wtf is going on here

[FitChick]

If she's had gyno problems, she might miscarry. There might be other complications and you'd end up with offspring that might need medical care for life. Tell her to abort because you don't want her risking her life.

 

I'd suggest you get a vasectomy and avoid future dramas. You could always pay a surrogate if you wanted a bio kid in the future.

[eye of the storm]

Im completely relaxed. I don't have any unplanned pregnancies to worry about. Because I take care of my BC and I make sure the guy takes care of his. Also, I am not stressed because I don't have a squatter in my house. I do not have a problem telling someone to go home.

 

Failure to plan is planning to fail.

[Toodaloo]

I know it's easy to dogpile on the other person in these forums so I want to stress that she really has been a pleasure to have around. I never asked her to cook, clean, wash my walls or redecorate my house (she asks me first doesn't just take liberties) she just does it..

 

Are you not freaked out by this???

 

She has re-decorated your house and got pregnant within 6 weeks?

 

I have a look of absolute horror on my face!

 

Oh my God - have you just moved your "mother" into your house to get it in order?

 

I am horrified for both of you to be honest...

[ktya]

Are you not freaked out by this???

 

She has re-decorated your house and got pregnant within 6 weeks?

 

I have a look of absolute horror on my face!

 

Oh my God - have you just moved your "mother" into your house to get it in order?

 

I am horrified for both of you to be honest...

 

TBH it seemed cute at first. A little over the top but cute. There was never a "I'm going to stay at your house for two months" statement. Its been kind of nice having someone make me lunches and cook me dinner so its been easy to have her around.

 

It has been a situation that has developed one day at a time. Hindsight is 20/20. After a few weeks I was starting to politely make notions that maybe she might want to check on her place.

 

As the situation with the pregnancy unfolded I got more firm and outright asked for it thats when the situation became more apparent, that this was not a case of a girl who had outpatient surgery who just wanted to hang around with her boyfriend but rather had no intention of going anywhere. It was not until I asked for 24 hours that whatever her "living situation" at her house actually is was obviously something other than that her son and his girlfriend were just staying at her house with her car.

 

She was quite adamant that she did not want to go there - that was when the alarm bells and claxton started going off - the whole temper tantrum. Of course the fact that here she was pregnant and supposedly "couldnt get pregnant" was the first strike of terror but these things do happen.

 

I could see a lovestruck clingy woman wanting to hang around her boyfriend's house. I could not see a suddenly pregnant woman who "couldnt get pregnant" not respecting her obviously shell shocked baby daddy wanting a day or two to wrap his head around things after six weeks.

 

Anyways I'm stuck in this situation and asking for help. Enough of defending myself.

 

On the attorney recommendation this is not the US, that's not necessary at this stage. Getting a DNA test done if the child is born is sage advice, given a previous Jerry Springer episode 6 years ago I would get it done even if I have no concerns I'm the father. In this case I think I am but I'd do it regardless.

 

I understand that there is a significantly higher risk of down syndrome (1:60) and miscarriages at this point in life. There is an amniotic test for down she has said she will get but thats at 3 months (coincidentally right when the ability for termination is about to end).

 

With regards to whether this is premeditated... I dont know. I hope not but it is entirely within the realm of possibility. I'd like to think that it isnt, seeing it is currently at the point of no return. I'm in this one way or another along for the ride for at least a while.

 

Last night was another crazy night. I casually mentioned that my office is having a christmas party next week, that I had forgotten all about it and didn't know the date but that it was coming. She asked what she should wear and I told her it was office staff only. She freaked out, accused me of lying. I offered to use my remoteaccess to print off the invite, she didnt want to see it and carried on like this for a couple hours, eventually I just printed it all off and gave it to her, she didnt want to read it.

 

Not wanting to freak out and explode I went down to my office to have some quiet time to cool off. Eventually she came downstairs and demanded to know who I was talking to, accusing me of talking to the girl a thousand miles away and if not her someone else, which I was doing neither. Then she wanted to check my computer to verify and see proof. Well its hard to prove something you werent doing so all I could show her was that the girl a thousand miles away was fed up with me and boding me farewell; I wasnt about to let her run rampant through my computer hunting for whatever she could find.

