Who Doesn't Want Kids?

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, I am saying this in the hopes of being helpful or kind, but I suspect it may be perceived as the opposite and it's a chance I'm going to take.

 

You have no REAL chance of planning all these things. Many, many different things may happen: to you, in the world, to your relationship etc. People change over time, often many times in lots of ways.

 

Having such fixed and specific goals, that you defend so very vigorously, may seem sensible to you but it can come across as a little naive or immature.

 

So there's 2 aspects to my post here. One is that I hope you will stay open-minded as the years progress, to give you the best chance of enjoying life and maximising opportunities. Secondly, please don't be surprised if folk challenge you or seem to have misgivings about your plans. It isn't that they don't support your ideals, more that they may feel you are a little naive. I hope it all happens for you

 

 

You are right though, I have absolutely no idea what'll happen.

 

I have actually learnt this through dating. You just never know. Two people who seem head over heels can... change their tune, naturally.

 

In the past months, I have had guys pretend to be in love with me, totally crazy about me only to leave.. disappear. I had it happen a few times. I have had guys who were NUTS about me lose interest.

 

I honestly know not to rise expectations.

 

 

 

I have outlines my dreams here, as I am not scared to aim high, for what I want in life.

 

Thanks for reminding me though, that yeah, life happens.

 

Which is even more reason to not have a child if I am on shaky grounds to begin with... if my plans fall through, the money truly wont come due to the a recession...

 

I may have to face: a fckued economy and recession where I not only will be in poverty with kids, but even without kids; I may choose to have a family since " I will never get to go overseas again anyway"

 

 

That is why I would not get my tubes tied. You never know. I may not baulk at the notion of having a low income family.

 

 

I know now though, that I would have an abortion. I know I don't want kids within 10 years.

[pink_sugar]

If I work hard at college and I am willing to do further studies if need be, why is there no real chance in me ever affording to go overseas once every few years?

 

It seems like a very reasonable goal. Overseas travel once every 2 - 4 years.

 

People on minimum wage afford a once every 3 ish years, budget conscious, overseas stay. If they live within their means and, one year out of every 3, they REALLY don't go out to eat, buy good skin care, and just rough it. No movie outings or leisure for one year = an overseas cheap trip if you are on minimum wage.

 

You can stay in, rent 10 weeklies at blockbuster here per week, and study in your spare time towards potentially better job opportunities.

 

Over seas travel on minimum wage doesn't have to be a death sentence where by the person is MISERABLE.

 

I am actually very happy and I love like like crazy just having basic food and shelter. Seeing the world gives me a higher; going to movies, eating out and normal things like that do not give me pleasure MORE than staying in, eating on the cheap and not throwing my money for outings that cost.

 

Not sure where you live Leigh, but where I live you are lucky to pay rent and afford a roof over your head on minimum wage, let alone having any savings. What is minimum wage in your location?

[Leigh 87]

Not sure where you live Leigh, but where I live you are lucky to pay rent and afford a roof over your head on minimum wage, let alone having any savings. What is minimum wage in your location?

 

 

 

32 K.

 

 

I think I'd be able to afford basics and save minimally if I shared a mortgage.

[Revolver]

Yes but from the looks of how my "love" life is going I'm 95% sure it's not happening

[pink_sugar]

32 K.

 

 

I think I'd be able to afford basics and save minimally if I shared a mortgage.

 

That is definitely true. Unfortunately, the average minimum wage in the U.S. is like $8 an hour. I make $15, but I'm only part time....so any extra money I make goes to paying off debt before I can start saving a little. For my experience level and education, I know I can make 40,000-50,000 full time (seeking full time work)...my husband will probably make 30,000 full time due to his profession paying less than mine and less experience in his field. But like you, I definitely want to travel abroad. Have you thought about teaching English overseas? Good way to travel with paid expenses.

