“You just have a slutty aura”

[lollipopspot]

I mean the only thing I've heard this happening is when out on a date a man moves too fast and such, but never heard of such random encounters.

 

No, a lot of females have random encounters with people being sexually aggressive. I've certainly got a list from being stalked by strangers to being sexually propositioned and more by my medical professionals. It's part of life for many females in this culture.

[Phoe]

Can't offer any sort of advice, but this sounds so creepy and scary I'm sorry this happens to you.

[irc333]

Well yes, it's a given that the common denominator is me, however I'm not sure how much "more to the story" there could possibly be.

 

I'm not at all condoning the behaviors of these people. I'm just saying I RARELY have ever heard of this happening. People usually keep to themselves and men typically barely breathe a word to women out and about in public.

 

It may happen say late night, downtown after people are walking out of a nightclub...drunk of course...so in cases of alcohol consumption, I could buy into this kind of behavior (again, not that I condone it).

[mightycpa]

Any guy that has experience with women can usually tell which ones are looking to get laid.

 

Granted, it's been a while, but I did have that radar. Thinking back, it wasn't necessarily the way they dressed or the way they presented themselves, but rather it was something about the way the face looked and the way they looked at men.

 

I never took the rude approach. But I did "target" a particular look (TMT = Totally Mightycpa's Type) and I found that I was generally on target. Of course, all women are different, but maybe you have a look that is independent of what you wear and the rest of it. Maybe it is the way you look at people when they are talking to you. Maybe you're observant, and this is mistaken for eye-contact. Obviously, that's not your fault.

 

It might help you to experiment with makeup to alter some part of your appearance. Different colored lipstick? Smaller eyes? I don't know. You might experiment with where you fix your gaze when you walk, or when you talk to somebody. You might make some subtle changes to see if there is something you do unconsciously that brings this undesired attention. I think you have to be scientific about it, write down your results, and maybe you'll find that one thing that at least gets you from 70% to 30%. Maybe you'll find something that gets you dates with whoever you want!

 

Thinking about this, I can see that generic face in my head right now... oh yeah, I remember a couple of them.

 

Thanks for the memories, LH! I hope you are able to learn how to "turn it off"

[gaius]

I think I've made one or two flirty comments toward you before and I notice afterward you usually like a bunch of my posts which says to me you like it. Maybe you're giving off similar vibes to other guys. Or maybe you're like Marilyn Monroe. Guys around her would say she oozed sex just standing there. It might just be a built in curse.

[CrystalCastles]

Just a question, what were your reactions to the behaviour of those guys you talked about in your OP?

 

I think people are assuming things because you didn't mention what you did, if you bitched at them, put a stop to their behaviour, etc.

[FitChick]

OP do you have large breasts? Some men think busty women always want sex.

 

I had a friend who was average looking, hour glass figure, who never broke her gaze when talking to men. They took it as interest. She liked a lot of sex so it was never a problem.

 

OP, are you a Scorpio?

[thefooloftheyear]

Any guy that has experience with women can usually tell which ones are looking to get laid. Maybe you give off that vibe? I know when I used to hit the bars looking for women, I could usually pick out the ones I had the best chance of hooking up with, and I was pretty accurate. It was generally based on what she's wearing, her body language, how she talks, ect. My guess is that you are sending signals that give guys a green light to act like this, whether you know it or not.

 

Gotta agree with this....

 

My long time office manager/admin asst is absolutely stunning....Picture Courtney Cox with a bigger rack and darker skin...All Italian. Mediterranean look..etc...

 

I know her like a sister...She doesn't get hit on...Now, maybe its because she is intimidating to most men, but I dont think so..She just has this aura about her that doesnt seem "inviting" so to speak..

 

Conversely there is an average looking -at best- woman at the bank that every time I am in there, she flips her hair, bats her eyes, etc...I dont hit on her, as I just dont do that, but if she is like that around guys, I can see that it would be a "problem"...

 

She also has enormous tits and always makes sure i am aware of them....

 

TFY

[Phoe]

Not breaking eye contact is pretty much a green light that she is interested. That rule has never failed me.

