Simon Phoenix Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Nada. Women will keep their options open just like us - especially after a year of trying to get through to a brick wall. I wouldnt drop everything I have going just because I talked to an ex that I wanted to get back together with; I'd flush it out and make sure it was something serious so I didnt blow all the work I did to get where I was with the other chicks. They're women. They are emotional, they are irrational, but they aren't stupid. She caused the construction of that wall. If she doesn't realize why there was a brick wall there, or expects him to be the one to tear it down, then she's extremely selfish. It's up to her to make all the moves to get back together -- she's the one who broke up with him! Link to post Share on other sites
Author movingonnow1 Posted October 9, 2014 Author Share Posted October 9, 2014 Interestingly (or uninterestingly), she ended up contacted me last night. She send me a message saying "don't you know how to ask how I am? (jokingly)", "why haven't you contacted me?" and said things like "I miss you" and started to message me about how her mom was telling people about me and how it made her miss me more. I kept things short and kept my distance - not making the mistake of getting sucked into this one. By the way she was messaging me, it seems like it was driving her insane that I wasn't contacting her. Guaranteed if I was to start contacting her she probably would have ran for the hill again. Gonna keep my cool, keep dating and see where things go. I feel a lot better now that she reached out to me. I felt stupid for how things initially happened but this is all a learning experience for me...all I can do is learn from this, even if nothing happens between her and I at least I can take these lessons to the next girl I end up being with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 She probably just got dumped and is in need of a shoulder to cry on. Bet you that's what happened. If someone says "I don't know", it means "No". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Go NC as soon as possible. If she contacts you do not answer her back. Let her chase you again except this time when she shows up ask her what she wants in a firm manner. Make it clear to her that you won't be jerked around and if she ever wants to be a friend of yours she needs to be honest and act on it. Otherwise tell her to get the f*** out of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 She caused the construction of that wall. If she doesn't realize why there was a brick wall there, or expects him to be the one to tear it down, then she's extremely selfish. It's up to her to make all the moves to get back together -- she's the one who broke up with him! She made the moves weekly for a year and told him directly that she wanted him back. Although this seems moot now, sounds like OP changed his mind. If I were him I'd ask her out but keep dating other people and hedge his bets. If she fades gives him more time to date the others. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 She made the moves weekly for a year and told him directly that she wanted him back. Although this seems moot now, sounds like OP changed his mind. If I were him I'd ask her out but keep dating other people and hedge his bets. If she fades gives him more time to date the others. Those weren't "moves". Those were breadcrumbs. He finally answered when she told him that she wanted him back, but they she bailed when he got excited about it. It's not up to him to come over the top, it's up to her. Her trying to contact him for an ego boost -- which is what it seems like finally happened -- isn't a move. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 I started to question her if they were from when she was with me and started to come off extremely insecure. Her attraction for me faded and she began to back off. I'm sorry to say it, but you are the bitch in this relationship. You are not dealing with an equal. Even if she is the best intentioned woman in the world, this difference in interest is fatal. Cut your losses. If she texts you again, just reply with I think we need to see other people. It is not you, it's me. I figured out that I'm in love with you, but I don't think I actually love you. You'll always be my friend. That ought to nip it in the bud. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Uggh..Okay, you seriously need to listen. Do you want to know what's happening here? Here we go! She's been trying to contact you for all of this time now. Until, one day, you finally respond. You meet up and she tells you exactly what you want to hear! Now, she has you on the hook. Now, anytime she feels she can take the time out of her busy schedule to contact you, she now knows you're on the hook with false hope and you'll respond. WHICH IS WHAT SHE WANTED FROM YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!! Dude, go back to NC. She's playing games and you're playing right along with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author movingonnow1 Posted October 9, 2014 Author Share Posted October 9, 2014 Uggh..Okay, you seriously need to listen. Do you want to know what's happening here? Here we go! She's been trying to contact you for all of this time now. Until, one day, you finally respond. You meet up and she tells you exactly what you want to hear! Now, she has you on the hook. Now, anytime she feels she can take the time out of her busy schedule to contact you, she now knows you're on the hook with false hope and you'll respond. WHICH IS WHAT SHE WANTED FROM YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!! Dude, go back to NC. She's playing games and you're playing right along with her. I agree with you here and thank you everyone for taking time to help me through this. I'm actually feeling a lot better about myself. 