Do Wayward Wives always do new sexual things?

[oldshirt]

I have yet to read where a WH did things with his OW and refuse to do them with his BW.

 

 

And right back at you, there are countless threads and posts about where the WW has from day one keep many acts off the table with their BH. Yet soon as the OM asked he got it, and not just once.

 

 

Then after the affair was over they still refused to give their BH what she did with the OM. Even after the WW told the BH that she did things with her OM that she had refused to do with her BH.

 

 

 

Yeah, for all practical purposes it is strictly a female phenomenon, guys don't do it. I'm sure there is one exceptional case somewhere in the middle of Kansas or something but for all practical purposes it is only women that will deny their spouse something and do it freely with an AP.

 

 

If your MM is telling you he doesn't do something with his W, he is just telling you that because he thinks you want to hear it. He will gladly do whatever his wife will let him. If he didn't want to have sex with her, he would have left her long ago.

[road]

I am a WW who is doing more with her AP that her husband but not because I don't want to do then with my H...quite the opposite.

 

H has told me straight out that what turns me on turns him OFF. I have tried everything to bring the spark back into the bedroom and all of it was ignored or laughed at (and yes, the laughing STINGS)... Trust me when I say there is nothing freaky or wrong about the things I am suggesting.

 

I WANTED to do more... with my H, but he won't budge. I am attractive, fit and in my 30s. I'm a very sexual woman. My self esteem has taken a battering over this. I was literally at the end of my rope when I decided to enter my A.

 

 

 

So because your BH was bad that justifies you being worse?

 

 

Two wrongs never make a right.

 

 

Banging an OM is not how to improve a marriage.

 

 

So does your BH know that you cheated on him?

[oldshirt]

I am a WW who is doing more with her AP that her husband but not because I don't want to do then with my H...quite the opposite.

 

H has told me straight out that what turns me on turns him OFF. I have tried everything to bring the spark back into the bedroom and all of it was ignored or laughed at (and yes, the laughing STINGS)... Trust me when I say there is nothing freaky or wrong about the things I am suggesting.

 

I WANTED to do more... with my H, but he won't budge. I am attractive, fit and in my 30s. I'm a very sexual woman. My self esteem has taken a battering over this. I was literally at the end of my rope when I decided to enter my A.

 

That is still not an apples to apples comparison. I realize he doesn't like to do certain things with you but at this point we have to assume he doesn't like those things with ANYONE. Everyone has things they don't like and don't/won't do.

 

 

But the difference is he is not doing those things with anyone else either.

 

 

Just imagine how humiliated and disrespected and how rubbed in the dirt you would feel if you found out he was doing those things voluntarily and enthusiastically with someone else.

 

 

You are the cheater here, not him.

 

 

Yes there are men that don't want to do certain things and their wives may be somewhat frustrated and dissatisfied with that. But for the most part guys either like something or they don't. its very rare that a guy will reject various acts with his wife and then embrace them with another woman.

[Sassy Girl]

My husband is aware that I am deeply unsatisfied with the relationship and the state of both our marriage and sex life. There are performance issues also for which he will not get help. I have asked (gently) to see a doctor, and later, for an open marriage.

 

He has shot them all down. Finally when I said I would find someone else willing he laughed ate me and told me "good luck with that"

 

My husband freely admits he is a $hitty husband. Without reservation.

 

But he is a wonderful father to our very small children. For them, I stay. For now.

[NYWoman]

road

 

 

I see that you have been on LS a lot longer than myself, so how is it you have missed the MW complaining about the lack of sexual adventure with her H. And if you haven't noticed Sassy Girl in this very thread is one of them.

 

 

I got spoiled with my first H. The man was awesome in the bedroom, there was nothing he would not try or do. I was young and wrongly assumed that most men were like him. In the years that followed I have learned that most men, are 5F5M, meaning 5 minutes of foreplay followed by 5 minutes of missionary, and it is off to sleep. Prior to getting married my second husband (first marriage for him) was very romantic. Within a year after tying the knot, he replaced the 5 minutes of foreplay with a 6 pack of beer and later added a porn tape.

 

 

My complaints went unheard, when our two boys left home, I went with. That was well over 5 years ago, and he still hasn't figured out why I left him

[oldshirt]

My husband is aware that I am deeply unsatisfied with the relationship and the state of both our marriage and sex life. There are performance issues also for which he will not get help. I have asked (gently) to see a doctor, and later, for an open marriage.

