Becoming more picky about looks?

[Teknoe]

SD,

I would advise you to NOT even think about making any moves on a female tutor. You would be heading into the "work relationship" with the completely wrong motive. Your motive is to learn the nuances of calculus from a tutor, PERIOD. Anything that organically happens between you two would be a bonus... but if you're approaching it with the posture of "Ah, maybe I have a shot..." then I can already see where this one is heading. To put it quite frankly, such a scenario would be unhealthy for you and likely lead you to not passing calculus because knowing how your mind tends to work, you will be too wrapped up in whether you have a chance with your female tutor or not.

 

Now I don't know your tutoring situation or specifics, but I'm just saying this as a proactive warning. If anything, knowing you, I would recommend a male tutor. That way, you would be guaranteed to be more focused on the actual calculus and not whether you have a chance or not to "score" with your tutor.

 

Priorities, man. Graduate first. You seem too caught up in getting a girlfriend that both goals (graduate and getting a GF) just works against each other and you end up still in school and still without a GF. Focus on graduating first, and then your chances for landing a GF will be better.

[Badsingularity]

The women who are telling you that your line was bad are using the logical part of their brain to come to that conclusion. The part of the brain that creates feelings of attraction has nothing to do with logic. Sometimes these different areas of the brain disagree. If said by a confident, charismatic, attractive man, in the appropriate way it would have ignited the areas of the brain that feel attraction and when this happens logic takes a back seat.

Seeing that the goal with speaking to her is to attract. If the feelings of attraction can be created, the logic of of what you said doesn't come into play.

 

You seem to be more positive lately. Glad to see that.

[somedude81]

SD,

I would advise you to NOT even think about making any moves on a female tutor. You would be heading into the "work relationship" with the completely wrong motive. Your motive is to learn the nuances of calculus from a tutor, PERIOD. Anything that organically happens between you two would be a bonus... but if you're approaching it with the posture of "Ah, maybe I have a shot..." then I can already see where this one is heading. To put it quite frankly, such a scenario would be unhealthy for you and likely lead you to not passing calculus because knowing how your mind tends to work, you will be too wrapped up in whether you have a chance with your female tutor or not.

 

Now I don't know your tutoring situation or specifics, but I'm just saying this as a proactive warning. If anything, knowing you, I would recommend a male tutor. That way, you would be guaranteed to be more focused on the actual calculus and not whether you have a chance or not to "score" with your tutor.

 

Priorities, man. Graduate first. You seem too caught up in getting a girlfriend that both goals (graduate and getting a GF) just works against each other and you end up still in school and still without a GF. Focus on graduating first, and then your chances for landing a GF will be better.

 

I'm doing both drop-in tutoring and I have a private tutor on campus.

 

My private tutor is a guy that I meet with twice a week for one hour and it's just one-on-on.

 

For drop in tutoring there seems to be about seven tutors and the work a three hour shift, about two days a week.

 

The female tutor I'm talking about is a drop-in tutor and I've only seen her working one day so far.

 

Trying to pursue her would not affect my mt at all.

[rester]

I don't see anything wrong with asking his tutor appropriate personal questions and getting friendly with her. Asking her how she got so great at math, what she plans to do when she graduates, what she does when she's not doing math, etc.

 

I wouldn't ask her out until the class is done and the school/professional relationship is over, but no harm done in getting to know her better and playfully flirting with her, as long as she's receptive and he doesn't come across as a creeper. It sounds like there's more opportunity for small talk than there is during salsa class.

[somedude81]

Moving on, there is another I'm not interested in. She's in my surfing class and I talked to her last week and this week as well. The class only meets one day a weeks so I'm going to have to figure out how to talk to her more often. Maybe I'll ask her if she'll want to meet up to go surfing outside of class, but I don't know if I have the comfort level with her yet to bring it up.

 

Unfortunately towards the end of class another guy started talking to her as well and she basically forgot about me

 

It's hard enough as it is trying to get girls interested in me, and I really don't need the extra competition from other guys, especially since every other guy will be taller than me.

[LuckyLady13]

Did you really just play the 'I'm not tall enough' card? Really??

 

You know what, Somedude? You're hiding behind other guys being competition and hiding behind a non-existant height issue.

 

You said what the problem was yourself. And I quote:

"Maybe I'll ask her if she'll want to meet up to go surfing outside of class, but I don't know if I have the comfort level with her yet to bring it up."

[LuckyLady13]

Okay, I can see where you're having a total disconnect.

 

You said that you're not comfortable but are you saying (and correct me if I'm wrong) that you surf...and she can surf...but you don't feel comfortable asking her...to surf?

 

Surfing is awesome! It's one of the most fun things I've done in my life. Dangerous as all hell too but it's so much fun. Nothing beats being out there, salt in your hair, paddling out past the waves breaking and looking behind you waiting and waiting until that perfect wave is coming in and jumping right on it and having a great time!

 

This is like the A1 perfect setup for something great and fun to do with somebody! So forget your comfort level because I don't think you see what you've got right in your hands here. Surfing is so awesome. Who wouldn't love it after doing it just even once?

