What do you do when you get hit on by 45-50 year old men?

[elaine567]

Oh, right: we have a better chance of being kidnapped by aliens, than we do of having an age-appropriate man, that we're attracted to, want to marry us. Thanks, and Merry Christmas to you, too!

 

Average age for women to marry hits 30 for first time - Telegraph

The average age at which a woman gets married for the first time climbed from 29.9 years in 2008 to 30 years in 2009, figures published by the Office for National Statistics said. This is the first time that the symbolic age barrier has been reached.

[carhill]

Ha, reading that statistic reminded me of some memories of times gone by and a perhaps forward looking individual who was a working gal and didn't get married until age 31. I think she was the last of her eight sisters to get married, even though not the youngest, most having been married between 17 and 21. In her later years, when reminiscing about her single days, she often mentioned getting propositioned by older men, generally at the time officers in their 40's and 50's, when she danced at the USO in San Diego. It was all part of life back then prior and during WW2. She ended up marrying an older man, though only six years older. That was, whoa, 61 years ago.

 

Other than stories about a few jerks, they all were generally positive experiences and the men were polite and gentlemanly, even if persistent. She did have the classic dancer look and was a good dancer (tried valiantly to teach me, to no avail!) so was attractive to a wide range of men and the pictures taken of herself and the other young women dancing showed wide and varied partners and interest, normal at the time.

 

My point is that women have been dealing with this for a long time and most, in general, have little to no issues with it, though I do note more crass behavior amongst my peer males today, necessitating a perhaps stronger response. Of course, women are more assertive today and handle interactions with males differently when rejecting such advances. The process is relatively similar and the style has simply changed to a more direct and candid one. Progress, I guess.

[sillyanswer]

I'm in my early 30's and I'm disgusted by this. And I don't even TRY to even get their attention. Geez. At times like this, I really wished I had a boyfriend to defend me when these nasty creeps are hitting on me.

 

 

I don't think there's anything fundamentally wrong with consenting adults of those ages dating so nothing wrong, in principle, with someone of that age hitting on you. (Of course the manner in which they hit on you may be very relevant.) In this case, however, you don't want to date them, which is fine, so politely ignore or politely decline. I suppose you could rudely decline, but that would be your action rather than a consequence of theirs.

[hotpotato]

Ha, reading that statistic reminded me of some memories of times gone by and a perhaps forward looking individual who was a working gal and didn't get married until age 31. I think she was the last of her eight sisters to get married, even though not the youngest, most having been married between 17 and 21. In her later years, when reminiscing about her single days, she often mentioned getting propositioned by older men, generally at the time officers in their 40's and 50's, when she danced at the USO in San Diego. It was all part of life back then prior and during WW2. She ended up marrying an older man, though only six years older. That was, whoa, 61 years ago.

 

Other than stories about a few jerks, they all were generally positive experiences and the men were polite and gentlemanly, even if persistent. She did have the classic dancer look and was a good dancer (tried valiantly to teach me, to no avail!) so was attractive to a wide range of men and the pictures taken of herself and the other young women dancing showed wide and varied partners and interest, normal at the time.

 

My point is that women have been dealing with this for a long time and most, in general, have little to no issues with it, though I do note more crass behavior amongst my peer males today, necessitating a perhaps stronger response. Of course, women are more assertive today and handle interactions with males differently when rejecting such advances. The process is relatively similar and the style has simply changed to a more direct and candid one. Progress, I guess.

 

Only on ls are most women cool with being hit on by grandpas.

Uso lady is in a position in which she has to be nice. That doesnt mean she was liking it.

Ive seen my grandpa hit on young women cashiers. Ive seen the grimaces and looks of disgust first hand. Theyre not in a position to tell him to eff off so he wont stop. *shrug*

Edited December 24, 2014 by hotpotato

[carhill]

Well, since the lady in question was my mother, I can assure you her experiences and liking her times there were authentic. Can't speak for other folks, though her youngest sister was down there too and ended up marrying a serviceman who was 12 years older (they met when she was 16 and he 28) and they were married until he died in his eighties. She's the only family member still alive. What I did, back when video cameras were new in the early 80's, was set them down and ask them questions about their lives. Fascinating stuff. Pretty adventurous too.

 

That said, I'm not posting to change anyone's mind, as I know that's impossible. Just sharing some thoughts as a bald, somewhat overweight, middle-aged man. Take them for what you will.

[hotpotato]

I rarely get hit on, but when I do, it's usually an elderly man. 70's range.

 

It's usually very sweet and innocent, which is cute. I smile and go along with it and happily talk with them before we go on our merry way.

