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Why do a lot of women expect MORE for LESS?

Mister Zen

By Mister Zen
in General Relationship Discussion

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Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
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You expect me to believe that there aren't any men who are good relationship prospects that she is also attracted to out of the thousands of available men in her area?

 

I would really appreciate it if one or more women came forward and stated around how many experience interest in her beyond sex in a given month.

 

It is annoying that most women don't want to admit that dating for them is simply much easier than it is for men. The simple fact that women get approached on a regular basis means they have it easier.

 

We have answered that question, again and again and again on this very forum. The only response we get in return is that we are either a) lying or b) still getting more luck than men.

 

Perhaps you would love to have 50 horny women lined up for you. But we women really don't find it pleasant at all. And we certainly don't consider it 'successful dating'.

 

As a matter of fact, there was a man not so long ago who complained he wasn't successful in dating because out of all the dates he's been on (on average one date per week I think..) none of them amounted to anything serious.

 

I'm not saying dating is harder for women than it is for men. It is hard for both genders - in different ways.

  • Like 5
Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

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I believe that men and women have a different view of what settling is.

 

For me, I would be settling if I dated a woman I had absolutely no attraction to or she had a personality that I didn't get along with at all.

 

A woman might see settling as being with an altogether great guy, but he doesn't have a voice like Benedict Cumberbatch.

 

I see settling as dating a man I have absolutely no attraction to or if he had a personality that I didn't get along with at all. (that's actually true...)

 

A man might see settling as being with an altogether great girl, but she doesn't have the body of a Victoria's Secrets model.

 

See, I can do this too.

  • Like 3
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted

 

A woman might see settling as being with an altogether great guy, but he doesn't have a voice like Benedict Cumberbatch.

 

Pick whatever quality you think is insignificant. If it means she isn't sexually attracted to him, what do you suggest she do differently?

 

Keep in mind that we are talking about women who are choosing singlehood over settling (meaning they are ok with being single).

  • Like 2
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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MOST men have higher standards than "not hideous" and "not completely awful".

 

Of course.

 

But the average man has far looser requirements than the average woman does.

 

 

That man also has a much more limited number of potential matches than the woman does.

 

Women don't have this infinite dating pool of men desperate to partner with them because they're not hideous.

 

So what? They still have far more options than men do. A woman can do OLD for a month and receive 50 messages and probably have a 90% reply rate for the messages she sends out. A man can do OLD for a month and maybe receive two messages. If he's lucky, 5% of the women he messages would reply back.

 

Men have standards for long-term relationships just like women do. It might be easier for women to find a casual sex partner, but a quality dating partner? Absolutely not.

 

Who do you think would have an easier time finding a good job?

 

A person who is sending out resumes to everybody he can? Or a person who is getting phone calls and emails about job offers on a regular basis? Sure most of those jobs may be beneath what he wants, but odds are there will be a few of them that are exactly what he's looking for.

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
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Good relationship prospects who want a relationship with her are rare--for every woman. Most men don't want a relationship with her.

 

Funny how you say most.

 

You're right. A woman may be approached by a ton of men, and less than half of them want a relationship with her. That's still far more options than the average man has.

 

Being able to chose and filter out of the available options is power.

 

From that pool, then, she must also feel attraction. It's a small number of men that fit that role.
What I'm trying to say is that women have a much larger pool then men do.

 

This entire year, I've had one, maybe two girls who were interested in having a relationship with me. Every woman that I have interacted with this year on my campus probably had at least ten guys that were interested in dating her. Sure not all of those guys would everything she's looking for, but I'm sure at least a couple were.

 

Think of it this way: if a woman knows a man who is a good relationship prospect, he is interested in a relationship with her, and she's sexually attracted to him, why wouldn't she be dating him? She'd be wildly in love!
Maybe she doesn't have time to date, doesn't want a boyfriend, wants to focus on school, work, her dog etc. Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
stillmind Established Member

stillmind

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The overwhelming majority of OLD messages are just terrible. Personally I don't consider receiving 50 semi-coherent three word messages with grainy pictures of strangers' penises attached to be a great dating success, but ok.

  • Like 4
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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I see settling as dating a man I have absolutely no attraction to or if he had a personality that I didn't get along with at all. (that's actually true...)

 

A man might see settling as being with an altogether great girl, but she doesn't have the body of a Victoria's Secrets model.

 

See, I can do this too.

