HeavenOrHell Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Me and my LDR partner gave each our parents' phone numbers in case of emergency, we also had friends or family members we'd met IRL, who are contactable through facebook, so we could also contact them in an emergency as well. Not read the whole thread, any chance he could be suffering with depression? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thysecret Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Seems fishy. But then again, maybe he's gonna surprise you by appearing at your door suddenly? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
niquimarie Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 i know this one woman well dont really know her. never talked to her before but i know shes close with him cause they work together and my boyfriend is her son's godfather. I never spoke to her in my life but do you think i should facebook message her and ask her if she knows anything about him? I feel like it would be kind of weird because she probably doesnt know who i am. If you love this guy, and he's saying he loves you too, it wouldn't be weird. 5 Days is a LONG time for not knowing where a loved one is :/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Madelinex, have you heard of anything yet? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author madelinex Posted September 6, 2014 Author Share Posted September 6, 2014 Yes he called me 2 nights ago saying that he went on a trip. His friends dragged him out of the house suddenly and they went to the mountaina to go camping. And on his way there he dropped his phone and it cracked in half. He showed me a picture in case I didnt believe him. Hes safe and sound so im really glad. Thank you for your help bit I only talked to him twice since then cause he has no phone... i can only talk to him briefly for like 10 minutes. It kinda gets me sad cause of the sudden lack of communication. I also feel like he doesnt put as much effort as I do. Kind of like oh ill just talk to her whenever. Not a priority. Hes not going out trying to get a new phone nor is he trying hard to keep in contact with me... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 Yes he called me 2 nights ago saying that he went on a trip. His friends dragged him out of the house suddenly and they went to the mountaina to go camping. And on his way there he dropped his phone and it cracked in half. He showed me a picture in case I didnt believe him. Hes safe and sound so im really glad. Thank you for your help bit I only talked to him twice since then cause he has no phone... i can only talk to him briefly for like 10 minutes. It kinda gets me sad cause of the sudden lack of communication. I also feel like he doesnt put as much effort as I do. Kind of like oh ill just talk to her whenever. Not a priority. Hes not going out trying to get a new phone nor is he trying hard to keep in contact with me... I would be irate and very skeptical of his story! Who exactly did he go camping with? Even his best friend didn't know this? I don't see why he couldn't have texted you before he apparently dropped his phone. And none of his friends had a phone he could've used to get in touch? I don't know, OP. This sounds like a load of horse sh*t. I think there's a lot more to this that you don't know. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 I have to agree with Expat. Plus you simply do not treat someone this way, especially if you love them. Anyone with a bit of empathy inside him would have understood you were out of your mind with worry; he obviously did not care enough about that. If the communication keeps being sparse and strained, please protect yourself from further heartache. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author madelinex Posted September 6, 2014 Author Share Posted September 6, 2014 Its cause hes In country halfway across the world from me. He cant just send me a text cause international texting and phone calls are expensive. Nor can be just take his friends phone and call me cause of the phone bill. Maybe I am making up excuses for him.. but im trying to put myself in his shoes and trying to understand him. Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 Uhm, international texts are actually not really that expensive. It would not have broken the bank; it's not like you have to pay 10 Euros or Dollars for one text. Lately you can obtain special plans form your provider which make it even less expensive. At least within Europe that is the case. And then I have not even mentioned the many online services which make texting, calling free. I can understand in the mountains he did not have a network to go on but just one text which said: 'I'm ok' would have been all he had to do. It is nice you are trying to understand him but also realise you have a right to be angry and upset. You would never treat him this way, would you?? And instead of showing you afterwards how much he does care by going to an internet cafe and talk to you online for a longer period or something, he basically ignores you most of the time now. You are definitely not his priority at this point in time. You deserve better. If he does not realise that it is your job to make it clear. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 I live abroad too. I'm also on the other side of the world from my friends and family. I can tell you that despite the cost and distance, I would never let them worry about me if I'd gone away unexpectedly. Many countries have great international data plans; trust me, I've done the research! Not all places are the same of course - where is he and where are you? I do believe you're making excuses for him. He disappeared, came back with a lame excuse and didn't seem to give a toss that you were worried out of your mind. That's bad news, OP. You're evidently not a priority. I'd seriously reconsider the future of this relationship. That would not fly with me. Out of curiosity, did he offer the "proof" pic or did you ask him for it? Which friends did he go with? Where exactly did he go? (You don't necessarily need to answer these questions, but you should absolutely be asking him if you haven't already. I think there are lots of holes in his story. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 Its cause hes In country halfway across the world from me. He cant just send me a text cause international texting and phone calls are expensive. Nor can be just take his friends phone and call me cause of the phone bill. Maybe I am making up excuses for him.. but im trying to put myself in his shoes and trying to understand him. Err...my family is halfway across the world. It costs me $2.17 once to talk to my mom for a minute or so -- dial direct just to tell her I was well and hadn't gotten a calling card. It cost me $0.49 to send a text. If you said he'd have to pay $10 for a text, it would also be well worth it because you care about your girlfriend/ boyfriend not worrying or panicking. He could have emailed you through his friends phone? His story doesn't add up. Or you're just not a priority. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 He made up a story and the OP bought it, hook-line-and-sinker. For whatever reason, yes, the OP is *not* a high priority in this man's life and I suspect there is another woman compelling him to shut down communication. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 I'm not sure how serious he is with you, and I basically agree with what most people said so far. But, I also know that not everything turns out as planned, despite our best intentions. Just as an example, once I was away from home and he was on vacation with family. We both could only get in touch with each other through our phones. The battery of my phone went off (I always keep my phone on and recharge the battery often). When I was able to recharge it, I had to enter the PIN, and guess what, I hadn't entered it in such a long time, I couldn't remember it anymore. I typed two different codes, and then I had my last chance. I was torn and didn't know if I should just wait and remember better or try a third combo of numbers right away. I chose the latter and, bummer, that was wrong too. My phone got blocked and locked and I needed the PUK number to unlock it. Which of course I didn't have with me. Funny thing is PIN and PUK are usually on the same card, so had I had that card with me, I would have had the PIN number to begin with and I wouldn't have needed any PUK number. I was sooo bothered by the whole thing, and not able to communicate with him... also I don't know his mobile number by heart and I didn't have it written in my purse or whatever. In short, even accessing another phone, I wouldn't have been able to contact him. Bottom line is when these things happen, you learn a lesson, and then you adopt solutions to deal with emergencies. All in all, maybe it's not such a big deal. I guess you'll know better later this month. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
emi Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 Do you know ALL of my ex before breakup with me play the same '' disapear'' method? ROFL, i think its male's inclination or something, but let me tell you what, whatever gonna happen, its wont be good for you , so better you prepare yourself 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author madelinex Posted September 6, 2014 Author Share Posted September 6, 2014 So what do you think is the best thing I should do? Ive never been in a ldr so this is all new to me. I thought it was normal not being able to communicate as much as if he were here. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 I don't get it. Isn't he coming to you in 20 days?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author madelinex Posted September 7, 2014 Author Share Posted September 7, 2014 Yes something like that. Maybe a little later depending on when everything settles with his work at the other country. I mean I am willing to wait for him but I feel like just cause he is coming back soon doesnt mean he should stop putting in effort right now. Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 No, agreed, if anything he should be in contact more since he is supposed to be super excited you are going to be together soon. I would assume he'd make calls/texts/mails telling you how he can't wait etc. Any other issues at play here? Maybe coming back to your country will bring back other issues? I don't know; employment, family problems, a lesser standard of living? Any other reason why he would dread coming home? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 So what do you think is the best thing I should do? Ive never been in a ldr so this is all new to me. I thought it was normal not being able to communicate as much as if he were here. Distance can make communication tricky. His disappearing act is not normal. It sounds fishy as hell. I'd be asking a heck of a lot of questions and re-evaluating whether I could really be with someone who would go MIA and not see it as a big deal at all. That, for me, is not acceptable and an indication of deeper problems in the relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I stand in the middle on this scenario. He could have logged onto facebook and contacted. She could have stopped her "worries" in an instant by realizing that if anything bad had happened, she would have been notified. Catastrophic thinking is unhealthy and makes assumptions which rarely are the reality. take inventory of the positives and move forward, this delving into why he did what and how it goes against your grain isn't producing anything positive. He is safe and well, and so are you...So chose wisely on what is worth addressing and what is a blip on the radar to be mindful of moving forward. Another poster mentioned email or google text as alternative ways to stay in contact. Try that til he can get a phone. Be resourceful in this age of technology. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Have you ever met in person? Link to post Share on other sites
Author madelinex Posted September 7, 2014 Author Share Posted September 7, 2014 Yes we have been friends for 2 years but we were both in other relationships at that time Link to post Share on other sites
vegaslady Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Ok, I have to say I used to work in a car dealership surrounded by guys. If anyone out there trusts their guy completely, especially when he is far away, you are out of your MINDS. I witnessed men with the most loving (seemingly) beautiful relationships you have ever seen with truly stunning girls that loved them and they were ****ing Asian hookers and ****ing around their backs. This from guys I never thought were capable, guys that were goofy looking and these women just into them. Didn't matter. Men are designed to roam and spread their seed. Most of them are worthless pigs. Do yourself a favor and this to the women reading as well. Get ahold of your dude's phone, go through it, follow him or get a GPS for his car. It may seem extreme but you deserve the truth and in this day and age, sex can kill. Do not be NAIVE!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 Yes something like that. Maybe a little later depending on when everything settles with his work at the other country. I mean I am willing to wait for him but I feel like just cause he is coming back soon doesnt mean he should stop putting in effort right now. Why do you say he returns when everything settles with his work? I thought he wasn't working anymore. He went camping - hooray - but he didn't consider your feelings, and he still isn't making effort to be sure you're his top priority. Will you be ok if he decides not to move back now? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 This is strange.how does he behave now? does he initiate any Contact or is it mostly just you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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