 

Really? That's actually quite interesting, I've never thought about or was aware of that before.

 

Personally I've never paid attention to whether I do or don't break eye contact when chatting with people, but now I'm trying to think back to conversations I had throughout the day, haha.

[Phoe]

Yup, it's never failed. When you are attracted to someone, you will look at them. It works for hitting on random women too. I would make eye contact, and if they would look me in the eyes for a moment, I knew I was good to go. If she adds a smile to go along with that eye contact, I know I'll be seeing her boobies soon.

 

Well, funny enough, when I like a guy, I will actually avoid looking at him and will likely completely ignore him altogether, haha. In my mind, the less time I spend looking at him or interacting with him, the less chance he has to figure out that I like him. A long time ago I had a huge crush on a coworker and I acted to ridiculously neutral towards him, was polite, but didn't stay in any room he was in for any longer than necessary. Haha. I would've been mortified if he figured out that I liked him.

 

So it kinda depends on the girl.

[Hope Shimmers]

Well yes, it's a given that the common denominator is me, however I'm not sure how much "more to the story" there could possibly be.

 

Okay then, why did you post this thread if that is what you believe?

 

From what you just said here and other posts, I would hazard a guess that you believe that is it your physical appearance that is resulting in all of this.

 

There are many, many beautiful women out there who do not deal with this. The experiences you mentioned just aren't typical of their experiences. In fact, men who do have the guts to approach beautiful women do everything they can to be classy about it - nothing at all like you said has happened to you over and over.

 

It could be that as a newly attractive women, you are sending out the wrong signals, and that every single thing that men pay attention to related to you is taken as a sexual signal by you. If I had to guess, I think that you like the attention and are not really looking for an answer to this so much as just a reason to post it. It's just my opinion.

[OwMyEyeball]

This is why I just presume all women want me. If I'm right, good. If not....I don't have an if not. I'll just keep assuming they all dig me.

This right here, gentlemen, is the mentality of a man who gets the ladies.

[CC12]

I'm going to respond to the rest later but I just glanced back at this thread and absolutely had to address this little gem because it's frankly a little absurd and way too presumptuous.

 

Why on earth are you assuming I just sat back and let myself be sexually harassed rather than take action?? When people disrespect me they quickly find out what a mistake that really was. And it doesn't happen again.

 

I'm sorry but I have plenty of self-respect and care a good deal about myself, my integrity and most certainly my body. I started this thread to seek advice on WHY this might be happening and how to stop it. Not to ask how to handle myself in situations I do not wish to be in.

 

The post you're responding to here seemed unnecessarily harsh, but they had a point. These situations you describe (besides the masturbating coat guy) escalated to a point where those people felt comfortable groping your ass or showing you their vagina.

 

With that girl, you were in a room with her for ten minutes, and surely there wasn't completely innocent conversation taking place for nine minutes and in the tenth minute, she's suddenly undressing herself. You had the power to put a stop to that before it went there.

 

With the cop (and I can't fault you much here, because cops can be intimidating and sometimes people just do whatever a cop says) he was flirting and telling you that you're pretty either before or after he touched you inappropriately. You had the power to put a stop to that, too.

 

Even in this thread, I was surprised by your response to someone flirting with you (who was "joking", of course!) It seemed like a really inappropriate "joke" to flirt with you in the context of this thread where you're expressing discomfort about unwanted attention. You "liked" that post. I don't know if that says anything about your situation, but you might want to think about it.

 

I'm not comfortable telling you that you need to change how you behave, whether you flirt too much, dress "too sexy" etc. But I think one area you could be stronger in is to assert better boundaries.

 

P.S. As far as I've heard, if a pat-down is necessary, you can request that a female officer is called to conduct it. Just in case there's a next time.

[TAV]

Exactly what CC12 says; you have to assert your boundaries, you have to do it early on and you have to do it all the time. That is unfortunately the world we live in. Civilization is only a thin veneer.

 

I am not saying these kinds of situations will disappear altogether; some men really only think with their small heads and not with the one on top but you will certainly keep the more normal ones at bay.

