How to demonstrate I have changed (Updated)

[tobe1424]

Yep..i guess the drama is somewhat of a catalyst here. And "showing" her will create even more drama. I had my close friends introduce me to a few smoking hot girls. But again, I am not doing this to be vengeful. Even though I still have feelings for the ex, its my birth right to go out with any woman I want whether is to get over one or find the next one or have fun. But my friends also say that will tick her off and make her come back. But of course, I am not expecting that nor am I doing that to get her back. I am simply doing what feels right for me.

 

And this girl I am talking to is smooooking hot. i would argue that most guys will find her 10 times more attractive than my ex..so showing her will definitely make her ponder as she still tells me I am great catch and loves me...

 

Her words are not congruent with her actions and this simply tells me she I out trying to find a "man" and I will comeback to you if things don't work out.

 

So again, trying to do NC but she has contacted me a few times. I haven't proceeded with blocking her number just because...I dunno, it seems a bit immature.

 

But I sure have to give an ultimatum and stick to it.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yep..i guess the drama is somewhat of a catalyst here. And "showing" her will create even more drama. I had my close friends introduce me to a few smoking hot girls. But again, I am not doing this to be vengeful. Even though I still have feelings for the ex, its my birth right to go out with any woman I want whether is to get over one or find the next one or have fun. But my friends also say that will tick her off and make her come back. But of course, I am not expecting that nor am I doing that to get her back. I am simply doing what feels right for me.

 

And this girl I am talking to is smooooking hot. i would argue that most guys will find her 10 times more attractive than my ex..so showing her will definitely make her ponder as she still tells me I am great catch and loves me...

 

Her words are not congruent with her actions and this simply tells me she I out trying to find a "man" and I will comeback to you if things don't work out.

 

So again, trying to do NC but she has contacted me a few times. I haven't proceeded with blocking her number just because...I dunno, it seems a bit immature.

 

But I sure have to give an ultimatum and stick to it.

 

No ultimatums, just stop talking to her. And honestly, the "it's immature to block" is complete crap. It's more immature to reject a recovery technique out of misplaced pride IMO.

[tobe1424]

So I didn’t block her number.i know, I know..however, a few days ago she called and we decided to go on a date. The date went well and ended up with me sleeping over her place. I was playing the “Mr. Cool Guy” part while she brought up topics about kids and marriage and her dreams. Of course she asked me why was it that I didn’t reassure her about these things she wanted. I kept my reply simple by saying, “you know I always loved you and want these things with you, but I was using logic and reasoning instead of focusing on emotions to language our future.”

 

 

 

She took that pretty well and said, so would it freak you out if I tell you right now that I want kids? I said, of course not, there is nothing more special than being a father and sharing that life with you.

 

 

I know you guys are probably saying OMG OP what are you doing. But I’ve learned that pain and making hard decisions is what makes you a stronger person. And at the moment, I have a warrior mentality that I can’t seem to put aside..

 

 

But anyhow, thanks again for guys for allowing this to be my journal, for giving me your blunt opinions and not shining the turd for me and being extra patient. But here is a new one..

 

 

 

Earlier this year we were living together and the last few months were a bit of chaos – mostly due to my logical and reasoning behavior patterns. Our landlord mentioned to us that she might be bringing in her mother due to an illness. So the idea of the house was discouraged as she gave us an option to terminate the lease.

 

 

 

Since my ex gf was unhappy she went to seek a tarot/psychic reading - Not sure what is called. But she explained to me how the lady was shouting and talking to spirits – according to her and her friends the psychic is “legit”. Personally, I respect that, but I believe in it.

So the psychic said, without my ex volunteering any info, the following:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-I would move back to my parents. (which I did)

 

 

-She would move to Miami Beach (which she did)

 

 

-I would propose to her ( which I haven’t but she knows I have a ring for her)

 

 

-that she would meet someone new who would also propose to her in 3 years and would be happier with that person.

 

 

-that our relationship will take a break and she will meet someone who dances and I forgot what other quality (which she did) Not that I don’t have those qualities.

