Karma Bus Strikes again.

[turnera]

My daughter was crying most of the night and most of the morning.

 

I am just happy the OM is getting a taste of his own medicine.

I would send him this.

[Selfish]

I have seen people misdirect anger and blame to the Ap.

 

But, I think one can be angry at the person who knowingly was involved with a married person. Affairs happen with two people. And there is usually more than enough anger and dislike to go around.

[Redheaded Mistress]

The people I feel badly for are the daughter, who in one swoop has lost a father-figure, siblings, her mother, and has a father who gets a degree of satisfaction from this, and the OP's wife because her husband is clearly not over his ex or the affair and divorce.

 

Imagine if an ex girlfriend or family member looked at his being cheated on and divorce by saying "LoL! Karma! The jerk is getting what he deserved!" That's pretty much what he's doing now. Considering how far removed he is from the event in terms of time and life situation and considering how badly this will impact the kids, I think the happy reaction is a bit disturbing.

[veryhappy]

You probably explained this before, but could you summarize how you divorced her and took absolutely everything including the kids? Are you located in a woman hating country? If you impeded her to have the kids and to see the kids, and made an effort towards that you are part of the problem for where things are.

[Clay]

The people I feel badly for are the daughter, who in one swoop has lost a father-figure, siblings, her mother, and has a father who gets a degree of satisfaction from this, and the OP's wife because her husband is clearly not over his ex or the affair and divorce.

 

Imagine if an ex girlfriend or family member looked at his being cheated on and divorce by saying "LoL! Karma! The jerk is getting what he deserved!" That's pretty much what he's doing now. Considering how far removed he is from the event in terms of time and life situation and considering how badly this will impact the kids, I think the happy reaction is a bit disturbing.

 

Well clearly you don't see who is home every night with my kids. Who was the one that held her when she found out her mother left with out saying good bye. I have said all along a part of me is happy the OM is suffering.

My priority has always been my kids. If I could have just had there toxic mom removed from there lives I sure would have. She is the one that chose to cheat again and ruin three other kids lives.

 

Your entitled to have your opinion just like everyone else is.

 

Clay

[Clay]

You probably explained this before, but could you summarize how you divorced her and took absolutely everything including the kids? Are you located in a woman hating country? If you impeded her to have the kids and to see the kids, and made an effort towards that you are part of the problem for where things are.

 

I am not in a country that hates women. Honestly it came as a shock to me that she did not really fight all that hard for the kids. If she had it would have been a serious fight because I did not and still do not think she is a good parent. I live in the US. My state is actually very conservative. Women have been always considered to be the primary care takers of children but I guess in that case it changed.

 

I have never impeded her from seeing her children. She has all the normal rights any non custodial parent would have. I actually wrote the decree myself based off 15 other examples I found in the law library. She would get every other weekend and 4 weeks in the summer. The last few years I gave her most of the summer with the kids. I also offered extra time. All she had to do is give be reasonable notice. You want to know how many times she asked for extra time in all 7 years? Two is the magic number. She never calls the kids herself. She always waits for them to call her. She pretty much walked away from having any kind of a relationship with my son. He is fed up with trying to have a relationship with her.

 

When my oldest daughter died this year I went and had a talk with my younger kids mother. She is the one that spent most of my daughters life with her. I asked her to please get more involved and how the younger two kids really needed her to step up. I bought her lunch. We talked for hours. I thought we both agreed she would spend more time with them. She never even called them after we talked. She was supposed to go visit with my son that friday and she never showed up.

 

Before she left this last week I practically begged on my younger daughters behalf she stayed in town for her. That ended with her telling me I cant tell her what to do and she hung up the phone. She left a day later without even telling them good bye.

 

If ever there was a example to hate a woman she would be that example.

 

I have remarried since to a wonderful woman. She is great with my kids and loves them like they were hers. She is actually taking them Christmas shopping tonight.

 

Thanks for your input but I think your wrong in your assessment.

 

Clay

[Redheaded Mistress]

Well clearly you don't see who is home every night with my kids. Who was the one that held her when she found out her mother left with out saying good bye. I have said all along a part of me is happy the OM is suffering.

