Ex girlfriend came back into my life - I want you back

[movingonnow1]

If it's upsetting you so much, why don't you just block her number?

 

To be honest, she planted the seed that there is a chance in my head. Its stupid man...its silly. She told me everything I wanted to hear. It upsets me because I know that I won't find someone like her that had the following

 

- Good family

- educated and not materialistic

- her family loved me and vice versa with mine and her

- has self respect. Tells guys no

- sexually compatible

 

I dont know man...we had such a connection at one point and she reminded me of it all when she came back and told me.

[No Limit]

Yes, she does know what she wants - male attention and someone who will wait for her like a good dog.

 

You are no dog.

[Simon Phoenix]

To be honest, she planted the seed that there is a chance in my head. Its stupid man...its silly. She told me everything I wanted to hear. It upsets me because I know that I won't find someone like her that had the following

 

- Good family

- educated and not materialistic

- her family loved me and vice versa with mine and her

- has self respect. Tells guys no

- sexually compatible

 

I dont know man...we had such a connection at one point and she reminded me of it all when she came back and told me.

 

But she was contacting you for a year and you never blocked. I don't get why not. But now you know that she was pulling the chain, there's absolutely no reason to continue to torture yourself.

[tikay00]

From my experience with my ex, yes it's possible. It's very slim and very rare. In fact, on/off relationships are awful and worse then a one time break up. I got many chances after my ex and I would break up but we are just not meant to be, we could not figure it out. The love however, was always there. It was more painful then other breakups I went through, one of which took me about a year to get over. I wish my ex and I broke up once and that was it because I know I'd have moved on by now.

 

Yeah, I was also in an on and off with my ex. They're brutal to deal with, and even worse when this time it's "different". Ugghhh.

 

And yeah, I know the love is definitely still there, since she straight up told me, and I read her Tumblr, but still, I REALLY can't deal with the "prove yourself" phase, because I turn clingy, and obsessive over every little word from my ex. It's not healthy for my life. NC for me.

[movingonnow1]

Yes, she does know what she wants - male attention and someone who will wait for her like a good dog.

 

You are no dog.

 

You're right. I'm not - doesn't mean I won't feel pretty disappointed by all of this build up. 1 year of chasing me and its done within a few days.

 

But she was contacting you for a year and you never blocked. I don't get why not. But now you know that she was pulling the chain, there's absolutely no reason to continue to torture yourself.

 

I guess I always had the hope of one day things working out / her coming back. It didn't bother me for so long and to be honest, after I was "mean" to her, she hasn't contacted me since. I'm just going to leave it at that...I don't have her number saved and I deleted her last message to me so I wouldn't be tempted to speak with her.

[Simon Phoenix]

I guess I always had the hope of one day things working out / her coming back. It didn't bother me for so long and to be honest, after I was "mean" to her, she hasn't contacted me since. I'm just going to leave it at that...I don't have her number saved and I deleted her last message to me so I wouldn't be tempted to speak with her.

 

If it's meant to work out you blocking her wouldn't matter. But yeah, you're allowing yourself to be tortured for no real reason at this point.

[lauri]

If it's meant to work out you blocking her wouldn't matter. But yeah, you're allowing yourself to be tortured for no real reason at this point.

 

I agree. Its okay - it ended quickly before you could get too involved in this. No need to torture yourself over this chick...just take a step back and leave things alone. You'll find someone new.

[Mandy26]

You deserve better- this only boosts her ego and keeps you as an option if nothing else works out it's security blanket for her- be good to yourself and the right person will come in .

[travelbug1996]

I went back and read your post from when the two of you first broke up. You mentioned that she was playing "some wicked mind games with you" and didn't sound like she had a reason for breaking up. I sense that she just wasn't feeling it.

 

You mentioned her self respect (telling guys no) and sexual compatibility for reasons of wanting to get back together.

 

1st of all take her down off the pedestal

2nd you don't know if she's telling guys "no". Its been a year she might be screwing.