 

TBH I'm scared as hell. I hope I'm wrong but this one seems like a hybrid between three of my worst exes... The Jerry Springer premeditated pregnancy scare chick, the BPD psycho iranian, and my most recent ex who scared me off of having a girlfriend entirely who sold me an entirely bad bill of goods.

 

I've been going to my cousin for counsel. My gf doesn't want anyone to know about the pregnancy in the case she either changes her mind or if the amniotic test is positive for down so I'm not really allowed to tell anyone. My cousin is telling me what many of the above posters are telling me: get her out of my house, this is likely premeditated, and that this whole situation is psycho.

 

Unfortunately advice is easier to proffer than it is to enact. I have a bit of a plan, I hope it works. Unfortunately I've got to work so I cant sit and work on it 24/7 because I dont have time and when I get home this girl is here. Last night was an excessive amount of drama over something as stupid as a christmas staff party. It's hard to seek advice and counsel with that going on all around me when I get home.

[eye of the storm]

Ktya, I know I'm a bit ... hard line on you not wearing a rain coat. But what's done is done. Do me a favor...get some...protect yourself in the future.

 

And you should be scared. This is going to get really bad really fast. Get her out.

 

Tell her you are having the house fumigated for roaches/ants/spiders/aliens... tell her you will put you both up in a hotel for the night. get her to pack a bag, you pack a bag (hint, only put things in the bag you can leave behind), tell the roommates to ghost. Get her to the hotel, pay for the room for one night, then go out for a pack of cigarettes. And go home.

 

Have the roommates changing the locks while you are gone, all of them. Change the security code. Warn the neighbors if they see someone suspicious around the house to call the cops.

 

Text her that she needs to have her son pick her up from the hotel, that checkout is at 11. And you will mail all her belongings back to HER house tomorrow.

 

She is nuts. And if you think you are going to get out of this easily...you are nuts too. She wants you to not go anywhere or talk to anyone that she cannot control. She is going to cause problems at your office. You are trying to rebuild your customer base. If a customer is a female and she catches wind. She will cause problems.

 

Time is of the essence. The longer you wait, the more she will be dug in.

 

And if you think I am over reacting, you must understand, she is not playing by the same rules a "normal" person does. She has a very specific game plan and she will do anything to "win".

 

Get your cousin to help you. And its your cousin, tell him what ever you want. Up to and including she is pregnant.

 

Good luck!!!!

[ktya]

Your plan is fantastic. Except that I cant afford that course of action right now. For the past 3-4 weeks Ive been covering everything for two, and thats after being laid off for three weeks. Her bank card or money was always just around the corner so it didnt seem a big problem, but as time has dragged on and I keep hearing one more day, its become a big one. Im tapped.

 

I cant imagine any part of her scheme being about collecting checks from me. Im in a rough financial position and was forced to take a job 30% below my normal pay grade to get back working again. Im a frickin investment banker, and im barely making it paycheck to paycheck, not making it when Im covering for two. Im bottoming out.

 

I am going to look for some family help so Im not needing to count on her getting her money that is one more day one more day, if it is ever going to come at all. Once Im secured I can enact the exit plan but until then I need to keep rolling the dice that shes going to come up with *something*.

[clia]

The more you write, the worse this sounds. She sounds really unstable and irrationally jealous. It's really strange to me that she just moved in with you and you started supporting her like this. Who is paying the rent at her place, the bills at her place, her car payment, car insurance, etc.? Does she work? Did she actually move her possessions in to your house or did she leave them behind?

 

I'm really not understanding why you can't tell her to go home. You can do it in a nice way. Blame your financial situation. Tell her you never agreed for her to move in with you or to support her financially so soon in the relationship. Tell her it's too soon to be living together. Tell her you just can't do it right now. It doesn't mean you have to stop seeing each other; it's just too soon, etc. Anything to get her out of the house. If she has a key, get it off her keychain when she isn't looking. The longer she stays, the harder it is going to be to get rid of her.

 

It could be that she heard "investment banker" and saw dollar signs, regardless of your current job situation. She may believe that you will eventually land back on your feet and she will get a big payday. I concur that you should tell your cousin everything and get his help in this.

