What do you do when you get hit on by 45-50 year old men?

[spanishchick00]

I'm in my early 30's and I'm disgusted by this. And I don't even TRY to even get their attention. Geez. At times like this, I really wished I had a boyfriend to defend me when these nasty creeps are hitting on me.

[salparadise]

You politely say, no thanks... and be appreciative that you just happen to be the 30-something hottie with options rather than a 45-50 year old creep who must endure ire of ignorant people with entitlement issues when they try to make a connection. How long do you think it will be before things start dropping and the wrinkles show up?

[Gloria25]

How good lookin' are these 45-50 yr olds now?

 

I'm going on 40, but in my 30's dated men, some of which were nearing 50.

 

One of them, OMG, great bod and he really didn't work out as much as I did. I remember one day watching him get dressed and he was in he boxer briefs and I just wanted to snap a picture to keep

[USMCHokie]

It is quite common for men of that age range to date women of your age range. This is nothing out of the ordinary. Honest truth is that most men your age are looking at women in their 20s. I think the time when people date closest to their own age is in high school. As your get older that age range widens.

[MissBee]

I politely decline and move it along.

 

I'm in my twenties, dating a 50 year old man isn't feasible but if he was good looking, charming and such I wouldn't find it creepy that he showed interest. Well...it depends on how it was done, but I don't really trust a man who is eager to date/sleep with someone who could be his daughter.

[spanishchick00]

Yeah, the age range widens for sure. I remember when I was 20, I got hit on by a 30 year old man at the library. Then when I was 18, I got hit on my some 45 year old man. So, when I have to do errands and have to go out to the store, etc, etc. I usually look like a piece of crap and don't wear any "cute tops." Now, if I'm going out to the club, where I know there will be guys my age or younger, then I will try to look my best. This is what I will do from now on.

[salparadise]

...but if he was good looking, charming and such I wouldn't find it creepy that he showed interest.

 

Yes. The creepy part is in the eye of the beholder... perhaps they should just be forced to swallow cyanide on their 40th birthday so the 30-somethings will never be bothered.

 

If you start at 30-something, and add one for each finger on one hand, then do the same for the other hand, what do you have? Foresight, apparently not.

 

Now, if I'm going out to the club, where I know there will be guys my age or younger...

Pfft. Edited December 22, 2014 by salparadise

[hotpotato]

Feel lucky. Ive had 70 year olds come on to me.

[ktya]

Yes. The creepy part is in the eye of the beholder... perhaps they should just be forced to swallow cyanide on their 40th birthday so the 30-somethings will never be bothered.

 

If you start at 30-something, and add one for each finger on one hand, then do the same for the other hand, what do you have? Foresight, apparently not.

 

Pfft.

 

Lol I'm 38 and I've slept with girls as young as 19. We both had a great time.

[d0nnivain]

It's a little rude to be disgusted by people who are essentially paying you a compliment.

 

 

If you are not attracted to someone, you still politely say thank you but no thank you & move on.

 

 

Then you work on making the inside as attractive as the outside.

[mammasita]

Why is it so disgusting?

 

Be thankful SOMEONE finds you attractive.

[hotpotato]

Why is it so disgusting?

 

Be thankful SOMEONE finds you attractive.

 

It's like calling her desperate.

 

"You have no other options, so you're gonna have to date someone old enough to be your dad."

 

Ok, there are men in that age range who are attractive, but most are not. IME it's the ones who are very unattractive who think they have a shot. We're talking about your pot bellied dad or grandpa, not the George Clooneys of the world.

 

They don't care that you are interested in them. They are totally focused on getting someone young/younger.

[gaius]

Feel lucky. Ive had 70 year olds come on to me.

Didn't you date one of them? And what happened to the younger guy you were talking about recently?

 

I got a vibe from a cashier than must have been in her 60's the other day and it wasn't bad.

