Why do a lot of women expect MORE for LESS?

[somedude81]

Oh help me I think I've inhaled too many dye fumes tonight because I found that funnier than I'm sure it was.

 

Anyway, what if Jane is diabetic or lactose intelorant, or on a diet or has a sugar addiction and should stay away from milkshakes entirely, etc, etc? Whatever the case, some would say Jane is better off never getting mail if it's full of nothing but crap she doesn't need.

 

It doesn't matter, no one on this site will ever agree on this issue so I'll leave it at that.

 

Don't worry, it's just my sens of humor wearing you down

 

All I'm trying to say is that amid all the junk there is usually one or two things that are useful. It's not reasonable to believe that there is never anything good. Though I'm sure it can look that way when there is a lot of crap.

 

So what you're saying is, you would like the free milkshakes women are offered. But if women don't like them, how does this benefit them?

 

Then maybe women are offered free buffalo wings, which they do like. With so many things being offered, there are bound to be a few that are just what they are looking for.

 

There is no way to present it and say that getting no offers at all is the better deal.

Edited December 15, 2014 by somedude81

[Got it]

Don't worry, it's just my sens of humor wearing you down

 

All I'm trying to say is that amid all the junk there is usually one or two things that are useful. It's not reasonable to believe that there is never anything good. Though I'm sure it can look that way when there is a lot of crap.

 

 

 

Then maybe women are offered free buffalo wings, which they do like. With so many things being offered, there are bound to be a few that are just what they are looking for.

 

There is no way to present it and say that getting no offers at all is the better deal.[/QUOTE]

 

Sure there is. Especially if you are not getting offered anything you like. Who cares about the deal.

 

But if one is so desperate for someone, so desperate that most anyone would do, then sure, there would be one fog test that could win.

 

But is that what you are doing, a fog test, for a romantic relationship?

[xxoo]

There is no way to present it and say that getting no offers at all is the better deal.

 

Not better, just equally useless.

 

I get the feeling that you are saying any relationship is better than no relationship. In that case, a few mediocre options are better than none. But for someone who has zero interest in a mediocre relationship, a few mediocre options are as good as (or as bad as) none.

[somedude81]

And now we are back to the circle where people are saying that amidst all the offers, all of them are completely useless.

 

That is the concept that I will never agree with, because it's completely unreasonable.

[thefooloftheyear]

Not better, just equally useless.

 

I get the feeling that you are saying any sex is better than no sex. In that case, a few mediocre sex options are better than none. But for someone who has zero interest in a mediocre sex only relationship, a few mediocre sex options are as good as (or as bad as) no relationships? .

 

There.....I went ahead and fixed that for you........

 

TFY

[xxoo]

And now we are back to the circle where people are saying that amidst all the offers, all of them are completely useless.

 

That is the concept that I will never agree with, because it's completely unreasonable.

 

If she isn't interested in dating you (general you), she surely isn't interested in whether you agree with her dating preferences or find them reasonable.

[somedude81]

If she isn't interested in dating you (general you), she surely isn't interested in whether you agree with her dating preferences or find them reasonable.

 

What?

 

We were talking about a specific girl that I asked out?

 

xxoo, I get the feeling that you really don't have a counter to my previous post and now you are trying to put focus on me (in general)

 

I will say it again, it's unrealistic to believe that women who are getting tons of guys interested in them, that not one of them meets her standards.

 

If 100 different and random guys of varying backgrounds approach a woman and she believes that all of them are not good enough for her, that says that something is wrong with her.

[xxoo]

What?

 

We were talking about a specific girl that I asked out?

 

xxoo, I get the feeling that you really don't have a counter to my previous post and now you are trying to put focus on me (in general)

 

I will say it again, it's unrealistic to believe that women who are getting tons of guys interested in them, that not one of them meets her standards.

 

If 100 different and random guys of varying backgrounds approach a woman and she believes that all of them are not good enough for her, that says that something is wrong with her.

 

"general you" means I am not talking about you and your situation, but speaking generally about men and women.

 

If a woman isn't interested in dating a group of men, she doesn't care what their opinion is of her dating choices. It isn't a matter of "good enough" for her, either. I know many people who are fantastic and wonderful but I wouldn't choose to date them.

[elaine567]

If 100 different and random guys of varying backgrounds approach a woman and she believes that all of them are not good enough for her, that says that something is wrong with her.

~

 

NO, it doesn't, why would it?

 

If I get 100 steaks served to me and each one is medium->well done and i like mine rare, then am I at fault? No.