 

My priority has always been my kids. If I could have just had there toxic mom removed from there lives I sure would have. She is the one that chose to cheat again and ruin three other kids lives.

 

Your entitled to have your opinion just like everyone else is.

 

Clay

 

I don't see you at home with your kids, but I do see what you're saying on here. I think there's a fair amount of self-satisfied gloating at her expense. Sure, she's the one who did it and hurt the three kids, but the "karma bus" comeuppance angle makes me just scratch my head. She hurt them, so one would think that with hurt kids, your thought doesn't turn around and go "ha ha, that guy she cheated with got his, serves him right."

 

Honesty, the fact that you say their life is "ruined" over it just goes to show I feel like your focus is on the happiness her train wreck causes you and an acceptance that the kids are now just screwed up as a result.

 

I don't know... If it were me, I'd have heard this and I'd have had dozens of thoughts:

 

1. She's moving, she's not going to see the my daughter as much and the kids are going to grow apart... How is this going to impact my daughter?

 

2. How can I try to help her be close to her siblings?

 

3. Does this now mean I have to shuttle my daughter off a state away to see her Mom?

 

4. Who is this guy who's about to be my daughter's stepfather?

 

5. This guy sounds abusive on the phone... Is my daughter safe if she goes to see her mother? Is her mother safe? Are the other kids safe?

 

6. How is this changing child support? Do I have to go to court?

 

7. Do I want to encourage my daughter to have a relationship with this guy who was once in a father-figure position in her life? Does he want one?

 

8. Does she need to contact him for closure? Does he want her to contact for closure?

 

I get that you say she's toxic, but I'd think that's even more of a reason to take this trainwreck as an all-hands-on-deck situation, not a "tee hee, that witch got hers..." Especially since she didn't "get hers." She had another affair and moved on. Maybe her ex got his, but she hasn't gotten hers. She's acting like she's acting and dragging 3 kids along for the ride. Not much to gloat on there.

 

Like I said, if an ex girlfriend or somebody you'd scorned in your past heard your wife had cheated and left you in shambles and responded with "ha ha, jerk got his," would you think good things about that person? Probably not. So why you'd want to be that person, especially with a child who's gutted over it... It's just odd.

 

It just seems like you're not over her. You're pretty immersed in her personal life and seem really invested in their outcomes as a means to getting closure and/or make sure she's appropriately "punished." That's got to be hard for the kids and your wife.

[Spectre]

I think your wife is more than just a cheater though. Yes she continues to cheat but that isn't the only wrong thing she does. She doesn't appear to make any good choices in her life period.

 

Well yes she isn't just a cheater, but a bad mother too.

[Redheaded Mistress]

I'm not trying to be mean... I just keep circling back to how weird the gloating sounds.

 

My husband's ex, who I used to think was a good mother, but I'm now accepting that she really isn't, just went through a bad breakup. Never once was the thought by me or my husband "Remember the awful things she's done? She's finally got her taste of karma..." All we talked about was the kids... If they were OK, if they were coping, etc etc.

 

Never once in all of the discussions were comments that she finally got hers for all the despicable things she's done to my husband or how badly she's treated the kids since joining up with this guy. And there were more than a couple.

[Spectre]

I don't see it as that weird. If he wants to gloat then let the guy gloat. You are acting like he became hugely obsessive over this.

[Clay]

I don't see you at home with your kids, but I do see what you're saying on here. I think there's a fair amount of self-satisfied gloating at her expense. Sure, she's the one who did it and hurt the three kids, but the "karma bus" comeuppance angle makes me just scratch my head. She hurt them, so one would think that with hurt kids, your thought doesn't turn around and go "ha ha, that guy she cheated with got his, serves him right."

 

Honesty, the fact that you say their life is "ruined" over it just goes to show I feel like your focus is on the happiness her train wreck causes you and an acceptance that the kids are now just screwed up as a result.

 

I don't know... If it were me, I'd have heard this and I'd have had dozens of thoughts:

 

1. She's moving, she's not going to see the my daughter as much and the kids are going to grow apart... How is this going to impact my daughter?

