How to demonstrate I have changed (Updated)

[leavesonautumn]

She's manipulating you.

 

I think you are enjoying the attention which is not healthy.

 

Block her number already!

[Simon Phoenix]

Just block her dude.

[tobe1424]

So I got the text..

 

"I miss you and want to see you and talk all of this"

 

She relentlessly called to the point where she called me from a different number which I picked up.

 

My responses were very vague and short.

 

She said she felt confusion, anxiety and depression and that she terribly misses me.

 

She asked me about other girls as usual and I quickly demised the question and changed the subject. She wants to know why I'm ignoring her and now wants to see me and reciprocate my love..

 

So we made plans to see each other..

 

I suppose this is the point where we begin to rekindle if I play my cards right and she is true with her feelings.

 

Or it's another day wasted..I emphasizes how I'm done playing games and I don't want nothing less than to be lovers otherwise leave me alone so we can move on..she insisted and cried and said she really wants to see me and talk things through.

 

I'm going to try to hear her out. However, when we talk about us and she is finally acting like my lover and I'm her man..but if we don't officially get back together..

 

shall play it cool and just go with the flow? I suppose when she brings up the subjects, this will be squashed.

 

But let's just say we finally have a normal fun living night but the "title" isn't "approved" ...

 

I simply take this as a first date ? Or I suppose walk away with a title..based on what i read around the web..hang out have fun..make love.. Rinxe recycle repeat until she brings up the title..if she doesn't ..

 

At this point I have a bit more confident as I have other women I like..but I do still love my ex..however I do not need her or want anything less than lovers which I assume is going to happen based on her voice and what she told me - romantically speaking.

 

Late night post. Please excuse typos and my tenacious mind.

 

Best

 

T

[Simon Phoenix]

Round and round it goes where it stops no one knows. Oh yeah, it will stop the same place it always stops.

[BC1980]

You said you are going to tell her that you don't want to play games, and you want to be in a relationship or go NC. The problem is that she will not take you seriously because you have proven that you will always be there when she contacts you. You have proven that you actually don't require a committed relationship to stay in contact with her. You have proven that you will settle for whatever crumbs she throws at you. So while it's a good idea to cut her off is he doesn't want a relationship, she's not going to take you seriously.

 

I will bet anything that when you meet up, she will want to take is slowly and see where it leads. There won't be anything concrete. When that happens, you need to walk for good this time.

[tobe1424]

Isn’t it wrong to pound sand and tell her I want a committed relationship? If she says, I really miss you and “want to see where thing goes”, this should be my queue to simply act like her man if she reciprocates my love.

 

 

I’ve got back together with my ex’s after a few dates and hanging out. Not just hanging out to have the conversation about getting back and if she doesn’t then I ride out. Also, as per what I’ve read from Corey Wayne and other relationship, life coaches, it’s up to her to bring the title and exclusivity topics. If I what so ever say, either we are back or we are done for good, wouldn’t this sound “forced” upon?

 

 

This is where I am confused. If she brings up the topics and it leads to a positive future but not the official exclusivity, wouldn’t I sound needy and insecure by saying “hey either we are back together or we are nothing”? Versus, having romantic moments that lead to initimacy until we finally pivot our positive emotions into a committed relationship.

 

 

I see what you mean that she in fact feels as if she can have me with whatever crumbs she throws at me. But at this point she expressed things differently and how she feels like she may lose me to someone else jadajjaajaada...which is a possible given if she doesn't pony up...but again, if she at least reciprocates my loves, do I demand for the title ?

 

 

At the moment, if in fact as you said " nothing concrete, take things slowly" type of attitude..I will continue to try to date other women and work and my goals and own things in life and not be hung on trying to get the title back.

 

 

thanks again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tobe1424]

I'm tunning in again as I now feel as I am in more than a love triangle..

 

So this Dutch girl I met a couple of months ago who is amazing is falling for me. We met one day and she took of the next to her country (curacao) we skype very frequently and communicate every day. Any guy would Marry this girl..

 

She is now talking about booking a flight to see me in December next week, and I also want to go see her before that..

 

But I feel like something doesn't feel right..well as you guys know by now..

 

I still love my ex and she is now becoming less distant. However, she still confused. Yet the second she feels like she is going to lose me she baits me with "our future" type of conversation. As I told her, actions speak louder than words.

 

I know you guys said ultimatums are weak. But I cant allow the Dutch girl to book that plane ticket while I'm still in a love triangle.

 

My ex keeps trying to figure out about me and other girls. I tell her why does she want to know so bad? Her response is, because I want to know! I say, very mature. She usually replies with well if we are going to work things out, I want to know this. I then say, well tell me more about working things out? She then says well lets give it time.. Should I actually tell her there is someone else to see of that actually "helps" her make up her mind ?

 

This was our last interactions weeks ago. But now she seems to really be missing me..

 

I know what I said in my previous thread, but I don't want to lead this other girl on. And I don't want to play games..my ex still has feelings for me. But I need to lay the law down in a way that she reciprocates..I thought about dating ( assuming she finally give in) until she brings up the title..but

 

Back to my previous thread..doesn't it sound needy to ask for a title? Or say either me or the other guy. Then again if the title isnt brought up or we don't get back on track, I am done. I am now at a point where I can't be in a love triangle yet I know that the second my ex feels like she lost me she is going to be chasing me and even though I love her, I need to have some self respect?