Is there something wrong with me? No

Is the steak at fault? No

Is the person making the steak at fault, maybe, but definitely yes if he/she knew I liked it rare.

[Shining One]

If 100% of the offers women receive are undesirable for them, how do these women date and have relationships? Are they asking men out?

[xxoo]

If 100% of the offers women receive are undesirable for them, how do these women date and have relationships? Are they asking men out?

 

Probably they happen upon that mutual strong interest periodically, and they just live single in the meantime.

[somedude81]

~

 

NO, it doesn't, why would it?

 

If I get 100 steaks served to me and each one is medium->well done and i like mine rare, then am I at fault? No.

Is there something wrong with me? No

Is the steak at fault? No

Is the person making the steak at fault, maybe, but definitely yes if he/she knew I liked it rare.

 

You seemed to have missed the part in my post where I said "100 different and random guys of varying backgrounds."

 

So if you are getting 100 random steaks, there are bound to be a few rare steaks in there as well. Yes it's possible that there would only be medium and well done steaks, but the odds of that happening are extremely low.

[GoodOnPaper]

Very interesting that in a thread about men's needs and wants being devalued compared to women's, we see two hidden assumptions that guys can shoot themselves in the foot by giving into:

 

I get the feeling that you are saying any relationship is better than no relationship.

 

While there are certainly older virgins, a lot of struggling guys are young -- no money, bottom of the school/career ladder, etc. At that stage, if you are not good at filling your life with parties and dating -- while at the same time having loads of testosterone coursing through your veins -- it can feel like a very empty existence.

 

It isn't a matter of "good enough" for her, either. I know many people who are fantastic and wonderful but I wouldn't choose to date them.

 

I've never been able to wrap my head around this -- after all, does it get any more personal than dating and romantic relationships? How could rejections not be personal? But I know this way of thinking is a handicap when trying to navigate the dating world.

 

Anyway, I think it takes a great deal of fortitude -- certainly more than I had -- for any struggling guy to avoid these assumptions and forge ahead with some semblance of confidence.

[xxoo]

I've never been able to wrap my head around this -- after all, does it get any more personal than dating and romantic relationships? How could rejections not be personal? But I know this way of thinking is a handicap when trying to navigate the dating world.

 

A million reasons.

 

Most succinctly, it takes a special personality for me to feel romantic attraction. Lots of wonderful people don't stir those emotions in me, but may stir admiration in other ways.

[elaine567]

You seemed to have missed the part in my post where I said "100 different and random guys of varying backgrounds."

 

So if you are getting 100 random steaks, there are bound to be a few rare steaks in there as well. Yes it's possible that there would only be medium and well done steaks, but the odds of that happening are extremely low.

 

OK but no-one IRL assesses guys on one trait like the steaks. People assess potential dates on loads of traits, so whilst one person may tick some boxes, they may ruled out because they are totally unattractive to the person choosing, or they are not on the same wavelength, or they may have a bad attitude, or they have annoying sense of humour, or they are only after sex when a relationship is wanted or they want a full blown relationship when only casual sex is wanted.

 

Choosing mates is a serious business, no-one is right or wrong surely?

There is surely nothing wrong with someone who just doesn't see anything she likes in 100 random men.

If there was 100 men who ticked every box she wants, then perhaps we could say she was too picky, but with 100 random men most will be binned on the first pass and it would be exactly the same if it was a man choosing out of 100 random women.

[MidwestUSA]

Has this thread really gone from chocolate bars to burgers and tacos, and now RARE steak?

 

I knew there was a good reason to hang around!

[somedude81]

There is surely nothing wrong with someone who just doesn't see anything she likes in 100 random men.

If there was 100 men who ticked every box she wants, then perhaps we could say she was too picky, but with 100 random men most will be binned on the first pass and it would be exactly the same if it was a man choosing out of 100 random women.

 

Not seeing anything she likes in 100 random men is extremely picky. That's the very definition of picky.

 

From what I understand of women, they are speaking from a position of power and their job is point out why men are not good enough. They are fault finders.

 

Men don't do this.

[Phoe]

with 100 random men most will be binned on the first pass and it would be exactly the same if it was a man choosing out of 100 random women.

 

Not to be a nitpicker, but I guarantee if 100 men were interested in me, there'd be a very great chance that at least half of them would be good dating material, and from there at least half of that group would be excellent and I'd happily have a relationship with.

 

But no one has 100 others interested in them. No one. I can't even think of a single person I have ever known who had more than 5 interested in them at one time. And my personal max is 2 men interested in me at once.

