Husband's Inappropriate Text Msgs

[lollipopspot]

His friend (there are 5 guys on this group text) sent a pic of a naked girl, and my husband responded with "so depressed I am to old to get a girl like that anymore, put the gun in my mouth now."

 

I can't imagine wanting to be married to a guy who saw things in this way. It would really break a lot of trust in our sexual and emotional relationship. Yuck. I'd want to tell him to feel free to go ahead and buy that gun.

 

I would be incredibly hurt by the comments about not being to get a woman like that anymore. IMO, it was very stupid and insensitive for him to make a comment like that, whether in conversation or by text. But what sucks more, and matters more, is that he thinks it

 

Respect is important to me, and I'd feel very disrespected. We'd be having a "come to jesus" conversation regarding his satisfaction in the relationship, and why he would say things like that when he has a wife who puts effort into being good to him.

 

Yep.

[Turtles]

Ok I don't think its snooping, we use each others phone's all the time. He has read my texts before too. And if you saw a text message on the main screen, that said <insert my husbands name> dump your wife and kids, you telling me you wouldn't read that?

 

Snooping is a strong word - didn't mean to sound accusatory. We use each other's phone all the time too, and try to respect each other's privacy but sometimes a text catch my attention and I read it (and vice versa with her), if I am upset by it though I also know I brought it upon myself. So I make sure I cool down a bit before bringing it up with her. My point being, I value my privacy more than I care about what she talks about with her girlfriends. I don't want her to feel like she has to watch everything she talks about in case I accidentally read it because I don't want to have to do that either.

 

To be honest now. My relationship with my xW was very different and had I seen something like that on her phone I would have been livid. So I can see your POV too. Just telling you how I would react now.

[nikki5]

Snooping is a strong word - didn't mean to sound accusatory. We use each other's phone all the time too, and try to respect each other's privacy but sometimes a text catch my attention and I read it (and vice versa with her), if I am upset by it though I also know I brought it upon myself. So I make sure I cool down a bit before bringing it up with her. My point being, I value my privacy more than I care about what she talks about with her girlfriends. I don't want her to feel like she has to watch everything she talks about in case I accidentally read it because I don't want to have to do that either.

 

To be honest now. My relationship with my xW was very different and had I seen something like that on her phone I would have been livid. So I can see your POV too. Just telling you how I would react now.

 

I didn't mean to jump on ya either, a tad bit sensitive today Thats why I haven't said anything yet, happened on Saturday night. I need to talk to him soon though because even my kids are picking up on something being wrong with me. Funny, how my husband has no clue, sigh.

[oldshirt]

50 year old married man here. I have a few thoughts and a few questions below -

 

 

 

 

However, my husband passed out last weekend

 

 

to tell you the truth, I have the most concerns about a 40 year old man getting passed out drunk. Is this a pattern? Is he a heavy drinker? Alcoholic?

 

and his phone was blowing up with texts from his friends. I picked it up and saw his friend address him, and said "yeah dude, you could, just dump the wife and kids."

 

what was the context of the message? We're the guys wanting to plan an impromptu fishing trip because the walleyes are on a fall feeding frenzy for the next few days and wanted him to go or was he seriously wanting him to divorce you and abandon his family so he can be his wing man bar hopping trying to pick up chicks every night? There is a big difference.

 

 

 

 

 

Naturally this got my attention so I started looking at the text message. His friend (there are 5 guys on this group text) sent a pic of a naked girl, and my husband responded with "so depressed I am to old to get a girl like that anymore, put the gun in my mouth now." He is 40 by the way.

 

 

again context? Was this just some girly photo one them found on the web and they were just passing it around like 12 year old boys getting into Dads Playboy or were they chipping in to get a hooker for a night for all of them and splitting the cost??

 

 

My husband recalling a sexual encounter to his friends on this text message in graphic detail. This was before we got married, and he talked about, in detail, his fingers in some girls who-haw, and how his friend joined in and how he couldn't close the deal alone, something to that effect as I started to get woozy.

 

I'd hope most men would outgrow that after they move out of the frat house but unfortunately some don't.

 

 

 

So riddle me this folks, if this was you, would you be pissed off?

 

if I came across my spouse talking like that I don't know if I'd be pissed per se. I'd definitely be disappointed and think less of her for being so boarish and trashy. I would probably lose a good chunk of respect and admiration.

 

Is this normal married man behavior?

 

some guys never really grow up past their college days. I've never had any kind of convo like this since my early 20s but I'm sure some others do.