 

Very, very few men have ridiculous requirements in women; while it seems to be a common thing in women.

 

Women who claim to have looser requirements, are most likely just lying to get attention.

 

The overwhelming majority of OLD messages are just terrible. Personally I don't consider receiving 50 semi-coherent three word messages with grainy pictures of strangers' penises attached to be a great dating success, but ok.

 

And that's all you've ever received?

 

You've never received a decent message from a quality guy?

stillmind Established Member

stillmind

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I got really jaded really fast and quit OLD. I didn't feel like wading through that huge volume of creepy messages.

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xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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Funny how you say most.

 

You're right. A woman may be approached by a ton of men, and less than half of them want a relationship with her. That's still far more options than the average man has.

 

From my perspective, it is VERY FEW men who want a relationship with her, specifically. Men are far more picky about this than you acknowledge. Lots will happily date for a month or 3 and have sex, but don't actually consider her a candidate for long term partner.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
  • Like 9
Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
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Very, very few men have ridiculous requirements in women; while it seems to be a common thing in women.

 

Women who claim to have looser requirements, are most likely just lying to get attention.

 

 

 

And that's all you've ever received?

 

You've never received a decent message from a quality guy?

 

Keyword here is 'it seems'. It seems to you.

 

Just as many men have ridiculous requirements as there are women. Just as many women have no requirements whatsoever as there are men.

 

People who claim otherwise are really just trying to justify their lack of success in dating - after all, it's much easier to blame everyone else than to recognize that the common denominator of all your interpersonal relations is you (and by 'you' I mean everyone)

  • Like 6
Anela Established Member

Anela

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I got really jaded really fast and quit OLD. I didn't feel like wading through that huge volume of creepy messages.

 

Same here. I briefly felt excited about the possibility of meeting someone through online dating. I think that lasted for a few days.

  • Like 2
sweetjasmine Established Member

sweetjasmine

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Frankly, with so many girls on campus, I'm flabbergasted that I've only manged to get one girlfriend.

 

Unless women really are way too damn picky.

 

How many of them have you actually met and talked to? :confused:

  • Like 1
Els Established Member

Els

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I'm not saying that I'm not at fault for my dating struggles. What I've been saying is that it's a combination of factors that have made it so difficult. And yes, I do put much of that blame on women. In my four years on that campus, I can think of five girls total who seemed to have some interest in me. Four of them were far below average in looks and I wasn't interested in them. The fifth became my girlfriend for six months until I was randomly dumped.

 

I don't get it. So you think it's women's fault that they're not attracted to you. But it's not your fault you're not attracted to the women who showed interest in you. How does that work? :confused:

 

Do you think it's possible the girls who rejected you considered you 'below average', as you are considering the girls who were interested in you? Why is that shallow for them but not shallow for you?

  • Like 11
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Every woman that I have interacted with this year on my campus probably had at least ten guys that were interested in dating her. Sure not all of those guys would everything she's looking for, but I'm sure at least a couple were.

 

Are you actually pitching your expectations too high if you are not getting replies from the women you are interacting with?

Are you interacting with the wrong group of women for you?

If a man is attractive and I do not necessarily mean physically, then women will reply.

Seems to me that so many men on here are not throwing their net wide enough to encompass women that would perhaps be interested in them. They then blame the women for being picky and blame the women for not replying.

 

If the group of females a man is interacting with are not replying then perhaps he needs to reassess the group he is interacting with.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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Women should have very high standards for a relationship. The reason that women's standards often go up as they age is that they are figuring this out, and standards were far too low when they were younger.

 

Men should have very high standards as well. Relationships and families would benefit if everyone was choosy, and focused on other life goals until meeting the right person rather than having a string of damaging relationship experiences with the wrong people.

  • Like 4
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Well this thread was fun, but now I'm done with it.

 

Nice talking to all of you.

  • Like 1
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Men should have very high standards as well. Relationships and families would benefit if everyone was choosy, and focused on other life goals until meeting the right person rather than having a string of damaging relationship experiences with the wrong people.

 

Exactly but since it appears so many men put sex at the top of the agenda and choose women basically on how "hot" they are, then is it any wonder that relationships flounder?

Women tend to look for a compatible man, whilst the man is only looking at the size of her boobs...

  • Like 3
Els Established Member

Els

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Posted
Exactly but since it appears so many men put sex at the top of the agenda and choose women basically on how "hot" they are, then is it any wonder that relationships flounder?

