What is she implying????

[Ducktape]

Have you read the entire thread? It's grimacing from start to thus-far finish. This woman is just awful. Cheats on everyone with everyone, manipulates, uses, lies constantly, and does it all so boldly that it's just audacious. She's extremely selfish and cruel. Then the OP has pretty much zero self-respect, admires such a scummy person for hell knows what reasons, almost seems to be some kind of serious emotional masochist or something and is so deluded that it's painful to watch. Anything short of dude wtf is wrong with you is an understatement at this point.

I have read the whole thread yes. But I ask you this one question. What is the point of coming in here just to be spiteful and make fun of someone? Don't get me wrong. Some people need to be told bold things to understand. But some people here think they can just insult other guys, and then pat themselves on the back telling themselves they are helping people on a relationship forum. If you've given up on this guy, then give up and move on to other people who need help. At this point, some people should ask themselves why they want to help. What's the motivation behind it. Who do you want to feel better through your help? The other person, or yourself? If it was all about the poor guy here, you wouldn't get mad because he's not following your tips.

 

Altruism isn't all about results, it's also about the journey.

[Itspointless]

I understand what you're saying, but I also see that gentle approaches don't work, logical approaches don't work and more man-to-man type approaches don't work. I don't think there's any way to really "support" this guy because he ignores everything and just gives updates on this train wreck.

 

But I think I get the angle you're kind of taking. People with issues sometimes find it far more comfortable to stick with other people who have issues, rather than facing their issues. Like, rather than saying, "I have serious emotional problems and a history of stealing from people, I really need to man the **** up and get my ass in therapy," it's easier to say, "This woman is just as messed up as I am, if not more so, so therefore she's someone I can have who can't judge me."

 

I can empathize with it, sure, but flailing around with this woman is not going to keep him numbed up to his reality forever, and will only lead to more chaos on down the road.

 

So in my opinion to be 'supportive' in the sense of "hope it works out with her, man" is akin to being 'supportive' in the sense of "yeah have another bottle, Dave, we're too nice to judge you if you get ****faced drunk every night."

Well, that is one possibility, not per se what I was thinking of. But I guess it does not matter what I think. What matters is that he works through things so that he hopefully will starts making decisions that are healthier for him with time. Fact is now it is going to hurt whatever he will do. My experience in life is that people will not act on things I am telling them if they do not see a bit what I am seeing or have lived myself. I see that he has progressed lately. The only thing I think we can do is be here, there aren’t any magical words just as you say. I also agree about the chaos whattodo123 is in. Therapy is something I would really like him to do.

[Danda]

I have read the whole thread yes. But I ask you this one question. What is the point of coming in here just to be spiteful and make fun of someone? Don't get me wrong. Some people need to be told bold things to understand. But some people here think they can just insult other guys, and then pat themselves on the back telling themselves they are helping people on a relationship forum. If you've given up on this guy, then give up and move on to other people who need help. At this point, some people should ask themselves why they want to help. What's the motivation behind it. Who do you want to feel better through your help? The other person, or yourself? If it was all about the poor guy here, you wouldn't get mad because he's not following your tips.

 

Altruism isn't all about results, it's also about the journey.

 

Alright I see what you're saying. I just think there are about 3 total ways to respond to his posts.

 

1. Ignore them and say nothing. (But they came to a forum for a reason.)

2. Leave little supportive-type posts for them like, "Everything is going to be okay," or "Chin up, man," or "You've got this buddy!" But not only are these kinds of things not at all helpful, but they encourage the person to not actually look at how dysfunctional and irrational they're being and just keep chuggin along full of hope in a bad direction.

3. Giving assertive, no-nonsense feedback.

 

I think most people were aiming for #3 and are just getting flustered that they keep trying to give him solid advice/feedback, he totally ignores it and then comes back for more.

 

So I think a lot of people instead of saying wow eff this train wreck and just ignoring him, are still trying to give him no-nonsense advice/feedback, but are naturally getting irritated.

 

If you would like volunteer yourself to say one pointless nice thing in his thread every day, go for it, but as long as people are taking the time to actually read through all of this and give genuine feedback/advice, and OP continues to totally ignore it but keep coming back for more, I don't fault anyone who cops a bit of an attitude.

