Author madelinex Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 Its cause he needs to get paid before he leaves the country for good. Its only like a week or two later I can live with that. He actually got a lot better. I told him I cant do this anymore. He said he still wants us to be together if its ok with me and he will try harder. He stayed up till 3 am at his time last night to talk to me. I appreciate it. But we only still talk around once a day which I'm not used to. I guess I have to deal with it.. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Do you work? If so, how often? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 He went off for a 5-day camping trip without informing you OR his best friend? Even if that were true, it speaks volumes about how little consideration he gives to you. Obviously you would be worried if you couldn't contact him for 5 days and nobody you know was able to give you any information. It's not like he just went for a drink, left his phone at home and missed your calls for one night. IMO you should think very, very carefully about this relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author madelinex Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 I work 4 days a week. And yes I really should. we don't have much problems unless it's the communication issue, which I know communication is a big deal in a relationship. I feel like that issue can be sorted out when he comes back. I may be wrong but I think i should wait it out till hes back. If you beg to differ please tell me so I won't be thinking stupid haha Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 I work 4 days a week. And yes I really should. we don't have much problems unless it's the communication issue, which I know communication is a big deal in a relationship. I feel like that issue can be sorted out when he comes back. I may be wrong but I think i should wait it out till hes back. If you beg to differ please tell me so I won't be thinking stupid haha When is he coming back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author madelinex Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 Hmm it's not definite but probably around a month from now. Beginning to middle of Octoberish. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Hmm it's not definite but probably around a month from now. Beginning to middle of Octoberish. A month? No, talk to him about it as soon as you can IMO. No sense in waiting a month. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 A month? No, talk to him about it as soon as you can IMO. No sense in waiting a month. I agree. And verify his story in any way you can. Lots of holes there - do you believe what he told you about his disappearance? Link to post Share on other sites
Author madelinex Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 of course im a bit skeptical, but he doesnt know my number by heart. Especially since its a international phone number there are 10+ numbers to press. His friend told me his mom asked the friend did you talk to him because he didnt call her for the same amount of days he didnt contact me and she was worried out of her mind. Also he lives in a third world country right now so they dont have a coffee house where they offer free wifi. He doesnt even have wifi at his own house. He still uses the ethernet cord. I mean i may be making up excuses but I am trying to think rationally. I am still angry over it but if there was really nothing he can do, what is the point of me getting angry... I guess I do trust him in a way. I mean whats a relationship without trust. I have to trust him until he gives me a reason not to; as in i caught him doing something. Accusations and assumptions can ruin a relationship big time if hes innocent. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 (edited) of course im a bit skeptical, but he doesnt know my number by heart. Especially since its a international phone number there are 10+ numbers to press. His friend told me his mom asked the friend did you talk to him because he didnt call her for the same amount of days he didnt contact me and she was worried out of her mind. Also he lives in a third world country right now so they dont have a coffee house where they offer free wifi. He doesnt even have wifi at his own house. He still uses the ethernet cord. I mean i may be making up excuses but I am trying to think rationally. I am still angry over it but if there was really nothing he can do, what is the point of me getting angry... I guess I do trust him in a way. I mean whats a relationship without trust. I have to trust him until he gives me a reason not to; as in i caught him doing something. Accusations and assumptions can ruin a relationship big time if hes innocent. You guys don't have email addresses? With the advent of smartphones, and it's hard to believe that none of them at least had a smartphone in hand, that would have been an alternative. If anything, it's rather selfish that he just does whatever he wants without considering others. That in itself is a red flag. And trust is earned. You don't just give it away because you are in a relationship. So far his actions doesn't show that he has earned it. Edited September 9, 2014 by Zahara 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 What country is he in, OP? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 madelinex, trust your own instincts on this one. From your first post, it sounds like you had/have a very normal, loving, trusting relationship. Wait until he gets home before you decide there have been any serious, fundamental changes to that. (Even if his most recent behaviour is not characteristic for him, he deserves some consideration/slack just on account of the changes in his own life that he is in process of going through -- job loss, change in place of residence. Those are extremely high on the list of "life's stressors"...I think maybe only surpassed by death of a loved one.) He is going through a lot...even if also that means coming home to you. It's perfectly fine to just be understanding and compassionate for him, right now. (If still doubts persist after a month after he gets back...???...then you may have to work another angle...but who knows until a month after he gets back? ) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 of course im a bit skeptical, but he doesnt know my number by heart. Especially since its a international phone number there are 10+ numbers to press. His friend told me his mom asked the friend did you talk to him because he didnt call her for the same amount of days he didnt contact me and she was worried out of her mind. Also he lives in a third world country right now so they dont have a coffee house where they offer free wifi. He doesnt even have wifi at his own house. He still uses the ethernet cord. I mean i may be making up excuses but I am trying to think rationally. I am still angry over it but if there was really nothing he can do, what is the point of me getting angry... I guess I do trust him in a way. I mean whats a relationship without trust. I have to trust him until he gives me a reason not to; as in i caught him doing something. Accusations and assumptions can ruin a relationship big time if hes innocent. If it is so much different and a third world country, is it safe at all to go camping then? I'm not really sure why you can't just have a calm chat to him about this. It seems you are a bit hesitant to find out more than you want to know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 If it is so much different and a third world country, is it safe at all to go camping then? I'm not really sure why you can't just have a calm chat to him about this. It seems you are a bit hesitant to find out more than you want to know. This is the reason I wondered about what country he is in... Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Come on, OP. I did a LDR before, living in a 3rd world country myself. Yes, sometimes internet ****s on you. But then you suck it up and pay for a text or a phone call, instead of gleefully leaving for 5 days without bothering to do so. You take the other person's feelings and worries into consideration. IMO even if his story was true, it would be a huge, glaring red flag. LDRs are mostly an investment, and is there any purpose in investing in someone who doesn't take your R or your concerns seriously? That is for you to decide. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 of course im a bit skeptical, but he doesnt know my number by heart. Especially since its a international phone number there are 10+ numbers to press. His friend told me his mom asked the friend did you talk to him because he didnt call her for the same amount of days he didnt contact me and she was worried out of her mind. Also he lives in a third world country right now so they dont have a coffee house where they offer free wifi. He doesnt even have wifi at his own house. He still uses the ethernet cord. I mean i may be making up excuses but I am trying to think rationally. I am still angry over it but if there was really nothing he can do, what is the point of me getting angry... I guess I do trust him in a way. I mean whats a relationship without trust. I have to trust him until he gives me a reason not to; as in i caught him doing something. Accusations and assumptions can ruin a relationship big time if hes innocent. And how would you catch him doing something out of line from that distance? And why isn't he returning now or soon since his work there is finished? It's odd he's waiting another 30-45 days to return to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author madelinex Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 (edited) Cause hes not a citizen there and since hes leaving for good, all his paper works needs to be processed. And after thats done he is going to korea to visit his father and then going to Texas to visit his aunt and uncle before coming back home. Which is probably going to take around 2 or 3 weeks for him to stop by all those places. It seems like he makes an effort nowadays bit we still argue about it. he said I keep asking for more and more and he doesnt know who screwed me over in the past but im gonna end up pushing away a good guy. Edited September 10, 2014 by madelinex Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 (edited) Cause hes not a citizen there and since hes leaving for good, all his paper works needs to be processed. And after thats done he is going to korea to visit his father and then going to Texas to visit his aunt and uncle before coming back home. Which is probably going to take around 2 or 3 weeks for him to stop by all those places. It seems like he makes an effort nowadays bit we still argue about it. he said I keep asking for more and more and he doesnt know who screwed me over in the past but