[somedude81]

Did you really just play the 'I'm not tall enough' card? Really??

 

Yeah I did

 

When I have to compete with another guy for a girl 99% of the time he will be taller than me, and I feel that my height puts me at a big disadvantage.

 

You know what, Somedude? You're hiding behind other guys being competition and hiding behind a non-existant height issue.

 

You said what the problem was yourself. And I quote:

"Maybe I'll ask her if she'll want to meet up to go surfing outside of class, but I don't know if I have the comfort level with her yet to bring it up."

 

What do you think I should do?

 

She seems friendly and I really want to get to know her better.

 

BTW, regarding surfing we are both complete beginners and have yet to stand up

[LuckyLady13]

Surfing really is dangerous. Make no mistake about it. However...okay (ha, ha, ha) you haven't stood up yet and you're beginners. Let me explain something.

 

Even if you two are completely awkward and falling down out there and learning TOGETHER, can you picture the two of you surfing until sun down with the sunset behind you, that great mood lighting, having wipeouts to laugh about and just a great day together? That's so the perfect setup!!

 

I can't believe you're learning to surf. That's great! It's so awesome! Standing up is really hard at first but once you get the hang of it, it goes fast. I promise. Even the two of you paddling out past the waves breaking and just chilling out talking alone out there is going to create a great mood. Watching fish swim by under your board...it's just so awesome out there.

 

I had no idea you had something like this to use to your advantage. Use it!

[xxoo]

If you feel you need to compete with more attractive guys for the women you are interested in, you obviously need to step it up!

 

What are you doing to be more attractive to the women you are attracted to?

[somedude81]

Surfing really is dangerous. Make no mistake about it. However...okay (ha, ha, ha) you haven't stood up yet and you're beginners. Let me explain something.

 

Even if you two are completely awkward and falling down out there and learning TOGETHER, can you picture the two of you surfing until sun down with the sunset behind you, that great mood lighting, having wipeouts to laugh about and just a great day together? That's so the perfect setup!!

 

I can't believe you're learning to surf. That's great! It's so awesome! Standing up is really hard at first but once you get the hang of it, it goes fast. I promise. Even the two of you paddling out past the waves breaking and just chilling out talking alone out there is going to create a great mood. Watching fish swim by under your board...it's just so awesome out there.

 

I had no idea you had something like this to use to your advantage. Use it!

 

I completely understand what you mean, and it sounds like a great experience.

 

I just don't know if she'd be comfortable doing that with me. I haven't talked to her that much yet. Nor do I know how to bring it up. What if there is already somebody she goes practicing with? So I try to join them?

[LuckyLady13]

Somedude, ask her if she wants to go practice at a cool beach that's convenient for both of you and be totally okay with the fact that you're not experts. Bring a little cooler with some food and drinks. Ask her what she likes and bring those things.

 

Just be really open and friendly about it.

 

This is the true story of how I learned to surf (totally relevant to your situation). I was at the beach one day and two guys walked by me with surfboards and one was really hot. I stopped them and said "you guys surf?" and they said "yeah, why?". So I said "I would LOVE to know how to surf" and of the two of them, the hot guy turns around and says "want me to teach you?" and so I got a wild, great, crazy, awesome summer fling and learned to surf!! I was too young to be interested in a serious relationship back then so it was PERFECT.

 

Talk to people, approach them and just be friendly.

[LuckyLady13]

I completely understand what you mean, and it sounds like a great experience.

 

I just don't know if she'd be comfortable doing that with me. I haven't talked to her that much yet. Nor do I know how to bring it up. What if there is already somebody she goes practicing with? So I try to join them?

 

If she's already practicing with another girl, totally ask if you can join them. If she's practicing with a guy, there's a possibility he's really interested in her and you showing up (even if she's all for that) could bring out some serious aggression and competition with the other guy. Can you handle that?

[sillyanswer]

Since I have to put in a lot of effort to make myself talk to people, there has to be some sort of payoff for me.

 

I'm not sure if I'm focussing on this out of context, but what do you mean by "payoff" here? At first I thought you meant that people owe you conversation, but that can't be it.

[xxoo]

That said, I'll talk to anybody nearby just to avoid an awkward silence. But I'd only spend time with somebody if sex is a possibility.

 

I'm not at all sure you can change this about yourself, but you should understand that this is extremely off-putting to women in general.

[somedude81]

Somedude, ask her if she wants to go practice at a cool beach that's convenient for both of you and be totally okay with the fact that you're not experts. Bring a little cooler with some food and drinks. Ask her what she likes and bring those things.

 

Just be really open and friendly about it.

 

This is the true story of how I learned to surf (totally relevant to your situation). I was at the beach one day and two guys walked by me with surfboards and one was really hot. I stopped them and said "you guys surf?" and they said "yeah, why?". So I said "I would LOVE to know how to surf" and of the two of them, the hot guy turns around and says "want me to teach you?" and so I got a wild, great, crazy, awesome summer fling and learned to surf!! I was too young to be interested in a serious relationship back then so it was PERFECT.