[Toodaloo]

I know it sounds like I am having a go but I honestly can't see how you are not freaked out by this.

 

It sounds like you are essentially shagging your mother and its all very good and well because at the moment you are getting all your household jobs done.

 

Grow a pair of balls will you and grow the F up! Your 38 not 13.

 

Send this woman back to her own home and take stock.

 

6 weeks to pregnancy and decorating the walls... tell me what colour has she done the nursery?

 

Take control of your life. I can tell you right now at the moment you have NO control over your life, your home, nothing. This woman, for what ever reason is bull dozing you.

 

You don't even know if she is a psycho or not yet and to be blunt all you have discussed is pointing that way.

 

For crying out loud be careful.

[ktya]

She wants you to not go anywhere or talk to anyone that she cannot control.

 

This in particular is something Ive been afraid of. The girl a thousand miles away, while an odd topsy turvy friendship turn romance turn friendship turn romance penpal was truly a phenomenal confidante who knows minituae of my life in such granular detail. When we first discussed being boyfriend and girlfriend I clearly indicated that I wanted to be able to continue to talk to her. I had been seeing a girl over the summer and went dark on her and it crushed her. As I explained why I wanted to keep talking to this girl and how odd but deep the friendship was and how she had always been there for me (odd because we had never met) she was furious. At the time I chalked it up to simple female territorial jealousy.

 

But when she went through my tablet and read every single email going back to march and demanded to see the texts on my phone that was way over the top seeing as weve only been an item 6 weeks. The irony is she spends hours texting on her phone and is always coy when I casually ask whats going on.

 

I dont even have a f-ing phone number for this girl (gf). Pregnant supposedly with my kid and practically being a live in wife for over 6 weeks and I cant even get her number. I actually got in a fight with her over that - her answer was that she doesnt just give out her number and shed give it to me when she left. I was like wtf over the past year Ive gone on 50 dates and girls have given me their number just to line up a first date. Here your my girlfriend been at my house for weeks and I dont even have your bloody number, your pregnant and you wont just give it to me?

 

This sht is getting weirder by the day. Last night was incredible.

 

I woke up to a note this morning where she was upset that I was being a "drama queen" last night over her accusing me of lying about my staff party and accusing me of talking to some girl.

 

She sent me a BBM while i was cooling off that she wanted me to come up watch tv and have cuddles. Eventually I was exasperated and came upstairs and just went to bed. She was asking me why I wasnt letting it go and I strongly suggested that I was very deserving of an apology. She downplayed it and said I was being a big baby. Eventually I just went to sleep.

 

I think she knows Im onto her that something is seriously wrong with the story here. It will probably get worse before it gets better.

 

:-(

[beach]

It's your house and you do deserve alone time whether she agrees or not.

 

Take her yourself and drop her off at her place.

Change your locks.

 

She may be pregnant but that doesn't mean you have to go along with her being crazy and creepy!

 

She may have been pregnant before you met her!

 

There is NO healthy reason why she can't go back to her place! She's very clingy and it should make you feel smothered.

 

Creating a LOT of distance will force her to realize you may not want the baby and you may not want a cling on.

 

You've allowed her too much! The only way to get some balance back is to keep her away a LOT more. She's also hiding things in her phone - that's just odd you don't have her phone number.

 

And consider getting counseling to find out why you've put up with her being so creepy clingy - it's not healthy.

 

She's is seriously creepy! If needed have the authorities remove her, but do it now not later.

Edited November 26, 2014 by beach

[ktya]

The more you write, the worse this sounds. She sounds really unstable and irrationally jealous. It's really strange to me that she just moved in with you and you started supporting her like this. Who is paying the rent at her place, the bills at her place, her car payment, car insurance, etc.? Does she work? Did she actually move her possessions in to your house or did she leave them behind?

 

She moved no posessions to my house. Said she paid her rent and car payment around the beginning of the month. Seemed normal enough at the time, she had only been here a few weeks and had had outpatient surgery on the pelvis and was in recovery, still walking but in pain.

