Ladies: how often do you get asked out?

[verhrzn]

If you want to get asked out, here's a tip ladies. All you really need is to put on a warm smile. Try it sometime and you will be surprised at the responses you get.

 

One thing I noticed, I got approached more when I was in sweats with my hair up, with very little makeup on.

 

No, no, it's really not. Please, can we stop perpetuating this idea that "all you need is X" to get approached? I have worn a warm smile lots of times and still not been hit on. Saying things like this just makes people like me feel they are even more lacking than they first suspected... after all, if X works for everyone but you, it means you must be deficient or broken in some way.

 

A warm smile works for you. Awesome! But please don't subscribe it as a cure-all.

[Phoe]

The poll so far is unsurprising.

 

A handful of ladies get approached often. The majority get approached maybe once or twice a year or slightly more or less often than that, with quite a few getting approached so rarely they can't even tell you when.

 

I like that OLD and meetups have been considered as a source as well, and that specifically doing those things will result in more approaches, and that without those things the frequency of approaches dies off.

[Phoe]

You have to respond to the feeler correctly first before they come around to actually asking you out.

 

Then there's that anxiety in your head that it's a feeler, you respond kindly, and then nothing, and you realize he really was just asking if you were in line to order at the coffee shop.

 

I've come to the conclusion that I've never actually been "feelered". I'm pretty sure the polite questions in public were simply that. Polite questions.

[xxoo]

Another point--while I could usually sense and steer a conversation away from being asked out, that in itself is a sign that the guy was weak with the approach. And if he'd been bolder (overall...not just with the approach), I probably would have wanted to go out with him!

[boilingpoint]

Put your money where your mouth is - make the thread

 

You have to be a premium member to start a thread with a poll I think. I'll see what I can do...

[CrystalCastles]

The poll so far is unsurprising.

 

A handful of ladies get approached often. The majority get approached maybe once or twice a year or slightly more or less often than that, with quite a few getting approached so rarely they can't even tell you when.

 

I like that OLD and meetups have been considered as a source as well, and that specifically doing those things will result in more approaches, and that without those things the frequency of approaches dies off.

 

Indeed Phoe, and you're not the only one wondering where the statistics that people throw around on here about women getting 200 messages a day on OLD come from.

 

I did OLD for a week. I got maybe 10 or 12 messages a day. The ones that I ignored were sleazy or just a "hi" and nothing else. Most men put thought into their messages and we had a few good exchanges, but I decided OLD wasn't for me. Too artificial, like shopping for a boyfriend, and its not my thing.

 

I get asked out once every few months or so. And hit on quite often but never to the extremes people mention on here. I think most of what's written about on LS is a gross exaggeration and simply because it isn't happening to you doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Chances are, there are a lot of other very nice, intelligent ladies who would make good SOs in your boat.

[Divasu]

It's rare that a man flat out asks me out, I get, what I guess you could call "feelers".

 

Man begins conversing with me, throws in a compliment here and there, etc.

 

I must acknowledge that I have had walls up and I've been called out on that before, and apparently I have a problem with eye contact, as I went out once with a guy who told me that on the date.

 

So I can't sit here and say "why don't men ask me out more". You have to be open to being approached, unless of course, the guy is overly confident which can be attractive but can also come across as arrogant which automatically puts me on alert.

[Divasu]

Heehee, I just realized am the only one who voted "Other".

 

Zoink

[Keenly]

Coming from the other side of the aisle, in the last year I've asked probably three women out. All gave the same answer of lying that we would hang out but then just "forgetting" .

 

OLD, different numbers same results.

 

 

 

I haven't actually met a new girl in... let's see.. its almost Halloween so probably about a year since I've even met anyone that I had not already known.

 

 

I keep to myself too much.

[Phoe]

Indeed Phoe, and you're not the only one wondering where the statistics that people throw around on here about women getting 200 messages a day on OLD come from.