 

But I do understand where you're coming from. You're white knighting for the OP. I'm just white knighting for the people who have spent time reading through all of this and giving feedback, and getting ignored and asked for more. I've played 'therapist' for so many friends over the years it's like I can practically feel their frustration coming through the monitor. They want to keep helping but why should they if OP ignores everything they say anyway?

[Ducktape]

They want to keep helping but why should they if OP ignores everything they say anyway?

Exactly. Why should they.

 

I'm not white knighting for whatdoido. I think he shows poor jugement, ended up doing NC for the wrong motivations, and hasn't hit the bottom of the barrel yet. And they more he's waiting, the more it's gonna hurt. I'm also not saying it's not alright to be assertive with him and be a bit rough. I just don't think people writing one liners here to make fun of him without even trying to make it look like a lesson helps at all, besides maybe inflating their own egos, kicking someone while he's down.

 

And I do agree small messages of encouragements are more or less worthless, unless when OP seems to be going in the right direction. Turns out he wasn't really. It's still nice to be told "Good job" when you are doing something tough, it's nice to see someone acknowledge your "hard work". Doesn't mean you can't rough him up a little bit trying to talk some sense into him when he messes up. That's tough love.

[whatdoido123]

Wow dude... you can't claim NC when you're planning on breaking it.

 

What is wrong with you?

 

I've given up again. You're on your own now. Time for you to learn the hard way, as it's obvious that's the only way you will learn. Dozens of people trying to beat it into you after 27 pages on a forum didn't do it. You're passing up your life for someone who's stringing you along.

 

And quit acting like you're a big man for 4 days of NC, especially when you have plans to see her.

 

If you were my buddy I'd have beat the sh** out of you long ago. You deserve what you get at this point.

 

Dude, that's not No Contact. That's playing games.

 

Next step is realizing that missing you does not give the results you want as you feel awful after seeing her.

 

 

Actually i cancelled our plans to meet up yesterday. I decided it was best that i don't hang out with her or talk to her thru the phone. I just told her stright up that we should just text if she needs to reach me and vice versa.

[whatdoido123]

Well, it must be said that apart from what OP told us we know nothing about these two people. By asking I learned that gambling addictions and stealing money have been a sore point in their relation. Who knows what happened in their past, or why OP finds it so extremely difficult to detach from her. I personally can think of some reasons that might be playing here, but I do not want to throw around categorizations.

 

Personally I don't care if it are 28 pages or 300 as long as he will get to a better place in the end. Better sooner than later I guess.

 

 

The only reason its so difficult is because she was the longest girl i have ever dated before. I liked her and i really thought we were going to work out and get married and have kids. She meant EVERYTHING to me. I was the dumbass who didn't propose and get married after 4 freaking years together. I learned from my mistake and hopefully who ever i date next, i plan on getting married or at least poping the question within 2 years.

 

I guess i am pretty newb ish when it comes to having a gf and setting down. Its very lonely and i never know what to do sometimes at home. And at the same time i know she is with her current BF and everytime i think of it that makes me even more depressed.

 

I have to admit i have been on stalking her on FB and its not NC. I have been texting her back, but am usually not the one who text each other first. When she isn't with her BF then she would text me and say "what u doing" or "HEY" and i respond like a idiot.

[whatdoido123]

OP,

 

You should propose to her (and her boyfriend since he's part of the package). When she says yes, get married and build them a house. Also build yourself a guest house in the backyard to stay in.

 

Then, when he goes to work and leaves their room, she can leave the main house and cuddle with you in the guest house.

 

 

LOL i should have done that a LONG time ago when we were still together. Now its like ughhhhhhhhhhhh

[Diezel]

Although you seem to be progressing, you still don't see the bullet you dodged had you proposed to her. You will, eventually.

[whatdoido123]

It ****ing sucks cuz she is attached to her current bf like superglue and she keeps denying that they are together 24/7 when I know they are ffs

[lauri]

It ****ing sucks cuz she is attached to her current bf like superglue and she keeps denying that they are together 24/7 when I know they are ffs

 

Of course she is. Do you blame her?

 

Dude, she wants to be with anyone else but you. Now, ask yourself this, why is that? Why do you think she doesn't want to be with you and wants to be with him?