3rd- Get over the sexual compatibility. Crazy, mind game playing chicks I hear always have the best pussy.

 

She's still ****in with your head and you're letting her. I would CUT THAT B itch OFF.

 

You have given her too much power.

 

P.S You will find someone that you're more compatible with but it may take time. Be patient

[travelbug1996]

Do you still live in the same state??

[movingonnow1]

Do you still live in the same state??

 

Thanks for your reply.

 

We live in the same province...I used to work abroad while she stayed in Canada. She broke up with me because she lost interest and also the distance. She thinks she can't find a guy like me, but just because I have all these perfect things such as a good job, gold family, great life etc, our families loved that we were together. It all matched...she wants to find a way to love me again. I believe that she thinks she can regain her interest level in me...

 

She said she can't find a guy who made her feel so confident and that she never even doubted me regarding cheating or anything. I guess I'm in love with the idea of what I thought I would have had with her if it wasn't for the long distance.

[travelbug1996]

Ok how long does it take to drive to her? It sounds like she's keeping you on the back burner for just in case. That's not fair to you.

 

I still think you should cut her off completely so you can heal. Didn't mean to call her a b. I had this song stuck in my head. lol

[tikay00]

Sounds like she's keeping you on the back burner, BECAUSE of your great life.

 

Think about it. Let me go play the field, and have fun, while this guy's in love with me, and would take me back as soon as I came back. If I don't find a rich guy with looks, great personality, and everything else, then I'll go back to the guy with a great job that I'll be secure with when my looks fade, and can't play the field anymore.

[movingonnow1]

Ok how long does it take to drive to her? It sounds like she's keeping you on the back burner for just in case. That's not fair to you.

 

I still think you should cut her off completely so you can heal. Didn't mean to call her a b. I had this song stuck in my head. lol

 

The drive between us is 15 minutes now...when I lived abroad it was a 24 hour flight. As soon as I arrived back, she ended it with me.

 

I was a prick to her recently and haven't heard from her since. I feel guilty about taking things over the top and being super mean - it was me trying to get the "upper hand" again and it led to nothing beneficial. I just can't believe that after a year of NC that things end this quickly...

[Simon Phoenix]

The drive between us is 15 minutes now...when I lived abroad it was a 24 hour flight. As soon as I arrived back, she ended it with me.

 

I was a prick to her recently and haven't heard from her since. I feel guilty about taking things over the top and being super mean - it was me trying to get the "upper hand" again and it led to nothing beneficial. I just can't believe that after a year of NC that things end this quickly...

 

You're really blaming yourself for her flaking? C'mon dude.

[movingonnow1]

You're really blaming yourself for her flaking? C'mon dude.

 

I am. She was trying to flirt and joke around and I was a pure prick to her. I was way out of line...and then I haven't heard from her since.

 

I've partly want to reach out to her to test the waters.

[Simon Phoenix]

I am. She was trying to flirt and joke around and I was a pure prick to her. I was way out of line...and then I haven't heard from her since.

 

I've partly want to reach out to her to test the waters.

 

You aren't in the state where you are capable of doing such a thing.

[Natsu21]

I am. She was trying to flirt and joke around and I was a pure prick to her. I was way out of line...and then I haven't heard from her since.

 

I've partly want to reach out to her to test the waters.

 

Show me a perfect relationship, and I'll show you world peace.

 

So what if you were an ass every now and then? You were still a good boyfriend to her. She decided to end it to pursue other guys.

 

The relationship was 50/50, but her ending it was 100 percent on her. She ended the contract, ergo, she no longer has the power to tell you what to do.

 

Stop giving it to her. You're getting nothing out of this. Nothing.

[movingonnow1]

I just don't like how I stooped to a low level - it came out of left field and it was really weak of me to do it. I was an ass after she tried to reconnect with me after 1 year because, as she says, she "realized she made a mistake".

 

I guess I'm starting to really realize that after a year of being single I haven't really met a girl who I want to date and spend time with. Also, I'm realizing the longer I wait, the harder its going to be to find someone.