[Leigh 87]

That is definitely true. Unfortunately, the average minimum wage in the U.S. is like $8 an hour. I make $15, but I'm only part time....so any extra money I make goes to paying off debt before I can start saving a little. For my experience level and education, I know I can make 40,000-50,000 full time (seeking full time work)...my husband will probably make 30,000 full time due to his profession paying less than mine and less experience in his field. But like you, I definitely want to travel abroad. Have you thought about teaching English overseas? Good way to travel with paid expenses.

 

 

 

Well, I live at home and I Save a hundred a week average through this and I will be going to Africa in a years time.

 

I guess I am scrounging around NOW to save to travel, knowing that I may not afford it in the future.

 

In Australia, 20 dollars an hour is minimum wage BUT our costs of living are exorbitant.

 

 

 

As I said, I am willing to put MORE hard work in AFTER a 4year honours degree, in the form of a masters, to cover my ass a little.

 

I do think that to some extent, working hard pays off.. it wont afford me millions but you know, I feel like if I consult with a career counsellor, look carefully at he economy and trends, and really think it out well, I can work hard towards a strategic plan; do a masters or further qualification, such as a diploma in business ON TOP of my honours degree.....

 

So yeah, my immediate future is studying hard and seeking MORE options once I graduate, such as going to grad school whilst working in a low paid social work position full time.

 

Full time for social workers is 30 hours a week so LOLZ, I actually think it'll be easy to do a full time masters or diploma course!

 

Studying harder once I graduate wont guarantee anything, as sillygirl says, but I want the best for my future and there is a BETTER chance that I will be able to earn enough to live on IF I study hard after my degree is finished. In the right field. And then if I am lucky it'll pay off.

 

Frankly though, it is more the fact I want to be a professional and have a personal identity; "a teacher" or " a nurse" or " a social worker".

 

I want part of myself to be intertwined with my career.

 

Even if I end up in poverty, I would still take a LOT Of pride and feel a lot of contentment JUST surrounding the fact I did an honours degree AND possibly masters, even if it only amounts to poverty for me.

[pink_sugar]

Well, I live at home and I Save a hundred a week average through this and I will be going to Africa in a years time.

 

I guess I am scrounging around NOW to save to travel, knowing that I may not afford it in the future.

 

In Australia, 20 dollars an hour is minimum wage BUT our costs of living are exorbitant.

 

 

 

As I said, I am willing to put MORE hard work in AFTER a 4year honours degree, in the form of a masters, to cover my ass a little.

 

I do think that to some extent, working hard pays off.. it wont afford me millions but you know, I feel like if I consult with a career counsellor, look carefully at he economy and trends, and really think it out well, I can work hard towards a strategic plan; do a masters or further qualification, such as a diploma in business ON TOP of my honours degree.....

 

So yeah, my immediate future is studying hard and seeking MORE options once I graduate, such as going to grad school whilst working in a low paid social work position full time.

 

Full time for social workers is 30 hours a week so LOLZ, I actually think it'll be easy to do a full time masters or diploma course!

 

Studying harder once I graduate wont guarantee anything, as sillygirl says, but I want the best for my future and there is a BETTER chance that I will be able to earn enough to live on IF I study hard after my degree is finished. In the right field. And then if I am lucky it'll pay off.

 

Frankly though, it is more the fact I want to be a professional and have a personal identity; "a teacher" or " a nurse" or " a social worker".

 

I want part of myself to be intertwined with my career.

 

Even if I end up in poverty, I would still take a LOT Of pride and feel a lot of contentment JUST surrounding the fact I did an honours degree AND possibly masters, even if it only amounts to poverty for me.

 

Well, I lived in one of the most expensive cities in the U.S. with rents averaging between $1500-$2000 for small apartments and the minimum wage was still $8-10. I've never seen the most disparity in income in my entire life. The cost of living there is highway robbery and you're either in poverty or rich. Thank goodness my husband and I got out of there...we could never save a dime in 6-7 years, even after going to school and gaining professional experience. My only regret was not moving away sooner....we could have actually had money for travel.

