carhill Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 What do you do when you get hit on by 45-50 year old men? A long time ago but I simply told them to keep their hands to themselves and to remember their commitment to God. For a woman, presuming romantic approaches, simply politely, but directly, decline, little different than any other man whose approach one isn't interested in. Most guys my age know the drill and are used to it. Sure, there are jerks but IME most women are quite well versed in dressing down jerks. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Meanwhile, he's dismissing the women in his age group... Spanishchick, I've btdt with these discussions. People will come out and imply that you are ageist, as a an older man is practicing his own ageism by hitting on young(er) women. Simply not true. For one thing, I'm not hitting on anyone very much younger. I date women close to my own age, the largest gap being 7-8 years. I look for a kind of awareness that such women are unlikely to have. Secondly, I am not calling older women who hit on me creepers, regardless of whether or not I find them attractive. What do you get out of being so condescending? Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Hard truth, but plenty of young people think old people are "disgusting" when it comes to dating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I've gotten hit on by way older men for a long time now. Even as a young teenager. I used to feel so disgusted by it but the older I got, sadly, the more used to it I got. I just don't engage. Most of the time it's all pretty harmless. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 They're certainly entitled to their preferences; how they choose to express them, and preferences in general, is good information for those who may contemplate interacting with them on any level. It works basically the same way as the older man who approaches them. He can choose how to approach and how to accept their response. Those acts have social importance, both on the micro and macro levels of social interaction. Can one not care how they are perceived by society and their peers? Yup! The example of the diddling brothers I outlined is one great one. Big world, lots of people. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Simply not true. For one thing, I'm not hitting on anyone very much younger. I date women close to my own age, the largest gap being 7-8 years. I look for a kind of awareness that such women are unlikely to have. Secondly, I am not calling older women who hit on me creepers, regardless of whether or not I find them attractive. What do you get out of being so condescending? It is true. Plenty of young men thing its flat out gross when an older woman hits on them. If shes older, she better be like Halle Berry. When a younger man envisions an older woman hed bang, it aint everyday average middle aged woman. Seven to 8 years isnt that bad. Im being real. To a lot of younger people, it is creepy. Of course, token dudes on ls will talk about how much they dont mind older women, but thats not true generally irl. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Perhaps an aspect that only becomes evident when one actually ages, simply due to life experience, but one dear old mom taught me as a young man.... Just because a woman happens to look like this as an older woman, doesn't mean she hasn't had the life experiences and feelings related to looking like this. This can be a difficult concept for young people to grasp because they simply haven't experienced the gamut of life yet. That 'older' woman who perhaps is getting friendly with me (a few have!) doesn't feel inside like a septuagenarian, rather her insides have the life experience and self-image of the totality of her life. As my deceased mother used to opine, she always felt young inside but lately (in her late 70's especially) she was somewhat shocked by the image in the mirror. However, her feelings regarding age were inside-based versus appearance based so sometimes image and feelings were at odds. IME, it's similar as I age. If anything, perhaps a bit less since I starting balding at a young age so looked prematurely 'older' in my generation so aging really hasn't been a shocking change. I always looked 'old' to women of my generation so expect their reactions to match up with their preferences. It's a different life experience from a man (or woman) who aged differently (like Honor Blackman in my example) and how they feel. Hence, when older women 'hit on' me, I keep that in mind, as well as the mandate to always be a gentleman, even if declining a lady's polite invitation to socialize. If that's old-fashioned, OK, guilty! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 It is true. Plenty of young men thing its flat out gross when an older woman hits on them. If shes older, she better be like Halle Berry. When a younger man envisions an older woman hed bang, it aint everyday average middle aged woman. Seven to 8 years isnt that bad. Im being real. To a lot of younger people, it is creepy. Of course, token dudes on ls will talk about how much they dont mind older women, but thats not true generally irl. Seems to me where I live, whenever normal 40, 50, 60 year old people get together, for serious relationships, there is not usually much of a gap, 10 years, if that. Of course you will always get the older man parading his hottie or his younger mail order bride, but it seems to be the exception not the rule IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 It doesn't matter why someone is not attracted to someone who has hit on them. Just be polite about the turn down. Even if the person crossed a line & is hitting on you in a vulgar way, be the bigger person & respond with something that resembles civility. That's all. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 It doesn't matter why someone is not attracted to someone who has hit on them. Just be polite about the turn down. Even if the person crossed a line & is hitting on you in a vulgar way, be the bigger person & respond with something that resembles civility. That's all. Disagree. Sometimes you really do need to be mean. After being stalked several times, I get whysone women feel like they need to be bytchy. Dating a young woman is a big deal to a lot of older and elderly. Overzealous old man may interpret a olite no as a maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Disagree. Sometimes you really do need to be mean. After being stalked several times, I get whysone women feel like they need to be bytchy. Dating a young woman is a big deal to a lot of older and elderly. Overzealous old man may interpret a olite no as a maybe. You can be polite but firm. There is a difference. If the behavior crosses into illegal stalking that is a whole other ball game but really I don't see why the Golden Rule -- do unto others -- isn't at the forefront. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 You can be polite but firm. There is a difference. If the behavior crosses into illegal stalking that is a whole other ball game but really I don't see why the Golden Rule -- do unto others -- isn't at the forefront. Sometimes polite but firm doesnt work... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Disagree. Sometimes you really do need to be mean. After being stalked several times, I get whysone women feel like they need to be bytchy. Dating a young woman is a big deal to a lot of older and elderly. Overzealous old man may interpret a olite no as a maybe. I agree if you are being stalked or dealing with a drunk who is out of order, then you may have to be mean or even call the police, but in a normal bar situation, it is not necessary to be rude or impolite. If you cannot tell someone politely that you are not interested, then you need to reassess your social skills IMO. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Sometimes polite but firm doesnt work... True but you don't know that the 1st time you meet someone. All I advocated was trying polite 1st. If it doesn't work then you move on to something stronger. A horrible man hit on me on Friday. We have history. He was one of my dad'd friends & then he became an out of control drunk who ruined his family. He is dangerous & I am afraid of him. As he moved to touch me I told him to back the F off & promised him that if he touched me I was going to take the wine glass in my hand, smash it on the bar & stab him in the throat with the stem, after which everyone in the bar would swear that he fell on it. Before I had to make good on my threat, he was physically escorted from the premises. My level of anger & violence as outlined above was not the starting point. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Though I can't imagine a scenario developing in a sexual approach which would necessitate such actions, what I usually do with persistent men I'm not interested in interacting with is: 1. Tell them thanks but I'm not interested. 2. If they don't disengage, ask them, again in a calm tone of voice, to please step back 3. Create a bit of space and repeat the request, in a firmer tone, while putting my hand in the vicinity of my weapon. Whatever happens after that is up to them. So far, overwhelmingly, the men have always disengaged with polite requests. Only once did I have to become firm. That said, I do observe men and how they 'dominate' interactions with women so can understand how some women could feel vulnerable in such situations. Fair enough. Also, in deference to the gentlemen of my generation, I do note that men of my generation can be quite persistent in matters of romance, not easily taking 'no' for an answer. Probably watched too many Cary Grant movies Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I agree if you are being stalked or dealing with a drunk who is out of order, then you may have to be mean or even call the police, but in a normal bar situation, it is not necessary to be rude or impolite. If you cannot tell someone politely that you are not interested, then you need to reassess your social skills IMO. Ormaybe sone guys should learn that no means no... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 In the same way you do not need a huge hammer to crack a nut, there is no need to reduce a man to a snivelling wreck, just because you happen not to be interested in him. I am astounded daily by how fragile men are on this forum, most do not have the back up of a load of friends to talk away the knockbacks either. There is no need to treat all men bad, because one or two are jerks. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 In the same way you do not need a huge hammer to crack a nut, there is no need to reduce a man to a snivelling wreck, just because you happen not to be interested in him. I am astounded daily by how fragile men are on this forum, most do not have the back up of a load of friends to talk away the knockbacks either. There is no need to treat all men bad, because one or two are jerks. Years ago, I would have said the same thing. Now I know sometimes it helps to be a little rude. Guys need to understand that and not take it so personally. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Well, that age doesn't bother me because I am only one year younger than that, but older than that, I just politely decline. Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Ormaybe sone guys should learn that no means no... You are talking about two separate things, a man who is hitting on a younger woman vs. a man who refuses to take no for an answer. The first should not be treated the same as the last. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 You are talking about two separate things, a man who is hitting on a younger woman vs. a man who refuses to take no for an answer. The first should not be treated the same as the last. I didnt bring up the topic-how to reject men. But it still stands, sometimes as a woman you will need to be mean and rude while rejecting a man. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I didnt bring up the topic-how to reject men. But it still stands, sometimes as a woman you will need to be mean and rude while rejecting a man. Sometimes maybe but the point all of us are trying to make that you seem to disagree with is that you don't have to start with mean. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Sometimes maybe but the point all of us are trying to make that you seem to disagree with is that you don't have to start with mean. Unfortunately, when dealing with older men, it helps to be mean right from the start. That polite no means a maybe to many of them. A lot of older men dont care to read social cues. An older man has a lot to gain from dating someone younger. A lot of them will come at a woman aggressively of he believes there is a remote chance that he could have her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Whilst your reaction is entirely your perogative you might want to bear in mind that time eventually makes fools of us all and one day you will be that 50 year old cougar lusting after that hot guy with the 6 pack who is young enough to be your son. Guess what? He thinks you are disgusting and should stick to a more appropriate age range. Chew on that for a bit and you may realise that 'there but for the grace of God' is the best attitude to go forward with in the future 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Whilst your reaction is entirely your perogative you might want to bear in mind that time eventually makes fools of us all and one day you will be that 50 year old cougar lusting after that hot guy with the 6 pack who is young enough to be your son. Guess what? He thinks you are disgusting and should stick to a more appropriate age range. Chew on that for a bit and you may realise that 'there but for the grace of God' is the best attitude to go forward with in the future She has every right to have a preference and some of the comments trying to guilt her in to be attracted to older men is off. What bristled me and I think others was her terminology. Link to post Share on other sites
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