[central]

The stats show that in first marriages, the partners are much more likely to be close in age. Only 5% of men marry women 10 or more years younger.

 

However, for second marriages, 20% of men marry women 10 or more years younger, and another 18% marry women 6 to 9 years younger.

 

On the flip side, more women marry older men for second marriages.

 

Tying the knot again? Chances are, there?s a bigger age gap than the first time around | Pew Research Center

 

It's also said that no matter the man's age, the most attractive women will be mid to late 20s. The biological reason for that is men remain fertile, but women have a window of fertility. Fertility is the biological basis of attraction, so this makes sense, however, most men also look for other traits when they're older, and fertility may be consciously much lower on their list (if it's even makes the list).

[mammasita]

It's like calling her desperate.

 

"You have no other options, so you're gonna have to date someone old enough to be your dad."

 

Ok, there are men in that age range who are attractive, but most are not. IME it's the ones who are very unattractive who think they have a shot. We're talking about your pot bellied dad or grandpa, not the George Clooneys of the world.

 

They don't care that you are interested in them. They are totally focused on getting someone young/younger.

 

I get it. Its happened to me too. I've been hit on and had drinks purchased for me by less than desirable balding, smelly, pot bellied OLDER men. I might say I already have a BF or I say thank you for the drink, chat for a minute and go on about my business.

 

There's much to say about accepting the compliment for what it is.

[nofeelings22]

Being an older guy that pretty much only meets younger women (I don't hit on anyone), I'd say just mention a boyfriend or something to quickly and easily take the wind out of his sails.

 

 

i do the same if I get telemarketers. I tell them their product is great. I already have one. Ends the conversation instantly without and emotions raised.

[hotpotato]

Didn't you date one of them? And what happened to the younger guy you were talking about recently?

 

I got a vibe from a cashier than must have been in her 60's the other day and it wasn't bad.

 

I had one stalk me. Thats a lil different.

I dated a 36-37 year old when I was 20 for a few years.

 

I still talk to younger guy. I actually feel bad about him being a mere 5 years younger. Ive had guys as young as 18 hit on me on pof. Thats a lil young, and it made me feel like a pedo. Maybe I should be like some of these dudes and just chase whoever lol.

[elaine567]

I think there are women their 20s and 30s with "old souls" and for them dating older guys in their 40s, 50s is OK, because there is a connection.

There are also men in their 40s, 50s who are basically young people in old bodies: there can also be a connection there, and dating younger women is possible.

 

But for your average, fairly ordinary looking, 40s, 50s newly divorced "dad" hitting on young women, the real connection is zilch and whilst a hook up is possible, if she is agreeable, nothing else will come of it apart from heart-ache.

 

Of course if you add big money, good looks (and I mean serious good looks) or real charisma into the equation, then just about anything is possible.

[spanishchick00]

I'm talking about the old, pot bellied, bald, armpit stains, divorced older dude with 4 kids that hit on me. You don't find that disgusting? I'm not talking about george clooney or brad Pitt. I don't live in Hollywood where all the good looking older men live.

[elaine567]

I'm talking about the old, pot bellied, bald, armpit stains, divorced older dude with 4 kids that hit on me. You don't find that disgusting? I'm not talking about george clooney or brad Pitt. I don't live in Hollywood where all the good looking older men live.

 

BUT the "Old, pot bellied, bald, armpit stains, divorced older dude with 4 kids" is a human being and as such should be allowed some respect.

 

Obviously if he is not respecting your boundaries, then you need to make it clear to him you are not available, but if he was just offering to buy you a drink he deserves your time and respect, as a fellow human being, no?

[salparadise]

BUT the "Old, pot bellied, bald, armpit stains, divorced older dude with 4 kids" is a human being and as such should be allowed some respect.

 

Obviously if he is not respecting your boundaries, then you need to make it clear to him you are not available, but if he was just offering to buy you a drink he deserves your time and respect, as a fellow human being, no?

