Fondue Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 Just out of curiosity, because I am not sure anyone answered this in the thread: If you find that the guy you're with slept with your best friend the night you met and then you started to date him a few years later, would that bother you or not? That's really the key here. If it won't bother you, then clearly this has has issues and is wrong to be upset. If it DOES bother you, then I am sure you kind of understand what he is thinking. That was just something I wanted to throw out there. Anyway, in regards to the rest of this thread: this relationship is doomed. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 Just out of curiosity, because I am not sure anyone answered this in the thread: If you find that the guy you're with slept with your best friend the night you met and then you started to date him a few years later, would that bother you or not? The difference is, I don't believe this is a 'best friend' scenario, more of an 'a friend'. I think that does make a difference. I dated men that had slept with women I knew and I was on friendly terms with, years and years later. We were barely in the same friends' circle even. I would expect an adult to be pragmatic about something like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy colette Posted October 6, 2014 Author Share Posted October 6, 2014 [quote=AlexanderJames;5934561 I think you guys need to sit down and put everything on the table. Tell each other where you are, how you feel, your hapinesses and the things making you unhappy. Be 100% brutally honest with each other about everything. Ask him if he wants this to work, because it can. Ask yourself if YOU want it to work, because it can. If you both agree then talk about how you are going to get there. Identify things you both do that could pose as obstacles and put things in place to overcome them. If you still can't make it work maybe it is time to move on. Good luck. Thank you flor sharing your story. I'm glad to hear from someone who has been in your shoes I'm sorry your situation didn't work out. We have laid everything on the table. Area stew take the time and make the effort to communicate. I think he really does want it to work out - he has said he wants to share his life w me, put me before him, etc (not what he is doing - yesterday was profoundly selfish and imconsiderate). I'm not sure how I feel anymore though. I feel apathetic. Last night he wanted to be. Intimate and I couldn't, esp after that disgusting email he forwarded. Out of curiosity, what was it that bothered you so much? I obviously understand to a degree, but it would e helpful to hear the exact thought process. Excuse the typos, on phone Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy colette Posted October 6, 2014 Author Share Posted October 6, 2014 Just out of curiosity, because I am not sure anyone answered this in the thread: If you find that the guy you're with slept with your best friend the night you met and then you started to date him a few years later, would that bother you or not? That's really the key here. If it won't bother you, then clearly this has has issues and is wrong to be upset. If it DOES bother you, then I am sure you kind of understand what he is thinking. That was just something I wanted to throw out there. Anyway, in regards to the rest of this thread: this relationship is doomed. It has happened to me and it did not bother me. I knew it meant nothing, and I was euchre in the relationship and believe I had many things to offer, that we were by far abetted match. It was irrelevant . Maybe it's generational. Link to post Share on other sites
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