 

When you go out in the world just tell yourself that nobody can come that close unless you decide you want them to and walk around with the assertiveness that comes with this attitude.

[GemmaUK]

The cases in the opening post are extreme.

Admittedly, I've never had anything like that happen to me.

 

Sexual comments and just normal pleasant comments from total strangers do happen a lot though.

 

I would never wear a low cut top with a mini skirt as that isjust asking for trouble!

 

I've found that the more expensive your clothes look the less anything disrespectful happens.

 

I get a lot less sexual type comments when I wear a nice dress.

 

More often I will wear combats or jeans as they are more practical and it's when I wear those that most comments happen.

 

I have been followed home from the Chinese take away, this guy in there was staring at me and I noticed it.

He got his order and left, I got mine and left a few minutes later. I checked around to make sure he wasn't about and then I was home in a couple of minutes and while I was dishing up there was a knock at my door. He was standing there with his take away bag in his hand.

He got my door slammed hard on his foot. Neither of us spoke a word.

 

Just this year I was walking to work at 8.30am dressed in jeans and a big jumper and there was a man in his sixties (I would say) who looked at me and as I walked past him he attempted to grab me. Again, he said nothing.

 

I get comments of 'nice ass' shouted out by car drivers often while on my way to work too.

 

I had an incident on a train a couple of years ago where there were two guys together on the platform. Once I was on the train I got up to use the toilet and saw one of the guys sitting behind me.

This spooked me so I went to sit elsewhere. The guy came and found me and sat right next to and pretty much on top of me telling me wanted to look after me as his friend had told him he was going to get off the train when I did and follow me home.

I got up and caused a scene in a half packed train carriage so that everyone around knew what was happening.

 

Even just yesterday morning I walked past two workmen. One called out to his mate 'Tidy bird alert! Nice view!' so they both stopped and watched me walk past. I was wearing jeans, trainers and a big baggy converse sweatshirt with a hood.

 

I could mention loads more incidents similar to this.

 

I'm getting to the point that I hope I become that middle aged invisible woman soon. I'm the right age group being in my forties but as yet I will have to wait to become invisible it seems.

[thefooloftheyear]

The cases in the opening post are extreme.

Admittedly, I've never had anything like that happen to me.

 

Sexual comments and just normal pleasant comments from total strangers do happen a lot though.

 

I would never wear a low cut top with a mini skirt as that isjust asking for trouble!

 

I've found that the more expensive your clothes look the less anything disrespectful happens.

 

I get a lot less sexual type comments when I wear a nice dress.

 

More often I will wear combats or jeans as they are more practical and it's when I wear those that most comments happen.

 

I have been followed home from the Chinese take away, this guy in there was staring at me and I noticed it.

He got his order and left, I got mine and left a few minutes later. I checked around to make sure he wasn't about and then I was home in a couple of minutes and while I was dishing up there was a knock at my door. He was standing there with his take away bag in his hand.

He got my door slammed hard on his foot. Neither of us spoke a word.

 

Just this year I was walking to work at 8.30am dressed in jeans and a big jumper and there was a man in his sixties (I would say) who looked at me and as I walked past him he attempted to grab me. Again, he said nothing.

 

I get comments of 'nice ass' shouted out by car drivers often while on my way to work too.

 

I had an incident on a train a couple of years ago where there were two guys together on the platform. Once I was on the train I got up to use the toilet and saw one of the guys sitting behind me.

This spooked me so I went to sit elsewhere. The guy came and found me and sat right next to and pretty much on top of me telling me wanted to look after me as his friend had told him he was going to get off the train when I did and follow me home.

I got up and caused a scene in a half packed train carriage so that everyone around knew what was happening.

 

Even just yesterday morning I walked past two workmen. One called out to his mate 'Tidy bird alert! Nice view!' so they both stopped and watched me walk past. I was wearing jeans, trainers and a big baggy converse sweatshirt with a hood.

 

I could mention loads more incidents similar to this.

 

I'm getting to the point that I hope I become that middle aged invisible woman soon. I'm the right age group being in my forties but as yet I will have to wait to become invisible it seems.