 

I guess that is why I entertained talking to my ex...its so hard for me to build up the comfort level with a girl and to be in love. I just feel like I won't have someone where I'll be so close with the family and connect with a girl like this again...

[Simon Phoenix]

I just don't like how I stooped to a low level - it came out of left field and it was really weak of me to do it. I was an ass after she tried to reconnect with me after 1 year because, as she says, she "realized she made a mistake".

 

I guess I'm starting to really realize that after a year of being single I haven't really met a girl who I want to date and spend time with. Also, I'm realizing the longer I wait, the harder its going to be to find someone.

 

I guess that is why I entertained talking to my ex...its so hard for me to build up the comfort level with a girl and to be in love. I just feel like I won't have someone where I'll be so close with the family and connect with a girl like this again...

 

Fear of the future is a horrible, horrible reason to go back to a past relationship that died, especially when it is abundantly clear that all she was doing was jerking your chain. You have to really get your s--t together and stop this weak, wussy behavior you are displaying right now. It's abundantly clear that she was going for an ego boost and wasn't remotely serious about reconciliation. You didn't screw anything up because there was nothing to screw up.

 

You really need to get your head straight.

[ktya]

TBH the ex sounds like she really loves the OP.

 

I know its really easy for everyone here on an internet forum to dogpile on the girl because she's not present, the OP is, and to hit the usual lines, "Go NC", "She is playing games", "Block her number" but this sounds like a lot more than an ex playing mind games just to stroke her ego.

 

So they lived thousands of miles away. She got lonely, maybe had some cute guy hitting on her and she had a fling with him while OP was far away. She tried to do the "right thing" and break it off with him because she didnt want him to find out and to create drama by two timing him.

 

Then after OP was totally dejected, she realized she totally screwed up. Kept on him for a whole year despite him completely ignoring her. When he finally breaks, she says sweet things. The ex's mother still thinks of the OP as well as the ex still thinking of the OP.

 

OP thinks she is the cats ass and is afraid he might never meet another girl so compatible. She probably thinks the same thing as him (especially given she was grinding trying to get him back for a year).

 

The advice in this thread to the OP is horrible and sounds like its coming from a bunch of jaded people who spend far too much time on their computers.

 

I suggest that the OP give the ex a chance, stop trying to be a "strong" guy, stop trying to be NC, and stop trying to push her away. Take her out on a real date and see where it goes.

 

OP, dont listen to these jaded mofos on here who prescribe that everyone stay as single as they are going from one short term shtty relationship after another hunting for "red flags".

 

Just get back together with the girl and take a chance. These jaded mofos behind their computer screens may not have gotten a chance at their wonderful love story but you do have a chance.

 

Worst that can happen is you get back together with her, she starts playing mind games, you try to work through it and you realize that your getting played. Love is about taking chances and risks.

 

You have to remember this. Women have boatloads of choice when it comes to love and relationships. They can go to a pub, a bar, in the damned grocery store and they will get hit on, dudes will try to pick them up. If they open an OLD account they will get hundreds if not thousands of messages a day. They could cold approach almost any dude even married dudes for sex and they would rarely fail.

 

And this girl tries for the OP for a year despite him being all NC.

 

This girl is madly in love with the guy. MADLY. The kind of love that most people never get out of a girl for their entire lives because so many women stroke their ego by being hovered around by a whole circle of dudes.

 

Go for it OP. Give her another chance. If this story had been that she kept trying to contact you for a month or two and you finally broke I might be on the same wavelength as the other posters, but its been a year - thats an entirely different story.

[movingonnow1]

The thing is she told me she isn't in love with me right now - how do you figure she is madly in love with me?

 

She said she wants to fall in love with me again and wants to take things slow. Its very confusing and I think if she was truly madly in love with me she would have showed it. She even went on to say she isnt that interested in me yet...I think I broke my frame when she came back into my life. To be fair and honest for her, I still love her but I didn't tell her that - I played it off like I'm over her.