1 year of NC helped me regain my strength and realize that I'm over reacting to how I'm feeling. I just had a huge rush of emotions when she told me all of these things. I have backed off completely from her and I actually have some new girls I met recently who I'm going to ask her out tonight. I think why I reacted the way I did is I kept thinking about how I USED to feel with her, how amazing it USED to be with her, etc. and her backing off so quickly made me feel like there was something wrong with me. She can try to play games all she wants, but ultimately it takes two to play. Its up to me to accept her BS or not - and I'm not going to. I just wasn't seeing clearly after she told me all that heavy stuff...kind of sad what lengths she went to get my attention when she has little to no intentions of being with me. Truth is, after this / my coming back to the ground, I don't want to be with her anymore either. She contacted me again trying to joke and I just ignored her. She is going to go crazy about this (I know her) and she is going to do anything to try to get my attention again. Well, she had her chance to be apart of my life again and she just blew it. I feel silly for how I reacted initially and giving her that ego boost...but it isn't about who wins and loses anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck636333 Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Man I seriously don't blame you for being insecure...I'm in a little bit of the same situation but different...it hurts big time. Idk her or you but from what I read in your opening statement is that it seems she wanted to see if she could bring that love out again...as soon as you let your shield down she's uninterested...can't understand women...I'm with you though if my now ex came back again I would surely want to know wheres she's been and how many people she was with and so on.and the reason being IDC how many guys a girl has been with (to an extent) up until we got together but after we've loved each other its a much different story...I would have done the same thing you did and if she leaves again let her go and try to move on...I don't think you'll ever get back that original love again after she's been with another man I know it would be in the back of my head all the time...not something I want to live with 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck636333 Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 And to also add a side note...if my ex does ever decide to come back again shes going to be the one to work to get me back...I didn't leave...I didn't want to break up...so in your case if she's not willing to do whatever it takes to fix her mistake she said she made and she's not putting in the effort that you think you're worth then what's the point she'll end up putting you right back at day one when you broke up( remember how that felt?) If all the things she told you when you met are true why the games? Idk bud I really don't good luck though which ever way it goes Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Don't stress it man. I made some big mistakes over the last few days too. Im glad you've come to your senses. All you can do is keep moving forward and not get too involved in any of this bs. Those connections you once had are long gone and there is nothing you can do to change that. Maybe one day she will come around but until then don't bother wasting your time and energy on this. And chances are, by the time she does come around you'll have some pretty awesome girl in your life who won't even make you think of her anymore. Good on you for 1 year of no contact. Don't get sucked back in - I backed out right away and trust me its the best decision because you leave while you still have self respect and you protect yourself most importantly. Link to post Share on other sites
EuTuBrute Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 ha this thread mirrors my situation to a T. My ex gf broke up with me after a 2.5 year relationship. She was very mean and cruel in the process. A year later she came back into my life. Things were great till she did it again. As soon as you lower your shield, they start to become uninterested. That's not how love should be. RUN dont walk. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tikay00 Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Is this an isolated case for this particular girl, or are mostly all girls like this? And why the F do they do this? Link to post Share on other sites
tikay00 Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 As soon as you lower your shield, they start to become uninterested. Is this an isolated case for this particular girl, or are mostly all girls like this? And why the F do they do this? Is it because she's just the attention seeking type, and not really in love, or do women in love do this as well? Link to post Share on other sites
