wtf is going on here

[beach]

Can I ask a simple question about how this started?

 

You found her in OLD right? When you asked her for a first date did you pick her up at HER HOUSe for that date? Or did she just meet you somewhere?

 

If she met you somewhere - did she have more than a purse on her?

 

Did she pay anything towards that first date?

 

Are there any clues you can give that may help others that may encounter a gal (or guy) like this when considering dating someone?

 

Think back - were there signs you missed that first time meeting her that in retrospect make sense only now?

[ktya]

I have been thinking about making a post like that about how to avoid meeting someone like this.

 

I met her on OLD, we were texting back and forth and when she found out what my hometown was we exchanged a lot of names and people and places. There was something wrong with her phone and she was waiting for her contract to be up so she could get a new one. She then was staying in a hotel because family was crazy busy over at her house and seeing as she was at a hotel I could call her and talk to her on the phone.

 

First date was at my house (normal for people from my hometown, it was refreshing) and she showed up here. She had a bunch of her own money at that time and it was actually a pretty good time. We were having drinks and she took off to get more and she picked up a bunch of food.

 

She only showed up with a purse and a small bag of one change of clothes. Seeing as she had stayed in a hotel the night before and came straight from there wasnt anything abnormal about her showing up with a small reuseable grocery bag with a few items.

 

---

 

Signs to look for in a chick like this

 

1. Lack of phone number that works. While I beleived her story about the broken phone and waiting for the contract most people are going to get right on having a working phone. A couple days, sure, but a week? She managed to jam on me by making fake phone calls and having the phone ring and she'd pick it up but it was just her setting the alarm. If I had of sent her home and given her my number and asked her to call me when her phone was up so we could talk I would never have been in such a situation. Her phone would never work, so she'd never have called, and she'd be gone.

 

2. Spent a lot of money on my house really early on. It was actually pretty cute at first, she went out and got drapes and made them from the thrift store and bought some nice drinking glasses and cups. When she started talking about buying me an $800 leather couch, having a friend come over to wall mount my TV and put in floating shelves really early on that was a bit much. Its one thing to pick up some stuff at a thrift store, another thing to talk about buying a $800 couch. I suggested I didnt need her to replace my furniture but she insisted. A lot of this was what gave me the impression that she had money. She had told me that she owned two houses and rented the apartment so having money and doing this stuff made sense. The couch never showed, the TV never got wall mounted and most of it was lies.

 

3. Over the entire period I never met her son who was supposedly living in her house or her friends. A buddy of mine and I, going through some of my worst relationships, actually highlighted this as probably the single most important factor connecting the dots to all of my worst relationships. If you can't meet their friends, there's something wrong - either their friends are bad news or they don't have any. The Iranian (who tried to kill me), the Jerry Springer episode (who tried to get me on the hook for CS payments for a kid that wasnt mine, she wasnt even supposed to be a girlfriend anyway), the Hoarder, and this woman. The one thing all of them have in common is that they dont seem to have friends. From now on its going to be an absolute requirement for me to hang out with some of a girl's friends, meet them a bit. Dating is a bit insular but as time goes on and things get more serious, this is a huge red flag I'd advise anyone.

 

4. Not wanting to go home. While i wasnt working, it was not a big deal to have her around for about a week because hey what was I doing other than the occasional one hour job interview. It was kind of fun playing house. But once I started to go back to work a normal sane person who had a job and an apartment would want to go home. At one point after I started working and I was wanting to go back to my life for a while (I had been dating a bunch of women before I met her who I was still friends with, one who had a boyfriend who came for the occasional booty call who even showed up one morning when the girl was there, awkward, but I'd like to stay in touch with them until I found out about where the relationship was going) I suggested that might she not want to go home, check on her place and change into a different set of clothes (2 sets of clothes, by that point about a week at my house).

 

It became an awkward conversation about how maybe she had overstayed her welcome and I ended up saying no I'm just curious because I was trying to soft lob at that point rather than making an outright demand. She was doing an extraordinary amount of cleaning (scrubbing walls) and had even bought the supplies herself to keep herself busy while I was at work so I didnt want to make her feel bad.