 

She did kiss me and was all over me when she saw me but I think since I established to her I don't care and acted like a total prick, she has backed off and hasn't reached out to me. Don't you think leaving it alone is the best play?

[lauri]

Dude just leave it alone. No point of continuing to talk to her...guaranteed she had things end recently with another guy and she's coming to you for a safety net.

[Simon Phoenix]

TBH the ex sounds like she really loves the OP.

 

I know its really easy for everyone here on an internet forum to dogpile on the girl because she's not present, the OP is, and to hit the usual lines, "Go NC", "She is playing games", "Block her number" but this sounds like a lot more than an ex playing mind games just to stroke her ego.

 

So they lived thousands of miles away. She got lonely, maybe had some cute guy hitting on her and she had a fling with him while OP was far away. She tried to do the "right thing" and break it off with him because she didnt want him to find out and to create drama by two timing him.

 

Then after OP was totally dejected, she realized she totally screwed up. Kept on him for a whole year despite him completely ignoring her. When he finally breaks, she says sweet things. The ex's mother still thinks of the OP as well as the ex still thinking of the OP.

 

OP thinks she is the cats ass and is afraid he might never meet another girl so compatible. She probably thinks the same thing as him (especially given she was grinding trying to get him back for a year).

 

The advice in this thread to the OP is horrible and sounds like its coming from a bunch of jaded people who spend far too much time on their computers.

 

I suggest that the OP give the ex a chance, stop trying to be a "strong" guy, stop trying to be NC, and stop trying to push her away. Take her out on a real date and see where it goes.

 

OP, dont listen to these jaded mofos on here who prescribe that everyone stay as single as they are going from one short term shtty relationship after another hunting for "red flags".

 

Just get back together with the girl and take a chance. These jaded mofos behind their computer screens may not have gotten a chance at their wonderful love story but you do have a chance.

 

Worst that can happen is you get back together with her, she starts playing mind games, you try to work through it and you realize that your getting played. Love is about taking chances and risks.

 

You have to remember this. Women have boatloads of choice when it comes to love and relationships. They can go to a pub, a bar, in the damned grocery store and they will get hit on, dudes will try to pick them up. If they open an OLD account they will get hundreds if not thousands of messages a day. They could cold approach almost any dude even married dudes for sex and they would rarely fail.

 

And this girl tries for the OP for a year despite him being all NC.

 

This girl is madly in love with the guy. MADLY. The kind of love that most people never get out of a girl for their entire lives because so many women stroke their ego by being hovered around by a whole circle of dudes.

 

Go for it OP. Give her another chance. If this story had been that she kept trying to contact you for a month or two and you finally broke I might be on the same wavelength as the other posters, but its been a year - thats an entirely different story.

 

No offense, but I just don't see any of what you are seeing here. At all. I've seen exes try to contact people for a year, then disappear as quickly as the OP's ex did as soon as the dumpee reciprocates. Heck, the poster who responded right above me had exactly that happen to him. You throwing insults at posters trying to help isn't very productive. It's cool that you have a different opinion, but leave the potshots and insults out of it.

[lauri]

No offense, but I just don't see any of what you are seeing here. At all. I've seen exes try to contact people for a year, then disappear as quickly as the OP's ex did as soon as the dumpee reciprocates. Heck, the poster who responded right above me had exactly that happen to him. You throwing insults at posters trying to help isn't very productive. It's cool that you have a different opinion, but leave the potshots and insults out of it.

 

Its true - I did go through some messed up things over a few days of an ex coming back. She did her bit and told me all the things I needed to hear to consider going back to her. It was rough because you go through so many ranges of emotions during that period.

 

Truth is, she had another guy in her life and things ended between them. It was like I went through another rejection again - it was brutal seeing her come back and leaving right away because of my "flaws". Honestly, when someone falls out of love with you, its not even worth trying to fix because things are over. You can't regain it..those feelings they once had are long long gone.

 

Sometimes its best to move forward and never look back.

Edited October 20, 2014 by lauri