Do Wayward Wives always do new sexual things?

[revelations]

Really? Is there a particular reason why you're saving to have sex with poor women from developing countries rather that Western escorts? Or does the exploitation of disadvantaged women float your boat too? Not a Mysogenist? That's a laugh.

 

Well I have not been to Costa Rica yet, I am still saving for the trip. Once their I also plan to fish and bird watch. The escorts their are inexpensive which will allow me to have fun over a few nights. Western escorts are too expensive for me to be able to do this. The escorts their just like in the States are independent contractors that can say no if they choose to. Once again your lack of knowledge and attempt at shaming is painfully obvious to anyone with an I.Q. over 15. You also need to learn the definition of the word misogyny since paying for an escort has nothing to do with hating women.

 

If you want to be sarcastic about me being a catch or anything like that go ahead. Your attempt at shaming is at best amateuristic at best. The more women that do not want me for a relationship the easier it is for me to focus on my goals. So next time you might want to say something bad about my mother in order for your insults to have a chance of landing.

[revelations]

I'm not trying to offend you. I just don't understand your thinking about women in general. I guess if you're seeing escort then there is no expectations. That's a way of protecting your heart. Unfortunately, by creating this bubble around you there will be no chance for a good woman to come along. If you're happy with that choice then that's all that matters. I wish you the best!

 

I think the best way I can convey my perspective on women to you would be like this. I actually like women and would love to be involved with one. However past experiences has shown me that getting involved with a woman is done at great risk. The risks I speak of go far beyond a simple broken heart. It is the risk of jail if I am unable to meet the demands of alimony and child support being denied seeing the child and many other things. Simply put I cannot handle going through that again.

 

As for finding a good woman that would be difficult for me to believe. I am seeing a woman right now and she knows my perspectives and my history. She is okay with not marrying or even living together. So far we have been doing great together. We understand and respect each other. We have one majir agreement between each other which is no banging other people and yes this includes escorts. She knows that me being with her even this limited is very scary to me. However I do thank you for your kind words and hope this explains why I usually just avoid women rather than taking too many chances with them.

[elaine567]

I am seeing a woman right now and she knows my perspectives and my history. She is okay with not marrying or even living together. So far we have been doing great together. We understand and respect each other. We have one majir agreement between each other which is no banging other people and yes this includes escorts. She knows that me being with her even this limited is very scary to me. However I do thank you for your kind words and hope this explains why I usually just avoid women rather than taking too many chances with them.

 

I am genuinely very glad to hear that, as it seemed to me fro some of your posts, you were a lost, embittered soul, destined to trawl escort agencies throughout the world in need of some love and affection, but denying yourself real womanly affection because of past experiences.

[violet1]

I think the best way I can convey my perspective on women to you would be like this. I actually like women and would love to be involved with one. However past experiences has shown me that getting involved with a woman is done at great risk. The risks I speak of go far beyond a simple broken heart. It is the risk of jail if I am unable to meet the demands of alimony and child support being denied seeing the child and many other things. Simply put I cannot handle going through that again.

 

As for finding a good woman that would be difficult for me to believe. I am seeing a woman right now and she knows my perspectives and my history. She is okay with not marrying or even living together. So far we have been doing great together. We understand and respect each other. We have one majir agreement between each other which is no banging other people and yes this includes escorts. She knows that me being with her even this limited is very scary to me. However I do thank you for your kind words and hope this explains why I usually just avoid women rather than taking too many chances with them.

Thank you for sharing your perspective. Honestly, some of your posts made you seem very bitter and hateful towards women. It was nice of you to share a softer side of yourself. IMO, that's a huge step. I don't know your story other than you were a BS. I can tell from your posts you were hurt badly. It takes time to rebuild trust once it's been broken. It takes some longer than others to rebuild it. The fact you are seeing someone is a huge risk right there. I'm glad you are slowly opening your heart and that there's a mutual agreement between the two of you. Not that it means much, but you have my sincere apologies are calling you a misogynist in one of my earlier posts.