 

5. Not working. She played this one pretty good too, because she went out for a while a couple times to go "to work" and said she was an on-call nurse. On the second week she said she had to have some minor outpatient surgery and asked if I'd look after her which I obliged. But the week after the surgery her doctor said she still had to stay off work. Yet she was in what definitely looked like pain but was scrubbing my walls and cleaning my house like a master. But as time dragged on... the shifts never came. But if I had of known that she had no phone for all that time her "on call" job would have been exposed as a sham. You can't work on call without a way to be called.

 

6. On her phone constantly. I know some people are addicted to their phones, but she would spend hours and hours on her phone. I'd ask her what was going on, not in a demanding or prying sort of way, but seeing as she was furiously texting was just curious. She was quite defensive about it, implying that I was being nosy. Me, by contrast, when I am around people I turn my notifications off and place the phone on the charger. I periodically see the red light flashing (blackberry) and will check on whats going on. When i did this, she would want to know who I was talking to and what I was saying, something I found annoying.

 

7. Facebook. We updated our facebook statuses to show we were in a relationship. But periodically her profile would be gone, which I found weird. I wasnt creeping her or anything, mostly I was on my own wall and instead of putting her name & photo beside mine like it had initially appeared, it just said my name is "in a relationship". I asked her about it a few times and the profile would come back up and then go back down. I'm guessing that this was because people were flaming and lighting up her wall because of someone she ripped off or stole from and she didn't want me to see it. A facebook profile does not just glitch out and disappear from time to time. This had happened pretty early on.

 

 

----

 

I would say the best way to avoid a scam artist chick like this is simply to send her home after a couple days max and force at least 3-4 days until the next date if sleeping over is a possibility, and making sure she goes home if you are going out to work. If the chick doesn't want to go home when you are going to be at work, or at least leave your house, room mates or not, then you have a problem on your hands. It's perfectly reasonable for you to suggest she take off because your not going to be around and she needs to tend to her own life. If she makes you feel bad for it, ditch the btch, class A clinger.

 

Next would be the phone, a working phone number and "how about give me a call tomorrow and we'll figure out when to get together next". In this whole thing with the cops, how I'm screwed is she only talked to me by BBM. she offered KIK, but thats another app I didnt want to install and its anonymous too. There's no way for the cops to figure out anything. And BBM is so secure, when I was hammering her for my moms rings, she removed and blocked me, which deletes the entire message history on both phones. Having a phone number means you need to provide ID and have a residential address and your name might show on the CID.

 

But if the chick manages to get through those two somehow I would say most definitely when she ran out of money because "her son had her bank card". This is how I ended up getting screwed. She claimed, and appeared to, have more than enough money, wearing diamond earrings an a diamond ring, a gold ring, she showed up with a lot of money in her pocket and was buying a bunch of different things. When she ran out of money, I could have just covered her for a day or two then sent her home to get her bank card and I would have only been out a bit of money.

 

Where it flipped into the scam from just a girlfriend lying about her life, was when she turned it into a variant of the Nigerian scam.

 

The scam works like this. She runs out of money. For some reason you protest that you can't look after her. She looks and acts like she has lots of money, and says no problem she can help you out with that it will be covered. All you need to do is just look after her for a day/week/lifetime until she gets her bank card/line of credit/money from uncle gub or whatever. She's not asking for much, a pack of cigarettes here, borrow your bank card to go shopping for groceries there. She doesn't withdraw any money, she doesn't buy anything she's not supposed to buy, she's trustworthy and she'll catch you back, she's good for it. When you make any protest that this is going on too long, she whips the "gift" of help in your face. 'I'm going to give your landlord two thousand dollars to get you out of the hole and you have a problem giving me your bank card to buy my tampons? You'll have your money in a couple days, gee, scrooge".