 

2. How can I try to help her be close to her siblings?

 

3. Does this now mean I have to shuttle my daughter off a state away to see her Mom?

 

4. Who is this guy who's about to be my daughter's stepfather?

 

5. This guy sounds abusive on the phone... Is my daughter safe if she goes to see her mother? Is her mother safe? Are the other kids safe?

 

6. How is this changing child support? Do I have to go to court?

 

7. Do I want to encourage my daughter to have a relationship with this guy who was once in a father-figure position in her life? Does he want one?

 

8. Does she need to contact him for closure? Does he want her to contact for closure?

 

I get that you say she's toxic, but I'd think that's even more of a reason to take this trainwreck as an all-hands-on-deck situation, not a "tee hee, that witch got hers..." Especially since she didn't "get hers." She had another affair and moved on. Maybe her ex got his, but she hasn't gotten hers. She's acting like she's acting and dragging 3 kids along for the ride. Not much to gloat on there.

 

Like I said, if an ex girlfriend or somebody you'd scorned in your past heard your wife had cheated and left you in shambles and responded with "ha ha, jerk got his," would you think good things about that person? Probably not. So why you'd want to be that person, especially with a child who's gutted over it... It's just odd.

 

It just seems like you're not over her. You're pretty immersed in her personal life and seem really invested in their outcomes as a means to getting closure and/or make sure she's appropriately "punished." That's got to be hard for the kids and your wife.

 

 

You know I think I almost just got sucked into your argument. I actually had to go back and read your thread. You cheated on your H and left him for your AP. Your both married now. This clearly has to do with your being concerned more towards how people would judge you if your marriage to your AP would fail.

 

 

If you were honestly all that concerned about kids then you would have never cheated on your xH. You would have never involved yourself with someone else who was also married. You chose to cheat and put your selfish feelings above your xH's and the OM's wife. It speaks loudly just to what kind of a person you are. Lets hope for your sake you both stay together so you don't ruin someone elses life.

 

 

It sure doesn't look good. I have been on this site and others for the last couple of years and I can tell you the odds of AP's staying together for the long term is pretty rare. None the less good luck to the both of you.

Hopefully you don't suffer the same pain you caused other people.

 

 

 

 

I gotta give you credit you sure had me sucked in for a minute there.

[Clay]

As much as I want to go to the guys work and laugh at him I still have to deal with him for the short term. My kids still have things at his house so we have to get that stuff back. I am sure my xW is causing him enough hell for now. She has his three kids and she is doing the same things to him that she did to me. She actually wont talk to my kids unless she has her phone on speaker phone so her new boyfriend can hear everything. I personally do not care but I know its driving my kids crazy. They think they are talking to her alone and they are hearing him in the back ground making snide remarks. So I am sure her xOM is having to deal with the same thing.

 

Aside of this my kids are doing good. They had a great time going Christmas shopping last night. They are excited about today. I will hook up there TV's and Rocu's for each of there rooms. They are thrilled about that. I am going to do my best to distract them from all this BS there mom is putting them through.

 

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas this year

[Trotters]

It sure doesn't look good. I have been on this site and others for the last couple of years and I can tell you the odds of AP's staying together for the long term is pretty rare. None the less good luck to the both of you.

Hopefully you don't suffer the same pain you caused other people.

 

 

 

 

I gotta give you credit you sure had me sucked in for a minute there.

 

What usually happens to the "cheater" then if it doesn't work out with the AP?. Do they end up alone, or, do they get to go back to their marriage?. Seems to me the cheater doesn't always lose?.

[Clay]

What usually happens to the "cheater" then if it doesn't work out with the AP?. Do they end up alone, or, do they get to go back to their marriage?. Seems to me the cheater doesn't always lose?.

 

I completely agree. Not ever cheater ever gets caught or looses. I personally do not care what happens to her. I only care about my kids. If I had my way she would not be a part of there lives. I have tried for years to get her to spend more time with them. I have even given the child support back during the summer so she could feed them when she had them. My kids will learn from this over time what kind of a person there mother is. Its horrible but it is the way things are. I know there are plenty of other mothers that would kill someone if they lost there kids. Its hard to even understand or to try to understand how she can keep playing with them like this.