 

I know nothing's meant by it, they're just having a happy chat, so that's why it's nice to go with it and smile!

 

Im glad youre having good luck. I have to be very careful about talking to old men. Very easily it can become a stalker situation. I tried to be friendly with yet another one, then he started asking me if I was single. I said yes, and he said i must be lonely. Umm, not lonely enough to bang random old dudes!

 

 

Then he asked if I wanted to go back to his place. Honestly, that disgusts me no matter who does it. Next time I was a little rude to him, problem solved.

[hotpotato]

Well, since the lady in question was my mother, I can assure you her experiences and liking her times there were authentic. Can't speak for other folks, though her youngest sister was down there too and ended up marrying a serviceman who was 12 years older (they met when she was 16 and he 28) and they were married until he died in his eighties. She's the only family member still alive. What I did, back when video cameras were new in the early 80's, was set them down and ask them questions about their lives. Fascinating stuff. Pretty adventurous too.

 

That said, I'm not posting to change anyone's mind, as I know that's impossible. Just sharing some thoughts as a bald, somewhat overweight, middle-aged man. Take them for what you will.

 

Gonna try to convince me that most 25 year olds like being hit on by 70 year old men? Nope, wont change my mind. Like ive said, ive seen the looks of disgust year in and year out. My sample size is bigger than 2. only a ls...

 

Also, I dated a man who was 16-17 years older. That was older, but not quite as old as my parent and definitely not a grandparent.

[carhill]

I'm not trying to convince you, or anyone, of anything. I fail to understand why every discussion on this forum has to be a vitrol-filled argument. Waste of my time. Adios.

[autumnnight]

I don't think there's anything fundamentally wrong with consenting adults of those ages dating so nothing wrong, in principle, with someone of that age hitting on you. (Of course the manner in which they hit on you may be very relevant.) In this case, however, you don't want to date them, which is fine, so politely ignore or politely decline. I suppose you could rudely decline, but that would be your action rather than a consequence of theirs.

 

Exactly. Their creepiness is on them. My insistence on being a b*tch to any man with a gray hair would be a testament to MY character flaws

[Danda]

When prompted with the topic of being hit on by older men, what comes to my mind is me being in my 20s and getting hit on by a guy say 55+ years old. When a guy reminds me of one of my grandfathers, and brazenly hits on me (not just a sweet, appropriate / nonsexual compliment, which is well, sweet, and just fine), it feels very unsettling, in a very creepy way, and I tend to have a 'fight' response (as opposed to flight) so I feel agitated by it.

 

I think for me it boils down to a more generational thing, and then gets combined with some unfortunate childhood experiences I had. If a guy appears to me to be a full generation or more above me, then I want to see him as a more mentor like figure, maybe just that basic paternal void I was left with growing up, and then when they imply interest in sex it.. Idunno "triggers" me, maybe? It's just not a good feeling.

 

But if I am 26 and a guy who is 32 hits on me, even if I don't find him attractive at all, it does not feel creepy or unsettling to me. I perceive him as a peer, even if a bit older.

[Anela]

I was 27 when my sister's much older boyfriend (now husband) hit on me, and he hit on me again at a later date, including my mother in the whole thing, and my sister saw what he wrote to her. Very odd.

 

I only have a problem with it, when they are exclusively focused on younger women, or looking to cheat or make trouble.

[Danda]

I think insecurity often leads to projection issues, honestly. Which just muddles otherwise chill discussions. Like with this particular topic, older males feel insecure and try to 'level the playing field' in their minds by strongly implying that women 30+ are less desirable in general. It basically boils down to a defense mechanism of, "I feel bad that I am older and have a harder time attracting mates, but it will make me feel better if I make you feel like ****, too, so I will spell out how you're less desirable if you're older to soothe my pain from feeling that I am less desirable because I am older." Misery-Loves-Company and all that jazz, I guess.

 

I noticed it in the thread about huge boobs, too. Women who are insecure about having small hooters often place a huge emphasis on the terrible back pain and unwanted lewdness that large-chested women must all suffer from, basically self-soothing by trying to identify misery in those of whom they feel jealousy, because well empathizing feels better than.. well feeling like an insecure, jealous mess.

 

It's funny though in a way because we're really all in the same boats throughout life, heh. Everyone with their insecurities and struggles. Sometimes people just need to take a breather and let themselves realize it. Like both large and small chested women deal with the resulting pors and cons, and both older men and women often find their options pool shrinking as they age (and we all get older eventually, well unless we die early).

 

Edit: I responded to posts that were deleted, so now my post is a bit out of left field. Sorry.

[Robert]

Thread closed as it has run it's course, thanks all who participated