 

This is how she gets ya. You now feel bad. You are merely protesting because your burning through money a lot faster than normal and your trying to contain these living expenses which have doubled. Your already somehow financially strapped (this scheme wouldnt work on a rich person, she'd use another) and she's got you by the balls.

 

As time goes on and the money takes longer and longer, and you have actually been using your money to pay for her costs of living so you can't use your own money to sort out your financial issue. She basically will drag you until your problem becomes so big that you implode, then she'll steal a bunch of your crap and find the next guy.

 

Another ruse she uses is about her daughter being on dialisys and having to pay $10,000 four times a year. This explains how she has so much money but is actually broke. She has the story so down pat but you (if your in Canada anyway) know something just isnt right. Health care here is practically free especially for something serious. She counters that the wouldnt want to put the daughter into regular care, and has to rent an expensive dialisys machine from the states. It's very believable, she has her story right down pat down to blood types and the daughter needing a kidney transplant for both kidneys but it seems just a little off when it comes to if she doesn't pay this $40,000 a year her daughter is going to be suffering.

 

The daughter thing tugs your heartstrings a little, like she is a mother who wants the best for her poor sick daughter, and makes you sympathize with her because ten grand every three months is a lot of money to shell out. But it also plays into her ruse that she has money. You can't even think about affording to pay ten grand every three months if you dont make at least double that, because of taxes.

[ktya]

Sorry beach lol i kind of wrote a novel and didnt really give any clues as to the first meeting.

 

Truth is, the first meeting went great. She had her own money nicely dressed with nice makeup on and we chatted about old friends and places in our hometown. The only red flags that popped up started around the time I started working about a week later, other than that she stayed at my house for a week. If I was working at the time, that red flag would have popped up a lot quicker.

[beach]

Next time offer to pick a gal up at her home. Take her OUT and drop her off. No intention of letting someone know where you live or when you might see them next. Leave it open to call them in a few days.

[ktya]

Next time offer to pick a gal up at her home. Take her OUT and drop her off. No intention of letting someone know where you live or when you might see them next. Leave it open to call them in a few days.

 

That would be the more normal way of doing this, yes, lol. Normally I would meet them somewhere independently of eachother as this is a really transit friendly city and I usually ask them out for drinks.

 

In this case however, with her being from my hometown, a first date at one another's houses is pretty normal because its one of those towns where everybody knows everybody and everyone just hangs out at eachothers houses. Obviously I can see where it went wrong (she never left, lol). I did one first date with a chick at her house that was pretty fun. I've also brought chicks back to my place and had them sleep over on the first date but I never experienced anything like this - usually they want to go home after breakfast or coffee but never stay past lunchtime.

[beach]

Keep the authorities hot in her tail and she should instinctively want to get further away from you.

 

 

Did you report your other items missing? You should!

 

 

And if you bump into her again demand your things back! That way she knows you know she took them! And tell her what a piece of trash she is.

 

Look up her family and see if they too understand what a creep she is - I bet they won't be surprised at anything you tell them - they are probably used to it.

[ktya]

Yeah I have been thinking of making some inquiries back to my hometown, but I'm not sure that it will be very productive. She had mentioned she left the town because people were talking sht about her and when it came up casually about ever moving back she said she never would.

 

It bounced off me because in a small town like that, everybody talks sht about eachother. Its a very insular place, a mill town with zero through traffic on the end of a road. You will never end up there unless you intend to end up there so eventually the only thing to talk about is other people because nothing ever changes. This is a town where when Subway opened everyone over the age of 13 hung out there all the time. They didnt get a Starbucks until 2004 or a McDonalds until 1996.

 

I am definitely going to keep the police on her tail if I get any leads. The OKC admin contact is a good one. I may never get my stuff back, but if the cops take a look at her message history and find a repeated pattern of theivery, they may have something better to go on that just me and a disgruntled tenant. Maybe bigger thefts too more worth investigating or more traceable. No doubt the jewelery she wears might be worth it. It was either cubic zirconia or some considerably sized diamonds. Not so large that they had to be fake, maybe looking like $2500-$5000 peices. Very clear and brilliant. She has an eye for value, seeing as she only took the two most valuable of my mom's rings and only took the solid gold peices from my tenant.

