Why do Less and Less Women Want Marriage or Even a Relationship?

[Woggle]

I hear a lot about emotional work and still have yet to figure out what it is.

[Weezy1973]

Sure, my data may be wrong, looking at old. I'm not very versed in that. But this outlook is the norm right now. And people... when i talk about strings of guys in and out, I'm thinking of the love lives of many of my female friends.

 

Why? Why are the majority of single women no choosing not to explore relationships.

 

It's like marriage is right off the table and relationships are teetering on the edge now too. Women's preference.

 

Curious - you said you're a scientist. How can you admit that your data might be wrong in one sentence, yet still draw conclusions that "this outlook is the norm" and "the majority of single women" aren't choosing to explore relationships?

 

Your data is wrong. You should not be drawing conclusions from it. Most women and men want to be in a relationship.

 

It is possible that the women you happen to be attracted to are not relationship oriented though. And that's on you. It's like the women who come on here and ask "why are all men players?" Well, the reason is that those women are attracted to players. All men, in fact most men, are certainly not players.

[hotpotato]

I hear a lot about emotional work and still have yet to figure out what it is.

 

Proves my point

[Weezy1973]

Curious - you said you're a scientist. How can you admit that your data might be wrong in one sentence, yet still draw conclusions that "this outlook is the norm" and "the majority of single women" aren't choosing to explore relationships?

 

Your data is wrong. You should not be drawing conclusions from it. Most women and men want to be in a relationship.

 

It is possible that the women you happen to be attracted to are not relationship oriented though. And that's on you. It's like the women who come on here and ask "why are all men players?" Well, the reason is that those women are attracted to players. All men, in fact most men, are certainly not players.

 

And to back up my own points - some data - a Gallup poll from 2013:

 

Most in U.S. Want Marriage, but Its Importance Has Dropped

 

It shows only about 5% - 6% of people are single and do not want to get married in the US. Everybody else is either married, or single and wanting to get married.

[Woggle]

Proves my point

 

What is it? I asked me my wife if I do enough emotional work and she looked at me like I was speaking Japanese. She doesn't know exactly what it is either.

[hotpotato]

What is it? I asked me my wife if I do enough emotional work and she looked at me like I was speaking Japanese. She doesn't know exactly what it is either.

 

More likely than not, your wife has been doing the bulk of the emotion work.

 

emotion work

Women are usually the "emotional managers" of the relationship. I certainly have been in mine.

 

I wish I had some of my old textbooks from those family classes I took.

[Woggle]

More likely than not, your wife has been doing the bulk of the emotion work.

 

emotion work

Women are usually the "emotional managers" of the relationship. I certainly have been in mine.

 

I wish I had some of my old textbooks from those family classes I took.

 

If emotion work is showing affection believe me I do plenty of that and she is the kind of person who says what she is feeling rather than skirting around the issue so if I wasn't doing enough emotional stuff she would say. Me thinks it is just another term though made by make bashers in order to say men aren't doing enough.

[littleblackheart]

Yes, this.

 

This is exactly what I see in my personal experience as well as in profiles online.

 

This is precisely the view I was so curious about. They talk about not wanting the drama of a relationship. All I can imagine is they were with the worst guts imaginable and had such a bad experience, they are shut off, emotionally.

 

Or are people who made the decision you have made just not interested in the depth involved in a relationship.

 

You get this. You are describing exactly what I've seen as the most prevalent approach single women are taking now.

 

Sure, my data may be wrong, looking at old. I'm not very versed in that. But this outlook is the norm right now. And people... when i talk about strings of guys in and out, I'm thinking of the love lives of many of my female friends.

 

Why? Why are the majority of single women no choosing not to explore relationships.

 

 

 

I'm not sure the majority of single women are choosing not to explore relationships at all - they're just choosing not to explore any and every relationship coming their way so in that regard I don't think the outlook is the norm, but I would agree that there seems to be a trend emerging.

 

 

FWIW, the bolded is my situation exactly (and a few of my friends, admittedly an insignificant sample size), to the point where I can't trust my own judgement when it comes to a suitable partner (no doubt there are plenty of good people out there, I just can't recognise them, through lack of habit).

 

 

I have no interest in old personally, I don't understand how it works and I just don't see what benefit one can get from it that you can't have in real life, especially if you're after a genuine connection; I can very much get why, however, a woman who has no interest in a long-term, steady relationship would want to explore other avenues (FWB or whatever) - celibacy is not for everyone, after all.

[CALOVELY]

If emotion work is showing affection believe me I do plenty of that and she is the kind of person who says what she is feeling rather than skirting around the issue so if I wasn't doing enough emotional stuff she would say. Me thinks it is just another term though made by make bashers in order to say men aren't doing enough.