 

I will continue to support them and try to get them to see that not all people are like this.

 

Clay

[No Limit]

Do mankind a favor and give her some information about sterilization. Feeling sorry for OM #1's 3 kids, that woman breeds too often. I'm afraid things will become very ugly for her should she become pregnant by OM #2, he sounds controlling and violent.

 

I also hope OM #1 won't leave his kids with her. Carelessness and all that... but please, do tell us his reaction when you see him. If he really believed your ex was the love of his life, he must be devastated.

[Redheaded Mistress]

You know I think I almost just got sucked into your argument. I actually had to go back and read your thread. You cheated on your H and left him for your AP. Your both married now. This clearly has to do with your being concerned more towards how people would judge you if your marriage to your AP would fail.

 

Of all the things I worry about, I worry neither about my marriage failing or what other people would think of if it did. I'm sure most people have better things to do.

 

If you were honestly all that concerned about kids then you would have never cheated on your xH. You would have never involved yourself with someone else who was also married. You chose to cheat and put your selfish feelings above your xH's and the OM's wife. It speaks loudly just to what kind of a person you are. Lets hope for your sake you both stay together so you don't ruin someone elses life.

 

However, this rant is very clearly not about me as you don't know my story beyond the basics: I had an affair, we got divorced, and I married my AP. This rant is about your story and you presume it must be mine too.

 

It sure doesn't look good. I have been on this site and others for the last couple of years and I can tell you the odds of AP's staying together for the long term is pretty rare. None the less good luck to the both of you.

Hopefully you don't suffer the same pain you caused other people.

 

So my affair was bad because it ruined a marriage, or you think that it ruined a marriage, but you being sarcastically ominous in rooting for my marital failure is what? Righteous because you're a BS who is still mired in the BS mindset? You can't scold me for degrading marriage in the same breath as you degrade mine without being considered a tad hypocritical. However this does illustrate that you do hold yourself to different standards than you hold others in this situation, and you put a great deal of your ability to move on in needing to watch others fail, hence my comments about the weirdness of your gloating over what happens to be a major disaster in your daughters life.

 

I gotta give you credit you sure had me sucked in for a minute there.

 

Judging by how you addressed none of my very valid points and instead railed on me as if I were your ex wife, I don't think the issue is that I sucked you in. I think the issue is as I said, you are not over this affair or your ex and are still highly focused on it and her, which must be very hard on your new wife and kids.

[Raena]

^Oh please, get over yourself. Your perspective is coming across loud and clear. Your points, valid or invalid do not change the fact that he's allowed to GLOAT and I say go for it Clay... Gloat all you want.

 

People who do crappy things like this OM did to Clay and his family, with the help of the crazy psycho ex-wife DESERVE to have the same thing happen to them.

 

Besides all that... whether he gloats or doesn't gloat, he's concerned about the welfare of his children and has stated that many times in this thread... but that seems to have been ignored.

[Raena]

Well, the guy was in the OP kids lives long term, is the father to siblings, so he clearly had a parenting level role with them at some point. Are we to assume the kids were in a bubble when they were there and had no interactions with him is a bit niaeve, as is the assumption that kids are not also grieving losing him as well as Mom and the siblings.

 

Considering the fact that the mother in this situation rarely saw her children, I doubt very much that they see her OM as a father figure. And it is VERY possible that he played very little role in their upbringing despite being involved with their mother.

 

If Mom wasn't a mother figure, the kids wouldn't care if she stayed or left, if she broke up with this guy or not, or if she didn't say goodbye before going. They do though. They seems to care very much.

 

You'd be surprised by how many children love and care for their parents regardless of how poorly they are treated by their parents. Even kids who have been in abusive families still love their parents. That and kids are very, very forgiving with their own parents. That is by no means an indication that the mother in this case is any kind of "mother figure"... in fact, it sounds like she isn't much of a mother at all... that doesn't mean they don't love her anyway.