[ktya]

Honestly I gotta pat myself on the back for changing my PIN the day before I kicked her out. The anti-fraud department said there were several invalid pin attempts early that morning. If I hadn't of, she probably would have cleaned me out and left forever. She probably went after the jewelry because her plan was foiled. I had just gotten paid the day before. My cash back limit is bigger than my paycheck.

[clia]

Signs to look for in a chick like this

......

 

Everything you listed seems so...glaringly abnormal. A barrage of red flags. It's not like there was one thing, where we can all kind of go "Well, I guess he just gave her the benefit of the doubt." It's one thing after another, starting from the first time you even spoke to her, and stacking up higher and higher and higher...

 

Have you had time to stop and give some thought as to how you didn't see how screwed up all of this was right from the beginning? Or if you did, why you didn't put a stop to it much sooner? To think about why you were so susceptible to this? Was it just because you thought she could bail you out of your financial mess?

 

The signs were there immediately that this was totally abnormal -- no phone number, staying in a hotel, first meeting at your house, she shows up with a bag of clothes on your first date, wouldn't leave, cleaning you house, buying drapes and kitchen items for your house, etc. None of this is normal behavior. And it's bizarre behavior from you that you let it go on for so long.

 

I can't figure out why -- with all of the above behavior -- you would then give this complete stranger your house keys, your bank PIN, access to your bank card, access to your e-mail (apparently, since she is off showing your e-mails to your tenants), etc. There is a huge disconnect here. She's obviously a scammer, but I can't help but feel that most people would've caught on to this and put a stop to it after a week -- not let this person live in their house for two months! Have you given any thought to why you did this? I mean, even assuming you let her stay at your house, there was no reason why you had to give her your PIN, bank card, house keys, etc. Do you do that with all the women you date?

[ktya]

As I said earlier but the thread is huge. She was from my hometown, knew my parents, my old neighbors, tons of my high school friends, lived next door to my parents for years.

 

I wasnt working at the time I met her, and in the beginning the behavior was actually quite normal for someone from my hometown. There, it's not uncommon for a friend or girlfriend to come over and literally stay for days. Its a place where you give keys to your house to your friends or just leave the doors unlocked.

 

It got weird when I started working and when I started soft lobbing that maybe she should go home and get her bank card that's when she played the pregnancy card on me, which, seeing as that was supposed to be impossible, was an incredibly stressful situation. I implored her to go home for at least a weekend so I could have space to think, and when she started talking about how she signed over her apartment to her son and couldn't get access, I was sort of in it too deep but I knew something was wrong. That was also when I got the schpiel that she doesn't give our her phone number to "just anyone" which given the situation was just way off base.

 

If she wasnt from my hometown and living in the house right next door to my parents for years, I would have never let things even get that far. She was very easy to have around and turned into little miss housewife, which is also quite normal for women from that town.

 

In the end it turned out that she was a very smooth operator. I wasnt the only one who was completely fooled. Both of my tenants beleived her side of things as the word of gospel, they were ready to move out of here and in with her. They werent getting sex or potentially having a child with her and she completely fooled them too. I think she got them to hand over cash for a place AFTER I had kicked her out and told them that she was a complete fraud. If that's not a hint (your landlord booted out his supposedly pregnant girlfriend because he thinks shes a fraud) I dont know what is, but she still managed to fool them.

 

At least it seems to be over now. My only remaining concerns is ensuring that my male tenant doesn't still buy her schtick and let her in the house again and working my way out of this mess with my landlord.

 

Yes there were signs I should have seen. But she was a damn good liar.

[beach]

And her "surgery".

 

Did you see it performed? Take her for her appointment?

 

That was probably a scam too - to make you feel sorry for her so she could stay longer "to recuperate".