 

 

-that her and her mother have a bad relationship (which she does)

 

Since she is someone who is easily influenced by certain beliefs; especially since she didn’t have anyone to seek answers to her problems from, to some degree I feel as if she is using this "psychic's" reading as some sort of guidance for her life. Is this psychic stuff real? How can you explain to someone that you can help to shape your faith and not be driven by some random person’s thoughts?

 

Please help with this one tough one..

 

Many thanks

 

 

p.s i need to take some of you out to lunch.

[Simon Phoenix]

Ugh. I have nothing else to say. It's falling on deaf ears anyway. Best of luck.

[BC1980]

So what did she say after you said you wanted marriage and kids with her?

[tobe1424]

she just continued to throw her dreams at me like a little girl..oh and I want a wedding and house etc..things we have talked about before.But i was just focused on hanging out and having fun which led to us going back to her place..

 

But I messed up by not saying well, let's work together on this plan..She even said things about the other guy saying that he is fun, but not someone she would take home to mom/dad and that no guys has ever done or even come close to doing the things I do for her..she even asked me how is sex with the other girl/s..i said...well lets just say your still my sex goddess..she said..well this guy is different, but I still feel like your my best f**k to day..then she did ask me a trick question..

 

She asked me( i guess this was more of a therapist question) if I love you and know you are going to give me these things in life, then why do I like someone else and enjoy his company..this was obviously felt like a low blow..

 

I didn't know how to answer so I said..I believe that is for several reasons. One of which is, it's something new..the second is, that you haven't decided what to focus on..and thats when she brought up the psychic reading bull crap about how someone said her future didn't involve me. And someone else is going to make her happier..

 

So how the hell do I counter that? I said gave the most modest answer which was something along the lines of only you can help shape your future and faith and don't allow others to teach you what to think..

 

I feel like if I purge this from her head, another door would open for us..

 

Want to hear something even crazier..I planned a trip to visit my grandma in Siesta Key Florida this weekend....and guess who I invited..and guess who is coming along..i know Simon and others probably want to smack me silly by now..

 

But I am trying to be a warrior, not been intimidated by fear..and if she is who I want and she puts her self in my orbit, i need to do something about it.

 

Even though deep down inside I know she would choose me over the other guy...the truth is that at the moment she hasn't..Not to mentioned that she told me the guys is worried about losing her to me...as opposed to me who says I don't give a rats ass about another guy/s because I am your man, one who has values aligned with yours and the only reason we are here is due to a few negative emotions that have clogged our relationship..not to mention a future life..anyhow..

 

At the end of the day I feel like I need to do one of two things...either continue with my warrior attitude...or say enough is enough..me or him..but i feel like this defeats the "warrior" mentality...and i just know that there has to be something I can say or do to communicate to her that changes someone perspective. Eventually, only time will tell, and she will have to make up her mind...but what the hell has to happen!!??..i don't know :/

[Simon Phoenix]

You aren't being a warrior. You are being the opposite of a warrior. You are being a clingy pushover wuss and just being really obtuse about this whole thing. Honestly, you are trying to trick and manipulate and con her. That's not being a warrior, that's being a guy in denial. A warrior would move on with his life and make her catch up to me if she chooses, not orbit and suck up to her. But whatever man, best of luck.

Edited July 31, 2014 by Simon Phoenix

[tobe1424]

Again, much appreciate to see the outsiders perspective as well as possibly the most healthy one for me..

 

but what about this entire psychic reading stuff?

[Simon Phoenix]

Again, much appreciate to see the outsiders perspective as well as possibly the most healthy one for me..

 

but what about this entire psychic reading stuff?

 

If she's going to trust a psychic reading and make that the basis for not being with you, then you've already lost. Stop trying to crack a code and manipulate her. If she believes it, there's nothing you can do.

[BC1980]

You are not being a warrior. You are basically letting this woman run completely over you while she is with another man. If you know so well that she will choose you, why hasn't she?

[tobe1424]

Just when you guys thought i was done...

 

So after the last trip we took...things are the same. She is still cold and distant yet she comes to me for comfort and we still are intimate..although its been a few weeks since..but i keep in mind she is seeing someone else..which she told me she really likes him ::freakn dagger::..but that she looks at him as short term fun and still thinks of me as her future...and so she said..you haven't listened..you haven't given me the space..