 

He has shot them all down. Finally when I said I would find someone else willing he laughed ate me and told me "good luck with that"

 

My husband freely admits he is a $hitty husband. Without reservation.

 

But he is a wonderful father to our very small children. For them, I stay. For now.

 

That all may be true but it's not not the same.

 

If he were getting it up and doing those things with someone else, then it would be relevant but he is not.

[oldshirt]

road

 

 

I see that you have been on LS a lot longer than myself, so how is it you have missed the MW complaining about the lack of sexual adventure with her H. And if you haven't noticed Sassy Girl in this very thread is one of them.

 

 

I got spoiled with my first H. The man was awesome in the bedroom, there was nothing he would not try or do. I was young and wrongly assumed that most men were like him. In the years that followed I have learned that most men, are 5F5M, meaning 5 minutes of foreplay followed by 5 minutes of missionary, and it is off to sleep. Prior to getting married my second husband (first marriage for him) was very romantic. Within a year after tying the knot, he replaced the 5 minutes of foreplay with a 6 pack of beer and later added a porn tape.

 

 

My complaints went unheard, when our two boys left home, I went with. That was well over 5 years ago, and he still hasn't figured out why I left him

 

Yes there are millions of men that suck in bed and have frustrated and dissatisfied wives. But those men aren't denying various acts to their wives and then doing them with back flips thrown in with their AP.

 

You and Sassy are talking about cases where the relationship has broken down to the point that they really aren't having sex at all with their wives but are having sex with their AP. That may suck and be bad but it's still not an apples to apples comparison.

 

what people are talking about here is where a spouse with deny their partner certain acts that their partners desire and ask for such as oral or anal etc and then do them freely with an AP.

 

That is almost an exclusively female phenomenon.

[badkarma2013]

I have yet to read where a WH did things with his OW and refuse to do them with his BW.

 

 

And right back at you, there are countless threads and posts about where the WW has from day one keep many acts off the table with their BH. Yet soon as the OM asked he got it, and not just once.

 

 

Then after the affair was over they still refused to give their BH what she did with the OM. Even after the WW told the BH that she did things with her OM that she had refused to do with her BH.

 

I truly believe this....a dear friend called me last night and this subject came up ...His words were to me " Its like jumping out of a plane....once you have Jumped it does not matter what you do on the way down...you have already Committed yourself...just enjoy it...and try to land safely ....and live to do it again another day...

 

To me ..my WW had already made the decision to jump from the plane ...if you will...and after that all boundaries were Broken....EVEN HER own thoughts and implied beliefs were GONE the second she decided to have the A with her Boss. She did sex acts with him that she said to me were VILE and DISGUSTING...But she did them ANYWAY WITH OM.BECAUSE HE ASKED!!! I all but begged for over 20 years...BUT HE ASKED..REALLY

 

I guess i just ..in some weird way I wanted it to be more complex than that...as the aftermath was no less than Scorched Earth for two families...

[Decisiontomake]

There are performance issues also for which he will not get help. I have asked (gently) to see a doctor, and later, for an open marriage.

 

People underestimate the damage that ED can do to a relationship - on many levels. And if the guy isn't vigorous in trying to get if figured out, that is even worse. Been there!

[2.50 a gallon]

old shirt

 

 

"exclusively female phenomenon"

 

 

Totally not true, the key reason that I found married women so easy to bed was their husbands refusal to have oral sex with them. They wanted their BJ's but would not return the favor. Then once the taboo of having sex outside of their marriage was broken, then they were inclined to let the long hidden inner slut loose to try anything. Had their husbands at least had oral sex with them, I never would have stood a chance.

[oldshirt]

old shirt

 

 

"exclusively female phenomenon"

 

 

Totally not true, the key reason that I found married women so easy to bed was their husbands refusal to have oral sex with them. They wanted their BJ's but would not return the favor. Then once the taboo of having sex outside of their marriage was broken, then they were inclined to let the long hidden inner slut loose to try anything. Had their husbands at least had oral sex with them, I never would have stood a chance.

 

I need to start copy and pasting this response, but once again, it's not apples to apples.

 

Yes the Hs are not satisfying the WWs and WWs are seeking it elsewhere. BUT THE Hs ARE NOT DOING THAT WITH APs EITHER.

 

They are not denying their wives things that the wives are asking for and then turning around and doing it APs and continuing to deny it to their wives.

[Sassy Girl]

I need to start copy and pasting this response, but once again, it's not apples to apples.

 

Yes the Hs are not satisfying the WWs and WWs are seeking it elsewhere. BUT THE Hs ARE NOT DOING THAT WITH APs EITHER.

 

They are not denying their wives things that the wives are asking for and then turning around and doing it APs and continuing to deny it to their wives.

 

No, but this thread was about WW doing more with AP than their husbands, not about WH...and some were merely providing an explanation as to why.

 

 

In a lot of cases its not because they are withholding anything from their husbands - sometimes its the other way around.

[xxoo]

 

what people are talking about here is where a spouse with deny their partner certain acts that their partners desire and ask for such as oral or anal etc and then do them freely with an AP.

 

That is almost an exclusively female phenomenon.

 

I thought that was the crux of madonna-whore complex? Can't do the dirty stuff with the pure wife, but need someone else for that.

[Discjockey80]

Whether its the male or female version of the Madonna/wh0re complex, it's only an issue with people if they choose to let it be. Meaning, people choose whether or not they want to be open and uninhibited with their partner/spouse.

 

 

This is one of the most painful things a man can face in life aside form a few other things. It's a deep betrayal and one that has a unique sting to it. And I've never even faced this sort of thing head on. But I can tell you if this happened to me It would be hard to get over it unless, at the very very least, she upped her game with me and showed she actually enjoyed doing those things with me.

[badkarma2013]

Whether its the male or female version of the Madonna/wh0re complex, it's only an issue with people if they choose to let it be. Meaning, people choose whether or not they want to be open and uninhibited with their partner/spouse.

 

 

This is one of the most painful things a man can face in life aside form a few other things. It's a deep betrayal and one that has a unique sting to it. And I've never even faced this sort of thing head on. But I can tell you if this happened to me It would be hard to get over it unless, at the very very least, she upped her game with me and showed she actually enjoyed doing those things with me.

 

*******some damage cannot be repaired and some lies and acts of betrayal can never be forgotten or forgiven .....badkarma 2014****

[oldshirt]

I thought that was the crux of madonna-whore complex? Can't do the dirty stuff with the pure wife, but need someone else for that.

 

I do see your point. I guess I see the Madonna whore complex as more of a general complex where the H may not engage his wife sexually in general and try not to offend her or pressure her or see her as a sexual being, but will see other women as whorish and sexual etc.

 

I do see the correlation. However what I'm having trouble with is seeing any man turning down his wife for certain activities and saying they are distasteful and that he doesn't want to do them etc and then turning around and doing them freely with another woman. I'm sure it's happened somewhere, some time, I just can't picture it.

 

In my own personal case, I've declined a few sexual requests from women that I found unappealing, but never once have I turned around and then did them with another person. I'm either ok with trying something or I'm not, and if I'm not interested in trying it with Jill, I'm not going to be interested in trying it with Jane.

 

But I realize not everyone is like me so I am sure it has happened to someone at some point.

[nightmare01]

My experience has been a little different.

 

In our courtship and marriage I was always the one wanting to try new things. WW would refuse.. in fact she WILL NOT allow me do orally pleasure her.. never has and likely never will. Our sex life has always been a bit dull, but I love her and take her for what she is and accept what she is willing to give.

 

In her LTA with her OM she said that she was the same with him as she was with me. I tend to believe her.

 

After Dday OM's BW and I met for lunch to compare notes. I mentioned that WW was pretty darned boring between the sheets, and OM's BW said that was what her husband told her. She seemed a bit relieved with this confirmation.

 

Regardless of this, the sex she had with her OM still bothers me to this day. If she had unleashed herself with OM and done lots of things she would not do with me - that would be worse. Still though, the fact that they did have sex over a long time period, well, that's pretty damned bad.

[road]

I truly believe this....a dear friend called me last night and this subject came up ...His words were to me " Its like jumping out of a plane....once you have Jumped it does not matter what you do on the way down...you have already Committed yourself...just enjoy it...and try to land safely ....and live to do it again another day...