 

If anyone has 100 people interested in them, they've got great odds. But normal people might have 1 or 2 people interested in them. And those are not great odds. When there's only 1 or 2 to choose from, it's acceptable to think that that 1 or 2 won't be a good fit. But 100?!?

[Shining One]

But no one has 100 others interested in them. No one. I can't even think of a single person I have ever known who had more than 5 interested in them at one time. And my personal max is 2 men interested in me at once.

 

If anyone has 100 people interested in them, they've got great odds. But normal people might have 1 or 2 people interested in them. And those are not great odds. When there's only 1 or 2 to choose from, it's acceptable to think that that 1 or 2 won't be a good fit. But 100?!?

I have a friend who signed up for Match and received 274 emails in her first four days. She showed it to me on her phone, so I know she wasn't exaggerating. Of course, she is incredibly hot and gets hit on all the time in public, so it's not surprising.

[somedude81]

Aside from doing OLD, 100 men being interested was a bit of an exaggeration but I wanted to make a point about probability.

 

One of my friends has four guys that I know of who are interested in her. And she's just a normal average girl. She's told me about two of them that really annoy her and I helped her reject one of the guys through text. She's a bit introverted as well.

 

I bet that the girl I like has at least ten other guys who are interested in her. She's a bit above average in looks and her personality is warm and engaging. I bet she turns down a new guy at least every other week. I have half the mind to ask her how many guys she's friendzoned this semester.

[xxoo]

Not seeing anything she likes in 100 random men is extremely picky. That's the very definition of picky.

 

From what I understand of women, they are speaking from a position of power and their job is point out why men are not good enough. They are fault finders.

 

Men don't do this.

 

Yes, of course, women are picky.

 

And men DO do this when it comes to relationships (not just sex). Men are picky then, too.

 

That's what makes it special when two people fall in love.

[clia]

100 random men could include men of many ages, nationalities, intelligence levels, careers (or lack thereof), employment options (or lack thereof), weights, appearance, addictions, sense of humor, personality traits, heights, hygiene, fashion sense, disabilities, mental illnesses, education levels, hobbies, interests, life experience, .... etc.

 

Given all of these options (because people are very multi-faceted), there could easily be 100 random men who are not dateable for an average woman. Think about how many people you encounter on a random day at Starbucks, walking down the street, at the mall, etc. How many of those people do you want to date? Heck, over half the guys could easily fall into the wrong age bracket, or live too far away, or be too obese, or be smokers or drug users, etc. Then you get into things like compatibility, chemistry, sense of humor....it's just not that easy to find the right person. For men or women.

[somedude81]

100 random men could include men of many ages, nationalities, intelligence levels, careers (or lack thereof), employment options (or lack thereof), weights, appearance, addictions, sense of humor, personality traits, heights, hygiene, fashion sense, disabilities, mental illnesses, education levels, hobbies, interests, life experience, .... etc.

 

Given all of these options (because people are very multi-faceted), there could easily be 100 random men who are not dateable for an average woman. Think about how many people you encounter on a random day at Starbucks, walking down the street, at the mall, etc. How many of those people do you want to date? Heck, over half the guys could easily fall into the wrong age bracket, or live too far away, or be too obese, or be smokers or drug users, etc. Then you get into things like compatibility, chemistry, sense of humor....it's just not that easy to find the right person. For men or women.

 

When I said 100 random, I was only thinking of age appropriate guys. Everything else aside from location is random.

[littleblackheart]

Not seeing anything she likes in 100 random men is extremely picky. That's the very definition of picky.

 

From what I understand of women, they are speaking from a position of power and their job is point out why men are not good enough. They are fault finders.

 

Men don't do this.

 

 

Given that the ratio of single men to single women is roughly the same, how do you judge who is in a position of power if no-one is getting what they want, i.e. a life-long compatible partner? The end-goal is obviously the same for both men and women - would it not be easier to accept that the process is just as frustrating for all concerned, and leave it at that?

[dreamingoftigers]

Not seeing anything she likes in 100 random men is extremely picky. That's the very definition of picky.

 

From what I understand of women, they are speaking from a position of power and their job is point out why men are not good enough. They are fault finders.

 

Men don't do this.

 

If those 100 men were at a porn shoot, I would bin every one of them!

 

Same if they were in a prison serving time!

 

Men don't find fault with women!?!?!?!

 

Look at the OP, then take a tour through the rest of the thread.

 

Jeepers, some men here find blanket fault with women that don't for the most part even exist!