[Leigh 87]

Well, I lived in one of the most expensive cities in the U.S. with rents averaging between $1500-$2000 for small apartments and the minimum wage was still $8-10. I've never seen the most disparity in income in my entire life. The cost of living there is highway robbery and you're either in poverty or rich. Thank goodness my husband and I got out of there...we could never save a dime in 6-7 years, even after going to school and gaining professional experience. My only regret was not moving away sooner....we could have actually had money for travel.

 

 

 

 

That's what i mean about having kids.

 

I am sure many people want them. They study hard, they graduate. ... then they find themselves I you and your partners position; you can't make a penny of savings for YOURSELVES. How are you supposed to have a child?

 

Many young professionals likely want kkids but not badly enough to literally be in poverty and likely skip meals.

 

Luckily my partner doesn't want children THAT badly. He would prefer them but not if it destines us to a life of poverty.

[pink_sugar]

That's what i mean about having kids.

 

I am sure many people want them. They study hard, they graduate. ... then they find themselves I you and your partners position; you can't make a penny of savings for YOURSELVES. How are you supposed to have a child?

 

Many young professionals likely want kkids but not badly enough to literally be in poverty and likely skip meals.

 

Luckily my partner doesn't want children THAT badly. He would prefer them but not if it destines us to a life of poverty.

 

I agree. I want kids eventually, but I also don't want to rush into having kids for fear of infertility or something when I'm not doing well financially. Since many women are having healthy pregnancies into their 40's, the possibilities of complications are unlikely if we're both healthy. But yeah, I'd rather us be older and doing well financially before having kids...and if for some reason I cannot have kids because I waited...well then it probably wasn't meant to be. I'd probably look into adoption or something.

[Shepp]

I agree. I want kids eventually, but I also don't want to rush into having kids for fear of infertility or something when I'm not doing well financially. Since many women are having healthy pregnancies into their 40's, the possibilities of complications are unlikely if we're both healthy. But yeah, I'd rather us be older and doing well financially before having kids...and if for some reason I cannot have kids because I waited...well then it probably wasn't meant to be. I'd probably look into adoption or something.

 

Totally totally valid - I wouldn't dispute that at all! (My reasons for wanting to be a young dad were always more based around wanting to be the dad who coachs the football team than wanting to be the dad who could afford exotic holidays)! Just reminds me of something my mum says - if you wait for the right time to have kids, you'll wait your whole life!

 

Its funny cause shes right, having kids has of course dented how much free cash we have, but we still do okay - manage with everything we need, and we never lead extravagant lives to begin with! My gf's better off now actually, she was living on rice and beans before!

My sister & BIL are quite a bit older than me & bring in over 3x what we do and they just had a kid and you know what? it dented how much free cash they had, of course they still have more than us but there biggest issue is spending it - their holiday consisted of sleeping all day cause my niece doesn't sleep well at night. They manage, same as us, but I think to be honest, it probably shook there lives up more.

 

....not that i'd ever say folk should have kids or when they should - just that its interesting!

[Joangel]

I have two kids and no more for me thanks. I am glad they are growing healthy and sooner than later they will be on their own and I can live my life to travel etc. I am glad I had them so young. As for you, if you don't want kids that's ok. It's a life commitment and should be taken seriously. If your not willing, don't do it.

[dichotomy]

It was not entirely by choice (well kind of), but I had (and may still have one more) late in life. There are pluses and minus. I will say it was nice to have the great home, career set, and good income first. About travel - going to DisneyWorld in the US ...is as expensive as a trip to Europe but hey I went to Epcot and all the foreign lands right?

 

Downsides are of course some energy, and how old you will as the kids get older (like high school and college) and whether you can make it to see grandkids...and of course I like to take naps on the weekend more than my child does.

Edited April 27, 2014 by dichotomy

[Leigh 87]

It was not entirely by choice (well kind of), but I had (and may still have one more) late in life. There are pluses and minus. I will say it was nice to have the great home, career set, and good income first. About travel - going to DisneyWorld in the US ...is as expensive as a trip to Europe but hey I went to Epcot and all the foreign lands right?