Author movingonnow1 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 ha this thread mirrors my situation to a T. My ex gf broke up with me after a 2.5 year relationship. She was very mean and cruel in the process. A year later she came back into my life. Things were great till she did it again. As soon as you lower your shield, they start to become uninterested. That's not how love should be. RUN dont walk. Its true...this is why I think once the interest is lost its lost forever. She recently texted me a bunch of times trying carry a conversation and break down my wall but I'm not interested in getting sucked back into this. She tried texting me to offload her problems onto me and I just told her I'm busy at work and I can't talk to her. Haven't heard from her since and nor do I care. Its over and that's fine by me. I'm just having so much difficulty finding someone worthwhile to date...this is the biggest / saddest part I can't stand. I'm frustrated about it because I know I have a lot to offer. All I can do is keep hitting the gym and hopefully I'll meet someone very special soon. Link to post Share on other sites
tikay00 Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Its true...this is why I think once the interest is lost its lost forever. Man, it truly sucks to hear this, since I still have that small hope that me and my ex can get back together sometime down the line. I wish once they lost interest, they'd just lose interest, and leave you be. WTF is up with the ego boosts, and bread crumbs? In a way it's good, because it makes you resent them more for doing it, but your mind keeps tricking you into thinking, maybe this is her way of reaching out, and she's scared that I might reject her attempt to reconcile. Just gotta stick to my guns, and remember that 99% of the time, when you think it's bread crumbs, it's bread crumbs. And if she REALLY still loves you in that way, and wants to be with you, she would be by now. Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Man, it truly sucks to hear this, since I still have that small hope that me and my ex can get back together sometime down the line. I wish once they lost interest, they'd just lose interest, and leave you be. WTF is up with the ego boosts, and bread crumbs? In a way it's good, because it makes you resent them more for doing it, but your mind keeps tricking you into thinking, maybe this is her way of reaching out, and she's scared that I might reject her attempt to reconcile. Just gotta stick to my guns, and remember that 99% of the time, when you think it's bread crumbs, it's bread crumbs. And if she REALLY still loves you in that way, and wants to be with you, she would be by now. That's right man. If you stick to your guns and avoid any contact, you will be better off man. Look at some of my threads / stories - it all lead to me being hurt in the end. I stuck to NC for such a long time and avoided anything to do with talking to my ex, and finally after a year, she yanked my chain and hurt me due to picking on some of my insecurities. Like it was said earlier, when its done its done. No going back - the amount of effort you would have to put in to change their mind about you is so much that you're better off spending that time on a girl who will for sure love you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author movingonnow1 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 Its been kind of bothering me lately about my ex. I haven't been responding to her or talking to her but I guess I've been just scared to even let her back in at all. A week ago, she sent me a message saying the following: Her: "Don't you know how to ask how I am and say hi?" Her: "I just got a haircut with my mom and the guy was Italian, he reminded me of you and made me miss you. Him and his wife are from the same part of Italy as you. My mom was telling him how I dated an Italian and it kind of made me sad." Not gonna lie, it sucks to hear that and makes me sad. Then the next day she sent me a message saying "Helpppp (and calling me some pet name she used to call me / I could tell it was a joke)" I could tell she was doing anything to get my attention - but I learned already that she ran away after I showed any interest. I'm not gonna get sucked back in. I was at work and ignored it, she sent me another message - "???" so I responded and said "I'm busy at work, I cant help you". Eventually she responded saying "That's not nice :(" and asked me a few hours later if I'm busy, I said yes and I have not heard from her since. I guess its done but it still makes me sad about my situation with her, even after 1 year. Link to post Share on other sites
tikay00 Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 That's right man. If you stick to your guns and avoid any contact, you will be better off man. Look at some of my threads / stories - it all lead to me being hurt in the end. I stuck to NC for such a long time and avoided anything to do with talking to my ex, and finally after a year, she yanked my chain and hurt me due to picking on some of my insecurities. Like it was said earlier, when its done its done. No going back - the amount of effort you would have to put in to change their mind about you is so much that you're better off spending that time on a girl who will for sure love you. Speaking of your posts, I read the NC guideline thread last night, and man, you took me on a journey. Really opened my eyes to the mind of an ex. It's kind of scary that even when they actually say the magic words of, "I'm sorry, my fault, let's get back", they can STILL flake on you that fast! WTF!!! Bottom line, as soon as they dump, the LOVE LOVE they had for you is nearly impossible to TRULY come back??? Not trying to generalize, but just speaking for majority cases. If true, it's scary, and it sucks. BUT, that's what NC is for. Link to post Share on other sites