 

1) You have no self control

2) You've shown repeatedly that you are weak and desperate

3) You've shown repeatedly that you have little to no confidence

 

You have made mistake after mistake, you don't listen and you think that your actions are going to get you somewhere. Sometimes breakups are the best thing for us because it teaches us how to change into a real man and keep the right woman when she comes along. You either can continue to be a wuss and complain about things that are out of your control (her feelings - they're never coming back for you) or change things that are (yourself..inner game, reading, doing activities and working out).

[Diezel]

It ****ing sucks cuz she is attached to her current bf like superglue and she keeps denying that they are together 24/7 when I know they are ffs

 

Duh, she just wants to keep you around... that's why.

[BeautyPrincess]

I've been keeping updated with this from the beginning. Now I'm only playing devils advocate here and am not saying that OP is right in everything he has done, but, just trying to look at it from his exs point of view, and I'll probably get shot down here, but hey ho.

 

I'm just thinking. OP wasn't the best bf to his ex and she ended it. Now she may have been cheating, who knows, but I could maybe understand if she is with this new bf now who she likes, but still loves OP. she is keeping OP dangling, however, trying to look at it from her point of view, maybe she is scared to fully give herself back to OP given their previous relationship. The new bf is a lot safer for her in that he hasn't caused her pain etc, but I'm wondering if she's a bit torn? Like does she continue with this new relationship, not knowing whether they'll make it in the future, or go back to OP as that is what she knows best, but at the same time risking a lot of hurt?

 

I'm probably going to get shot down. But like I said, just trying to play a bit of devils advocate!

[whatdoido123]

Exactly^^^

 

That's what I think as well. Fml

[Itspointless]

I've been keeping updated with this from the beginning. Now I'm only playing devils advocate here and am not saying that OP is right in everything he has done, but, just trying to look at it from his exs point of view, and I'll probably get shot down here, but hey ho.

 

I'm just thinking. OP wasn't the best bf to his ex and she ended it. Now she may have been cheating, who knows, but I could maybe understand if she is with this new bf now who she likes, but still loves OP. she is keeping OP dangling, however, trying to look at it from her point of view, maybe she is scared to fully give herself back to OP given their previous relationship. The new bf is a lot safer for her in that he hasn't caused her pain etc, but I'm wondering if she's a bit torn? Like does she continue with this new relationship, not knowing whether they'll make it in the future, or go back to OP as that is what she knows best, but at the same time risking a lot of hurt?

 

I'm probably going to get shot down. But like I said, just trying to play a bit of devils advocate!

Could be, but she probably has been cheating on him and now she just is using him. It feels a bit like revenge.

 

Of course she is. Do you blame her?

Actually I blame her for her lack of morals. Even if you can, it does not follow that you do.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I've been keeping updated with this from the beginning. Now I'm only playing devils advocate here and am not saying that OP is right in everything he has done, but, just trying to look at it from his exs point of view, and I'll probably get shot down here, but hey ho.

 

I'm just thinking. OP wasn't the best bf to his ex and she ended it. Now she may have been cheating, who knows, but I could maybe understand if she is with this new bf now who she likes, but still loves OP. she is keeping OP dangling, however, trying to look at it from her point of view, maybe she is scared to fully give herself back to OP given their previous relationship. The new bf is a lot safer for her in that he hasn't caused her pain etc, but I'm wondering if she's a bit torn? Like does she continue with this new relationship, not knowing whether they'll make it in the future, or go back to OP as that is what she knows best, but at the same time risking a lot of hurt?

 

I'm probably going to get shot down. But like I said, just trying to play a bit of devils advocate!

 

Here is me shooting it down: No no no no

 

Dont give him anymore fuel. OP is HIGHLY impressionable with his ex as it is.

 

Whether what you said is true or not, giving that kind of hope to him is pretty much saying "keep holding on and do what has f***ed you up the last several weeks." He's going to keep chasing, keep looking stupid, and keep being depressed.

[BeautyPrincess]

Oh no, don't get me wrong, I am in no way supporting OP in what he has been doing! He does need to stay away, I agree, because he is being too readily available, she needs to miss him. All the whole he's hanging around she knows she can have him. I agree with u all that he needs to back off and let her miss him. Was just giving a different point of view, whether that's right or not

[lauri]

Actually I blame her for her lack of morals. Even if you can, it does not follow that you do.