 

 

I need to be enlightened because I can't decide if I should cry or hit him on the head with a blunt object.

 

I don't think either on of those things will help or make any difference.

 

Appreciate your thoughts and advice.

 

 

See specific responses above.

 

 

So one more question here - what concerns you the most here? What is your REAL question here? Are you afraid your husband is a jerk? Are you afraid his buddies are plotting against you to get him to leave you to go chase skirts again? Are you afraid he hates married family life and wants to go back to finger banging drunk chicks while his buddies watch? What's at the very core of your discontent????

 

My personal biggest concern here is why is a 40 year old man with a wife and kids passing out drunk and what kind of guys is he spending his time with and what is their story??

 

If he's a drunk, that's your biggest issue right there. Nothing else can go right in your world with him being under the influence of toxic chemicals. As long as his brain is toxic from drugs/alcohol, he can't function or respond in a normal healthy manner.

 

My other concerns are what type of men are these buddies? Are they normal, healthy family men that treat they wives and families well and then act like silly little boys behind closed doors between themselves for a little fun and frivolity and then get back to work taking care of their careers and families after 5 minutes of grab-assing?

 

Or are they all developmentally stunted man-boys that are perpetually single because no decent woman will put up with all their drinking and skirt chasing and self-destructive behaviors?

 

A person is basically the average the 5 people he/she spends the most time with.

 

If these guys are drunken, womanizing, porn obsessed, douchebags that still think it is cool to hit the bars and see heat chicks they can grope out behind the dumpster in the alley, you've got a legit problem on your hands.

 

This is a lot about the context and big picture here.

[CarrieT]

Nikki, I'm a 50-year-old woman and I can see a few viewpoints...

 

Like you, I don't care if my man wanks off to pictures and whatnot. But moreso than his comment about not being able to get "a girl like that," I would be concerned about the "put a gun to my head" commentary which shows that he is experiencing some form of despair that needs to be addressed.

 

Example: My older sister and I might exchange pics of Benedict Cumberbatch and banter about us sharing him or something. In fact, I have occasionally made such comments within earshot of my husband. We joke that he would let me have Colin Firth if he could have Selma Hayek.

 

Or, when we go to the symphony, he knows I always go into a particular door because the guy taking our tickets is especially handsome. We joke that we can always read the menu, but we've already chosen our entrées.

 

That said, I would never say anything disparaging about the fact that I could never have a young hottie again and I am saddled with an old man so just kill me. See what I mean?

 

So when you talk with your husband, I would suggest that you tell him you understand the guys-will-be-guys banter, but that you are genuinely concerned that he is unhappy with his life in general in some fashion and that his message might be indicative of a deeper issue.

[xxoo]

I assumed "passed out" meant a nap. I think we need clarification

[oldshirt]

I assumed "passed out" meant a nap. I think we need clarification

 

Yes we need clarification. I took passed out literally.

[nikki5]

50 year old married man here. I have a few thoughts and a few questions below -

 

 

 

 

 

 

See specific responses above.

 

 

So one more question here - what concerns you the most here? What is your REAL question here? Are you afraid your husband is a jerk? Are you afraid his buddies are plotting against you to get him to leave you to go chase skirts again? Are you afraid he hates married family life and wants to go back to finger banging drunk chicks while his buddies watch? What's at the very core of your discontent????

 

My personal biggest concern here is why is a 40 year old man with a wife and kids passing out drunk and what kind of guys is he spending his time with and what is their story??

 

If he's a drunk, that's your biggest issue right there. Nothing else can go right in your world with him being under the influence of toxic chemicals. As long as his brain is toxic from drugs/alcohol, he can't function or respond in a normal healthy manner.

 

My other concerns are what type of men are these buddies? Are they normal, healthy family men that treat they wives and families well and then act like silly little boys behind closed doors between themselves for a little fun and frivolity and then get back to work taking care of their careers and families after 5 minutes of grab-assing?

 

Or are they all developmentally stunted man-boys that are perpetually single because no decent woman will put up with all their drinking and skirt chasing and self-destructive behaviors?

 

A person is basically the average the 5 people he/she spends the most time with.

 

If these guys are drunken, womanizing, porn obsessed, douchebags that still think it is cool to hit the bars and see heat chicks they can grope out behind the dumpster in the alley, you've got a legit problem on your hands.

 

This is a lot about the context and big picture here.

