Zahara Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Day 4 NC Since Tmrow is Halloween would it be bad if I texted my ex gf "happy Halloween"? And maybe say some sweet things since we always celebrated together for the past 4 years? My god the woman was most likely cheating on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 Yes it would be bad. She won't reply, you will be hurt, and back to square 1. Same if she sends you a text. You'll reply excitedly thinking it means something, she won't respond, and you'll be hurt. Keep up the NC man! Don't send her anything, and don't reply if she does! That is what NC means!!! Yeah i just hope she misses me because doing the NC part of me is telling me that she will miss me and maybe we can rekindle our relationship. But at the same time i understand that doing the NC is to improve myself and i have actually. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Yeah i just hope she misses me because doing the NC part of me is telling me that she will miss me and maybe we can rekindle our relationship. But at the same time i understand that doing the NC is to improve myself and i have actually. You've been NC four days. That's not enough to "improve" yourself. Four months is more appropriate. And texting her "Happy Halloween" is an awful idea. NC means No Contact of any kind for any reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 You've been NC four days. That's not enough to "improve" yourself. Four months is more appropriate. And texting her "Happy Halloween" is an awful idea. NC means No Contact of any kind for any reason. What percentage do people get back with their ex usually? These long days drag on pretty long ughhhh Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 What percentage do people get back with their ex usually? These long days drag on pretty long ughhhh I have no idea, but they aren't very good at all. Going No Contact to wait her out isn't going to do you much good or give you much positive change. You go No Contact to move forward. It's up to her to catch up. Right now you aren't moving forward, you're standing in place hoping she finds you. That's normal at this stage, but you really need to stay focused on the No Contact and you need to make the effort to move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 But I still love her and care for her. I just want her to miss me too and thus NC for 4 days so far. I really see myself texting her happy Halloween and maybe we both can go to a haunted house together because she asked me if I can go with her 2 weeks ago. Maybe I am stupid for doing all this but I don't know what else to do. She is everything to me still. And I meam everythingggggg Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 But I still love her and care for her. I just want her to miss me too and thus NC for 4 days so far. I really see myself texting her happy Halloween and maybe we both can go to a haunted house together because she asked me if I can go with her 2 weeks ago. Maybe I am stupid for doing all this but I don't know what else to do. She is everything to me still. And I meam everythingggggg Just read what you are typing right now. You sound like a complete mental case. Do you think that would be remotely attractive to her right now? You need to relax and you need to let go. Asking her to do anything on Halloween would be an awful idea because you aren't in the mental state to do anything with her right now. You'd get clingy and weird and stupid and screw it all up. You have to let go dude. You can't make her come back -- you can only make her stay away more. And if you act on your impulses, that's exactly what you want to do. You need to stay away from contact with her for months to get yourself back, because you are completely all over the place right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 Just read what you are typing right now. You sound like a complete mental case. Do you think that would be remotely attractive to her right now? You need to relax and you need to let go. Asking her to do anything on Halloween would be an awful idea because you aren't in the mental state to do anything with her right now. You'd get clingy and weird and stupid and screw it all up. You have to let go dude. You can't make her come back -- you can only make her stay away more. And if you act on your impulses, that's exactly what you want to do. You need to stay away from contact with her for months to get yourself back, because you are completely all over the place right now. Yah she is the one who brought up the haunted house thing and I said maybe. I doubt she will go thru with it though. So ur saying I have no chance to get back with her? (( Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 (edited) Yah she is the one who brought up the haunted house thing and I said maybe. I doubt she will go thru with it though. So ur saying I have no chance to get back with her? (( Not if you respond to her when you are in this state of mind. I have no idea what the future holds, but what you need to do is get your s--t together, take a step back, and let go. Right now you are a panicky, clingy, obsessive mess and you are in no