 

That is beyond the point. Her morals and values are core to who she is, which even gives more reason for OP to cut her off. My point is that no one can be blamed in this situation outside of OP for not walking away from this AT THIS POINT. It is irrelevant if she is good or bad right now, what is relevant is he chooses to continue to torture himself by playing her silly games.

 

I'm trying to give OP motivation to fix himself and his issues, not focus on things that are outside of his control (i.e her morals and values). No girl is going to want to be with a guy who is lacking confidence and unable to stand up for himself. I'm telling him these things because I really want him to succeed and move onto someone more worth his time..and the only way he can do that is by taking the right steps to fix himself and improve. I was at one point like him...I just eventually got to the point where I stopped focusing on things that are outside of my control and focused on stuff that is (myself).

[Itspointless]

That is beyond the point. Her morals and values are core to who she is, which even gives more reason for OP to cut her off. My point is that no one can be blamed in this situation outside of OP for not walking away from this AT THIS POINT. It is irrelevant if she is good or bad right now, what is relevant is he chooses to continue to torture himself by playing her silly games.

 

I'm trying to give OP motivation to fix himself and his issues, not focus on things that are outside of his control (i.e her morals and values). No girl is going to want to be with a guy who is lacking confidence and unable to stand up for himself. I'm telling him these things because I really want him to succeed and move onto someone more worth his time..and the only way he can do that is by taking the right steps to fix himself and improve. I was at one point like him...I just eventually got to the point where I stopped focusing on things that are outside of my control and focused on stuff that is (myself).

Well I entirely agree with you concerning your objective, but for me it not entirely beyond the point and I will tell you why. We know nothing about these two people except what whattodo123 told us. For example if he is in the autistic spectrum his behaviour woudn't be that surprising at all. And yes I know someone who is and to whom I literally have to spell out certain things countless times, for example what kind of people he has to avoid (as I implicitly did here with my judgement). That acquaintance keeps bumping his head many times before he actually sees what is going on. He - that person - is also very very stubborn and chooses most of the time the patterns he has set for himself. I am still not saying OP is, just trying different approaches here, as we literally do not know him.

[whatdoido123]

Sorry haven't been feeling really good to update. I have been getting the run around from her and for the last couple of days I have been more distance towards her.

[Diezel]

You've been getting the run around from her for weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks.

[Itspointless]

Sorry haven't been feeling really good to update. I have been getting the run around from her and for the last couple of days I have been more distance towards her.

whatdoido123 do you exercise? If not start doing! do not reach for the bottle or other addictive behaviour (you know what I mean). Distance is the only cure, sucks, but it is. Sports are great for endorphins and feeling a bit better.

[Simon Phoenix]

Sorry haven't been feeling really good to update. I have been getting the run around from her and for the last couple of days I have been more distance towards her.

 

So is it starting to sink in now?

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Sorry haven't been feeling really good to update. I have been getting the run around from her and for the last couple of days I have been more distance towards her.

 

So....you said before you aren't talking to her and were going to do NC. You say she has been giving you the runaround, which would mean you are talking.

 

I feel like I should just copy and paste this since i keep saying it so much..QUIT TALKING TO HER!!

[whatdoido123]

God I get this text from her this morning and we talked thru text. I ****ing hate life.

 

 

 

Good morning boo bear merry Christmas! I hope things has been better for you, I'm sorry things turned out the way it did . I will tell you this, I do miss you from time to time, you'll always be in my heart forever. I'll never forget all the fun memories we had together. I even have all of our pictures together still and look at them. It's really sad that we can't even talk to each other honestly as friends but it is what it is now. You've put me thru a lot the past 2 yrs & you thought it was ok to do whatever to me & that I would stay in the relationship. I'm glad we are not together because it helped you realized a lot and hopefully become a better and stronger man & I mean that in a good way. I know you and I could never have a relationship like we once did, it is over with , trust is gone, we can't be honest to each other , and we just have too much history and I hope your ok with that. I have a gift for you and would like to take you out for dinner or lunch whenever your free and you pick the place ok? Merry Christmas my little snug boo bear ?❤️?

[Zahara]

2 months and 30 pages of the same thing.

 

You already have your answer. Time to do the difficult thing and let go.