 

On getting her to leave, its always been loaded dice, even from the beginning. She would send me these texts that she thought something was off about me and that she thought I was losing interest and that maybe she should go home. Then Id be like no its nothing like that at all its a pleasure to have you around, you can stay until i get home if you like. Then when I really wanted some time alone after the prego issue came up she offered to leave for a few hours, i asked her where she would go. She said to a bar or a coffee shop and asked me how long i thought i would need. At that time I didnt want a couple hours, I suggested 24 and that she maybe go home. It became a shtfit and she was talking about breaking up with me, accusing me of wanting.to have some girl over. Then her son was going to pick her up at 8pm, then in the morning. He never came. Best alone time I got was an afternoon while she took a nap and hid out in my room so I could have some alone time.

 

Playing the nuclear card here is a minefield. If she is pregnant with my kid...

 

What a bloody mess.

[beach]

You are allowing yourself to be used by her.

 

Things don't add up. She had pelvic surgery two weeks in and she's been there 6 weeks total and she's pregnant? What surgery was it that didn't allow time for her to heal after surgery with no sex?

 

She's using you because YOU have allowed it.

 

Get her to move today. Baby or no baby (personally I think she's lying).

 

It's your place and you have every right to expect alone time.

 

If that hurts her feelings well too bad.

 

Things don't sound right with her.

 

Stop believing her. It sounds very off and odd.

 

Change the locks when you drive her to her house! You may not need her phone number.

[beach]

Sorry - double post.

 

I also find it odd she's never called you once so you have her number on your call log?

[ktya]

Sorry - double post.

 

I also find it odd she's never called you once so you have her number on your call log?

 

She talks to me via BBM. No phone number.

 

Yes the story isn't adding up. Hence this whole post.

 

The pregnancy is real. I saw a positive test.

 

She has an iPhone and uses bbm and kik a lot.

[Toodaloo]

I dont even have a f-ing phone number for this girl (gf). Pregnant supposedly with my kid and practically being a live in wife for over 6 weeks and I cant even get her number. I actually got in a fight with her over that - her answer was that she doesnt just give out her number and shed give it to me when she left. I was like wtf over the past year Ive gone on 50 dates and girls have given me their number just to line up a first date. Here your my girlfriend been at my house for weeks and I dont even have your bloody number, your pregnant and you wont just give it to me?

 

This sht is getting weirder by the day. Last night was incredible.

 

I woke up to a note this morning where she was upset that I was being a "drama queen" last night over her accusing me of lying about my staff party and accusing me of talking to some girl.

 

I think she knows Im onto her that something is seriously wrong with the story here. It will probably get worse before it gets better.

 

:-(

 

You need to get her out of your house right now. So she is happy to carry your baby and live in your home but not give you her phone number???

 

Oh please get her out tonight, pack her bags drive her home, change the locks say good bye and block.

 

Get help to do this and have back up and witnesses there when you do.

[beach]

She talks to me via BBM. No phone number.

 

Yes the story isn't adding up. Hence this whole post.

 

The pregnancy is real. I saw a positive test.

 

She has an iPhone and uses bbm and kik a lot.

 

The preg may be real but you don't know for sure it is yours.

 

She's using you because you've allowed her to.

 

She may have even realized BEFORE she moved in she was pregnant and needed you to support her.

 

She may not even really live there where her son is - maybe she was grubbing off of him before she met you.

 

And why doesn't she work and have her own way of supporting HERSELF?

[ktya]

She apparently has an on call job as an LPN. Worked some shifts during the first few weeks before the surgery. Had her own money then.

 

Surgery was real, I saw the dressings, blood and stitches, she had to go back to have them removed.

[beach]

She apparently has an on call job as an LPN. Worked some shifts during the first few weeks before the surgery. Had her own money then.

 

Surgery was real, I saw the dressings, blood and stitches, she had to go back to have them removed.

 

What did she state the surgery was for?

 

Why hasn't she ever given you her number? Have you ever looked at her phone to see who she does correspond with?

 

Do you even know where she said she lived? Can you take her there today?

[eye of the storm]

If you can't put her in a hotel, go for ice cream. While she is there say you forgot your phone in the car. Then leave.

 

lol I cannot believe I just wrote that.