state to be in communication with her. You need to relax and get your head together, and the only way you can do that is by not communicating with her FOR SEVERAL MONTHS MINIMUM. That means no calling her, no texting her, no checking her Facebook/Twitter/Instgram/other social media, that means not responding if she reaches out. You are in crazy goofy depressed dumpee mode. You can't talk to her right now. You have to accept that it's over and work on bettering yourself. Use No Contact to get your crap together, not to sit there staring at your phone hoping she'll be in contact. That won't do you any good. Honestly, you need to f--king relax. Your desperation is apparent to me right now; she'll sense it from a mile away. Edited October 30, 2014 by Simon Phoenix 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sagamore Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I mean this kindly: you need to get into therapy. Now. You have, by your own admission, had problems with gambling and stealing. Sounds like when you are stressed you can act in some pretty self-destructive ways, right? You know you need to work on yourself, and it takes courage to admit that. Good for you. Now go do the work. Otherwise it doesn't matter if you get her or anyone else to go out with you, because you won't be able to sustain the relationship. Good luck to you. Hang in there and STAY NC! Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 Thanks for the honest answer! I really appreciate it. I will comment on this when I get home. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 Not if you respond to her when you are in this state of mind. I have no idea what the future holds, but what you need to do is get your s--t together, take a step back, and let go. Right now you are a panicky, clingy, obsessive mess and you are in no state to be in communication with her. You need to relax and get your head together, and the only way you can do that is by not communicating with her FOR SEVERAL MONTHS MINIMUM. That means no calling her, no texting her, no checking her Facebook/Twitter/Instgram/other social media, that means not responding if she reaches out. You are in crazy goofy depressed dumpee mode. You can't talk to her right now. You have to accept that it's over and work on bettering yourself. Use No Contact to get your crap together, not to sit there staring at your phone hoping she'll be in contact. That won't do you any good. Honestly, you need to f--king relax. Your desperation is apparent to me right now; she'll sense it from a mile away. I am not going to lie. You are absolutely correct! It just sucks i really thought we were meant to be and she even told me after the break up that she saw us together getting married and having kids. It was me who put her down. I was the one who didn't pop the question to her because she was waiting and i guess i never knew when was the right time. She always hinted to me that she is ready to get married and i am just an idiot for not getting it until she finallly breaks up with me because she is done waiting. But like when i did talk to her on the phone, we always have good stuff to say. Our conversation can last an hour EASILY. We have so much things to talk about and i guess i miss alot of that. Regarding the haunted house, she was the one who asked me to go with her. I asked her why can't her new bf take her she was like "idk hes boring" lol I mean this kindly: you need to get into therapy. Now. You have, by your own admission, had problems with gambling and stealing. Sounds like when you are stressed you can act in some pretty self-destructive ways, right? You know you need to work on yourself, and it takes courage to admit that. Good for you. Now go do the work. Otherwise it doesn't matter if you get her or anyone else to go out with you, because you won't be able to sustain the relationship. Good luck to you. Hang in there and STAY NC! Even though this will be my 4th day of NC i feel in my mind that this is like the 4th month. Thats how difficult the time has passed for me. Even though i am at work 9 hours a day i still can sense her that she is watching me since we work at the same place. It sucks to be with someone for so long and then everything goes aways in a blink of an eye. This obviously was my longest relationship thus which makes it really difficult to let go I know for a fact that she still thinks about me though. She asked me where i am putting the pictures etc and if i am trashing alot of OUR stuff together i was like no just in the closet. She was like if u don't want it I WILL take it and lock it up. That just shows me that she isn't really ready to let go in my opinion. Its hard but i think i have to do what i think is right because i might regret this for the rest of my life just LETTING HER GO without a FIGHT Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 That just shows me that she isn't really ready to let go in my opinion. Its hard but i think i have to do what i think is right because i might regret this for the rest of my life just LETTING HER GO without a FIGHT It shows she can play you like a fiddle. What you think is the opposite of right. If you fight for someone