im gonna end up pushing away a good guy. OP, don't let him gaslight you. A truly good guy doesn't disappear and let you worry for days on end. That is load of bull crap, and he knows it. So do you. Did you ever investigate his camping story? If so, what did you find out? If not, why haven't you? Also, what paper work does he need to process? I am a legal resident but not a citizen of my current country. If I wanted to return home, very little is required to do so. He no longer has a job and it sounds as though he doesn't own property there. So what has he told you he needs to do before he can leave his current country? Edited September 10, 2014 by ExpatInItaly 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author madelinex Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 I actually have a another question. I went out with a mutual friend of ours for a drink and the friend wassaying how do you know hes not sleeping around with other girls behind your back? He runs through girls really quick. (They grew up together). So i confronted my bf about it and asked him the time u went camping how do I know u weren't someplace else? And he was like I know u met up with i guess lets call him dan. Hes like i know u met up with dan. Did he talk crap about me and got really mad. So i told him the truth and now my boyfriend is trying to talk to Dan. But If He does then Dan will Know It Was me Who Told My Boyfriend and I feel like its going to cause unnecessary drama so I asked him not to. But my boyfriend doesnt care and hes like no im going to talk to him. So i said if u do then im gonna loose dan as a friend and im nor gonna talk to you. And he said idc im talking to him so I said ok nice knowing you. And he wrote ok madline. Idk if we broke up or not Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 OP, why can't you get a clear and honest answer about the camping trip he was supposedly on when he could not reach you? Has he sent you pics from the place or even sent you the website from the location or something? I can understand you got frustrated and went to the mutual friend but you need to get your answers from your bf and not a third party. I did not like at all that he threatened you with a breakup in an earlier post. That is such a power game; my ex-husband used to throw divorce in my face every time we had an major argument. I never used the word until I really wanted one. For him it was a way to control me. Don't let your bf bully you. And I don't know if you are broken up or not but ask yourself if you still want to be with him after the way he has handled all this. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 I'm not sure why you brought Dan up in all of this. The possibility of your boyfriend being with other women isn't something that should have been out of the ordinary. I'm sure without Dan, that possibility has crossed your mind? You keep badgering your ex with these questions -- what is the point? You're never going to get the truth or at least feel secure with his responses. You think he is going to say he went camping with a woman or spent 5 days shacked up with someone? No. So what was the point? "Nice knowing you" to me means that you're parting ways. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 I don't think it matters because it looks like he's not been honest with you. And the Dan thing is probably just his reason he's using so he doesn't have to return to you. All the other visits he was making before returning to you are just excuses- a guy who is desperate to see a gal makes her his first stop after being away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 I actually have a another question. I went out with a mutual friend of ours for a drink and the friend wassaying how do you know hes not sleeping around with other girls behind your back? He runs through girls really quick. (They grew up together). So i confronted my bf about it and asked him the time u went camping how do I know u weren't someplace else? And he was like I know u met up with i guess lets call him dan. Hes like i know u met up with dan. Did he talk crap about me and got really mad. So i told him the truth and now my boyfriend is trying to talk to Dan. But If He does then Dan will Know It Was me Who Told My Boyfriend and I feel like its going to cause unnecessary drama so I asked him not to. But my boyfriend doesnt care and hes like no im going to talk to him. So i said if u do then im gonna loose dan as a friend and im nor gonna talk to you. And he said idc im talking to him so I said ok nice knowing you. And he wrote ok madline. Idk if we broke up or not Drama! Too much crappy drama for two people who care. I don't think he cares that much. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Yes, it sounds like a break-up. He did basically nothing to re-assure you or answer your questions about where he was and who he was with. Granted, I think you should have asked these questions the moment you heard from him and not brought his friend into it. But what's done is done now. Did he ever provide any plausible evidence of this camping trip? Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 He's not done everything in his power to assure you that you are his TOP priority. The guy has been lukewarm. Now he's gone cold. Consider yourself lucky at this point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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