[HereNorThere]

Thank you for sharing your perspective. Honestly, some of your posts made you seem very bitter and hateful towards women. It was nice of you to share a softer side of yourself. IMO, that's a huge step. I don't know your story other than you were a BS. I can tell from your posts you were hurt badly. It takes time to rebuild trust once it's been broken. It takes some longer than others to rebuild it. The fact you are seeing someone is a huge risk right there. I'm glad you are slowly opening your heart and that there's a mutual agreement between the two of you. Not that it means much, but you have my sincere apologies are calling you a misogynist in one of my earlier posts.

 

Maybe you'll take the time see that partners like you eventually make partners like him.

[violet1]

Maybe you'll take the time see that partners like you eventually make partners like him.

Like me? I don't know Revelation's story, but I'm a remorseful FWW. Maybe his WW wasn't remorseful? I also have never threatened alimony. I'm the bread winner so I would have been the one paying it if there had been a D. I also told him he could have whatever the hell he wanted if he D is what he wanted to do.

 

My reconciliation is going great and my H is happier than he's ever been. Get your facts straight about MY situation before you throw insults at me. In fact, do us both a favor and don't respond to my posts. I can't stand how negative you are. Don't dare blame it on women like me either because not all WW's are the same! My actions were disgusting, not me as a person. Believe it or not, I'm a good woman who effed up royally. I've done what my H has needed me to do to help repair the damage.

[revelations]

I think both of you misunderstand my reason for using escorts. The use of escorts have nothing to do with wanting love or anything like that. Escorts are used simply for sex and that is it. A basic business transaction, she provides a service for a fee. Using escorts has nothing to do with hating or loving women. Any other claim is misleading based on fear.

 

On here I call out bias and double standards, which oftentimes gets called misogyny in an attempt to misdirect and shame. My perspective is simply inspired by keeping myself out of jail, courts and financial ruin. I can put up with a broken heart, however eating only beans and rice for the next ten years because I am ordered to keep up an ex's lifestyle is something I cannot handle. This is why the woman I am seeing knows marriage or kids will never happen.

[violet1]

I think both of you misunderstand my reason for using escorts. The use of escorts have nothing to do with wanting love or anything like that. Escorts are used simply for sex and that is it. A basic business transaction, she provides a service for a fee. Using escorts has nothing to do with hating or loving women. Any other claim is misleading based on fear.

 

On here I call out bias and double standards, which oftentimes gets called misogyny in an attempt to misdirect and shame. My perspective is simply inspired by keeping myself out of jail, courts and financial ruin. I can put up with a broken heart, however eating only beans and rice for the next ten years because I am ordered to keep up an ex's lifestyle is something I cannot handle. This is why the woman I am seeing knows marriage or kids will never happen.

Nope, I knew exactly what you meant by hiring an escort. I don't condone using people for sex. Sorry, but I don't. I think it's wrong. My affair was wrong, but we were not using each other for sex. It's not calling anyone out that got misconstrued for misogyny. It's you comparing women to a poisonous snake. Or your statements that you don't need a woman, etc. I think if a person has no trust in a woman or doesn't like in general then they have have no business having sex with one. I'd feel the same way if it were a woman using a man.

[spanz1]

back to the original topic....i think the very act of having an affair opens up the spouse to try new sex acts. I mean he/she did not screw other people before...but then decided "what the heck, lets try screwing new people and hiding it from my spouse". once you have that mind set it is easy to say "yes" when your new affair partner says "hey, want to try some anal sex?? with a smile on their face.

[Robert]

****Moderators Note****

 

Let's swing the posts back to the topic please, thanks

[HereNorThere]

I think therein lies the answers to OP's topic. A lot of WS have a disconnection between what they do and who they are. Narcissists are capable of splitting their personality and essentially becoming another person, divorcing themselves from their actions. By pretending their behavior isn't truly representative of themselves, they're able to keep their "good person" persona while being another person and doing things they normally wouldn't do.

 

The problem is although they've split themselves into different segments capable of doing different things, the BS only sees one person. The WS tries to go back their former self (that they think they have effectively preserved by putting them on a shelf) but the BS can never see them that way again because truly it was them who committed the acts.

 

That's why you always hear this things like "it wasn't truly me who did that" or "I'm this type of person even though my actions show otherwise." This sort of dissociation of the self is a personality trait that many are not capable of or understand.