who doesn't want you, you will regret it. Man, I just wanna b!tch-slap you right now, for your own good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 It shows she can play you like a fiddle. What you think is the opposite of right. If you fight for someone who doesn't want you, you will regret it. Man, I just wanna b!tch-slap you right now, for your own good. Yeah thats the reason i am on this site. I am heart-broken - and scared that i will lose her forever She wasn't any ordinary girl. She is beautiful and charming and i know i will never EVER find someone like her. If i showed you a picture of her u would be second guessing how i even got to date her for almost 4 years and living with each other 1 month after dating each other. I am not here to brag or anything. I just don't want to give her up. It hurts because she is with another guy already and its been about 2 month in their relationship. If the guy was a rebound then why is she still with him. That is the confusing part. And like part of me is telling me i should record a CD of all the good times and memories that we had together and maybe she can listen to it in the car while driving. But then i might be second guessing myself too! We did alot together. And just to let go is very scary and depressing. Link to post Share on other sites
Herpderp Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I know what it's like to have someone go from loving you to dumping you in a short period. If you read my thread u will know that I pretty much went thru the same thing as u, ex left me after 4 years, probably cheated on me emotionally. Like any normal being, once someone walks out of your life u tend to chase. Beg that person to come back. The only thing that it will achieve is to push the person further away. I went 2 weeks Lc on her and 2 weeks complete NC on her after 2 weeks of begging, and I can tell u I'm in a much better place now. I was like you. Thinking how perfect she is. Thinking she's the one. Thinking I will regret if I don't chase her back. That I need to fight for someone whom I love. I put her a on freaking pedestal, and that is what exactly u r doing. Take her off the freaking pedestal, and put yourself on it. You're in deep **** if u think only she can bring u happiness. YOUR HAPPINESS SHOULD BE YOUR OWN PROBLEM. DONT MAKE YOUR HAPPINESS SOMEONE ELSES PROBLEM. you know how big of a burden that becomes to that person? I've slowly learnt to let go, and move on, and accepted that she probably isn't the one for me. I will definitely meet someone better, someone who won't hurt my heart or cheat on me. Do I miss her? Yes. Do I want her back? No. Learning to let go is the best thing for u right now. Show her u can handle it like a man, and not like a child needing his mom 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 I know what it's like to have someone go from loving you to dumping you in a short period. If you read my thread u will know that I pretty much went thru the same thing as u, ex left me after 4 years, probably cheated on me emotionally. Like any normal being, once someone walks out of your life u tend to chase. Beg that person to come back. The only thing that it will achieve is to push the person further away. I went 2 weeks Lc on her and 2 weeks complete NC on her after 2 weeks of begging, and I can tell u I'm in a much better place now. I was like you. Thinking how perfect she is. Thinking she's the one. Thinking I will regret if I don't chase her back. That I need to fight for someone whom I love. I put her a on freaking pedestal, and that is what exactly u r doing. Take her off the freaking pedestal, and put yourself on it. You're in deep **** if u think only she can bring u happiness. YOUR HAPPINESS SHOULD BE YOUR OWN PROBLEM. DONT MAKE YOUR HAPPINESS SOMEONE ELSES PROBLEM. you know how big of a burden that becomes to that person? I've slowly learnt to let go, and move on, and accepted that she probably isn't the one for me. I will definitely meet someone better, someone who won't hurt my heart or cheat on me. Do I miss her? Yes. Do I want her back? No. Learning to let go is the best thing for u right now. Show her u can handle it like a man, and not like a child needing his mom This is my 4th day of NC at all with my ex GF. How come i don't feel like i am getting any better? Physically and emotionally i think i am worst than i started the NC. I mean before last Sunday went i started NC i was texting and talking to her maybe once a day on the phone and texting back and forth. Sometimes she would not text back for several hours and that was when i felt like **** Tmrow will be my 5th day of NC and i don't feel ANY BETTER. I actually feel worst though. What am i doing wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Herpderp Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 This is my 4th day of NC at all with my ex GF. How come i don't feel like i am getting any better? Physically and emotionally i think i am worst than i started the NC. I mean before last Sunday went i started NC i was texting and talking to her maybe once a day on the phone and texting back and forth. Sometimes she would not text back for several hours and that