 

OK...but then why do you think there are VERY attractive women, that have NEVER had those experiences???

 

I don't know about over there, but over here, some of the stuff you mention (along with some of the stuff that the other posters are mentioning) would either get a guy severely beaten or in a jail cell..

 

I wont say this of you or anyone else in this thread...Any type of unwanted sexual advances are just unacceptable in a civilsed society and should be dealt with in the most serious of ways..and touching is just out of the question...

 

That being said, I cant help but think there are some women who do actually invite it and desire it...It makes them feel like they matter or they are worth something...They will then make a point of saying they dont want it, yet do nothing about some of the reasons that bring these advances on..so the only conclusion one can make is that they actually do, in some way like that type of attention..

 

Again..NOT saying this of anyone in particular and I am NOT one of those nut jobs that think women that get raped somehow deserve it because of the way they carry themselves...

 

TFY

[regine_phalange]

Wow, it can be disheartening to have this kind of disrespectful attention. I know that curvy women can have a lot of issues with this kind of attention. I have known two ladies who were in a similar position. The problem is that they didn't notice that the clothes they were wearing looked provocative on them. Possibly because the same clothes didn't look provocative on women with less curves.

 

So maybe dressing conservatively (if you already don't) could change things a little bit. Which means not even a hint of cleavage or legs, not tight clothing, etc. Clothes that emit a "don't touch" aura. You have a pretty face, so you would be able to pull this off. In general, draw the attention to your face and not to your body.

 

* I know that people should not assume things for someone because of the clothes, but thats how it is.

[regine_phalange]

Not breaking eye contact is pretty much a green light that she is interested. That rule has never failed me.

 

No, it's not. Some of us feel uncomfortable to break eye contact when someone is talking, as it could come off as rude or disinterested.

[GemmaUK]

OK...but then why do you think there are VERY attractive women, that have NEVER had those experiences???

 

I don't know about over there, but over here, some of the stuff you mention (along with some of the stuff that the other posters are mentioning) would either get a guy severely beaten or in a jail cell..

 

I wont say this of you or anyone else in this thread...Any type of unwanted sexual advances are just unacceptable in a civilsed society and should be dealt with in the most serious of ways..and touching is just out of the question...

 

That being said, I cant help but think there are some women who do actually invite it and desire it...It makes them feel like they matter or they are worth something...They will then make a point of saying they dont want it, yet do nothing about some of the reasons that bring these advances on..so the only conclusion one can make is that they actually do, in some way like that type of attention..

 

Again..NOT saying this of anyone in particular and I am NOT one of those nut jobs that think women that get raped somehow deserve it because of the way they carry themselves...

 

TFY

 

I don't personally know any very attractive women who haven't experienced the same or worse so I am unable to comment on that.

These kind of incidents are par for the course from about age 13/14 upwards and can happen any time anywhere.

 

The police won't do anything here if someone follows you home. I called them after the guy with his food turned up at my door and they told me to call again if anything else happens.

 

The police won't bat an eyelid to these type of one off incidents.

[Tayla]

OP, you asked for our observation on a human behavior that carries many variance. There are so many possibilities and answers to your inquiry. Social inability to accept boundaries. The Posture and stance of the recipient. The atmosphere (environment).Poor role models. Many factors play into human behavior and actions.

 

The real issue is if its still happening, then its best to find ways to counter it at the get go. I'd give suggestions, yet because you are asking why this behavior is happening, consider the above answer a possible reason.

 

Sometimes nievete' can be sensed and the perpetrators feed upon that. It sounds like you are a lady and as such you are concerned about your well being.

[leavesonautumn]

OK...but then why do you think there are VERY attractive women, that have NEVER had those experiences???

 

I don't know about over there, but over here, some of the stuff you mention (along with some of the stuff that the other posters are mentioning) would either get a guy severely beaten or in a jail cell..

 

I wont say this of you or anyone else in this thread...Any type of unwanted sexual advances are just unacceptable in a civilsed society and should be dealt with in the most serious of ways..and touching is just out of the question...