[ktya]

And her "surgery".

 

Did you see it performed? Take her for her appointment?

 

That was probably a scam too - to make you feel sorry for her so she could stay longer "to recuperate".

 

Yeah I'm not even sure what to beleive anymore and I've pondered this. I did see bandages and she was sort of limping around, but given that virtually everything other than that she was from my hometown was a complete lie (there's no way she would have known even half of what we talked about without living next to my parents) I wouldnt doubt it.

 

Perhaps there was some sort of surgery or procedure, it would make sense if she was a prescription drug abuser as you suspect. They prescribed her demerol for the pain. Either the surgery was bunk and an excuse to pop demerol or the need for the surgery was bunk so she could get a prescription. I dont know anymore. Given that she was effectively homeless anything could be the truth in this matter.

 

I just cant imagine how a 40-something woman could live that way, kiting from guys house to guys house lying incessantly until the gambits end.

[BetrayedH]

Any updates?

[rester]

Hopefully the tenants are gone by now. This whole situation is the definition of crazy.

 

Girl comes over for first date.

Girl doesn't leave but OP is fine with that.

She stays all the next day. And the next. And the next.

OP trusts her enough to leave her alone (or with tenants) in the house.

She buys drapes and starts fixing up the place.

OP goes along with it.

Weeks go by.

Facebook statuses are changed to "in a relationship".

Girlfriend doesn't have a phone number, job, and hasn't gone home yet.

Girlfriend spends hours each day on her phone texting but OP continues to let her stay (or for some reason wants her to stay) in the house.

Girlfriend (of maybe a month?) gets PIN number, keys, etc.

Some money is stolen.

She has surgery for something and gets pregnant soon after.

OP isn't sure it's his.

Shady stuff happens at the pharmacy and an abortion is faked.

Girlfriend still won't go home for even a night and OP's tenants get angry at him.

OP has a hard time kicking his girlfriend out.

Tenants freak out.

Girlfriend finally leaves but tries to charge an extra night in the hotel.

OP's stuff is stolen.

His tenants freak out some more and get angry with him for no apparent reason.

More stuff is stolen and the now-ex-girlfriend is seen at 5:45am at 7-11 just a few blocks away.

OP goes home to bake bread and drink rum.

Tenants freak out again.

 

 

 

I'm looking forward to the update. Hopefully the OP can get his living situation sorted out and get all these crazies out of his life.

[ktya]

well i did get an update tonight funny you would necro this thread

 

talked to the one tenant

 

I was right. I wasnt turning into a paranoid lunatic

 

downstairs tenant did let the ex in after I kicked her out. Was going to move in with her (and hes gay she wasnt giving him BJs so hes more of a sucker than even I was). Got her over to his dads house, which is how she was seen at the 7-11 nearby. Apparently the dad wanted to see proof before he loaned the son (my ex ds tenant) money to give to her to get a place. Eventually kicked her out. She killed time until getting to the 7-11 when I saw her.

 

Apparenly he bailed and lied to the other tenant too about all of this for "fear" that she might bring it up to me (ie. explain the lie), and was nervous of telling her he let her in which is how the female upstairs tenants jewelery got stolen. She is pissed at him now and finally told me the truth.

 

Nice I got to get screamed at and blamed for all of the holiday season over this before it was discovered.

 

But I was seriously thinking I was going nuts and turning into a paranoid maniac. At least now I know I DID figure out the scoop. Doesnt make my situation any easier but at least I know now that some of my judgement is still intact and I'm not going insane.

[camillalev]

Honestly I gotta pat myself on the back for changing my PIN the day before I kicked her out. The anti-fraud department said there were several invalid pin attempts early that morning. If I hadn't of, she probably would have cleaned me out and left forever. She probably went after the jewelry because her plan was foiled. I had just gotten paid the day before. My cash back limit is bigger than my paycheck.

 

 

WHOA. I went from first page straight to the last w/o reading the middle, and this is NUTS. How can some people be such nut jobs?