 

Or, have your cousin come over. Have your tenants present and tell her she needs to go home now. Offer to pay for a cab, I am sure your cousin will loan you the money for that. But tell her she has to go now. Tell her the drama is not good for the baby. Tell her whatever you want, up to and including that you never agreed to her moving in and for you to be supporting her. Tell her as soon as the baby is born you will be having a paternity test done.

 

Tell her a cab will be there in 20 minutes and she needs to gather her things. Now. Tell her anything she leaves will be mailed to her apartment.

 

Have witnesses there!!! She will freak out, she will fight and she will try to claim all manner of things to cause you problems.

 

If she attacks you call the police and have her arrested. Don't let it slide. It will help you in a custody fight.

 

Don't worry about not being able to see the kid. Once it is born, and paternity is established, go after your rights. Pay your support and get generous visitation.

[beach]

She apparently has an on call job as an LPN. Worked some shifts during the first few weeks before the surgery. Had her own money then.

 

Surgery was real, I saw the dressings, blood and stitches, she had to go back to have them removed.

 

Sounds like she had a job and may have lived there while she worked. Then no work = no place to live = that's why she CANT go "home" she doesn't have a home. She may not have a car either!

 

Why don't you ask her son?

 

And why hasn't she worked in the past month? That's odd!

[clia]

I dont even have a f-ing phone number for this girl (gf). Pregnant supposedly with my kid and practically being a live in wife for over 6 weeks and I cant even get her number. I actually got in a fight with her over that - her answer was that she doesnt just give out her number and shed give it to me when she left. I was like wtf over the past year Ive gone on 50 dates and girls have given me their number just to line up a first date. Here your my girlfriend been at my house for weeks and I dont even have your bloody number, your pregnant and you wont just give it to me?

 

This is completely crazy. You are letting a woman live with you who won't even give you her phone number.

[serial muse]

There is an amniotic test for down she has said she will get but thats at 3 months (coincidentally right when the ability for termination is about to end).

 

Actually there is an earlier test they can do as early as 10 weeks (chorionic villus sampling, or CVS). The only thing the test can't do is detect spina bifida, but it can detect all chromosomal abnormalities. If she isn't already considering this, she should be.

[beach]

Did you ask her dr what the surgery was for?

[ktya]

Surgery: she had an ex take a pair of steel toed boots to her when she got pregnant two years ago. Her pelvis is held together with screws and plates. Some of the plates came loose and were causing her pain. It was day surgery and she had two deep wounds and was bloated. I'm not a surgeon but it seemed realistic.

 

Phone number : this is one of the huge flags that set me off. The phone could be cut off or something but why hide it, like who cares.

 

Update...

 

Well now she says we shouldn't keep the baby and we're in no good position to raise one.

 

Also says she is going home today to her place and that her son is taking over her apartment. Says she is looking at another place that's available immediately and is going to probably move there this weekend.

 

She said "the odds of her being there when I get home are slim". Not the first time I've heard this though.

 

Stay tuned

[beach]

Surgery: she had an ex take a pair of steel toed boots to her when she got pregnant two years ago. Her pelvis is held together with screws and plates. Some of the plates came loose and were causing her pain. It was day surgery and she had two deep wounds and was bloated. I'm not a surgeon but it seemed realistic.

 

Phone number : this is one of the huge flags that set me off. The phone could be cut off or something but why hide it, like who cares.

 

Update...

 

Well now she says we shouldn't keep the baby and we're in no good position to raise one.

 

Also says she is going home today to her place and that her son is taking over her apartment. Says she is looking at another place that's available immediately and is going to probably move there this weekend.

 

She said "the odds of her being there when I get home are slim". Not the first time I've heard this though.

 

Stay tuned

 

 

I think she lies.

 

And I doubt that baby is yours within one month. And if she had that surgery she may not be capable of carrying a child. But you are at fault for not using your own protection. But I still think she was pregnant when she started with you.

 

And what exactly does she do all day when she doesn't work? Isn't that odd to you? Why haven't you ever looked at her phone?

 

 

Tell her if she's not gone when you get home you plan to drop her off.

 

I don't think that apartment was ever hers. I think she finds ways to mooch off of the people that allow it.

 

Set the boundary - if she's not gone you drop her off. If she won't leave call the police and have her removed.

 

I think she has royally used you because you've allowed her to.

Edited November 26, 2014 by beach