 

I tried the ...listen, I realized that even though you say your single and want to hang out with me, you still treat me like a friend. Your dating other ppl and so am i..but if you are not interested in enjoying each other in anything other than platonic terms..then give me a call when you change your mind, figure things out..because I am not interested in this love triangle...

 

so the next day she calls, she insist that we meet up for lunch..its like she has a new pair of shinny shoes that are sexy and fun...and then I am her comfortable supportive slippers she wears at night..

 

anyhow, she invites me over to have dinner when she tells me...she is PREGNANT! and its mine because she follows her fertility calendar spot on and we were intimate when she was most fertile..she insisted that this other guy do not have unprotected sex..

 

She was an emotional wreck and disappointed at herself..especially since she was just about to get on birth control..

 

she said that if there was no one else in the picture she would go through with it..but since her friends know she is seeing someone else and from a political standpoint it looks like a jerry springer affair..even though she knows its mine..she was to not pull through with it..

 

I told her that now things have changed and that I am willing to be there throughout all of this.

 

But is it my ego saying...why can't she just tell the other guy..hey, i still have something for my ex...try to work things out..and make it seems like a love story...i mean after all this is just the story telling part..at the end of the day now there is a new life involved..and she always wanted kids but now she says its not the time...

 

The biggest dagger to me was..if there was no one else in the picture..I mean..this is a life we are talking about here...if another person is influencing her into opting out of this...this must be some Jerry Springer show indeed..

 

Again thanks for just hearing me ..excuse my typpoosss

[tobe1424]

I know she is having her cake and eating it too because she has me as a safety net but I would think that a pregnancy would change all this..

[Simon Phoenix]

Dude.......

[ThorntonMelon]

<facepalm>

[tobe1424]

That's the ultimate curve ball..I now have so much going through my head..

[tobe1424]

at the moment I feel like i have a child...yet she is still cold and distant..yet she still baits me..

 

If I now go NC...then I feel terrible...if I don't I will feel terrible either way as this is all coming to an end soon - predict.

[Simon Phoenix]

at the moment I feel like i have a child...yet she is still cold and distant..yet she still baits me..

 

If I now go NC...then I feel terrible...if I don't I will feel terrible either way as this is all coming to an end soon - predict.

 

I don't know why I'm responding -- you never listen and you are guaranteed to make the stupidest move possible because that's your MO. But here it goes.

 

If she keeps the child and it is yours (she should take a test confirming this, don't take her word for it) then you can't do NC. You have to talk for the sake of the child. But besides talking about the child, you shouldn't talk to her.

 

If she gets an abortion (which is seems like she's leaning towards), then stop talking to her and go No Contact. It's clear she's using you as a pick-me-up and isn't serious about you in the least. If she was, she wouldn't have the boyfriend still. Either way, you are allowing her to cheat on him with you. Even if she did dump him and come back to you, the odds of her treating you the same way she treats her current boyfriend are extremely high.

 

Either way, you've been an idiot this entire time and I'm guessing that you are going to continue to be an idiot.

[tobe1424]

Thanks Simon..I do appreciate your blunt words.

[tobe1424]

My ex gf and I of 5 years broke up about 4 months ago. I did all the chasing and pursuing. Basically all the things you are not suppose to do which basically drove her into the arms of another guy who she has been seeing since. So per you guy’s recommendation, I began doing NC. Anyhow, I ran into Coach Corey Wayne - a life, relationship, business coach. His work seems to be legit and I’m sure plenty of people on here have heard of him.

 

 

I am almost done reading his book “How to be a 3% Man”. He also has over a thousand videos on youtube. So one of his topics is “how to maintain emotional self control” which is something I am struggling a bit with my ex, yet I am slowly beginning to get the hang of it. As he says, you need to fake it until you make it so that a woman see’s that you are not thrown off your center. Which in turns represents alpha male dominant behavior.

 

 

So my ex has been reaching out to me after some days. But she generally tries to play detective and wants to see who am I talking too. Asking me if there are any other girls..if so where did I meet her..to say the least..

