight. First one in a while, so I guess that's good?

 

I saw my ex for the first time in like 5-6 months today. It was from a distance, and I doubt she saw me. As I stepped outside, I looked across campus, and ended up seeing her... She wasn't with anyone, but all of the awful thoughts are back. I hate going to class every day, feeling afraid. I know I'm bound to see her again at some point, and I don't want to let it affect me. I just don't know how.

Edited October 2, 2015 by na49

[Hoaks]

Hi Na49,

I've read through the whole thread over the last few days. I'm going through something at the moment again myself. I remember reading your other thread when I was going through my other breakup and it actually got me through some really tough days.

This time it's different for me, I've met this fantastic girl, but there is distance in the way. And with my past experiences I already feel like I'm going through a breakup even though she thinks there is nothing wrong. So I've read through this to keep my mind occupied while I see what happens.

 

I'm sorry you had to go through all that again but the last few pages made me smile for you. Keep strong and focused on yourself

[na49]

I'm happy that my thread was able to help you through some tough days. It's important to remember that you aren't alone. Also, I hope things work out for you!

 

I have been doing better with time. The new girl and I are still talking. She invited me to carve pumpkins with her/her family, but I am a little uncomfortable about doing this. I'd be going to her house, and see her parents. I've seen her dad when they came into store where I work, but I still feel like it'd be awkward. I also feel like this is something that couples do, and I am not her boyfriend.

 

Should I tell her that I'm not really feeling this, and would prefer to get food or something? or just go for it?

Edited October 19, 2015 by na49

[mtnbiker3000]

Dude... Go carve some pumpkins and enjoy yourself. This girl seems pretty down to hang out with you and is asking you do something totally "non-committal".

[na49]

Dude... Go carve some pumpkins and enjoy yourself. This girl seems pretty down to hang out with you and is asking you do something totally "non-committal".

 

You don't think that going to her house and doing something with her that she called a "tradition" is committal? I also am nervous about going to her house. I've never been to a girl's house when she wasn't my girlfriend.