 

Downsides are of course some energy, and how old you will as the kids get older (like high school and college) and whether you can make it to see grandkids...and of course I like to take naps on the weekend more than my child does.

 

 

 

How old is too old though?

 

If I have kids it won't be for 10 years minimum. Age 37.

 

here's hoping they have more advanced fertility treatments!

[MidwestUSA]

How old is too old though?

 

If I have kids it won't be for 10 years minimum. Age 37.

 

here's hoping they have more advanced fertility treatments!

 

 

You'll be fine at 37 doing things the natural way. Don't worry!

[Leigh 87]

You'll be fine at 37 doing things the natural way. Don't worry!

 

 

 

Eh...

 

My boyfriends family member is 40, drop dead gorgeous, she was a thin model in top health, great shape..... her son is a tad "slow"..... she had him age 40. Her husband is also in top shape.

 

I guess I am not comfortable with that idea but hey, with the latest and newest technology still pending, by 10 years I am sure there are enough intelligent scientists about to make the whole " having kids at an older age" possible. Moreover, I was a strict raw foodist and paleo eater at various times, and a clean eater for many, many years, so I am sure I would have no trouble exercising extreme caution when it comes to diet, surrounding when I "want to have kids" at a later age.I just assumed that starting college later at life and being a former high school drop out and as a result, not earning real money until MUCH later in life, would hinder me from being a mum. All this is 10 fold more difficult for me, if I lack the finances AND have a child that is developmentally challenged due to having a child at age 40 ish....

 

I cant say that I wont ever go down this path though, of maternity...

 

I have a hunch I will do it with the right guy.

 

Which saddens me since I will likely be poor but hey. I am travelling to Africa and South America before I even have kids (due to living at home and saving like mad), so I guess giving all that up when I am late 30's will probably be a natural stage in life I shift towards.

 

Again, I am sure if I work hard, think about further studies after my social work degree is obtained, then I will at least have a better chance to provide. I am sure my best will be good enough but if it isn't, I know that I will never be that devastated at not having children as my maternal desire is not "have a child at all costs"

Edited April 28, 2014 by Leigh 87

[carhill]

Cognitively, I know I'm too old for kids but we sure have a good time whenever I happen to get together with them, even if some of it ends up being 'house rules' discipline. I continue to believe that parenting is the most rewarding job one will never be paid for. Short-sighted, perhaps, but it still puts a smile on my face and that's good enough for me.

 

Noting the mention of 37 and maternity, my mother was that age when I was born (her first child) and that was back during Roman times Today, it's nothing, medically.

[Leigh 87]

Cognitively, I know I'm too old for kids but we sure have a good time whenever I happen to get together with them, even if some of it ends up being 'house rules' discipline. I continue to believe that parenting is the most rewarding job one will never be paid for. Short-sighted, perhaps, but it still puts a smile on my face and that's good enough for me.

 

Noting the mention of 37 and maternity, my mother was that age when I was born (her first child) and that was back during Roman times Today, it's nothing, medically.

 

How many children do you have, if I may ask?

 

At age 37 I still fear I will be in poverty, even if I have a masters degree which I intend on getting (it is a one year addition to a degree here).

[carhill]

My exW and I were unable to have children, though she apparently miscarried a couple times. We certainly were 'risky', even today, both being in our 40's at the time. Still, we were not deterred.

 

Your talking about money caused me to reflect on how we make plans then life happens. Sure, some people have it all planned out and it goes like clockwork. The rest of us, well, we just work with what we've got and make the best of it. With children it's the same. Stuff happens.

[pink_sugar]

Cognitively, I know I'm too old for kids but we sure have a good time whenever I happen to get together with them, even if some of it ends up being 'house rules' discipline. I continue to believe that parenting is the most rewarding job one will never be paid for. Short-sighted, perhaps, but it still puts a smile on my face and that's good enough for me.

 

Noting the mention of 37 and maternity, my mother was that age when I was born (her first child) and that was back during Roman times Today, it's nothing, medically.