 

^^^ Wish I could like this a hundred times.

 

Spanishchick, try and tune into what Elaine is saying... how can you be so dismissive and not realize that middle age is just around the corner for you as well? We're all just human beings seeking connection, and not a single one of us has any control over how many days ago we were born.

[hotpotato]

I'm talking about the old, pot bellied, bald, armpit stains, divorced older dude with 4 kids that hit on me. You don't find that disgusting? I'm not talking about george clooney or brad Pitt. I don't live in Hollywood where all the good looking older men live.

 

I think it's gross, and it's not all about looks.

 

Some men think women expire, but they don't think that they will ever expire. They think they are forever sexy. They don't want women their age because those women are older, overweight, wrinkled, but the man is older overweight, and wrinkled.

 

They can't seem to grasp that a lot of younger women don't want to deal with baby mama drama. If I were 50lbs overweight and had 4 kids, I wouldn't expect younger men to hit on me or want to be with me. So, I guess the underlying thing is they believe a woman should be happy that somebody paid her some kind of attention. Women should be happy with whatever they can get while men should have options.

 

Usually, you have to be really hot (looks, money, status, charisma, etc), to date someone younger, and this is true for men and women. Ok, Hugh Hefner has a lot of young girlfriends, but he's rich. Warren Buffett married a woman like 1/2 his age, but he's rich. George Clooney married a much younger woman, but he's George Clooney. Elsa Pataky is married to a younger man, but she's smokin hot.

[hotpotato]

^^^ Wish I could like this a hundred times.

 

Spanishchick, try and tune into what Elaine is saying... how can you be so dismissive and not realize that middle age is just around the corner for you as well? We're all just human beings seeking connection, and not a single one of us has any control over how many days ago we were born.

 

Meanwhile, he's dismissing the women in his age group...

 

Spanishchick, I've btdt with these discussions. People will come out and imply that you are ageist, as a an older man is practicing his own ageism by hitting on young(er) women.

[elaine567]

Meanwhile, he's dismissing the women in his age group...

 

Spanishchick, I've btdt with these discussions. People will come out and imply that you are ageist, as a an older man is practicing his own ageism by hitting on young(er) women.

 

Agree totally, but he still not "disgusting".

Disgusting seems to be a term that is bandied about a lot about people that are not considered dating material.

But they still have feelings, hopes and dreams.

To label this man "disgusting" is no better than to describe the plus size models "disgusting".

 

He is not as far as we know, a mass murderer, a rapist or a child molester, they are truly "disgusting".

He may be some sort of hook up merchant but he may be just a man looking for a date, perhaps he has been massively hurt by a cheating wife, perhaps his self esteem is in his boots, perhaps it took him all his time to go out that night, it is not easy being propelled back onto the dating scene for older men and women.

Who knows? But I doubt he should be labelled "disgusting".

 

...and for all we know Spanishchick00 may be 30, but may look 45, some women do.

[serial muse]

This is true:

 

how can you be so dismissive and not realize that middle age is just around the corner for you as well? We're all just human beings seeking connection, and not a single one of us has any control over how many days ago we were born.

 

...and so is this:

 

Some men think women expire, but they don't think that they will ever expire. They think they are forever sexy. They don't want women their age because those women are older, overweight, wrinkled, but the man is older overweight, and wrinkled.

 

I totally agree that calling someone who is expressing interest in you "disgusting" based solely on age is really rude and thoughtless. OP, if these guys are just paying you the compliment of finding you attractive, and you don't find them so, then the appropriate thing to do is just politely decline. There's no need to be insulted, or to be rude to them.

 

But I also think it's pretty amusing to see how offended some guys on here are getting about this age issue, while in the next breath (or one thread over) talking about how women are most attractive in their 20s and after that are increasingly desperate and unattractive! Yep. I mean, yeah, we're all just human beings seeking connection. And EVERYBODY gets old.

Edited December 22, 2014 by serial muse