elaine567 Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 Why the push/pull behavior from MM? Every few months or so he will get somewhat distant and back off. We were together physically this week and the rest of the week he started getting distant. He said that he needed a "pause" on the physical stuff because he feels guilty. Not an ending, just a pause. It hurts so much. I cannot let him keep doing this to me As I wrote on the 11th December on the first page of this thread. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/505784-mm-wants-pause#post6047287 "He gets horny, he contacts you, he and you are physical, he feels guilty, he gets distant...He gets horny, he contacts you, he and you are physical, he feels guilty, he gets distant...He gets horny, he contacts you, he and you are physical, he feels guilty, he gets distant..." I am very disappointed and slightly shocked that today and 7 pages on, that you still gave him exactly what he wanted ie sex, and you are still wonderig why he became distant afterwards... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted December 26, 2014 Author Share Posted December 26, 2014 Haven't been physical in a few weeks but still communicating. Sorry I don't know how to put update in the original title but I posted an update 2 up. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 He does it because you keep allowing it. He's treating you like crap. Rubbing your face in his pretend happy life with his wife - and then runs to you again when he feels horny. Why do you allow yourself to be used by him? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cocochai Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 I just don't understand how he can turn it on and off like that with me. Especially hurtful when he does it after we have been intimate. Sounds like he has a guilty conscience going on there. Some can't compartmize the A and some have zero guilt at all. So just know if a DDAY comes, he will throw you under the bus, roll it over twice and leave you high and dry. My AP came close to getting found out but shrugged it off and still made contact. When the BS started laying it on thick, he pulled back only to reach out two weeks later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted December 26, 2014 Author Share Posted December 26, 2014 Mm and I have still be talking the past few weeks but haven't don't anything physical. We won't see each other for 2 weeks being off from work. Well, two nights ago, I didn't hear from him at all which is very unusual because he will usually touch base with me at least every few hours. I checked fb and saw a post that his phone was not working and If anyone needed to contact him, they should contact his wife. The next day I found out that him and his wife got in s huge fight because she hates his family and causes complete chaos for him and them when they visit. He said that he cannot get w new phone until February due to him having to pay full price for it, contract stuff. So basically he destroyed my lifeline to him because we can no longer communicate like we were because he does not have access to the app we use. Part of me wonders if he did it on purpose. It's no surprise that he's been blowing hot and cold for a while now. He also said that he thinks she wahts a divorce and told him that she is not coming home after the holidays. I don't believe it though. She freaks out like this on him but never follows through and then the next week will be posting lovey fb pics of the two of them. I feel like there is a huge void and I miss him. Oh and he shattered his phone in a million pieces out of anger. He is not a hot headed person so this surprised me. Sorry this is the update as of 2 days ago Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 Sorry this is the update as of 2 days ago Same response as I posted before. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 And you still find this guy attractive? Ech, he sounds like a pain in the ass to me. Like you don't have anything better to do with your time, your energy, and your life than to deal with this crap? It's like you have stepped into the television set into a daytime soap opera but you believe it is real life and worthy of all your time and attention. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 - "Women stop lying to yourselves" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Share Posted January 1, 2015 I told him I love him. He doesn't say it back. Finally he said, "I wish I could say I do" Probably the most painful sentence I've ever heard. Link to post Share on other sites
WonderWoman911 Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 It can definitely be painful, but you don't want him to say it if he doesn't mean it, you know.If the two of you have not been dating long, I wouldn't put too much thought into it.His feelings may take time to get that point.But if you have, I would have a conversation with him about where he feels this relationship is going. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Share Posted January 1, 2015 We have been together 3 years. Link to post Share on other sites
WonderWoman911 Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Ohhh, wow!That's not good.It's really time to have a serious,and I mean SERIOUS talk with you.Today is January 1st, a new year, it time for you to voice this matter to him. If he doesn't feel this way for you by now... when will he? Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Together as in an affair? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Share Posted January 1, 2015 Yes. I have since separated from my husband. He is still with wife. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Oooooh. That's bad. No, really, whichever way you look at it, it's bad. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Majormisstep Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Ouch. That's a blow directly to the heart. How badly do you want/need to get out of this affair? His "wish" is a very loud proclamation of what you mean to him...a physical release. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Share Posted January 1, 2015 I have been struggling with this. But when he said that to me last night, it's like a switch was flipped and I woke up looking at him and this very differently. And not in a good way. Those words really really hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Majormisstep Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Good. Get angry! The cards are on the table. Now you have the information you need to get out of this and be free of the doubt, worry, false hope and anxiety - all of which are unhealthy. Start your exit plan today... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 The writing was on the wall from the very first post you made. Why There?s No Point Being With Somebody Who Blows Hot & Cold | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue Get yourself together. Remember that light switch in your head, do not try and justify any part of his actions from here on in. He is a MM, his reaction here, is par for the course. They like the sex, full stop. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 I told him I love him. He doesn't say it back. Finally he said, "I wish I could say I do" Probably the most painful sentence I've ever heard. You need to end it. You're wasting your energy and precious heart on a married man who can't say ILY back to you. He isn't leaving and divorcing his wife. You hurt most of the time. Break up with him for your own sanity. What is the point of hanging onto him and continuing your affair with him? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 I have been struggling with this. But when he said that to me last night, it's like a switch was flipped and I woke up looking at him and this very differently. And not in a good way. Those words really really hurt. That's called a reality check. No, it is in a good way because now you see he isn't in love with you. I'm sure you're hurting but at least now you know how he feels. Would you rather pretend and continue your A with him thinking that he's sooo in love with you when in fact he's not? That is living a total lie and does damage, to be in denial. This is a good thing in the long run, now you can (hopefully) end it, be alone and on your own for a while. You've separated from your husband, said goodbye to your life with him so there's no point in going back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tullyseptember Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Savannah your choice to stay in this situation is really sad. Was your marriage emotionally abusive? It's something for you to think about,if it was you may not know any different on how to be treated as a cherished partner. Being in an affair is so damaging and this one your in is keeping you stuck on accepting very bad behaviour from the OM. You both are hurting another person, both of you his wife, him hurting you and you hurting yourself the most. You could really benefit from counselling. Some one on one therapy could help you work on what it is inside of you that accepts this behaviour. No one is doing this to you, I know from experience that the victim role is unpleasant and very unfulfilling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Share Posted January 1, 2015 I know. It is sad and I do believe I could benefit from counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Haven't been physical in a few weeks but still communicating. Sorry I don't know how to put update in the original title but I posted an update 2 up. So in all these months he's been ignoring you - you still offer up sex to him when he shows you the smallest bit of attention? When you do have sex now - how do you feel about yourself after sex? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 I know. It is sad and I do believe I could benefit from counseling. You will only benefit from counseling if you want to change how YOU participate and IF you're willing to do everything differently than you've ever done before. If nothing changes - then nothing changes. You must be willing to be the change you wish to see. It's not up to your married OM - it's only up to you. First up = are you willing to find a new job as soon as possible? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts