zoloft body snatched my girlfriend

[mr.blond]

Im so wrecked up over this. I think i might need meds myself now. its been a month already and I still cant sleep. I can barely function.

[mr.blond]

Iv never been depressed or had anxiety, but its like the shock of all this blew a circuit in my brain. I lost my best friend. She says we can still be friends but we will never get back together. The meds side of it makes this so difficult for me to accept.

[IfiKnewThen]

my bad i thought u lived with her and she was gonna move out. my brain feel like its blown a circuit too from grieving. however,

 

if you can still be friends with her. i think...take it.

 

and be a giver. i think you can ALWAYS live with yourself with that.

 

be supportive to her anxiety and say if she needs you..you are there.

 

then dont wait to live..live while u wait.

 

i wish i had any opening to even be my guys friend at this point.

 

i dont care if she was talking about babies. was she scared of you in anyway? to ever come to u with a problem. did you cut her off mid sentence? anything u can think of? i too feel its the meds dont get me wrong here... but i think sh needs to trust u and ur judgement. and i still say women need to open up. but they need a safe feeling place to do it. and simultaneously suggest she get s second opinion on her dosage BUT do not relegate her feelings to hormones and meds. thats insulting to a women too. i feel she feels she cant talk to u OR theres someone..or shes so depressed and anxious and she needs space. and time. anxiety is a bitch. and the med could be exacerbating it. they dont all work for everyone and some ppl have suicidal thoughts on them too. its why there are so many disclaimers and warning about side effects on tv. so u have to treat this delicately and gingerly either way. BE loving!!

[Strength in Healing]

if you can still be friends with her. i think...take it.

 

and be a giver. i think you can ALWAYS live with yourself with that.

 

be supportive to her anxiety and say if she needs you..you are there.

 

then dont wait to live..live while u wait.

 

i wish i had any opening to even be my guys friend at this point.

 

 

 

Negative. Big flashing heck no.

 

Unless you're okay hearing about the person they're dating and sleeping with, and how good they're doing, then don't dare be friends.

 

100% no contact. Period. No social media spying, nothing.

[mr.blond]

my bad i thought u lived with her and she was gonna move out. my brain feel like its blown a circuit too from grieving. however,

 

if you can still be friends with her. i think...take it.

 

and be a giver. i think you can ALWAYS live with yourself with that.

 

be supportive to her anxiety and say if she needs you..you are there.

 

then dont wait to live..live while u wait.

 

i wish i had any opening to even be my guys friend at this point.

 

i dont care if she was talking about babies. was she scared of you in anyway? to ever come to u with a problem. did you cut her off mid sentence? anything u can think of? i too feel its the meds dont get me wrong here... but i think sh needs to trust u and ur judgement. and i still say women need to open up. but they need a safe feeling place to do it. and simultaneously suggest she get s second opinion on her dosage BUT do not relegate her feelings to hormones and meds. thats insulting to a women too. i feel she feels she cant talk to u OR theres someone..or shes so depressed and anxious and she needs space. and time. anxiety is a bitch. and the med could be exacerbating it. they dont all work for everyone and some ppl have suicidal thoughts on them too. its why there are so many disclaimers and warning about side effects on tv. so u have to treat this delicately and gingerly either way. BE loving!!

 

 

The thing is, she didn't even shed a tear. She says shes totally fine and that she will always be there for me. This is maddening. She says the pills fixed her and now she has to be by herself. She also says the pills have nothing to do with the breakup but I suspect she would say that weather they did or didn't. She also said she wasnt happy in the relationship for the past year, but it seemed like she was and we always had good communication and always told each other everything. Its like she's trying to retroactively justify the breakup to me and on some level to herself. I now believe that Zoloft can cause someone to fall out of love. I told her I cant be friends with her until she decides to come off the meds(if she ever does)

[mr.blond]

ifiknewnow- how long has it been for you? are you getting over it? This feels like something that will haunt me forever.

[writergal]

The thing is, she didn't even shed a tear. She says shes totally fine and that she will always be there for me. This is maddening. She says the pills fixed her and now she has to be by herself. She also says the pills have nothing to do with the breakup but I suspect she would say that weather they did or didn't. She also said she wasnt happy in the relationship for the past year, but it seemed like she was and we always had good communication and always told each other everything. Its like she's trying to retroactively justify the breakup to me and on some level to herself. I now believe that Zoloft can cause someone to fall out of love. I told her I cant be friends with her until she decides to come off the meds(if she ever does)

 

All you can do at this point is maintain your new boundary with her - that you can't be friends with her until she decides to come off the meds. I think that is totally reasonable based on how you feel about Zoloft.

 

If she wasn't happy in the relationship for the past year, she should have discussed that with you then, not pretend everything was okay and then suddenly break up with you once she goes on Zoloft. It does sound like she is using the Zoloft to retroactively justify the breakup with you, which is quite immature. (I don't believe antidepressants can "fix" people but like I said, that's for another thread.)

[OwMyEyeball]

Sorry to hear you're going through this.

 

I can only chip in my two cents as someone who's now on his fifth anti-depressant in the past sixteen years.

 

These medications are a devil's bargain that sacrifice emotional depth for a bit more emotional stability. That's been my experience. That being said, I'm able to unclog the well through spiritual practice and a busied life. There's still a whole lot of love and empathy inside this big heart, but it takes some willful effort to get at what many people have at the ready.

 

It's going to be tough, if not impossible, to read into anything she is saying right now because her thoughts and emotions are now being processed through the filters of her altered state.

 

Zoloft and other drugs of its kind make some very serious changes to the mind, though it's often those close to the "patient" who notice the subtler changes more than acquaintances and even the "patient" themselves. It's a mind-altering drug whose effects are imperceivable largely because the onset is so gradual. Adding to the confusion is how unpredictable the effects are - each individual reacts differently from the next. Some develop a tolerance and need a boost to their dosage. Others slowly develop side-effects that are difficult to trace back to the medication because there are so many other colliding events in any person's life that could be contributing. Prescription for these kinds of drugs is, almost literally, a guessing game. That Zoloft was prescribed by a GP makes me gag.

 

I don't know what your ex is doing right now other than popping these pills, but if that's her only coping strategy for whatever was ailing her enough to get on them in the first place she's in for a very, very rough ride. Roller coaster rough.

 

The person you knew is still very much there. But how that person now perceives and interacts with their environment has changed. Unfortunately for you, that's for the worse. For her? Too early to tell.

 

Whatever you do to cope with your own emotional fallout from this do your best to keep from reaching for prescription medications. They're a cheap substitute for the "traditional" sources of healing that have eroded as our living patterns have so drastically changed in these past 50 years alone. Socialize, exercise, busy yourself with projects, put yourself OUTSIDE of you, meditate, create art, help others who are in greater need, building something, fix something, learn something.

 

All the best

[mr.blond]

thanks for your insight eyeball. I went from the best place i had ever been i. my life to the lowest. My friends say ill be better and stronger for it. But thus feels like an emotionally crippling event in my life. Im trying not to spiral into isolation and alcoholism.

[mr.blond]

does anyone know if she stopes taking the meds, will she become the girl i used to know?

[OwMyEyeball]

Stay strong and above all, stay busy. The prevalence of depression and anxiety in modern society probably has more to do with the luxury of time and our "liberated" solitude conspiring to keep our minds focused on the pain when in earlier times there'd be too much to do and a strong, present (i.e. people often in the same room as you) support network keeping you grounded to fall into prolonged despair.

 

What you're feeling now is no different in source than grief for a recently deceased loved one. What's going to keep you in that pain and, in some twisted way get you addicted to it, is sitting around thinking about it when the best medicine is directly feeling it (as a sensation in your body - usually localized in the chest, but can also be felt elsewhere in the body) with no thought attached, or more realistically, going out and about doing something. Preferably with other people.

 

I kid you not, it's possible to get addicted to pain. Looking more closely, the attachment is to the glimmer of hope, that one pleasurable thought that springs up in the mess of suffering. Right now that hope is to "get her back" and the pain I don't need to explain to you because you're living it right now. Probably hitting "Refresh" on your browser while you sift through the Internet scrambling for clues, understanding and some reasoning behind the madness you now find yourself in. The misery!

 

Billions before you have felt such pain and billions more will get to know it all too well. Find salvation within yourself in the understanding that the pain will pass, regardless of how intense it feels now. Your capacity for love and joy are not gone. And that capacity will never diminish. It will only feel absent for a time.

 

I urge you to find someone with whom you can speak to in person about this. A moment of empathy from a trusted friend or family member is worth more to you than a million words splashed across a screen. And I also urge you to find pleasurable and constructive activities through which to channel some of your energy. They probably won't feel anywhere near as pleasurable as they once had, but they'll keep you grounded. Keep you outside of your head.

 

In summary: Talk to trusted people. Keep busy. Keep out of your own head. Keep away from medication (and self-medication ... over the long haul booze doesn't drown misery, it feeds it).

 

You will come out of this stronger. And you will find happiness again.

[mr.blond]

thanks eyeball, spoken like a poet. Although, as Im sure you know, words of understanding and advise offer no peace. I do have a lot of friends and support but its almost wasted on me as It gives me no solis. This feels like a waking nightmare, some kind of greek tragedy.

[OwMyEyeball]

I understand. I've participated on enough forums for the depressed, anxious and broken-hearted to realize that my time spent there rivaled the soothing effect of putting a cardboard box over my head and screaming for an hour (never actually done that, but it paints the picture).

 

Something I do know to work quite well is vigorous exercise. Sprinting, cycling, powerlifting, aerobics, swimming, squash ... whatever gets you out of breath and your muscles aching. The more pain the better, because your mind starts to shift a bit. It can only focus on one pain at a time. You're also more likely to get ravenously hungry ... also a good diversion.

 

What you're going through is the spiritual equivalent to a flesh wound. In order for it to heal you'll want to clean it, bandage it and keep from touching it. When talking about the soul the process is more about performing a ritual for the departed, keeping distance and most importantly refraining from flirting with painful thoughts! Just as fingers on an open would can give a sense of mild relief, they can also introduce bacteria and prevent the wound from properly healing. Thinking about the "what if"s, "what could be"s and "what should be"s may sometimes give a sense of temporary relief, but at great cost to you and of no benefit to anyone else.

 

The less time you spend agonizing over the primary wound, the more quickly and better it will heal. You will heal. And it's really only you who can guide and expedite the process. Both the blessing and the curse of free will.

 

Best wishes

[BC1980]

does anyone know if she stopes taking the meds, will she become the girl i used to know?

 

I know this is very difficult, but her quality of life might be better with the drugs. If she did have anxiety, it might have been to a magnitude that you never knew. Most people don't admit how bad their problems are, even to the people closest to them. I took Paxil for 10 years, which is also an SSRI. It did greatly improve my depression. I had a little anxiety but probably not to the point of needing medication. I was able to stop taking Paxil, but, if I am being honest, I probably need some type of medication due to my recent breakup. I refuse take them though because Paxil made me so lethargic. I tried Lexapro (another SSRI), and I just felt completely sedated and stopped it. So like someone else said, it is sort of a devil's bargain, which is true of many meds.

 

I think you really need to take the focus off of her and the Zoloft and onto yourself. The bottom line is, Zoloft or not, she has chosen to end the relationship and told you she never wants to get back together. You've got to take that at face value as difficult as it is. We could go back and forth all day long as to the reason it ended, but I would highly suggest that you stop talking to her and turn down the request for friendship.

[mr.blond]

BC 1980, what does it feel like to be on ssri's? have you been able to maintain a healthy lasting romantic relationship on them? Can you still feel remorse, compation, the full range of emotion?

[BC1980]

BC 1980, what does it feel like to be on ssri's? have you been able to maintain a healthy lasting romantic relationship on them? Can you still feel remorse, compation, the full range of emotion?

 

For me, I felt the full range of emotions, and I was better able to cope and make decisions. I was depressed for many years, but I was highly functional. basically, I functioned like most people on the outside, so I went to school, held down a job, got out of bed every morning and kept my appearance up. Most people would never have guessed I was depressed. When I started taking Paxil, it felt like a light switched on inside of me, and I was actually able to enjoy things. I never felt that Paxil robbed me of any depth of emotion, but, physically, I felt lethargic, like I could never get enough sleep. The main reason I stopped Paxil is because I was curious as to if I could get off of it. I talked with my psychiatrist, and we agreed on a trial run where I tapered off. I was taking 25mg, and I started to notice a difference once I hit 12.5mg.

 

Yes, I was able to maintain relationships (platonic and romantic) during that time. My situation may not be completely comparable to your ex's because my main issue was depression, not anxiety. However, Paxil had a way of making me much more laid back and less distracted. Now, I am very easily distracted since I don't take it. I find it difficult to concentrate on reading a book for example, something I used to love doing. I also have some anxiety from my breakup as well, to a degree I never dealt with before I took Paxil. I think my anxiety and distraction issues now are mainly situational, basically due to my breakup.

[IfiKnewThen]

hi sorry took so long to get back to u. its not been that long ...15...16 days. but days of hell. that feel like 16 years to me.

im ashamed to say i initiated it over a month ago. without getting into details, i had major stress myself...and because he was not a direct stress reliever...he minimized my feelings etc, and because he suffered from depression and snapped alot (might be bipolar) or -0- relationship skills and i started letting my mind play ticks on me..he scared me a bit.. (omg this sounds confusing and bad), i ended it.

ours is a complicated situation and im sure very different from yours. however, the loss feeling likely transcends the universal.

 

he was then trying to make amends with me ...as he was capable of. he became so sweet and sincere and really tired. it was romantic and uplifting and even looked promising.

 

also at this time ..external stresses in my life lowered and got under control. and gave me a chance to step back and feel the great loss of him not being there. i was surprised he was handling things so maturely because he never did b4. he also began to go out..and i thought it was good and healthy for him. but then it hit me like a ton of bricks when the vail of stress and fear were lifting..that i wanted him and missed him. i told him as much and he relegated it to me being jealous and not really caring about him. i mean he knew me for 3 whole years and i loved him great for 35 months of the years and the 36th month i lost it and ended it, he could only see the bad and the anger he felt within. he too was blindsided by me b/c he was not easily approachable and that made me, (a basically and fundamentally outward...up front person normally) start to internalize things. i felt i couldnt come to him to fix issues. he was always so adverse.

 

yikes what a mess.

anyway when it hit me...i didnt want to leave him.. i really wanted to solve things and i had past up the chance to when he acted normal, i began to panic. by then he was resigned to moving on. and cut me off completely. i felt like i couldn't breath. i felt like this is a horrible twist of fate..because i always cared...and i was basically the nicer person in the relationship ..and i would have loved to solve problems etc. and i never could with his attitude and hanging up on me etc. now when he was ready to act like a grown up...i was withdrawn..not playing games but genuinely bummed! and overwhelmed. and here i should have jumped on the band-wagon then and finally talked to a reasonable and finally approachable person. and when that ship sailed and i was finally ready..to give my heart back to him..he cut me off and probably dated.

 

bottom line. i have been grieving so bad since i can not see straight. im serious when i say its affected my vision and senses. i am happy for the night to finally fall asleep and i wake up in a horror state. . feeling anxious and dread. i have done nothing with my days. its bad. BUT the good news is ......i was bad off once b4 with a love lost and what i did to get out of it was all of the above that owmyeye mentions. i walked just to walk stress off. i talked to anyone who would listen to me. i prayed and prayed and pray to God to deliver me and from the pain and suffering and most importantly for me....i made peace with my past. i told the ones i loved i loved them. told my x i was wrong...owned anything and every thing i ever did to fail in that relationship. i asked for forgiveness. and i made a way to forgive myself. i started helping others to get out of my own head. and yeah...sadly ...i met him and that helped a lot. i helped him thru a bad time and that helped me and we fell for each other. but i was already way out of pain when we started talking. he didnt heal me in the least. it was the things that proceeded that. sorry this is long. today i am a mess. meaning....i didnt get close to any healing stage. i was am still in zombie isolated stage. dead inside. but i wanted closure. i still dont know a thing about where i stand. its been weeks and i finally got him to call me. and i professed and expressed nothing but love to him. i didnt question him..demand....nothing. i think my hear was aching to tell him how much hes loved and appreciated. so i said it all. i didnt cry or beg...nothing. i just gave him love. just ..............love. for him and no pretenses about it. and i do feel better about that. he said he didnt know and truly went on my words . when i was in a in major stress state. this does not make us together. i am scared to death inside still not knowing anything he feels. but i could eat a dinner tonight and even enjoy it a tiny bit. i still ate my dinner like a robot. not tasting everything fully. but i remember i ate. <--- thats what a fog i am in. i feel that crappy mrblond, but i was so thankful he called and gave me time to tell him i loved him. i have no clue what the future with that holds. right now at least i cant say i dont regret showing love. i think its worse to hold it in under certain circumstances. and others its best too. i didnt do it to "get him back". i let another human being whom i love know that its true of it. and if it helps in getting me back to have at least expressed it fine. tomorrow if i ever get a good night sleep...might wake up feeling differently about being so expressive.... thats how i felt today.

 

i dont think ur pain is going to be forever, if you find a way to make peace with your past. even tho this isnt you its zoloft. the one thing you CAN tell yourself is...you had no control over this. it was beyond your scope. your self dialog is what will save you. and forgiveness and for me i seriously need a higher power. i am thankful for any contact i got today. i was really sinking. i pray tomorrow is decent. im having trouble coping this time out..but im ok for now. this minute.

Edited November 6, 2014 by IfiKnewThen

[IfiKnewThen]

ps....i meant that he finally called me TODAY.

 

but its not a bed of roses. i have no clue whats next. i did what i could to GET him to call me. then just gave love over. this was def something i felt i had to do for me. to tell who i love i love them.

[mr.blond]

I called her. found out that she slept with someone else two days before breakup. She swears shes not with anyone now and just has to be alone and live life. said she wants a fresh start. said she loves me still in a flat robotic voice. She got drunk the night of the infidelity witch is completely out of character for her, says she doesn't remember due to the booze and meds. this would of happened right after the Zoloft really kicked in. She was with her best friend who is single and ugly and always resented me for taking her best friend away. I cant believe this, she was so loyal and devoted just a week before. Shes gorgeous but the whole relationship it was her that was always pushing for more. When i told her I loved her she would always say she loves me more. I wish I didn't know about the Zoloft, I cant help but blame it. It make this so much harder and more complex. I don't know if me blaming the Zoloft is some kind of self defense mechanism to protect my ego or sense of reality. I ate today and seemed to enjoy it so thats good. Im in my 30's, been happy my whole life, this is my first taste of real despair.

[todreaminblue]

i was on some pretty serious medication...a combination thing....that they never could find the right combination or the right balance.......didnt work for me...depressed me more....to the point i didnt feel anything at all except a walking dead person.....

 

 

 

i decided after finding peace with god and the rigth path for me to take..... that if i am going to die i am going to die having a quality of life......ill have bad days and ill have good days i dont have to be happy all the time....i dont have to not cry if i feel like crying.....the world often sucks......and makes me cry with all the pain i feel and see that isnt even my pain to feel ...but i feel it anyway.... so i accept that....and i do down time......and i have found peace....prayer has helped me more than meds....now......but at one time it was life intervention i needed meds ......to kill the child in me off for a while so i didnt do it in real life....

 

 

 

i do believe drugs are the downfall of relationships and society in general that being illicit drugs and legal drugs....society expects people not to be down and say no to drugs ...while causing people to be down and take drugs...irony prescription is happy pills......which unfortunately some people do need to survive ...i think they are relied on too much and there should be a time when you are weaned off drugs to face reality to have strategies and therapy where you actually speak your mind...to have a firm support and foundation to build a true recovery......to be down ....to be happy to share how you feel ....and to know your limits with everything you do.....deb

[todreaminblue]

I called her. found out that she slept with someone else two days before breakup. She swears shes not with anyone now and just has to be alone and live life. said she wants a fresh start. said she loves me still in a flat robotic voice. She got drunk the night of the infidelity witch is completely out of character for her, says she doesn't remember due to the booze and meds. this would of happened right after the Zoloft really kicked in. She was with her best friend who is single and ugly and always resented me for taking her best friend away. I cant believe this, she was so loyal and devoted just a week before. Shes gorgeous but the whole relationship it was her that was always pushing for more. When i told her I loved her she would always say she loves me more. I wish I didn't know about the Zoloft, I cant help but blame it. It make this so much harder and more complex. I don't know if me blaming the Zoloft is some kind of self defense mechanism to protect my ego or sense of reality. I ate today and seemed to enjoy it so thats good. Im in my 30's, been happy my whole life, this is my first taste of real despair.

 

most fo the people in the psyche wards i stayed at had problems with SEX....WHILE IN THERE...........including me..i didnt care anymore....a couple of men weren't but they were married..and i started to care again as soon as i stopped taking meds....i was actually celibate before i went in....and am again now..they do change your personality in some cases....a pretty high percentage....seen it a lot...heard it alot......deb

[BC1980]

I called her. found out that she slept with someone else two days before breakup. She swears shes not with anyone now and just has to be alone and live life. said she wants a fresh start. said she loves me still in a flat robotic voice. She got drunk the night of the infidelity witch is completely out of character for her, says she doesn't remember due to the booze and meds. this would of happened right after the Zoloft really kicked in. She was with her best friend who is single and ugly and always resented me for taking her best friend away. I cant believe this, she was so loyal and devoted just a week before. Shes gorgeous but the whole relationship it was her that was always pushing for more. When i told her I loved her she would always say she loves me more. I wish I didn't know about the Zoloft, I cant help but blame it. It make this so much harder and more complex. I don't know if me blaming the Zoloft is some kind of self defense mechanism to protect my ego or sense of reality. I ate today and seemed to enjoy it so thats good. Im in my 30's, been happy my whole life, this is my first taste of real despair.

 

You get drunk a lot faster when you are on an SSRI. It's amazing really. I could only have about two drinks before I would get tipsy. It's interesting that you mentioned she always wanted more. 6 years is an awful long time to date without marriage or some sort of greater commitment. Perhaps she grew weary of sticking around and wanted more.

[mr.blond]

most fo the people in the psyche wards i stayed at had problems with SEX....WHILE IN THERE...........including me..i didnt care anymore....a couple of men weren't but they were married..and i started to care again as soon as i stopped taking meds....i was actually celibate before i went in....and am again now..they do change your personality in some cases....a pretty high percentage....seen it a lot...heard it alot......deb

 

Thanks for the post. Do you think she will return to her former self if she ever gets of the meds? I truly believe she never needed them, and that this is an irresponsible prescription on the Dr. part. Even if we never get back together (i dont think I would take her back even if I could after what this did to me) but i dont want her to lose herself to the Zoloft,

[Allumere]

I think getting that type of medication from a GP is insane unless there is a prior history with connection to a shrink/therapist.

 

Anxiety sucks and some of us with awareness of what it is can a) hide it very well and/or b) cope with it minus medications. With that said I can say I have been to several therapist (not a big help for me) and doctors and where I live you aren't gonna see any meds unless you are on the brink of something dark. Not sleeping for months, waking up in a panic when I did fall asleep, escaping from places with more than a couple of people around, not able to drive into work without the heart pounding...no, I don't need meds (cough, sarcasm)...and have never gotten any. I'll just say I have had some very unpleasant cycles of life over the past 10 years

 

Anyway, although I would agree that the medication could have definitely affected her personality I honesty don't think it was what caused the break up. If she told you that she had been unhappy for the past year, the meds didn't cause her to dream that up. What probably happened is the numbing simply allowed her to walk away without the pain and anxiety she would have felt under normal circumstances. Sadly, if she came off the medication tomorrow I doubt very serious it will changes things beyond her dealing with some of the normal emotions dumpers work through.

[mr.blond]

I think getting that type of medication from a GP is insane unless there is a prior history with connection to a shrink/therapist.

 

Anxiety sucks and some of us with awareness of what it is can a) hide it very well and/or b) cope with it minus medications. With that said I can say I have been to several therapist (not a big help for me) and doctors and where I live you aren't gonna see any meds unless you are on the brink of something dark. Not sleeping for months, waking up in a panic when I did fall asleep, escaping from places with more than a couple of people around, not able to drive into work without the heart pounding...no, I don't need meds (cough, sarcasm)...and have never gotten any. I'll just say I have had some very unpleasant cycles of life over the past 10 years

 

Anyway, although I would agree that the medication could have definitely affected her personality I honesty don't think it was what caused the break up. If she told you that she had been unhappy for the past year, the meds didn't cause her to dream that up. What probably happened is the numbing simply allowed her to walk away without the pain and anxiety she would have felt under normal circumstances. Sadly, if she came off the medication tomorrow I doubt very serious it will changes things beyond her dealing with some of the normal emotions dumpers work through.

 

really after five years? I dint know if can believe all that talk about future plans were BS. She was deeply emotional and we were best friends, I dont think she would just stroke me along. She wouldnt even let me kill spiders. She would catch them in jars even though she was terrified of them and release them i. the canyon.