 

I agree...I know someone who is 42 and just had a healthy baby. I know finances aside, I am just not emotionally ready for a baby at all. I honestly believe in your 20's you should really focus on yourself...travel, build your career, save money, try different things, be spontaneous. Once you have a child it's not about you anymore. IMO I think early 30's is a good time to think about starting a family. Most people aren't settled emotionally or financially in their 20's and they can either grow up quickly or become bad parents.

[Shepp]

Your talking about money caused me to reflect on how we make plans then life happens. Sure, some people have it all planned out and it goes like clockwork. The rest of us, well, we just work with what we've got and make the best of it. With children it's the same. Stuff happens.

 

This is exactly it!

The best laid plans and everything! One year ago today I had no idea I'd be a dad of two now - especially with the girl woment turnings down! I'd of thought someone was crazy if they said that to me - it didn't fit my schedule! - but that's life, the tide changes quick and you have to sink or swim!

[Leigh 87]

This is exactly it!

The best laid plans and everything! One year ago today I had no idea I'd be a dad of two now - especially with the girl woment turnings down! I'd of thought someone was crazy if they said that to me - it didn't fit my schedule! - but that's life, the tide changes quick and you have to sink or swim!

 

 

 

LOL. Yeah, if someone had told you that " hey, in a year from now you will have two children to take care of. Sink or swim" you would probs not look at that scenario very favourably

[Silly_Girl]

How old is too old though?

 

If I have kids it won't be for 10 years minimum. Age 37.

 

here's hoping they have more advanced fertility treatments!

 

I have a 6 day old. We conceived first time we tried, I was 37.

[Leigh 87]

I applied for a working holiday in Canada.

 

I got through and they said they can guarantee me a contract for 2 months. In November.

 

I will only be able to save for the return ticket. Hence the working holiday. full time work = not much additional money needed since I have no interest in partying and going out to movies and such.

 

A year and a half after this working trip I will also go ahead with my plans to volunteer.

 

I will have travelled to every continent by the time I have finished college ( I have been to Russia, US, around Asia, Europe etc...)

 

I think after this working trip to Canada plus an additional volunteer trip to Africa or South America, I can safely say I can graduate and welcome the real work; aka, NO overseas travel for most professionals who cannot afford it on even average wages.

 

And by age 37, I will be willing to have a child and "risk" never travelling again if that is what having a child will result in......

 

I don't think I will be as hell bent on exploring in 10 years from now.

 

I have a prime window of opportunity to travel NOW in my Uni breaks, when I still live at home and when I am not paying bills.

 

In a few years I will get out into the real work, likely see that overseas travel is not even viable for CHILDLESS people on professional wages, and resign myself to having a family knowing very well I may never travel overseas again.

 

You know, it'll be a bonus if I work hard and do well one day professionally, if I am anything close to my own mother in terms of her work ethic and intelligent choices career wise, I will get by if I am lucky.

 

I foresee the world getting harder and people falling into either the poor OR rich category, with few and far between.

 

Meaning: even if I do well after college and even do a masters, I may still not earn enough to travel overseas.

 

This is my time now, in all likelihood, to get overseas and see the world. given the current economic and financial climate.

[dichotomy]

How old is too old though?

 

If I have kids it won't be for 10 years minimum. Age 37.

 

here's hoping they have more advanced fertility treatments!

 

 

Thats a very personal decision and unique to every case and couple and their health. There is also (without medical intervention to prevent it) a higher risk of things like downs syndrome with babies conceived later in life.

 

We had our first together around 41/42. For me personally this was not too old and actually a good age. We did use some rather advanced treatments. The untied states has some of the more advanced treatments available, so advanced they are banned or highly regulated in other countries.

 

We are actual in the process of one last minor attempt for another child. I would say this time I have doubts on being too old, but we decided to proceed anyway (another story).

Edited April 28, 2014 by dichotomy

[Els]

This is my time now, in all likelihood, to get overseas and see the world. given the current economic and financial climate.

 

This is a good idea. Especially as working holidays in some countries have an age limit of age 30 or so.