 

 

see comments above in bold

[Redheaded Mistress]

see comments above in bold

 

The kids clearly disagree. Otherwise they wouldn't be devastated. Which makes laughing at what left them devastated more than a bit goulish and against the "I'm looking out for the kids" angle.

[Redheaded Mistress]

^Oh please, get over yourself. Your perspective is coming across loud and clear. Your points, valid or invalid do not change the fact that he's allowed to GLOAT and I say go for it Clay... Gloat all you want.

 

People who do crappy things like this OM did to Clay and his family, with the help of the crazy psycho ex-wife DESERVE to have the same thing happen to them.

 

Besides all that... whether he gloats or doesn't gloat, he's concerned about the welfare of his children and has stated that many times in this thread... but that seems to have been ignored.

 

He can gloat, but he can't claim to be any better than them or to be putting the kids first. Taking satisfaction in something that leaves the kids in shambles and putting the kids first are mutually exclusive. When it was him as the BS, I bet he didn't say "at least they put the kids first."

 

Take the low road, take the high road. Either is his choice. BUT let's not pretend the low road is the high road or pretend to justify the path as the low road being better than the high road. You can be better or you can be bitter, not both.

Edited December 25, 2014 by Redheaded Mistress

[DSP]

As much as I want to go to the guys work and laugh at him I still have to deal with him for the short term. My kids still have things at his house so we have to get that stuff back. I am sure my xW is causing him enough hell for now.

 

I am going to do my best to distract them from all this BS there mom is putting them through.

 

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas this year

 

Clay ~

 

The best thing to do at this time is have a bit of compassion and quietly gather your childrens things from his home. Tell him you heard what has happened and that you would like to gather your childrens things from his home if at all possible and are willing to meet on his terms. You never know he may look you square and apologize for everything he did. What he didn't know, what he knows now. He now has a completely different outlook on his life now. The train of humility just pulled into the station and he's on for a ride.

 

Remember when you first found out about the affair? I don't know about you, but I broke into a million pieces. He may be going through this now.

 

Remember when you cried so hard you couldn't scream? The nights of constant worry and questions? When you couldn't eat solid food? When you had no idea how this was going to turn out for your children? When you lost all that weight? When you were anxious and scared not just for yourself, but for your children? It was the first thing you thought of when you opened your eyes. The only thing you thought about all day long. The hours laying in bed arguing with the ghost in your head. All the blame you put on yourself. All the sleep you lost. All the rebuilding.

 

That I can assure you is revenge enough. I would not wish that on my worst enemy.

 

They have three children together and she ran off with them? Those poor children. If he is even a bit of a responsible FATHER he is going through complete and utter hell right now. On Christmas no less. Wonder if he is looking at the lighted tree with his childrens presents under there and having a mental or emotional break down.

 

**** man... I had my children last night and all day today. We had a great Christmas Eve and Christmas morning and I still broke down when they left.

 

Honestly Clay I would just think about those three kids. You want to blast your Ex a bit I'm all for that. Give this guy some pointers on how to get his kids out of that situation. Revenge served cold, but also just for humanities sake. Just to save three other innocent human beings from a life time of agony. If you believe in any higher power or reflection of universal deeds you couldn't get any better than doing right for a child in need. Isn't that the true meaning of Christmas? Give to those in need.

 

Overall your Ex is a hot mess. The guy she ran off with sounds like a powder keg of anger. Be the all around decent guy you are and keep your head. Get your childrens things and walk away. You have better things to focus on now like shielding your children from this disaster.

 

If he starts to bad mouth you though or anything other than be grateful and remorseful give him all you got.

[Clay]

Clay ~

 

The best thing to do at this time is have a bit of compassion and quietly gather your childrens things from his home. Tell him you heard what has happened and that you would like to gather your childrens things from his home if at all possible and are willing to meet on his terms. You never know he may look you square and apologize for everything he did. What he didn't know, what he knows now. He now has a completely different outlook on his life now. The train of humility just pulled into the station and he's on for a ride.