 

He was not passed out drunk, he was just dead asleep. The context of the conversation on the naked girl, was his friend just literally sent a pic of a naked girl, no hooker gangbang, just the pic and they responded to it, as I would expect guys too respond. Hot, would bang her, schwing, etc. My hubby had to take it the next level where he stated, he is basically dead man walking cause he is too old to get a chick like that. Thats when he friend responded, "you could, just dump the wife and kids". that was the 1st msg I saw, and what prompted my text message epiphany last weekend.

 

As for his friends, they are all married. We were all college friends. As I found with the context of the text messages, they are all immature, morons to be quite honest, and my husband is right up there.

 

So as for what I am looking for, it was just really a take on what folks would do in my shoes? Would you let it go, would you beat him up, would you yell at him. And yeah I guess a part of that is do I have something to worry about, because the melo-dramatic person in me, has lost some respect for the guy. There's a part of me that feels like I found a secret part of him in these messages.

 

But I agree with you, on I thought this crap stops when you are in your 20's because I am like, you are still talking about chicks you hooked up with that long ago?? Why? I don't get it.

[nikki5]

Nikki, I'm a 50-year-old woman and I can see a few viewpoints...

 

Like you, I don't care if my man wanks off to pictures and whatnot. But moreso than his comment about not being able to get "a girl like that," I would be concerned about the "put a gun to my head" commentary which shows that he is experiencing some form of despair that needs to be addressed.

 

Example: My older sister and I might exchange pics of Benedict Cumberbatch and banter about us sharing him or something. In fact, I have occasionally made such comments within earshot of my husband. We joke that he would let me have Colin Firth if he could have Selma Hayek.

 

Or, when we go to the symphony, he knows I always go into a particular door because the guy taking our tickets is especially handsome. We joke that we can always read the menu, but we've already chosen our entrées.

 

That said, I would never say anything disparaging about the fact that I could never have a young hottie again and I am saddled with an old man so just kill me. See what I mean?

 

So when you talk with your husband, I would suggest that you tell him you understand the guys-will-be-guys banter, but that you are genuinely concerned that he is unhappy with his life in general in some fashion and that his message might be indicative of a deeper issue.

 

Carrie, you rock girl. And totally agree on Benedict! These are the types of conversations I have with my girlfriends too, we joke about celebrities, and I could care less if my husband did that too. Everybody does that.

 

But yes, like you, the I want to blow my brains out comment was like what? Cause your stuck with me? That was my WTF moment here.

 

And I like your approach as well, I guess I am going to give it a go tonight.

[oldshirt]

He was not passed out drunk, he was just dead asleep.

 

 

ok thanks for clarifying that. I thought you had bigger problems on your hands than boys passing girly pics

 

 

The context of the conversation on the naked girl, was his friend just literally sent a pic of a naked girl, no hooker gangbang, just the pic and they responded to it, as I would expect guys too respond. Hot, would bang her, schwing, etc. My hubby had to take it the next level where he stated, he is basically dead man walking cause he is too old to get a chick like that.

 

 

well all I can say as a 50 year old man, is that is a bitter pill to swallow but we all have to chug it down some day.

 

I can understand where he is coming from and I can assure you he did not mean any disrespect or anything bad towards you. It really has nothing to do with you at all. I'd bet my last dollar he would be very upset with himself and distraught if he knew you read it and that your feelings were hurt by it. That is something that men share and relate amongst themselves. It was never meant to be shared between the wives. From my own perspective it has nothing to do with you or how he feels about you. It's all about how he views and feels about himself and only another middle aged man can relate to it.

 

I understand how you were hurt and are disgusted by it, but it was never meant for your eyes. It's a middle aged man thing.

 

 

 

 

Thats when he friend responded, "you could, just dump the wife and kids". that was the 1st msg I saw, and what prompted my text message epiphany last weekend.

 

 

again context. Is this guy respectful and decent towards you and his wife? Is he respectful towards your marriage. Guys DO BS and joke like this between themselves. 99% chance this was just BS and tongue-in-cheek and your husband knows it. The time I would be worried is if this guy is single or is a cheater and wants your husband as a single wing man or as an accomplice for his infidelity. Pigs want other pigs to join them in the mud. Is he a pig in general or is he a fundamentally a good guy that's not afraid to do some grab-assing with the guys when he doesn't think the women-folk are watching?

 

 

 

As for his friends, they are all married. We were all college friends. As I found with the context of the text messages, they are all immature, morons to be quite honest, and my husband is right up there.

 

have you always felt that way about them, or just since you found their txts?

 

So as for what I am looking for, it was just really a take on what folks would do in my shoes? Would you let it go, would you beat him up, would you yell at him.