 

I did OLD for a week. I got maybe 10 or 12 messages a day. The ones that I ignored were sleazy or just a "hi" and nothing else. Most men put thought into their messages and we had a few good exchanges, but I decided OLD wasn't for me. Too artificial, like shopping for a boyfriend, and its not my thing.

 

I get asked out once every few months or so. And hit on quite often but never to the extremes people mention on here. I think most of what's written about on LS is a gross exaggeration and simply because it isn't happening to you doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Chances are, there are a lot of other very nice, intelligent ladies who would make good SOs in your boat.

 

I wonder too.

 

Sure, we have the ladies like lovely candy who get pursued a lot. Its no secret. But most ladies are in the every now and then category.

 

I hope this thread helps those men who think they shouldn't bother because a woman must have 50 other men after her. Because it's probably not true.

[Phoe]

Coming from the other side of the aisle, in the last year I've asked probably three women out. All gave the same answer of lying that we would hang out but then just "forgetting" .

 

OLD, different numbers same results.

 

 

 

I haven't actually met a new girl in... let's see.. its almost Halloween so probably about a year since I've even met anyone that I had not already known.

 

 

I keep to myself too much.

 

And then there's this. 3 in one year.

 

I'm curious what the average would be for how many women a man asks out in a year. The same men who say that women are being hounded regularly, also mention the frequency in which they approach women, then say "but I'm not aggressive", when in my eyes, it seems as though they actually are aggressive and approaching more often than most.

 

Must admit, I havent a clue what the average would be. Wouldn't even attempt a guess

[Phoe]

I'm also seeing patterns in what kind of social setting makes approaches happen. Which, of course, is no secret either.

 

Mostly its men you may already know, OLD or other settings purely made for dating, a party, club, or other social setting where there may be alcohol, dancing, dark lighting, and other things conducive to a social atmosphere.

 

The public, mid day, totally random grocery store type approach seems to come in last. The women of LS say its the least common thing to occur (with many seemingly never experiencing it at all).

 

I find it interesting that it's clearly the least common, but there's a myth perpetuated on the forum that all an average woman needs to do is leave her house, look decent, and smile. Clearly there are far more factors at play, and more to it than looking friendly at the grocery store.

[Tayken]

but there's a myth perpetuated on the forum that all an average woman needs to do is leave her house, look decent, and smile. Clearly there are far more factors at play, and more to it than looking friendly at the grocery store

 

I think it's fair to say that an average women with a smile on her face / showing confidence, is more likely to get a smile back along with a conversation from a man in the grocery store, than an average woman who seems full of herself, and gives you "the look".

 

'Other factors at play', might be :

1. what is in her shopping basket/trolley

2. you are in a lineup sandwich between people

3. she has kids i.e. single mother

[FitChick]

I know about 9 guys who years later have said they were into me at various stages but that they thought I would never be interested in them so they never asked me out. By the time they said anything they were married.

That's been my experience. I was often told that I was intimidating. A friend, whom I had a bit of a crush on, told another friend that he didn't think he was my type. By that time he had a girlfriend.

 

And men wonder why attractive women do OLD!

[clia]

Only if the guy walks up to you and starts a conversation.

 

If you think that there really isn't a reason to him to approach you, most likely its because he is interested.

 

This might be the case sometimes, but it's not the case always.

 

For example, I travel a lot for work. I'll often go down and sit at the bar at the hotel or a bar nearby to get dinner and have a glass of wine. There are typically other solo travelers sitting around doing the same thing, many of them men. Some will strike up a conversation with me. They are not all hitting on me. I know this because we often get into conversations about their wives and family. This also happens to me a lot at the airport.

 

What about when men strike up a conversation with me when I'm with my fiance? Are they asking me out, too, right in front of him?

 

Some people are just friendly and like to talk to people. It doesn't mean they have any interest in dating or asking a girl out.

[Phoe]

This might be the case sometimes, but it's not the case always.