 

Talk to people, approach them and just be friendly.

 

If she's already practicing with another girl, totally ask if you can join them. If she's practicing with a guy, there's a possibility he's really interested in her and you showing up (even if she's all for that) could bring out some serious aggression and competition with the other guy. Can you handle that?

 

Thank you so much LuckyLady13. You perfectly addressed the concerns I have.

 

Bringing over a cooler sounds like a great idea.

 

When I see her next week I'll definitely mention it to her.

 

And heck, if it gives me more time in the water and I become a better suffer because of it, that would be awesome.

[somedude81]

I'm not sure if I'm focussing on this out of context, but what do you mean by "payoff" here? At first I thought you meant that people owe you conversation, but that can't be it.

 

It's a little hard to explain what I mean. But no, I'm not saying that people owe me a conversation

 

I'm not at all sure you can change this about yourself, but you should understand that this is extremely off-putting to women in general.

 

Yup I understand that, which is why I would never mention it to anybody offline.

 

It essentially just means that I'll only hang out with a girl if I'm interested in her, and once she turns me down, I'll no longer spend time with her.

[Anela]

SD: the reason I posted what I did about Marriage At First Sight, is that one young woman fell in love with a man that she initially didn't like at all, because he was patient, and didn't only spend time with her when he thought that sex would happen.

[somedude81]

SD: the reason I posted what I did about Marriage At First Sight, is that one young woman fell in love with a man that she initially didn't like at all, because he was patient, and didn't only spend time with her when he thought that sex would happen.

 

How did she know that he wasn't with her when because he thought things could lead to sex?

 

Unless a woman is taken or has specifically told a man no, sex is always a possibility.

[Lani]

Moving on, there is another I'm not interested in. She's in my surfing class and I talked to her last week and this week as well. The class only meets one day a weeks so I'm going to have to figure out how to talk to her more often. Maybe I'll ask her if she'll want to meet up to go surfing outside of class, but I don't know if I have the comfort level with her yet to bring it up.

 

Unfortunately towards the end of class another guy started talking to her as well and she basically forgot about me

 

It's hard enough as it is trying to get girls interested in me, and I really don't need the extra competition from other guys, especially since every other guy will be taller than me.

 

I'm confused

This post says you're not interested in her, but then the rest of the thread goes into how you can get to see her more? Was that just a typo, and you are actually interested?

 

Are you getting to know any of the guys in the surf class?

You know what else is great about guy mates? They make the BEST wingmen..

[Anela]

How did she know that he wasn't with her when because he thought things could lead to sex?

 

Unless a woman is taken or has specifically told a man no, sex is always a possibility.

 

He spent four or five weeks with her, didn't push the issue, and they hadn't consummated by the end of the filming. He liked her, no matter what the outcome would be.

[somedude81]

I'm confused

This post says you're not interested in her, but then the rest of the thread goes into how you can get to see her more? Was that just a typo, and you are actually interested?

 

Are you getting to know any of the guys in the surf class?

You know what else is great about guy mates? They make the BEST wingmen..

 

ROFL!

 

I'm totally not interested in her. She's friendly, cute, and I liked how she looked in her bikini, so I'm totally not interested in her.

 

Yeah it's a typo that I missed and I'm assuming everybody else did as well, or just pretended to miss it.

 

I've talked to a couple of guys in the class but I'm not going to go anywhere further than that. For me, other guys are just competition.

[somedude81]

He spent four or five weeks with her, didn't push the issue, and they hadn't consummated by the end of the filming. He liked her, no matter what the outcome would be.

 

They had sex after five weeks?

 

That's not really a long time to wait.

 

If she had told him early on that they were never going to have sex, I seriously doubt he would have stayed.

[Anela]

They had sex after five weeks?

 

That's not really a long time to wait.

 

If she had told him early on that they were never going to have sex, I seriously doubt he would have stayed.

 

NO. They eventually consummated, but it's been six months since they stopped filming.

 

He could have come out of it the nice guy/emotional tampon that I keep hearing about on here. There was no guarantee that she would stay with him - she was really hesitant, and almost broke it off.

[Lani]

ROFL!

 

I'm totally not interested in her. She's friendly, cute, and I liked how she looked in her bikini, so I'm totally not interested in her.

 

Yeah it's a typo that I missed and I'm assuming everybody else did as well, or just pretended to miss it.

 

I've talked to a couple of guys in the class but I'm not going to go anywhere further than that. For me, other guys are just competition.

 

Looks like I'm the only smarty here then

 

As for guys, don't you see? If they are your friends they can help you out. Talk to the girl you like's friend to give you more space to chat up your girl. If you let them know you're interested, they may even keep their distance to let you have a go at the chick. There is a reason people have mates, think about that.

They're competition anyway... do you not see any benefit to having that on your side?

 

I just cannot fathom how you have so little interest in friendships. I think having someone to hang out with would do you the world of good.