 

I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but as always context. Are they good men that treat you, your marriage and their own wives and marriages well and you happened to interrupt their little circle-jerk party in the tent at Boy Scout Camp? Or is this part of a bigger picture of lewd, inappropriate behavior?

 

 

 

And yeah I guess a part of that is do I have something to worry about, because the melo-dramatic person in me, has lost some respect for the guy.

 

 

respect is critical in a marriage. If this has damaged your respect for him, it will taint and poison other areas of your relationship as well if it is left to fester. There for you do need to address it so he can take accountability and correct it.

 

 

There's a part of me that feels like I found a secret part of him in these messages.

 

we all have secret parts. We would all be hurt if we knew what our partners were always thinking, feeling and were saying to other people in confidence. You were never meant to hear that and it truly has nothing to do with you. It's his own inner demons. I do think you need to level with him because if you don't it will fester inside you and it will negatively impact your marriage and that issue will be about you.

 

But I agree with you, on I thought this crap stops when you are in your 20's because I am like, you are still talking about chicks you hooked up with that long ago?? Why? I don't get it.

 

you can't get it because you are not a guy. To a guy, any schmoe can get up and go to work in the morning and come home to the wife and kids and mow the lawn. But the time of their life they felt the most alive and most virile was when they were picking up some drunk chick at the bar and finger banging her with their buddies watching. That's when they felt the most "special."

 

The world is full of work-a-day Joe 6packs that work for the man and come home to take out the garbage and listen to what the wife and kids did during the day. But for one night of his life, he was a porn star putting on a show for his homies and they were envious of him.

 

His text was a 30 second lament about some days gone by. The truth is he wouldn't trade one minute of his now to go back to that. He was just having a momentary whine-attack and shared his lament with some buddies who are probably the only people in the world that understand and won't judge him harshly for it (like you and the other women here are)

 

I understand why you're upset but it truly has nothing to do with you or the life you lead.

 

This is in large part about the life they all intentionally left behind.

 

 

See in bold above

[Elliotte]

Some guys get lewd when talking with other guys, swap tales of old experiences, talk **** to each other, etc. Personally I think it's normal, harmless and not something you should worry about. I am with Keenly on this.

 

I understand why it would be hurtful to you to find this, but unless they were actually plotting to hook up with some younger women or something, you're going to have to understand that while your husband is one way to you, he talks about different stuff with his guy friends. While you may not reminisce about past escapades with your girlfriends, I am sure you've chatted with them about things that would be irksome to your husband if he had spied on you about it and taken those things out of context.

 

Just because he talks about certain things with other guys, personally I do not see how that affects his ability to be a good husband.

[oldshirt]

I want to emphasize the last section I wrote above. Please don't skip it

[Elliotte]

What oldshirt said...except for the part about fingering a drunk chick in front of your buddies...wtf! He probably just talked about some wild hookup he had once to his friend...not sure that he did it IN FRONT of his friends, that sounds creepy!

 

The fact is a lot of folks had their 'wild days', and while they may have out grown them, they do occasionally like to wistfully remember them, and sometimes swap stories about them with friends. Who doesn't? Family life is certainly it's own adventure but I certainly like to occasionally remember when I was younger and more foolish, it makes for great stories! In fact I think it's better to have gotten that out of your system when you're young so you don't feel like you missed out on being crazy and stupid for a bit in your life, once you have kids and a family to support it's a lot harder to do that!

 

It's a grass-is-greener outlook. The fact is most of us get tired of all the dumb mistakes and bad drama from the careless times too, and that's when we feel ready to settle down and ready to let go of being so wild and crazy. But it's still fun to remember some of the good times from then!

[oldshirt]

I know it may sound crazy but it's the way it is. Combat veterans can go through some of the same thing. War is the most horrible thing on earth and everyone who is in combat prays to his/her maker to get them out alive and back home to their families as soon as possible.

 

Then after they are home and they are safe and secure and content and are living the dream they always pictured, there are times they look back and realize the times they felt the most alive, the most virile, the most needed and respected and the most excited was when bullets were flying by their heads and explosions bursting all around them and friends and comrades getting blown up.

 

For a few brief moments here and there they need to share that with someone and the only people that they can share it with are other people that were there in the foxhole dodging bullets too. No one will understand and everyone else will judge them and think that they are bad or are warmongers or psycho or something.

 

The worst days or our lives are often our fondest. And some times the penalty we pay for building our lives the way we always wanted, is the quiet that comes from our own security.