 

For example, I travel a lot for work. I'll often go down and sit at the bar at the hotel or a bar nearby to get dinner and have a glass of wine. There are typically other solo travelers sitting around doing the same thing, many of them men. Some will strike up a conversation with me. They are not all hitting on me. I know this because we often get into conversations about their wives and family. This also happens to me a lot at the airport.

 

What about when men strike up a conversation with me when I'm with my fiance? Are they asking me out, too, right in front of him?

 

Some people are just friendly and like to talk to people. It doesn't mean they have any interest in dating or asking a girl out.

 

Exactly. Some folks are definitely friendly, and will chat with someone nearby just for fun. I do this and my boyfriend does it as well. With anyone.

[gaius]

Then there's that anxiety in your head that it's a feeler, you respond kindly, and then nothing, and you realize he really was just asking if you were in line to order at the coffee shop.

 

I've come to the conclusion that I've never actually been "feelered". I'm pretty sure the polite questions in public were simply that. Polite questions.

Oh phoe. No such thing as a polite question. It's always a feeler.

 

Sometimes you don't get any sparks, or you don't feel the other person is all that into it. So you just let it go. But don't start thinking those guys being drawn to talk to you in the first place isn't the compliment that it is.

 

They probably sensed your anxiety with it and backed off.

[Phoe]

 

They probably sensed your anxiety with it and backed off.

 

Even if it's anxious in a good way?

[ComingInHot]

More often in the past 3.5 weeks now that I don't stop them ahead of time* I'm surprised actually. I had forgotten how sincerely friendly people are. It's nice. Refreshing

[Divasu]

Exactly. And you should consider those feelers as "getting asked out". If the conversation wth you had gone well, he would have asked you out.

 

Well the ones I specified, yes.

 

Aside from that, I do not perceive every approach/conversation initiated as "interest" on a romantic level. Hope that makes sense/helps.

[gaius]

Even if it's anxious in a good way?

Maybe. Sometimes I can but in general it's really hard to tell online exactly what vibes people give off in real life. So I can't really say for sure in your case. You sure get a ton of feelers around here even if you don't notice them.

[ComingInHot]

Phoe,

I think you're great here on LS! If you're anything similar to me then unless a man comes right out and TELLS You or ASKS You, then you totally miss the signs.

 

That's why we so appreciate a direct approach, otherwise we miss it.

 

I think you're just missing it darlin'. You're awesome!*

[Phoe]

Maybe. Sometimes I can but in general it's really hard to tell online exactly what vibes people give off in real life. So I can't really say for sure in your case. You sure get a ton of feelers around here even if you don't notice them.

 

Hmm.

 

I can only think of 2 or 3 people Ive legitimately felt feelers from (what a weird sentence haha). For the most part I think people just throw around harmless little "friendly flirts" around here, that don't actually mean anything. Heck, even the straight guys harmlessly flirt with each other. It's a love forum!

[Priv]

Hmm.

 

I can only think of 2 or 3 people Ive legitimately felt feelers from (what a weird sentence haha). For the most part I think people just throw around harmless little "friendly flirts" around here, that don't actually mean anything. Heck, even the straight guys harmlessly flirt with each other. It's a love forum!

 

Not saying anything. We all know how that is going to end up

[CaliGypsy]

Oh phoe. No such thing as a polite question.

 

 

So, in that vein, there is a vendor at my job that decided that when he sees me at work we hug. I'm thinking no, he's way younger .

 

I do think another guy I work with is interested due to some comments he's made . Or I'm imagining it. If I am, two of my female coworkers are imagining it as well as they both commented that they noticed it.

 

Phoe, there isn't always a clear cut answer to why some women are more approachable than others.(you are obviously very attractive, and really smart)I'm just going to guess for some women it's a vibe they send out?I'm really enjoying the different perspectives. I also recognized myself in a few of you women . I sometimes have a hard time with eye contact and men. (Men my own age )