leavesonautumn Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Its been kind of bothering me lately about my ex. I haven't been responding to her or talking to her but I guess I've been just scared to even let her back in at all. A week ago, she sent me a message saying the following: Her: "Don't you know how to ask how I am and say hi?" Her: "I just got a haircut with my mom and the guy was Italian, he reminded me of you and made me miss you. Him and his wife are from the same part of Italy as you. My mom was telling him how I dated an Italian and it kind of made me sad." Not gonna lie, it sucks to hear that and makes me sad. Then the next day she sent me a message saying "Helpppp (and calling me some pet name she used to call me / I could tell it was a joke)" I could tell she was doing anything to get my attention - but I learned already that she ran away after I showed any interest. I'm not gonna get sucked back in. I was at work and ignored it, she sent me another message - "???" so I responded and said "I'm busy at work, I cant help you". Eventually she responded saying "That's not nice :(" and asked me a few hours later if I'm busy, I said yes and I have not heard from her since. I guess its done but it still makes me sad about my situation with her, even after 1 year. This made me really sad to read. I'm sorry that she is being awful. I mean, she's saying what she thinks you want to hear but not acting on it. People who play mind games like this don't deserve our attention or respect. I know you said it's been a week since she texted but I suggest that you get a text/call blocker app on your phone. She can text you all she wants, but you'll never even know. Might be for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
leavesonautumn Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Speaking of your posts, I read the NC guideline thread last night, and man, you took me on a journey. Really opened my eyes to the mind of an ex. It's kind of scary that even when they actually say the magic words of, "I'm sorry, my fault, let's get back", they can STILL flake on you that fast! WTF!!! Bottom line, as soon as they dump, the LOVE LOVE they had for you is nearly impossible to TRULY come back??? Not trying to generalize, but just speaking for majority cases. If true, it's scary, and it sucks. BUT, that's what NC is for. From my experience with my ex, yes it's possible. It's very slim and very rare. In fact, on/off relationships are awful and worse then a one time break up. I got many chances after my ex and I would break up but we are just not meant to be, we could not figure it out. The love however, was always there. It was more painful then other breakups I went through, one of which took me about a year to get over. I wish my ex and I broke up once and that was it because I know I'd have moved on by now. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Can't you block her from texts/calls?? Every time she texts you and you read it, its going to tug at your heart. Time to slam the door shut on this girl and hard. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Man, your post mad me sad. Its a shame things turn out the way they do...seriously. It reminds me of my situation in a lot of ways and its defiantly a tough thing to handle and understand. I know you've already done 1 year of NC and that's amazing. Just keep it up and avoid getting this BS. You gave her the chance to come back - she blew it...not you. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Its been kind of bothering me lately about my ex. I haven't been responding to her or talking to her but I guess I've been just scared to even let her back in at all. A week ago, she sent me a message saying the following: Her: "Don't you know how to ask how I am and say hi?" Her: "I just got a haircut with my mom and the guy was Italian, he reminded me of you and made me miss you. Him and his wife are from the same part of Italy as you. My mom was telling him how I dated an Italian and it kind of made me sad." Not gonna lie, it sucks to hear that and makes me sad. Then the next day she sent me a message saying "Helpppp (and calling me some pet name she used to call me / I could tell it was a joke)" I could tell she was doing anything to get my attention - but I learned already that she ran away after I showed any interest. I'm not gonna get sucked back in. I was at work and ignored it, she sent me another message - "???" so I responded and said "I'm busy at work, I cant help you". Eventually she responded saying "That's not nice :(" and asked me a few hours later if I'm busy, I said yes and I have not heard from her since. I guess its done but it still makes me sad about my situation with her, even after 1 year. If it's upsetting you so much, why don't you just block her number? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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