Women tend to look for a compatible man, whilst the man is only looking at the size of her boobs...

 

Hence why one of the traits I look for in a partner is that he doesn't prioritize looks over everything else. ;) I wouldn't necessarily advise everyone else to do that, as that really is a personal preference, but it seems to work well for me.

 

I do agree with both you and xxoo that it only benefits people to be 'choosy' about their potentially lifelong mate. Just going with anyone who is tall enough or has big enough boobs sounds like a recipe for disaster.

  • Like 2
BlueIris Established Member

BlueIris

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I don’t understand why some men wear their lack of discretion and willingness to date nearly anyone as a badge of honor.

 

Many people view having low standards or minimal requirements as a very negative trait. To me, it means he doesn’t care about much, doesn’t understand the many levels of a good relationship, is kind of satisfied with a woman-widget or woman-app, which all equals “shallow.”

 

I wonder if those same guys would be delighted to find out the woman they go out with doesn’t care much and will date pretty much anybody. “Yeah, my girl? She’ll date pretty much anybody! Not picky at all!”

  • Like 12
Lernaean_Hydra Established Member

Lernaean_Hydra

Posted
Posted (edited)
You expect me to believe that there aren't any men who are good relationship prospects that she is also attracted to out of the thousands of available men in her area?

 

I would really appreciate it if one or more women came forward and stated around how many experience interest in her beyond sex in a given month.

 

It is annoying that most women don't want to admit that dating for them is simply much easier than it is for men. The simple fact that women get approached on a regular basis means they have it easier.

 

Since guys don't just walk up to women and say "Hey, I'd like to be in a relationship with you" that's really hard to answer and certainly not something that can be quantified on a per monthly basis.

 

What's annoying is you keep saying dating is easier for women and we keep saying it isn't. Quantity =/= quality for the millionth time. Especially when all evidence points to the fact that there are a significant portion of men who are only looking for casual sex.

 

If someone looking for a job in the IT field keeps getting contacted by retail stores, it would be pretty ridiculous for someone else to sit there and call them lucky or say they obviously have an easier time in the job market because Toys "R" Us wants to hire them. Or worse, claim the job seeker is being "too picky" when they turn the job down. It's insulting.

 

Sure, I guess if they were really broke and desperate they could take that cashiering job because it's better than nothing and being homeless and yeah, maybe juuuust maybe that toy store even tentatively suggests one day there will be a possibility of "more" or moving up in the company...but they don't want a job that just barely helps them scrape by and empty promises, they want a career to build a life on. Take that analogy and apply it to dating. Please.

 

You want a long term relationship but even you have standards, limits and expectations. But even if you didn't, the sheer genuine desire for a serious LTR alone is different than much of the male population of a certain age these days. Not every guy thinks like you do. I mean you HAVE to know that by now.

Edited by Lernaean_Hydra
  • Like 7
ascendotum Established Member

ascendotum

Posted
Posted (edited)
I don’t understand why some men wear their lack of discretion and willingness to date nearly anyone as a badge of honor.

 

Many people view having low standards or minimal requirements as a very negative trait. To me, it means he doesn’t care about much, doesn’t understand the many levels of a good relationship, is kind of satisfied with a woman-widget or woman-app, which all equals “shallow.”

 

I wonder if those same guys would be delighted to find out the woman they go out with doesn’t care much and will date pretty much anybody. “Yeah, my girl? She’ll date pretty much anybody! Not picky at all!”

 

I think guys who wear their low standards as a badge of honor are definitely misguided. I'd say most guys who have low standards have dropped them over time out of necessity to expand their options (likewise for similar women) but they are much better off keeping their mouth shut about it. I'm sure their close friends will realize though. More often than not I think guys (and women with less options) will open their mouth about this in response to being criticized about being single for so long because they are too fussy and expect a Scarlet Johansson or Chris Hemsworth lookalike. I know that's when I have. For guys more than women finding attraction with her looks will be the over-riding attribute. (we talking LTR here not STR/NSA where most women are the same). Many will sacrifice things they really would love in a gf/wife, but will trade off to expand their options and still have lust for the woman. I don't think they are proud of it in that light, but more so in comparison to women and pickiness when it comes to gender arguments.