 

 

Even though I’ve tried to implement Coach Corey Waynes works. But sometimes she says things out of left field which I have issues with replying in a “funny charming way”

 

 

I’ve tried the “come on baby I don’t kiss and tell” and a few others. But she is relentless..until a point where I run out of questions to change the subject and eventually I tell her its none of her business..

 

 

However, I was wondering if you guys have suggestions as to how to better handle this “detective”

 

What are other funny charming ways of changing the subject and telling her its none of her business without actually telling her that?

 

 

When I do tell her that, she replies..well you know my business…and my reply is..well that’s because I was acting like a woman at one point. But I’m not but hurt any more. Of course, I am faking this and inside I can’t stand the fact. But as Coach Corey Wayne says, you need to maintain your emotional self control at all times and not act uncertain of anything and always project domain alpha male behavior.

[Simon Phoenix]

How about not responding to your ex-girlfriend at all? You are trying to play games that you aren't equipped to play. I mean, re-read your old thread. Instead of trying to give the illusion that you are doing OK, why not cut her off and actually work on fixing yourself? You keep on trying these cons, hustles and manipulations and you are the one who ends up tattered and bruised on the side of the highway.

 

No Contact. Stop playing games and actually get your s--t together.

[hedyo]

Just tell your ex in a polite way that you aren't interested in a friendship right now, and that you want to cut contact for a while. I hate all this PUA bs about being "alpha", but putting up with this unreasonable behavior from your ex (it really isn't her business!) does make you look weak. She is being controlling, and however "charming" you are being, you are letting it happen. Unless she says she's made a mistake and wants to get back together, ignore her.

[tobe1424]

thx again folks.

 

Ive been officially ignoring her for about a week.

 

Unfortunately, I recently realize how I should have done what you guys said a while ago. I was weak and ended up picking up her calls which lead to setting a date even though I emphasized how I "only want you to call me if you want to spend time together as lovers and not your pinky swear friend"

 

So i would pick up and it would lead to her being cold and distant. when I would try to open her up and ask whats going on she says that even though she loves me she feels weird being intimate with more than one person.

 

This really pissed me off. And although I remained called, I express how she needs to leave me alone and never contact me so that I can move on with my life.

 

She still contacts me and now is asking me why am I ignoring her and facetiming me and asking me questions about other girls..and if we are going to go on vacation in 2 weeks together (since its my birthday)

 

I've left out a lot of things she has done..so as previously stated..Unless she reaches out to me saying how she misses me and regrets what she has done or something along those lines....IGNORE

 

At the moment it doesn't seem to effective as she knows that I am ignoring her on purpose...but its what I need to do for me.

[Simon Phoenix]

At the moment it doesn't seem to effective as she knows that I am ignoring her on purpose...but its what I need to do for me.

 

Not effective how? No Contact isn't meant to be a game to force her to come back to you -- it's meant for your to move forward and get your head straight.

[tobe1424]

Right, right, right...its for me.

 

She texted me "I feel like I'm on a roller coaster when I think I might loose you" in the middle of the night after 5 days of NC..

 

Which is why you say to block her. But in a way I feel like this is making me stronger.

 

Perhaps is because I am dating a couple of other women who express a high interest in me and it has helped my self confidence . At the moment I am simply focusing on my mission, goal and purpose in life. Everything else comes as an added bonus - is the way I am seen it.

 

Along with your advice. Im following this advise as well..

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/462922-if-you-want-them-back

 

..and thanks again Simon. I owe you a few cold ones or a bottle of single malt scotch

[tobe1424]

quick update:

 

The past couple of days/ nights I've received calls and text. today I got a voicemail..

 

Good morning, can you call me or reply to my text..this sucks you are making me suffer times 10, as usual"

 

I find this hilarious because she is the one "seeing" someone else and using me as emotional comfort. The times we recently spent together she as very cold and distant and I told her to leave me alone if she didn't want me the way i want her. Except this time I actually meant it..

 

As i continue to ignore, i get a "Bro F*** you"

 

This obviously states she is very mad.

 

But I am sticking to my NC guns.

 

cheers