 

Remember when you first found out about the affair? I don't know about you, but I broke into a million pieces. He may be going through this now.

 

Remember when you cried so hard you couldn't scream? The nights of constant worry and questions? When you couldn't eat solid food? When you had no idea how this was going to turn out for your children? When you lost all that weight? When you were anxious and scared not just for yourself, but for your children? It was the first thing you thought of when you opened your eyes. The only thing you thought about all day long. The hours laying in bed arguing with the ghost in your head. All the blame you put on yourself. All the sleep you lost. All the rebuilding.

 

That I can assure you is revenge enough. I would not wish that on my worst enemy.

 

They have three children together and she ran off with them? Those poor children. If he is even a bit of a responsible FATHER he is going through complete and utter hell right now. On Christmas no less. Wonder if he is looking at the lighted tree with his childrens presents under there and having a mental or emotional break down.

 

**** man... I had my children last night and all day today. We had a great Christmas Eve and Christmas morning and I still broke down when they left.

 

Honestly Clay I would just think about those three kids. You want to blast your Ex a bit I'm all for that. Give this guy some pointers on how to get his kids out of that situation. Revenge served cold, but also just for humanities sake. Just to save three other innocent human beings from a life time of agony. If you believe in any higher power or reflection of universal deeds you couldn't get any better than doing right for a child in need. Isn't that the true meaning of Christmas? Give to those in need.

 

Overall your Ex is a hot mess. The guy she ran off with sounds like a powder keg of anger. Be the all around decent guy you are and keep your head. Get your childrens things and walk away. You have better things to focus on now like shielding your children from this disaster.

 

If he starts to bad mouth you though or anything other than be grateful and remorseful give him all you got.

 

Thanks for the post

 

On Christmas Eve I took my kids over to visit the xOM. We arranged for him to spend a few hours over there but it got cut short. My kids brought him a gift we helped to pay for. I daughter felt bad for him but Its clear it will be difficult for them to go back over. My son informed the xOM he would not be back. I know he did not mean it in a bad way. He just said its just to sad to go over there.

 

The xOM got his in the end. See I don't need to go rub it in or do anything like that. My xW does all that already. Just like she did to me. I personally doubt the xOM will ever apologize for anything he did and honestly I could care less even if he did.

 

I do feel bad for his kids but there is nothing I can do to help that situation. He chose to be with a cheater and he knew what she was when he decided to be with her. He took that chance. Having kids with her was another chance he was taking. It sucks but honestly there is not much anything any one can do.

 

My daughter has has a couple of talks with her mom since and it honestly sounds like shes tired of her mom playing games.

 

I can't say I blame her at all.

 

Clay

[Clay]

Redheaded Mistress,

 

I appreciate all your thoughts. Thank you for taking the time to read my thread.

 

Your thoughts and your criticisms mean very little to me. I do care about what people think and say but I think your past just gets in the way of me taking anything you have to say seriously. I wish you and your family the best of luck and thanks for commenting on my thread.

 

Clay

[Clay]

^Oh please, get over yourself. Your perspective is coming across loud and clear. Your points, valid or invalid do not change the fact that he's allowed to GLOAT and I say go for it Clay... Gloat all you want.

 

People who do crappy things like this OM did to Clay and his family, with the help of the crazy psycho ex-wife DESERVE to have the same thing happen to them.

 

Besides all that... whether he gloats or doesn't gloat, he's concerned about the welfare of his children and has stated that many times in this thread... but that seems to have been ignored.

 

I feel exactly the same way. I find it hard to believe that someone would think just because I came up on this site and posted this it means I must care very little for my kids.

 

I appreciate your support and I have read your threads as well. I hope things are going much better for you.

 

Clay

[No Limit]

Will xOM #1 fight for his kids like you did, or will he leave them to her and that thug she is with now? Your own children left to the mercy of two maniacs, no, that definitely wasn't a good Christmas for him.

 

I guess he'd be happier if he were as careless about his kids as he was about choosing his partner. I don't know many people who wouldn't have crawled to you OP to beg you for information about how you got your kids.