[bigman1]

I don't know if all do new things with the OM. Besides, you have to define what you mean by "new". New positions are just variations on the same actual act. New acts that have never been done, well who knows? It might be new to her, but not new to him. Think of it this way:

 

New to her and new to him- maybe, but probably really awkward and not sure if they continued. Still, they might keep at it.

New to him, old to her- Possibly, but then the only thrill is that its a new partner and it may take her some time to get used to his moves.

New to her, old to him- possibly, but for him its old hat, so no real thrill for him and she might not be that good.

 

If she refused you and gave it to him, then I can see that being a deal breaker. If she never refused you, but did it with him first, then it would be tainted for me. Getting caught up on the idea of "new stuff" with OM just makes you feel like crap. It makes you focus on the level of rejection that she heaped on you. I think it better to look at her and question why she or sex with her matters to you after what she has done. If all you can say is, "I just love her", well, you are in for a world of hurt.

[Discjockey80]

I think what gets a lot of BS's or at least would if I were in that position, is that when the BS finds out that a certain act occurred and it was denied to them but done with the AP, there is a certain sense of forced suffering/denial they have to deal with in which the WS controls what the BS experiences sexually but the AP is allowed to have whatever they desire and the WS bestows a more liberal sexual attitude with the AP at the expense of the BS.

 

 

I don't think its a stretch to imagine how that feels or relate to it from experience. It's pretty much a wholehearted slap in the face, maliciously or not. Its really sad to hear this happens. Especially to men who experience sex and various forms of sexuality as love and validation. Woah....

[autumnnight]

I think that the word "always" is almost "always" incorrect

 

But I can understand that if a woman refused to give her husband X and then turned around and did it for the OM, that would be a slap in the face. Madonna/whore/blah blah aside surely any woman with empathy can understand why that would hurt the BS. I mean if a BW who begged her husband for conversation or romantic dinners found out that he talked for hours with the OW at fancy restaurants, she would probably be hurt by that.

[drifter777]

Do BW's ever experience this? Like their WH did something sexual with OW that they won't do with BW? If it happens I wonder if a BW would care - or even ask about - or if a WH wouldn't already be doing every sex act with his BW that he and she are comfortable with already? The whole thing feels to me like it would be rare for this situation to happen to a BW.

 

For BH's - it's all about the sex. Lying, betrayal, and emotional attachment are all part of it but the primary issue that torture's BH's is the sex.

[Discjockey80]

Do BW's ever experience this? Like their WH did something sexual with OW that they won't do with BW? If it happens I wonder if a BW would care - or even ask about - or if a WH wouldn't already be doing every sex act with his BW that he and she are comfortable with already? The whole thing feels to me like it would be rare for this situation to happen to a BW.

 

For BH's - it's all about the sex. Lying, betrayal, and emotional attachment are all part of it but the primary issue that torture's BH's is the sex.

 

 

I'm going to make a controversial statement here...... but based on my knowledge of the differences in gender and related sexualities, I don't think women experience the same jealousy when it comes to physical exclusivity in the same way men do.

 

 

There are probably exceptions but if a wife heard that during an affair her husband gave anal sex to his AP or that his AP gave him oral when she (the wife) rarely does or never does and/or doesn't allow or enjoy anal...it wouldn't mean to her what it means to a betrayed husband.

 

 

Its the differences in how we are designed.

 

 

The reasons each gender shouldn't cheat are inverted for each of the respective opposite genders needs and protection.

 

 

Women shouldn't emotionally connect, converse with and allow other men to pursue them because while the non physical things wouldn't hurt the husband outright the eventual sex will devastate the husband.

 

 

Men shouldn't have sex with other women because while the physical sexual act doesn't hurt the wife outright the eventual love the man will feel will devastate her.

 

 

Let me elaborate more. You see it with sexual fluidity in women. There seem to be far more instances of women being more comfortable with sharing their 'man' or husband in a threesome if its just purely sexual, than there are men. There are obvious exceptions where two men share a woman...but the internal dynamics are much different in those cases.

 

 

Now, obviously I morally disagree with cheating, group sex, etc. I'm just saying its how our wiring is. Being a Christian, I see the way sin has corrupted the world from its original design and how the shadow of that original divine design lays across us mixed with our fallen nature.