 

That being said, I cant help but think there are some women who do actually invite it and desire it...It makes them feel like they matter or they are worth something...They will then make a point of saying they dont want it, yet do nothing about some of the reasons that bring these advances on..so the only conclusion one can make is that they actually do, in some way like that type of attention..

 

Again..NOT saying this of anyone in particular and I am NOT one of those nut jobs that think women that get raped somehow deserve it because of the way they carry themselves...

 

TFY

 

I would say the majority of women I know in my life have experiences like this. If she is simply walking down the street and getting comments at her, I mean, that's pretty typical behavior that women face and not our fault. There's nothing we can really "do" in these instances except for A. ignore it or B. tell them to **** off.

 

A. can result in being called a bitch or a slut.

 

B. is just feeding the trolls, so to speak and you're allowing the behavior to continue.

 

It's just something that women go through. I have been desensitized to it as it started when I was about 13 and suddenly grew breasts and had curves. I didn't care for sex and was incredibly shy and yet I have seen on this website that I desired the attention.

 

Google catcalling, there are many websites and stories about experiences similar to this.

 

However, what the OP has gone through is quite extreme. Perhaps she is just the type of person who people feel comfortable with? My ex was a guy who was liked by every single person who met him. He has been hit on by guys and sexual innuendos thrown at him and women generally act like jello around him. He's not what you'd call conventionally handsome but he just has this way about him.

[Emilia]

I think men pick up on women that need more external validation. I see it in the office constantly, it's not provocative clothing even or the type of make up (though sometimes can be). It's hard to describe but it makes it obvious even to me that the woman is after attention.

[thefooloftheyear]

I would say the majority of women I know in my life have experiences like this. If she is simply walking down the street and getting comments at her, I mean, that's pretty typical behavior that women face and not our fault. There's nothing we can really "do" in these instances except for A. ignore it or B. tell them to **** off.

 

A. can result in being called a bitch or a slut.

 

B. is just feeding the trolls, so to speak and you're allowing the behavior to continue.

 

It's just something that women go through. I have been desensitized to it as it started when I was about 13 and suddenly grew breasts and had curves. I didn't care for sex and was incredibly shy and yet I have seen on this website that I desired the attention.

 

Google catcalling, there are many websites and stories about experiences similar to this.

 

However, what the OP has gone through is quite extreme. Perhaps she is just the type of person who people feel comfortable with? My ex was a guy who was liked by every single person who met him. He has been hit on by guys and sexual innuendos thrown at him and women generally act like jello around him. He's not what you'd call conventionally handsome but he just has this way about him.

 

 

I dunno....Maybe because I live in a fairly cosmopolitan area, "catcalling", (which I know full well what that consists of)..doesnt really happen around here...Not even on the construction sites anymore..Guys respect womens space, for the most part..its just not that common...

 

Many of women around here are definitely the type that you just dont eff with when it comes to that type of stuff...They are fearless and will immediately get in someone's grill the minute that someone wven thinks about that type of crap..

 

But I wont dismiss anyone who suffers these injustices..If they are truly unwarranted, then thats just unacceptable

 

TFY

[OwMyEyeball]

No, it's not. Some of us feel uncomfortable to break eye contact when someone is talking, as it could come off as rude or disinterested.

Sustained eye contact is perceived as a sign of either sexual interest or aggression - at least in all of my experiences. Completely breaking eye contact to stare off elsewhere may be rude, but momentary gaps are considered normal.

 

Maybe the OP is unwittingly and unintentionally making invitations with her eyes.

 

This reminds me of a conversation I had with my ex while strolling along a downtown sidewalk. She was recounting how passing guys would look at her and she would engage them in a 'staring game'. Up to now I'm not sure if she was incredibly naive about male intentions and basic human interaction or just fishing for validation. At the time I thought it was cute

[CarrieT]

Not breaking eye contact is pretty much a green light that she is interested. That rule has never failed me.

 

WRONG.

 

I am a large-breasted woman and I maintain eye contact to get men to look at ME and my intent and not my breasts.

 

By me glancing away, I am giving taciturn approval to look elsewhere which is not what I want.