 

To me ..my WW had already made the decision to jump from the plane ...if you will...and after that all boundaries were Broken....EVEN HER own thoughts and implied beliefs were GONE the second she decided to have the A with her Boss. She did sex acts with him that she said to me were VILE and DISGUSTING...But she did them ANYWAY WITH OM.BECAUSE HE ASKED!!! I all but begged for over 20 years...BUT HE ASKED..REALLY

 

I guess i just ..in some weird way I wanted it to be more complex than that...as the aftermath was no less than Scorched Earth for two families...

 

 

 

So does your WW still refuse to do them now for you?

[SawtoothMars]

This thread has been eating at me for a while now. So with all honesty... my xWife never even admitted a physical affair even when caught sharing a hotel with him. I didn't know at the time, but I know now that she was sleeping with both of us at the same time... and that really bugs me.

 

Now, I think I would be totally 'over it' except for the fact that one of her very good friends called me and pretty much gave an entire rundown on what was going on. Some of the details were sexually explicit. An example would be them having sex in public places and him convincing her to flash crowds "girls gone wild" style. Also some casual cocaine usage.

 

The twist is that I'm pretty sure her friend told me all this stuff because she wanted me. A lot of what she told me filled in gaps with stuff I already knew, so I never questioned it. It hurts because my xWife was a bit adventurous but mostly conservative with me. It just makes me feel like there is something wrong with me, because I never pushed her to do these kinds of things.

[badkarma2013]

So does your WW still refuse to do them now for you?

 

 

When i told the BW of the affair (about 3 months after DDay)...the OM came to my office and showed me 12-15 pics (on his phone) of my wife doing sex acts that we so offbase for me she wouldnt talk about them.....His wife since divorced him as well....I did not let my anger go toward HIM because we as BH's want to beat the man to a freakin pulp....But it was my wife of 22 years who CHOSE to become WHORE and break our marriage vows....again still have trouble understanding the events that she let herself do really sick S^&T.

**** Divorce was final 8-10 months after d day***

[badkarma2013]

She does not EXIST to me..

[Discjockey80]

Marriage is a SEXUAL union, first and foremost. That's what separates it from other relationships. It's a perversion to make it not sexual barring a health issue otherwise.

 

 

It seems that too often women (and some men) lose sight of that and twist marriage to mean something that it otherwise is not.... if otherwise but not for the sexual aspect of it.

[violet1]

Awesome...:p:lmao:

Thank you, I simply love hearing about stuff like that. I am actually saving up for my trip to Costa Rica. It is very common for women to do all kinds of kinky sexual acts for the ex-lovers they had. Then once married your lucky if they move or get into a different position. When they cheat it is back to that hot monkey love they gave out before the marriage. Men if you don't want to have sex with her anymore just tell her, you don't have to marry her. However to this day I am convinced that most women are confused and have it backwards. The boring sex should be with the other guys and the hot kinky sex is suppose to be with the man you are married to, you know your husband. I guess it does not matter to them because either way the women win. The wife can have the hot sex with all the guys she wants and if her husband dares to leave or not support her she can divorce and the courts will step in and make him pay for it. Woman power, You go girls!!!

Wow!!! The more I read your posts, the more I'm convinced that you are a misogynist. Good luck with the whole men going their own way.

 

BTW, I must be a rarity because as a FWW, the sex with exMM was quite vanilla.

[elaine567]

Do cheating women feel somehow beholden to the OM, because after all she is the cheater, she is the one taking the risk...

The OM is thus in a position of power, he can tell her husband at any time.

Does she then feel pressurised to please, to appear wild and interesting, and thus ends up doing stuff that she would never do with her husband?

[violet1]

Do cheating women feel somehow beholden to the OM, because after all she is the cheater, she is the one taking the risk...

The OM is thus in a position of power, he can tell her husband at any time.

Does she then feel pressurised to please, to appear wild and interesting, and thus ends up doing stuff that she would never do with her husband?

From what I've read on the cheater forums, it seems like most married women go for married men because the risk factor is the same.

 

Affair sex is like any other sex with a new partner. It's fun and exciting because it's new and fresh. You're learning about the other person's body and turn-one. There's a bit of a mystery and challenge when having sex with a new person. I personally didn't do anything with my exMM that I haven't done with my H. My exMM didn't degrade me or treat me like a sex toy. I don't get why so many people seem to think all affair sex is some kind of kink fest.