 

It's difficult to describe but I will try. Emotion work is in essence taking the temperature of the relationship and addressing any issues that need attention. Lack of communication, feeling neglected, old hurts that need to be discussed, etc. While I don't think it is gender specific, I do feel more women are willing to be the "emotional worker" because we tend to express our emotions easier or rather we need to hash things out to feel better about the relationship. I think men are more of a don't rock the boat type, meaning If there aren't glaring issues and overall contentment, they won't say anything. This is of course an oversimplification and certainly doesn't apply to everybody.

[Woggle]

It's difficult to describe but I will try. Emotion work is in essence taking the temperature of the relationship and addressing any issues that need attention. Lack of communication, feeling neglected, old hurts that need to be discussed, etc. While I don't think it is gender specific, I do feel more women are willing to be the "emotional worker" because we tend to express our emotions easier or rather we need to hash things out to feel better about the relationship. I think men are more of a don't rock the boat type, meaning If there aren't glaring issues and overall contentment, they won't say anything. This is of course an oversimplification and certainly doesn't apply to everybody.

 

I think my wife is man then because she says some people treat relationships like a scab. They pick at it and it gets infected instead of just letting things heal.

[autumnnight]

Narcissism. They are incapable of being in a relationship because that requires you to sometimes put the needs and wants of another above your own. As you say, they also like all the attention they get from having a ton of guys kissing their behind constantly. I have seen women take selfies constantly to post on social media just to have their collection of male admirers complement them.

 

I would say that most women are getting tired of men who generalize that all women are like the above. Who wants to date a man who thinks so little of women?

[CALOVELY]

I think my wife is man then because she says some people treat relationships like a scab. They pick at it and it gets infected instead of just letting things heal.

 

That can also be a problem. Mountain out of a molehill kind of thing.

[elaine567]

I believe that many women spend their lives doing emotional work in marriages and some may not even know they are doing it. Smoothing things over, papering over the cracks, innately making sure everyone is happy, sacrificing her own needs for other people, caring and sharing, sometimes with little reward or recognition.

[autumnnight]

I'm adding Woggle to the very short list now too

 

He sounds like a keeper.

 

Also, the only thing sadder than a man who seems to hate all women is another WOMAN who seems to hate all women.....just sayin

[hotpotato]

If emotion work is showing affection believe me I do plenty of that and she is the kind of person who says what she is feeling rather than skirting around the issue so if I wasn't doing enough emotional stuff she would say. Me thinks it is just another term though made by make bashers in order to say men aren't doing enough.

 

Its not just being affectionate. Its about taking the pulse of the relationship. Its real, believe me lol. If shes bringing stuff up, then shes doing a good job of assessing the relationship. Its a task most women naturally do. Most people dont think about it consciously. There are more examples, its just hard for me to describe.

 

I guess thats another reason I dont date. Dating and mating require a lot of rules and customs. Most people dont have to think about what theyre supposed to do.

[hotpotato]

I believe that many women spend their lives doing emotional work in marriages and some may not even know they are doing it. Smoothing things over, papering over the cracks, innately making sure everyone is happy, sacrificing her own needs for other people, caring and sharing, sometimes with little reward or recognition.

 

Thanks! Thats exactly what we are getting at. It gets old, too.

[hotpotato]

Most likely. " I know you do most of the physical work dear, but unbeknownst to you, I'm busy doing all the emotional work,"[/Quote]

 

 

I bet if women stopped doing the bulk of emotion work, men would notice...

[carhill]

I personally haven't seen signs of 'less and less' in my demographic since nearly every woman I know and meet is married but, for the few I know personally who are single and choose to remain single, they predominantly find their lives satisfying without a man in it, enjoying their mature years in long careers with relatively relaxed schedules, or are retired and enjoying that; spending time with the grandchildren and, for some, great grandchildren, pursuing their own hobbies. Men are always around if desired and I doubt any of them would have difficulty finding another husband if they so chose.

 

Overall, I get the same sense from them that I got from my mother after she became a widow. Experienced, independent, did the 'man and family' thing and there's other parts of life to explore.

 

I can't speak to motivations in younger women or their percentages but that's what I've seen and heard in my age demographic. Still, overwhelmingly, the women I know and meet of all ages are married so, around here, I don't think the title of thread has much traction.

[Revolver]

1. More options than at any point in history

2. Less of a stigma of being single

3. Economic independence

[kenmore]

The burden of dating is mostly on the men, even today. Men are expected to ask a woman out, pay, and dote on her all evening, so of course the man isn't going to want to start over and over with new women all the time.

 

For the woman, though, what's it to her? If she doesn't get serious with the current dude, another will be coming along any time, and he can start spending on her. In fact, most guys will spend a LOT more money and attention on a new date than one he has been seeing for months.

