Becoming more picky about looks?

[somedude81]

Never assume to know what another person thinks or feels. People are also polite and friendly in general and we set ourselves up for disappointment if we read more into it. Their actions aren't setting us up, our thoughts and wishes are.

 

A dance class is particularly tricky. One of my daughters taught ballroom and she is a very outgoing, cheerful, friendly person. She was like that with everyone, but sometimes one of the students assumed her friendliness meant interest in him and he asked her out or gave her gifts- even though there was a strict rule against both. So I can see how the dancing might lead to some assumptions.

 

Welcome to my life.

 

I have an extremely hard time telling friendliness from interest, especially from cheerful girls. From my point of view there is absolutely no way to tell the two apart.

 

Since I can't tell when a woman is interested, all I can really do is ask out every girl who seems to be nicer than normal. If I wait for obvious signs of interest, I'll be single till the day I die.

 

I'm sure the girls who are cute and cheerful get asked out a lot, so they know how to politely reject guys. Odds are I'd get a polite rejection from her in the near future.

 

I'd avoid that.

 

Any reason why I should avoid flirting with her?

 

If I do come to the point where I ask her out, and she rejects me, I'll just stick to business with her. She's also one of five math tutors for drop in.

[Lani]

In all honestly, I don't think she actually heard me say the whole thing. My speech is a little odd at times and I think "...you again" was the only part that came out. Odds are no matter what I said, she would have done the same thing.

 

I said it with a smile and it was just meant to tease her. "Cool, it's you again" just sounds really corny, and if she still ran away after that, which she most likely would have done, would suck.

 

Right? So now are you willing to admit that maybe you read her wrong? And perhaps have done this with others?

 

Also, was the exam today? How did you go?

[BlueIris]

The women are being a little harsh on this particular line. I'd ignore most of that.

 

If a woman likes you, it doesn't much matter what line you use on her. One of my first adult girlfriends I ever got was lured in by a much dumber line than what SD used.

 

Ok, guys… so how does she or would she determine whether she likes him or not? Words and actions have no effect on her deciding that? Is this part of that theory that looks are everything?

Reject data = get a bad result.

[xxoo]

I have an extremely hard time telling friendliness from interest, especially from cheerful girls. From my point of view there is absolutely no way to tell the two apart.

 

Proximity is a big clue. If a woman wants you to ask her out, she'll try to be near you to make that happen.

 

Moving away when you get flirty is a sign that she was just being friendly. Moving in is a sign she is interested.

 

You've posted in the past about girls who would hang around you, but you weren't interested in them. You recognized that those girls were interested.

[jay1983]

It's a lame and cheesy line for sure, but like you say, if she's into him she would have laughed it off.

 

The main point here is that she clearly wasn't interested. However SD seems to think she does like spending time with him, and also claims he is good at reading social cues.. It may be time to rethink that stance.

 

Thank you for being honest.

[somedude81]

Right? So now are you willing to admit that maybe you read her wrong? And perhaps have done this with others?

 

Nope I didn't read her wrong

 

She is definitely having fun with me.

 

I just can't tell what kind of fun she wants to have, or would be open to having.

 

Girls can have fun with a guy even if she has no desire to sleep with him.

 

 

Also, was the exam today? How did you go?

 

Math is hard.

 

This thread isn't about my class, so I'm not going to talk about it beyond that.

[jay1983]

Ok, guys… so how does she or would she determine whether she likes him or not? Words and actions have no effect on her deciding that? Is this part of that theory that looks are everything?

Reject data = get a bad result.

 

90% of it is looks, what you say will only work against you if you're completely disrespectful and some times will still work. She doesn't care whether he likes her or not.

[somedude81]

Proximity is a big clue. If a woman wants you to ask her out, she'll try to be near you to make that happen.

 

Moving away when you get flirty is a sign that she was just being friendly. Moving in is a sign she is interested.

 

You've posted in the past about girls who would hang around you, but you weren't interested in them. You recognized that those girls were interested.

 

Those girls went overboard to the point where they were making me feel uncomfortable. Far too much talking to and touching.

 

Those girls were obese and only obese girls are that aggressive.

 

My ex liked me for about the last two months of class and I didn't have a clue. I thought she was just being friendly.

[Els]

The women are being a little harsh on this particular line. I'd ignore most of that.

 

Yes, because ignoring feedback from women is absolutely the best way for a heterosexual man having trouble with women to learn.

[Els]

Chemistry is much more important than looks and actions, yeah. Especially when it comes to just hitting on women. Every single thread dedicated to this idea is full of people talking about how chemistry is number one.

 

The conversations that you have with a person are part of chemistry. For some of us, at least. If a guy wants to omit that entire pool of women by focusing solely on his looks and saying dumb stuff - eh, his life.

[Lani]

Nope I didn't read her wrong

 

She is definitely having fun with me.

 

I just can't tell what kind of fun she wants to have, or would be open to having.

 

Girls can have fun with a guy even if she has no desire to sleep with him.

 

Yes, but you've said that you have no interest in women who don't want a relationship (and therefore sex) with you, so why bother with her interest level now?

 

And really, what makes you so sure she has fun with you? She literally RAN AWAY from you.

 

Math is hard.

 

This thread isn't about my class, so I'm not going to talk about it beyond that.

 

What a surprise

[xxoo]

Those girls went overboard to the point where they were making me feel uncomfortable. Far too much talking to and touching.