 

I also think a lot of guys...if they got the women they had strong desire for, would not be put off that much if knew the woman would have happily said yes, if Rick or Tom or Sam or Gary or Larry or Barry had asked her out first. Lots of women (to their detriment imo) do date like that. From the guy's perspective he's got himself a nice gf...he's happy as long as she shows she is happy she's with him, and she hasn't settled. Most are not going to analyze like you say and then think they got a low quality gf.

Edited by ascendotum
Shining One Established Member

Shining One

Posted
Posted
As a matter of fact, there was a man not so long ago who complained he wasn't successful in dating because out of all the dates he's been on (on average one date per week I think..) none of them amounted to anything serious.
I believe you're referring to me in this post. To be clear, I was disappointed because none of these women had any sexual interest in me, not because none of them ended up as a serious relationship. I was also disappointed by the amount of money I spent.

 

They all wanted to be my friend. Their definition of a friend:

  • I still take them out (do all of the driving)
  • I still pay for things
  • I still do them favors
  • I still deal with their emotional baggage
  • Sex is off the table

I would have been happy with any of the following outcomes:

  • Casual Dating (which includes sex)
  • Friends with Benefits
  • Relationship

I realize I was just picking bad women, but I just wanted to clear this up.

  • Like 2
stillmind Established Member

stillmind

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Except in dating you're not "broke and homeless" if you don't date people you're not interested in. You can be single and content to not be wasting your time with someone you aren't attracted to.

  • Like 4
Lernaean_Hydra Established Member

Lernaean_Hydra

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With quantity you have a better chance at finding quality. Someone who can get 100 dates is much more likely to find someone of quality than someone who can only get a handful of different dates. As to the casual sex, most men are willing to be in a relationship with the right girl. If a woman runs into a bunch of guys who only want something casual, I would say it has something to do with her.

 

I have so many issues with this post.

 

First, what the hell is "the right girl" anyway? I mean really.Because in my head I just read that as: "Most men are willing to be in a relationship with a girl who meets x requirements." Oh my. So, you're saying most guys are prepared to get serious with...dare I say, their best possible match? No s**t. Hmm, isn't exactly the same thing most of the women on here say they need to consider a man for a serious relationship? Only we get told we have those pesky high standards.

 

Second, "most men are willing" is not the same thing as "most men are pursuing". You've conflated two separate states of being. You're hungry, you're open to having a burger but you're actively seeking a pizza. I've come across many times more guys who are looking for casual sex and FWBs or at best, some sort of short term, pseudo-relationship, half-assed fling than I ever have guys who were in genuine pursuit of something serious.

 

Third, again, having access to more doesn't automatically mean your life is any easier. Ooooh, you mean I get to wade through 100 guys, a handful of whom might actually want to seriously date? Yay me! :rolleyes: Spending my days trying to separate the wheat from the chaff isn't exactly a cakewalk.

 

Just imagine if the circumstances were reversed and it was men who were constantly being approached or had more "access". Only now the majority of women you came across were bitchy, asexual gold-diggers? Yeah, once in a blue moon you might meet a gold-digger who's not also a bitch and might actually sleep with you relatively often, or, if you're really lucky you meet a woman who happens not to be any of those things and is actually nice. How long would you consider this position "easier", truthfully?

 

Having a ton of options but having very few that are viable is emotionally draining, esteem killing and disheartening.

 

The job analogy is a good one. A broke desperate person probably should take that cashiering job. Like you said, it's either that or being broke and homeless.

 

Oi. Obviously that wasn't the point of the analogy but whatever. Yes, a broke desperate person certainly should take that job, but a person with a bit of a savings or parents they can move in with, etc should probably keep looking. Just taking anything is stupid and leads to misery for all involved in the long run.

 

Not everyone has the skills to get that career they want. Just like dating.

 

No, not just like dating. That's just stupid. Are you really saying that since not everyone has the ability to find a desirable long term partner they should just get with anyone? Um....no. :confused:

  • Like 1
MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

Posted
Posted

 

What I'm trying to say is that women have a much larger pool then men do.

 

This entire year, I've had one, maybe two girls who were interested in having a relationship with me. Every woman that I have interacted with this year on my campus probably had at least ten guys that were interested in dating her.

 

Rather than saying women have a larger pool than men, maybe you should say women (most of them) have a larger pool than YOU. You seem to be implying that all men share your lack of success, which you've been pretty open about here.

 

Stop with the generalizations. Those ten guys probably have plenty of other options too - how would you know? Remember that your observations are of a fishbowl of 18 to 24 year old college students. You're on the outside, looking in.

  • Like 5
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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