 

Plz excuse my bantering ..you guys have been god like

 

Ps we still haven't met up to "talk about us" it's happening this weekend

Edited October 2, 2014 by tobe1424

[No Limit]

No offense but if it has taken your ex this long, it won't end this weekend either. Have you ever thought of moving on from your ex since she isn't the only girl in the world (as you now know)?

[tobe1424]

No offense but if it has taken your ex this long, it won't end this weekend either. Have you ever thought of moving on from your ex since she isn't the only girl in the world (as you now know)?

 

No offense will be taken no matter how hard you guys bash me..

 

Yes, I have thought about moving on. But as Simon said, hearts have s***t for brains.

 

This morning my ex called me again, before we are suppose to see each other this weekend to say she misses me - again and to see if I wanted to eat pizza at her place..

 

Again, yes I've thought about it. Which is why I want to know if I should say, either me or him ( or whoever) or we get back together or I am out for good?

 

Or should I let things role in a "natural" way until she brings up the title that way I don't sound needy. I know she is going to bring up us. Maybe not like "hey I was thinking we should give it another shot". I mean this is a possibility. But my expectation are along the lines of so you know i've been thinking about us lately and i miss you..

 

Which per your previous thread, is nothing concrete, but it enables me to open her up at this moment and see if she is ready or not. In which case if she is not... do i proceed with the are you in or are you out? Or just play it by romance..

[Simon Phoenix]

What you need to do is stop being such a pushover wuss. Every time she contacts you, you f--king cave. You meet up with her, she strings you along, etc. Why? Because she can. Because you are a weakling, because you act like a chump. Because you don't listen to any advice on here. I mean, all you are doing is repeating the same crap that hasn't worked before and won't work again. It's a broken record.

 

I'm not going to give you advice on how to play it because it'll fall on deaf ears. The way to play is to not play it. But she starts pouting and you fold like a wet cardboard box. And you are doing it again.

[tobe1424]

So you are saying that the only way to accept her back in my life is if she comes crying begging and banging on my door with the biggest apology of all times?

 

I have to say I've never seen that happen in any of the relationships I've witness go through break ups :/

[Simon Phoenix]

So you are saying that the only way to accept her back in my life is if she comes crying begging and banging on my door with the biggest apology of all times?

 

I have to say I've never seen that happen in any of the relationships I've witness go through break ups :/

 

Pretty much. Maybe not the crying, but the full apology and acknowledgement that she made a mistake in dumping you and is willing to do whatever it takes to make it right. There's no reason for her to do that because she knows you're a chump that will jump at any and all breadcrumbs.

 

And it does happen -- two marriages I went to last year happened on reconciliations where the dumper did exactly the above.

 

Either way, you have to stop being a chump. Because you have acted like a chump from the jump in this situation. She doesn't have respect for you, and quite honestly, there's really no reason for her to. Why should she give you what you want when she can have whatever she wants by just acting like the victim? I mean, you have pretty much done the wrong thing for four months now, which is why this never progresses anywhere. You never recover, and you aren't any closer to reconciliation than you were when she initially broke up with you in June. You have pretty much been running in place for four months making impulsive, ridiculous decisions that continously blow up in your face.

 

You need to stop being in contact and you need significant time away. Completely away. You haven't done No Contact at all -- going a week or two isn't No Contact. You need months and months. You need to get away from the old relationship -- IT DIDN'T WORK, WHY THE F--K WOULD YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO SOMETHING THAT FAILED?!! I mean, it's like I'm talking to a wall. You keep on telling me that I've helped you, yet you keep doing the same stupid s--t that didn't work before and never will work. And it won't work because you refuse to let it go.

[tobe1424]

so the call and letter and all that came... now that things didnt work out with the other guy she wants me back...but now i am happy with someone else...

 

 

but i do think about her like crazy..

 

man this sucks

[erklat]

You don't think about her but about the feeling you had with her

over a year ago.

 

But that was then and now is now, respect your newfound happiness.

[tobe1424]

thanks for the reply erklat..

 

I also have a feeling is that.

 

Even though I am still physically attracted to her, I know that my new found happiness trumps that which I had with the ex by a long shot.

 

Not that I need anyone's validation, but all my friends and family also notice that my new relationship is millions of times healthier..

 

I guess is just the ego and some times I thinking with the wrong head..

 

either way, I appreciate the strong words with will follow along.

 

cheers

[ravfour4]

Really appreciated reading your story tobe, reminds me of my own more than any other on here. We were both stubbornly persistent - you at least got some intimacy out of it haha

[tobe1424]

I am glad to hear you can reflect from it. Although I at least got "some" intimacy from it, the effort was not worth it.

[tobe1424]

she has been persistent for over 1 year. Begging to get back with me. Basically after I was engaged with my newly profound love.

 

I've had to block her since it can interfere with my current relationship. My lady moved to the country for me and I can't play games - or haven't for a while.

 

But why in the world did it take this long for her to want me back? I'm just curious. I also think that lets say, we actually do get back, its just because she wants what she can't have and eventually the same issues with prevail.

[Simon Phoenix]

Who cares? You're engaged to someone else.

[Marc878]

She wants her plan B back because she's immature like a kid who wants a toy they weren't playing with until someone else did.