[lollipopspot]

well all I can say as a 50 year old man, is that is a bitter pill to swallow but we all have to chug it down some day.

 

I can understand where he is coming from and I can assure you he did not mean any disrespect or anything bad towards you. It really has nothing to do with you at all. I'd bet my last dollar he would be very upset with himself and distraught if he knew you read it and that your feelings were hurt by it. That is something that men share and relate amongst themselves. It was never meant to be shared between the wives. From my own perspective it has nothing to do with you or how he feels about you. It's all about how he views and feels about himself and only another middle aged man can relate to it.

 

I understand how you were hurt and are disgusted by it, but it was never meant for your eyes. It's a middle aged man thing.

 

Bitter pill to swallow that you can't get an attractive 20 year old or whatever woman anymore (if ever)?

 

Really? Are you saying that every guy is like that? That every guy is that shallow?

 

In my world I think a lot of people don't really lament over that - the 20 year old is too young, and their preferences change for approximately whatever age they are. I think not everyone gets stuck in some young hottie/hard body worship.

[oldshirt]

Bitter pill to swallow that you can't get an attractive 20 year old or whatever woman anymore (if ever)?

 

Really? Are you saying that every guy is like that? That every guy is that shallow?

 

In my world I think a lot of people don't really lament over that - the 20 year old is too young, and their preferences change for approximately whatever age they are. I think not everyone gets stuck in some young hottie/hard body worship.

 

 

Whoe! Away put your weapons, I mean you no harm!

 

I'm just saying as a middle age man, it can pack a sting to realize you simply can't attract the kind of women you did in your youth. I'm sure women go through something similar.

 

And you are the one talking about 20 year olds. I didn't see where she mentioned the age of the woman in the picture. It could've been a 40 year old for all I know.

 

I'm not saying anything about AL MEN. some guys probably love middle aged or even the golden years.

 

Hell I love 95% of my life and I worked dang hard to get to where I am. But yeah, there are times I see a beautiful woman and I feel a a stab of pain that I will no longer be able to interest a woman like that no matter what I do or say - I am just to dang old and she won't be interested in me because of the one thing in the world I have virtually no control of - time.

 

It happens. It's a reality.

[oldshirt]

What oldshirt said...except for the part about fingering a drunk chick in front of your buddies...wtf! He probably just talked about some wild hookup he had once to his friend...not sure that he did it IN FRONT of his friends, that sounds creepy!

 

 

 

 

Retread her first post. She didn't specify numbers but it talks about some friend joining while he's fingering some gal.

[todreaminblue]

I have never been married....was with a guy as if married for fifteen years though.....

 

i don't think married men would speak like this with each other..nor should married women....being the vows said most often are honor your wife and your husband......there is no honor in what he wrote in those texts...i think you should be honest with your husband......tell him how the texts hurt you and disillusioned you and maybe suggest counselling...he doesnt sound happy ......and that is a problem considering you 'get it on" frequently....i am wondering if the guys he is talking to are single guys...any "friend" who says such things about you and your kids...is a threat to the relationship and ought to be shot....kidding.......but they are a threat to your relationship and that to me isnt a friend or what a friend should be, to your man,they are not his friends or behaving like friends....they are masquerading as such.....they are not friends to your man, whose marriage if important to him and to you and to your kids should not be discussed in such a manner......so

 

a defined threat in any direction to any marriage needs to be faced head on.....face it...head on..he isnt facing it....so you have too..

 

..be honest....make your marriage the most important thing to be thought about..your family, you and him....depend on your union to be strong and impenetrable..so batten down the hatches....and raise hell against any threat.........deb

[xxoo]

Whoe! Away put your weapons, I mean you no harm!

 

I'm just saying as a middle age man, it can pack a sting to realize you simply can't attract the kind of women you did in your youth. I'm sure women go through something similar.

 

And you are the one talking about 20 year olds. I didn't see where she mentioned the age of the woman in the picture. It could've been a 40 year old for all I know.

 

I'm not saying anything about AL MEN. some guys probably love middle aged or even the golden years.

 

Hell I love 95% of my life and I worked dang hard to get to where I am. But yeah, there are times I see a beautiful woman and I feel a a stab of pain that I will no longer be able to interest a woman like that no matter what I do or say - I am just to dang old and she won't be interested in me because of the one thing in the world I have virtually no control of - time.

 

It happens. It's a reality.

 

He said he's too old to get a girl like that, so it would seem likely that the girl is not his age (according to the op, he's 40).