 

I think that's true for most aspects of a relationship though, everybody gets lazier with time.

 

Of course, with more people in the dating pool, the risks increase. Every new date is another roll of the dice that you may be with the "woman beater", the "cheating husband", the "uncondomed drunk" or the "rapist".

 

The grass isn't always greener elsewhere.

[nofeelings22]

Curious - you said you're a scientist. How can you admit that your data might be wrong in one sentence, yet still draw conclusions that "this outlook is the norm" and "the majority of single women" aren't choosing to explore relationships?

 

Your data is wrong. You should not be drawing conclusions from it. Most women and men want to be in a relationship.

 

It is possible that the women you happen to be attracted to are not relationship oriented though. And that's on you. It's like the women who come on here and ask "why are all men players?" Well, the reason is that those women are attracted to players. All men, in fact most men, are certainly not players.

 

This is American culture....

[nofeelings22]

I guess for me its both. Ive been trying like shyt, and ive always been independent and fine alone (alone but not lonely). I enjoy peace and being by myself. I think id be more inclined to date if only one of those traits were missing.

 

After 2 years ive adapted very well to being single. Dating someone seriously would require a major change in lifestyle.

 

I dont think most women are like me. I think most women want very badly to get paired and have a kid. I am approaching 30 and care a lot less about kids.

 

 

 

Me too....very adjusted to being single. But... I've never experienced all of this drama in relationships people talk about. Nor did being married change my alone time. When you pair bond with someone, being with them feels exactly like being single. You lose no freedom. You gain a second mind. It's like there is a data cable connecting your brains. You can have a quiet time alone.... together.

 

I've had several relationships and a 10 year marriage. There are rarely any issues at all. Even with the mentally ill ex wife, other than when things got bad for her on occasion, it was all easy times.

 

All it was was a loving, equally supporting life. Soooo simple.

 

Makes me wonder if all of those people who call pair bonding "co dependent" just are so emotionally distant from your partners that problems arise.

 

I could count on one hand the number of fights I've been in even with a diagnosed, mentally I'll ex in 12 years together.

 

There is simply no drama if you are 100% open with your partner in every way and make them a priority in your life. All you have to do is give. It's sooo easy.

 

But it seems not many people want to try anymore.

Edited December 22, 2014 by nofeelings22

[Woggle]

Well I certainly do reward and recognize everything my wife does. Believe I appreciate it and I know how lucky I am. That being said she just doesn't the type to micro analyze everything. She says it herself that she would rather enjoy life with me than spend time reading some Cosmo article about our relationship.

 

Smoothing everything over sounded like what I did in my first marriage.

[MissBee]

I've seen a trend.

 

Certainly, marriage is on the decline. Seems nobody wants to do this anymore. I think I'd take a second crack at it, but hardly any currently unmarried people see it as a viable option.

 

Now, as a single guy, I'm seeing the that the vast majority of single women are not looking for a relationship of any kind!

 

Literally nothing. It's right in their profiles. They seem to be content to just have strings of dudes in and out the door, multi dating or just just changing guys every week .

 

What's the story here?

 

Anyone understand this trend?

 

I haven't noticed this trend and curious about whether or not this is your lay observation on dating sites or if there is some marriage census you're observing to see a broader picture of this as any social trend. My friend is a wedding planner and has as many weddings as ever though. My brother is a photographer and isn't short of weddings. It's Christmas time and the engagement ring commercials are out and when I was on my way home I saw a man propose at the airport. So from where I stand people are still marrying and getting on with things as usual.

 

Some people may not want marriage but still have LTRs and cohabit.

 

I don't look at women's dating profiles so I don't know what they want, and even if I were looking at women's profiles it's not like you're looking at all women from all parts of America to know if this is truly a trend...the women you see based on your filters are not really "vast majority of single women." And even if you looked at ALL women's profiles in every part of America that still only represents women who use OLD and says nothing of those who don't.

 

In terms of my own observations of my own life and circle...I don't see less and less relationships or marriage or desire for it. Many of my gfs are in serious relationships, a couple are married, some are dating casually, some are looking and most eventually want partnership, myself included.

Edited December 22, 2014 by MissBee

[hotpotato]

Well I certainly do reward and recognize everything my wife does. Believe I appreciate it and I know how lucky I am. That being said she just doesn't the type to micro analyze everything. She says it herself that she would rather enjoy life with me than spend time reading some Cosmo article about our relationship.

 

Smoothing everything over sounded like what I did in my first marriage.

 

Well good for you, but most men dont. Most women dont need a cosmo article or anything to tell tgem to do tge emotion work. They just do it