was when i felt like **** Tmrow will be my 5th day of NC and i don't feel ANY BETTER. I actually feel worst though. What am i doing wrong? Cuz u r still letting your thoughts revolve around her. Things won't get easier till past the first week. Work on improving yourself, meet up with your friends, go on dates with other girls. I literally forced myself to do the last one, but I had a surprisingly good time. Don't let your mood and happiness revolve around what she's doing and not doing. Take control of your life. While u loved her, u slowly lost control of your own life and stopped loving yourself. You have basically lost all your self worth and self confidence. Ask yourself, would u date yourself? If no, work on why not. If u don't love yourself don't expect others to do it Replqcr every piece of yourself you removed to put a piece of her in. I was in the same exact predicament as u. And all I can say is be strong, stay NC, time will heal all wounds. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 This is my 4th day of NC at all with my ex GF. How come i don't feel like i am getting any better? Physically and emotionally i think i am worst than i started the NC. I mean before last Sunday went i started NC i was texting and talking to her maybe once a day on the phone and texting back and forth. Sometimes she would not text back for several hours and that was when i felt like **** Tmrow will be my 5th day of NC and i don't feel ANY BETTER. I actually feel worst though. What am i doing wrong? Because it's not going to go away in four days. NC is a long, hard process. You aren't doing anything wrong, you just are being way too impatient. This takes time. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 (edited) So ur saying I have no chance to get back with her? (( Ironically, believing that this is true (I mean really believing and accepting it, not just saying it), gives you the best chance to get her back. And if she doesn't come back, you're in the best possible position to move on. It really is win-win. Whereas contacting her, doing all the things you think are the right things to do... are actually the worst things you can do. You'd be sabotaging any chance you have, and prolonging your own pain. Lose-lose. go on dates with other girls I would very much NOT recommend this. Dating other people while still so hurt and vulnerable and thinking about someone else constantly, is not a good idea, for you or for the innocent people you will be hurting. Edited October 31, 2014 by PegNosePete 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Herpderp Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Going on dates do not mean jumping into another relationship immediately. Casual dates will help u realize she isn't the only girl out there, and chances are that u will meet someone else better than her. It is by far, the most effective way of taking someone off the pedestal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Going on dates do not mean jumping into another relationship immediately. Casual dates will help u realize she isn't the only girl out there, and chances are that u will meet someone else better than her. It is by far, the most effective way of taking someone off the pedestal He'll most likely compare every girl he meets to his ex and feel even worse. It's a step forward when he's at a least come to grips with the ending and wants to move on. I think taking someone off the pedestal doesn't come with filling the void with another, especially when he's in the thick of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Heartache79 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Hang in there brother! I'm in the same boat as you. 1 1/2 years together. She had 2 kids and so do I. I lost her and her kids that I'd grown to love as much as her. We had made all kinds of life plans of marriage and the future. Then 2 weeks later....BAM gone!! I'm on day 3 NC. She called it quits 2 weeks ago. Asked for "time space blah blah". She went running back to her ex though. Keep your head up high. I'm going to post my story soon when I get the time. Gotta stay busy busy!! So easy to sit there and wallow in self pity though I know Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 I am afraid to say this, but I broke NC today with my ex gf. We have been texting back and forth all morning and I guess she isn't happy about her current relationship right now either. I asked if we should catch up and drive somewhere far and we can talk etc and she agreed. Is she just mind ****ing me or do u think this getaway with me n her is a overall bad idea? I can tell that she misses me a lot too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatdoido123 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 And I guess she has been Facebook stalking me too because I posted a picture and she asked me when I went there and who I went with. This is showing me that she still has feeling for me and possibly wants to rekindle our relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 This is a car crash waiting to happen, not literally I hope. Link to post Share on other sites
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