 

I don't understand why the woman you (general you) love is not enough to make a man feel proud and very lucky. It's depressing. Which is sort of ironic, because he mentions being depressed in the text, and his comments depress her. Before that, she was quite happy with him!

[MidwestUSA]

I would be incredibly hurt by the comments about not being to get a woman like that anymore. IMO, it was very stupid and insensitive for him to make a comment like that, whether in conversation or by text. But what sucks more, and matters more, is that he thinks it

 

Respect is important to me, and I'd feel very disrespected. We'd be having a "come to jesus" conversation regarding his satisfaction in the relationship, and why he would say things like that when he has a wife who puts effort into being good to him.

 

I can't agree strongly enough with this.

 

Boys will be boys, but my husband is a man. Never say never, I know, but he would never do anything close to this. He has a daughter about the age of the girls your husband's friends are looking at. She is hot, and manages to get a lot of creepy followers on facebook. He steps in and shuts one down now and then, when things get out of line.

 

We have an open phone policy too, and he'd know all about me seeing it. It would be "come to jesus", and then some. Everything now hinges on your husband's reaction when you let him know you saw it. I'm so sorry you had to see that crap.

[Poppygoodwill]

I think you're over reacting. he hasn't done anything except recall a memory with his buddies. We should all be allowed to be stupid and silly with our friends and not be judged for it. It's a non issue if he treats you well in all other respects and this is the first inkling of any disatisfaction he might be feeling - and let's be clear - HE didn't express it, his friend made some stupid off the cuff remark that you have no evidence is actually linked to your husband's thinking about getting divorced and all that.

 

I think this has got you fearful that there are other conversations going on in the background to which you are not privvy. But you can't force that out of him, you can only watch and wait.

 

I suspect it's all pretty far gone in your head now and there's no goign back, but if you are able to note it and put it away without making a big issue out of it, then you should.

 

Otherwise you're goign to confront him, he's goign to deny any problem, and yet you're not going to believe him. And thus the seed of your mistrust will be planted.

[xxoo]

his friend made some stupid off the cuff remark that you have no evidence is actually linked to your husband's thinking about getting divorced and all that.

 

That's an interesting point.

 

I wouldn't be worried about my partner cheating or wanting a divorce based on these texts. I'd be worried that he is disrespecting me to his friends and wanting something other than me. That would be enough to severely reduce my satisfaction in my marriage, and possibly lead ME to want divorce.

[angie2443]

 

I suspect it's all pretty far gone in your head now and there's no goign back, but if you are able to note it and put it away without making a big issue out of it, then you should.

 

Otherwise you're goign to confront him, he's goign to deny any problem, and yet you're not going to believe him. And thus the seed of your mistrust will be planted.

 

In healthy relationships, the partners do not have to stuff their feelings down about things that are important to them and are able to discuss situations like this without their concerns bieng discounted. Hopefully, this relationship is healthy enough for this issue to be discussed in a productive manor. Good luck nikki 5:)

[truncated]

If I were you, and if the two of you ahare each others phones and he would understand you seieng that, then explain to him that it bothers you, even if you aren't exactly sure why.

Give him a chnace to explain why he talks like that. I have a feeling it just keeping up with the guys by telling a "fish story" you know, the " I caght one THIS BIG bt it got away" type thing).

Listen to his side of the story, and it will liley make you feel better.It sounds like the group of you ahve known esch other for a while, and they wouldn't want to hurt you either.

 

As for what he siad, I once went to my husband's workplace to surprise him. He works with a nice bunch of guys, and I get on well with them. None of them realized I was there, and the language they were using was horrid! If I hadn't of heard them talking like that for myself, I wouldn't have believed it. Knowing them as I do, I don't think it's a reflection of what they are really like, it's more of a "guy talk" kind of thing, with no offence itended.

[Poppygoodwill]

That's an interesting point.

 

I wouldn't be worried about my partner cheating or wanting a divorce based on these texts. I'd be worried that he is disrespecting me to his friends and wanting something other than me. That would be enough to severely reduce my satisfaction in my marriage, and possibly lead ME to want divorce.

 

But c'mon, let's be honest.....we all want something other than our partner from time to time. Isn't it unreasonable to expect that sort of single mindedness from our spouses over years and years of marriage? If the mind isn't free to wander (even though the hands stay firmly by our sides) I fear it will only lead to disappointment down the line when someone feels it's too tight a stricture to live in.

Edited October 10, 2014 by Poppygoodwill