“You just have a slutty aura”

[hellon]

I'm going to mention again that for the OP - and me - these things started with us when we were CHILDREN: 12 and 13 years old!

 

And, yes, at that age we were very vulnerable. The difficult part is that when this happens to children, there is no structure in society to guide and/or instruct on teaching how wrong it is because we are inundated with images and media to expect and desire this type of attention.

 

It is only when it IS beyond our control or desire that we realize we are over our head and unsure how to react or get out of the situation.

 

Of course I can see all this now, in retrospect. But as a 13-year old who had 50-year old men following me home from school, neighbors exposing themselves to me on a daily basis, strangers grabbing my developing breasts - because they were so large - I had no idea that this was abnormal. I thought and firmly believed this is what it meant to become a woman!

 

I believed I was simply maturing younger than my peers because men were now interested in me as a sexual being and my adolescent brain had no comprehension that was it was being subjected to was wrong. It never dawned on me to tell my Mother that our neighbor was touching inappropriately.

 

This is what abuse victims believe: They Deserve It.

 

Or: It Is Normal.

 

I 'd like to point out that I did specify "adult" women. Of course at 12 or 13, you're vulnerable. But there comes a point when you learn the difference between what's normal and what isn't, and as a grown up you have the ability to stand up for yourself. The OP obviously knows the attention she's getting isn't "normal", or she wouldn't be asking about it.

 

Some of these posts are veering into the realm of child molestation and harassment, I think we need to make the distinction between that and adult flirtation.

 

And again, I'm not blaming the victims in these situations, I'm pointing out that in some cases there are ways to avoid them.

[CarrieT]

Hellon, I understand you are trying to differentiate "women."

 

My point is that for some people - like me, and perhaps the OP - it began at such a young age that we are skewed and indoctrinated.

 

This type of activity did more than screw up my adolescence, it twisted me well into adulthood to the extent that I married the first guy that used the "L" word, believing that no one could ever love me and that all I was good for was as a sexual being.

 

I was never one to "stand up for myself," because - even into my 30s and 40s - I had such a low opinion of myself that I was too afraid to deny anybody anything. That fear of rejection was far worse than the abject sexual proclivities of anyone who crossed my path.

 

Sure, we SHOULD know how to stand-up for ourselves. But the problem is so endemic to our society and how we raise our children as needing to be hearkened back to the genesis of the issue.

[beach]

I think the topic of children is completely different than what the OP was referring to in the original post. But that's just my opinion.

 

That's why I've tried to stick with what she's been portraying with herself now or recently.

 

At any age it's important to do something/say something about any violation instead of staying silent.

 

I was always glad that I had taken a self defense class when I was about 20 years old. I just wish that class had also taught me to have a voice and speak my truth.

 

There's nothing wrong with pointing out that someone has crossed the line by being a complete jerk...at any age.

[lollipopspot]

I 'd like to point out that I did specify "adult" women. Of course at 12 or 13, you're vulnerable. But there comes a point when you learn the difference between what's normal and what isn't, and as a grown up you have the ability to stand up for yourself.

 

I agree with Carrie. When kids are groomed from a young age to accept a certain kind of treatment, that doesn't just switch off once someone becomes an adult. It's very hard to change your feelings of self worth.

[hellon]

I'm not denying that childhood experiences have a huge influence on our sense of self-worth. I was harassed as an early-developing pre-teen. Fortunately, I also had positive influences in my life, and learned to be protective of myself. But unless I missed something, the OP hasn't mentioned her childhood on this thread, in fact, she claims to have "plenty of self-esteem" at one point- and my responses have been directed towards the poster.

[Hope Shimmers]

It's obvious some posters in this thread <> continue to blame the vivtims of such abuse, regardless of age. That we are/were "asking for it" in some way.

 

For the women who haven't had these experiences, consider yourself very lucky. Abd try to put yourself in the shoes of the children and women who HAVE had these experuences, due to no fault of their own.

 

Candy_Pants, you are referring to something ENTIRELY different than what the OP is referring to

 

The OP is wondering why she is the 'victim' of being hit on by men (not being "abused") but she is no different than other women being "hit on" by men. I don't view that as "abuse" once we are adults. What the OP needs to learn is how to enforce boundaries, which she has not been enforcing because IN MY OPINION she likes the attention from men that she is receiving. And that is fine, but then there is no need to make a post complaining about that attention.

Edited September 16, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Candy_Pants]

Candy_Pants, you are referring to something ENTIRELY different than what the OP is referring to

 

The OP is wondering why she is the 'victim' of being hit on by men (not being "abused") but she is no different than other women being "hit on" by men. I don't view that as "abuse" once we are adults. What the OP needs to learn is how to enforce boundaries, which she has not been enforcing because IN MY OPINION she likes the attention from men that she is receiving. And that is fine, but then there is no need to make a post complaining about that attention.

I am talking about how these things *start* at an early age, where the individuals who are being objectified sexually are not even of a sexual age yet.

 

But yes, the stories in the OP were mostly stories of sexual harassment. The story about the cop was indeed an abuse of power in a sexual manner. And would be considered sexual abuse.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Oi! I had no idea I had this many responses.

 

I think I've made one or two flirty comments toward you before and I notice afterward you usually like a bunch of my posts which says to me you like it.

 

If I like a post it's because I like what you have to say, not because you made some vaguely flirtatious comment. But wow, if this is how men are reading into my behavior ONLINE I can only imagine what impressions my general friendliness is giving in real life.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Okay then, why did you post this thread if that is what you believe?

 

Because I wanted to know what it is about ME and what I could possibly be doing to cause this sort of behavior. The common denominator is ME, yes, but not just my looks as there are absolutely far more attractive women than I not dealing with these issues; there for it's something about my demeanor/personality/tone of voice/whatever and I wanted some insight.

 

From what you just said here and other posts, I would hazard a guess that you believe that is it your physical appearance that is resulting in all of this.

You'd guess wrongly then.

 

It could be that as a newly attractive women, you are sending out the wrong signals, and that every single thing that men pay attention to related to you is taken as a sexual signal by you. If I had to guess, I think that you like the attention and are not really looking for an answer to this so much as just a reason to post it. It's just my opinion.

 

Wow, yeah okay. This is exactly why I was hesitant to start this thread to begin with. Because lord knows no woman can ever acknowledge her own attractiveness in any capacity without just looking for attention. But if you think I'm just looking for attention perhaps it's best you opt for other threads to post in so that you may stop feeding into it...

 

No dear, I don't like the attention not in real life and not from people I don't know on the internet.

Edited September 16, 2014 by Lernaean_Hydra

[Lernaean_Hydra]

If I want to be the victim I stay focused on what happened.

 

If I intend to break FREE from the victim role I must do everything in MY power to CHANGE myself and the image I project that attracts that kind of negative energy.

 

 

Is that you in your profile picture? Do you see how that's a picture that's sultry/seductive?

 

Your legs show all the way to your ass and you have a body language that screams "come hither".

 

I almost choked laughing at this. My profile picture a painting and it's not of me so...

[Lernaean_Hydra]

The title to your thread says a lot!

 

I can't imagine anyone choosing that word "slutty" - sexy, yes - slutty, no.

 

The word slutty covers so many indicators that say you ask for it.

 

I hope that's not true. If it is - change EVERYTHING about yourself.

 

No, my friend and I were talking about in incident that happened last week and I was griping about how irritated I was at how some people react to me. I think I said something along the lines of "You'd think I had slut tatted on my forehead" to which she replied (jokingly) "Hey,you just have a slutty aura!"