 

Those girls were obese and only obese girls are that aggressive.

 

My ex liked me for about the last two months of class and I didn't have a clue. I thought she was just being friendly.

 

Oh, ha, no, not only obese girls are that aggressive.

 

Drunk girls are that aggressive, too

 

But if it were a mutual attraction, you'd never notice it being "too" anything. It would just naturally progress to dating.

[jay1983]

SD I would have grabbed the next girl and started having a blast with her, even if she wasn't the one I liked. And I would have made sure to make it obvious in front of the other one.

[jay1983]

Yes, because ignoring feedback from women is absolutely the best way for a heterosexual man having trouble with women to learn.

 

Guys, have any of you gotten dating advice from a woman that actually worked?

[JuneJulySeptember]

I say to her jokingly "How did I get stuck with you again,?"

 

Unless you were in a dance competition and she was a terrible dancer, I cannot imagine how anybody could not see that was not a joke.

 

Of course, people never cease to amaze me with how quickly they decide to ostracize people based on what they say.

 

The way I think about it, if she is the kind of person who would ostracize somebody for joking like that, she's not really the kind of person you want to be around.

[Lani]

I'm not really attracted to the overly aggressive types either.

 

 

 

Only obese women are that aggressive with you. Plenty of aggressive thin women.

 

 

 

I would absolutely tell a struggling guy to ignore feedback from women on how to get dates. Those guys are much better off asking men who are successful at getting women.

 

Oh, because a woman couldn't possibly know what she wants

[MidwestUSA]

Guys, have any of you gotten dating advice from a woman that actually worked?

 

 

 

What about that jaguar you picked up based on the advice I PMed you?

[somedude81]

Yes, but you've said that you have no interest in women who don't want a relationship (and therefore sex) with you, so why bother with her interest level now?

 

Because I'm not that sure about her current interest level.

 

And really, what makes you so sure she has fun with you? She literally RAN AWAY from you.

 

All it really says is that she likes that guy more than she likes me. I can't come to any other conclusion at this point.

 

Interacting with her today was very smooth and fun. It wasn't awkward at all. Plus she was constant smiles.

 

Oh, ha, no, not only obese girls are that aggressive.

 

Drunk girls are that aggressive, too

 

Hah! I actually have never interacted with an aggressive drunk girl.

 

But if it were a mutual attraction, you'd never notice it being "too" anything. It would just naturally progress to dating.

 

At this point I don't know if it's mutual or not. Odds are the only way I'd actually know if she was attracted to me, is if she says yes to a date or gives me her number.

 

SD I would have grabbed the next girl and started having a blast with her, even if she wasn't the one I liked. And I would have made sure to make it obvious in front of the other one.

 

And that's exactly what I did

[Lani]

Nope lol.

 

 

 

Most women I know will spend hours trying to figure out what they want for dinner.

 

Because we make careful decisions and don't just eat whatever is put in front of us.

[LuckyLady13]

If I let one stupid move or a goofy, dumb line from a guy one night carry the entire weight of making the decision to date him or not, I'd be single right now. I always got to know a person quite well before dating them and like I said before, I've never had a problem dating.

 

I think people are getting way out of hand here nitpicking this apart to such a point that if anybody follows half the advice flying around in this thread, they will never have, get or keep a date.

 

It's so much more simple than people are making it out to be.

[Lani]

Because I'm not that sure about her current interest level.

 

 

 

All it really says is that she likes that guy more than she likes me. I can't come to any other conclusion at this point.

 

Interacting with her today was very smooth and fun. It wasn't awkward at all. Plus she was constant smiles.

 

 

 

Hah! I actually have never interacted with an aggressive drunk girl.

 

 

 

At this point I don't know if it's mutual or not. Odds are the only way I'd actually know if she was attracted to me, is if she says yes to a date or gives me her number.

 

 

 

And that's exactly what I did

 

Serious?

 

I have never EVER run away from a guy I wasn't completely disinterested in.

Go ahead and give her your number though. Report back please.

[jay1983]

Oh, because a woman couldn't possibly know what she wants

 

Women know what they want and they go for it. (As far as attraction is concerned) That's what I keep telling people who advise using the cold approach."don't be scared of rejection " If she like you, she'll make it obvious with eye contact and other body language.

 

And people argue with me "no no they wanna see if you have the balls" and other crap like that.

[xxoo]

At this point I don't know if it's mutual or not. Odds are the only way I'd actually know if she was attracted to me, is if she says yes to a date or gives me her number.

 

Who? The one that ran away?

 

The proximity clue would suggest that she's not attracted. Women who are attracted relish opportunities to get close.

[somedude81]

Serious?

 

I have never EVER run away from a guy I wasn't completely disinterested in.

Go ahead and give her your number though. Report back please.

 

Who? The one that ran away?

 

The proximity clue would suggest that she's not attracted. Women who are attracted relish opportunities to get close.

 

Then I was pretty much correct when I first wrote that post earlier today.

 

She showed me that she wasn't interested and I have to move on.

 

So far that's two girls this week that I've gotten that signal from, the other girl has a boyfriend so I won't even try.

 

Down the totem pole I go till I find a girl who will say yes.

[jay1983]

Exactly! This was my point. Just talk to people. We all say stupid stuff to the opposite sex.

 

Gold......