 

 

Also, I realize women are bothered by physical betrayal just as men can be bothered by the emotional because we know what it obviously means. Its just that its a secondary sting as opposed to the primary burn of the other which speaks to our respective core natures.

[Mr. Me]

I think both of you misunderstand my reason for using escorts. The use of escorts have nothing to do with wanting love or anything like that. Escorts are used simply for sex and that is it. A basic business transaction, she provides a service for a fee. Using escorts has nothing to do with hating or loving women. Any other claim is misleading based on fear.

 

On here I call out bias and double standards, which oftentimes gets called misogyny in an attempt to misdirect and shame. My perspective is simply inspired by keeping myself out of jail, courts and financial ruin. I can put up with a broken heart, however eating only beans and rice for the next ten years because I am ordered to keep up an ex's lifestyle is something I cannot handle. This is why the woman I am seeing knows marriage or kids will never happen.

 

I like the cut of your jib.

[DbleBetrayal]

Do BW's ever experience this? Like their WH did something sexual with OW that they won't do with BW? If it happens I wonder if a BW would care - or even ask about - or if a WH wouldn't already be doing every sex act with his BW that he and she are comfortable with already? The whole thing feels to me like it would be rare for this situation to happen to a BW.

 

For BH's - it's all about the sex. Lying, betrayal, and emotional attachment are all part of it but the primary issue that torture's BH's is the sex.

 

 

Well, I'm a BW and I can assure you that ANY type of sex that occurred; vanilla or kinky, with the OW is mentally traumatic. Just the act alone is effed up. Just typing this sentence aggravated me.

[Buckeye2]

I'm going to make a controversial statement here...... but based on my knowledge of the differences in gender and related sexualities, I don't think women experience the same jealousy when it comes to physical exclusivity in the same way men do.

 

 

There is a very primitive reason for this. In order to bebiologically successful, you have to pass on your genes. Women know that their children are biologically theirs, men don’t.

 

 

A woman’s primary concern was to have a man around to help her children survive. A man’s primary concern was to insure that her children were also his. In other words, a woman wanted a good relationship with her mate to keep him around. A man wanted agood relationship so that he wouldn’t be raising another man’s child.

 

 

This is why it can be comforting for a woman to be told by her husband that he didn’t care for the OW, it was only sex. The wife’s security isn’t jeopardized. A husband isn’t comforted by being told the same thing.

[DbleBetrayal]

There is a very primitive reason for this. In order to bebiologically successful, you have to pass on your genes. Women know that their children are biologically theirs, men don’t.

 

 

A woman’s primary concern was to have a man around to help her children survive. A man’s primary concern was to insure that her children were also his. In other words, a woman wanted a good relationship with her mate to keep him around. A man wanted agood relationship so that he wouldn’t be raising another man’s child.

 

 

This is why it can be comforting for a woman to be told by her husband that he didn’t care for the OW, it was only sex. The wife’s security isn’t jeopardized. A husband isn’t comforted by being told the same thing.

 

 

I disagree. The images of WH having sex with the other woman IS extremely traumatic to a BW- regardless of feelings or what not. I don't think I'm an oddity here either. I mean, his junk was covered in some hoe. Disturbing and Yuck. You say all this stuff about it's a biological thing for a man to know his children are his etc. Do you think if a WH got some other woman knocked up we wouldn't be devastated beyond comprehension? You got to be joking.

Edited November 27, 2014 by DbleBetrayal

[2.50 a gallon]

xxoo said "If she were inspired to do those things with the H, maybe there would be no OM"

 

 

Actually the key reason that I ended up having sex with several of my married co-workers, was they were wanting to try things that their H's refused to do. Mainly oral sex. They had married in their 20's was now in their 30's, and were bored with their sex life. Hubby was only coming thru once or twice a week, and then it was 5 minutes of foreplay and 5 minutes of missionary. They saw their 40's rushing over the horizon and had longed to try oral sex, which their husband refused to do. One had a desire to try anal sex, another wanted to have sex in the family car.

 

 

Had their husbands taken care of their sexual desires, they never would have come on to me. I did not pursue them, they pursued me.

[2.50 a gallon]

As for the BW not getting as jealous as a BH, just think about how many wives go bat crazy when they find out that their H watching porn. That is enough for many of them to file for D.