Who Doesn't Want Kids?

[suladas]

Not having kids because you don't think you'll be well off is a terrible reason to not have kids. Money should only be a concern if having kids means you'll be at the point of not being about to provide for them or struggle. Not lacking money for things like travel, botox, and other unnecessary things. Nothing wrong with spending money on that stuff, if you want it go for it. But saying you don't want kids because it wouldn't leave you enough money for that stuff just shows you have no interest in having kids and money is just an excuse.

[Haydn]

Never planned to have a kid. Unplanned. Best thing ever.

[lollipopspot]

If you really want to help other kids and be altruistic, I find it bizarre that you don't want to have your own kids.

 

There's nothing altruistic about producing your own kids. An egg is not asking to be fertilized and get born. You create this situation of dependency.

[pink_sugar]

Not having kids because you don't think you'll be well off is a terrible reason to not have kids. Money should only be a concern if having kids means you'll be at the point of not being about to provide for them or struggle. Not lacking money for things like travel, botox, and other unnecessary things. Nothing wrong with spending money on that stuff, if you want it go for it. But saying you don't want kids because it wouldn't leave you enough money for that stuff just shows you have no interest in having kids and money is just an excuse.

 

I don't really see what is wrong with that. If people would rather spend their life travelling than settle down and have kids, that's their choice. Since having children is a huge commitment, this is a factor to consider.

[Leigh 87]

If you really want to help other kids and be altruistic, I find it bizarre that you don't want to have your own kids. It sounds like you want to be altruistic only to the extent that this altruism does not influence your life greatly and you get to choose when it will stop. In my ears being altruistic for other people's kids but still wanting to have a comfortable life financially is a little hypocritical. Like you want to give to others but only that much as it doesn't influence your well being. This is not charity. This is, I give my leftovers and pretend that I'm a good person. Pure charity for me exists only when you give to people who have more needs than you things and money you will miss. If a millionaire give hundreds of dollars to someone, they won't miss it, probably he won't even notice that they lost this money. But giving what you will much miss, that's pure altruism in my opinion.

 

 

I don't need to pretend I am a good person.

 

I am well aware of your delusional idea about kids and people who don't have them are bad people.

 

I don't agree with your way of thinking.

[Leigh 87]

People who think have kids are what life is about clearly don't realise that we are all wired differently.

Moreover, in 2014, the world is in a very precarious state. The rich will get more wealthy and the more will get worse off.....Not to mention the fact that:

- there are always recessions every 7 or so years. Average income earners with an average joint income, with even one child, will struggle to put food on the table. These are hard facts.

- Kids can be born with disabilities or they can get cancer. Most middle income families have to sell their house or do something drastic to care for a very ill child.

- I inherently was born not wanting children. Gay people are born to be gay, they have a very strong predisposition and it takes very little to set their true nature off...

I have always been "different" so it comes as no surprise that I don't long for a family of my own. What the masses want.

- I have wanted from a very young age to dedicate my life to helping other people. With children ALL My income would go towards them. And feeding myself.

 

I find it unbelievable that people assume I want a nice house and car... or designer clothes. Screw that stuff.

I said TRAVEL; travel and rescuing animals. I NEVER said I want to live the high life in every sense of the word...

I simply want food on the table, no fancy restaurant meals or anything of the sort...

Overseas travel and rescuing dogs/cats in my back yard is ALL I ask for.

I don't think there is anything "horrible" or "selfish" about wanting to travel overseas, save hundreds of animals lives, and give a lot of my income to charities....

 

Can someone please explain why you fail to see how a person can be very fulfilled in life without having to birth a child?

I plan to have a lot of friends, I plan to be heavily involved in charities in all my spare time, changing the lives of others who have a disadvantaged start to life. I know first hand of altruistic people who become very close to the families that hey help.

So good friends, becoming close with a few people/families I help, saving thousands of dogs and cats that go from unloved to totally loved (by me! haha), I fail to see why "have to have kids" HAS to come into the equation in order to be truly 'happy'.

 

I know who I am and I am much more generous than other people I meet in my life. I am there to talk to people when they are in need more than any of their other friends. I am the one who will drop everything to look after my friends or people I barely know.

I live my life like an extremely generous person. I fail to see any logic in the statement " not wanting kids makes me a selfish and bad person"

 

I mean heck, my lifelong dream is to save unloved, abused and homeless dogs and not cats ( I am not totally a cat person but I got a little kitten recently and now want to extend my dream to saving cats on death row)

I plan to dedicate my life to saving animals and helping families. So yeah, I in my mind it makes perfect sense that I am still a good person in spite of NOT wanting kids.

How on earth can people possible think I am doing anyone a disservice by wanting to dedicate my life to helping animals and people?

 

How is forgoing being a mother, going to overshadow the fact that I want to dedicate my life into helping others?

[Leigh 87]

Not having kids because you don't think you'll be well off is a terrible reason to not have kids. Money should only be a concern if having kids means you'll be at the point of not being about to provide for them or struggle. Not lacking money for things like travel, botox, and other unnecessary things. Nothing wrong with spending money on that stuff, if you want it go for it. But saying you don't want kids because it wouldn't leave you enough money for that stuff just shows you have no interest in having kids and money is just an excuse.

 

 

The thought of never travelling overseas again is extremely depressing to me. Overseas travel means a lot to me and always had since I was a child myself.

[thefooloftheyear]

People who think have kids are what life is about clearly don't realise that we are all wired differently.

Moreover, in 2014, the world is in a very precarious state. The rich will get more wealthy and the more will get worse off.....Not to mention the fact that:

- there are always recessions every 7 or so years. Average income earners with an average joint income, with even one child, will struggle to put food on the table. These are hard facts.

- Kids can be born with disabilities or they can get cancer. Most middle income families have to sell their house or do something drastic to care for a very ill child.

- I inherently was born not wanting children. Gay people are born to be gay, they have a very strong predisposition and it takes very little to set their true nature off...

I have always been "different" so it comes as no surprise that I don't long for a family of my own. What the masses want.

- I have wanted from a very young age to dedicate my life to helping other people. With children ALL My income would go towards them. And feeding myself.

 

I find it unbelievable that people assume I want a nice house and car... or designer clothes. Screw that stuff.

I said TRAVEL; travel and rescuing animals. I NEVER said I want to live the high life in every sense of the word...

I simply want food on the table, no fancy restaurant meals or anything of the sort...

Overseas travel and rescuing dogs/cats in my back yard is ALL I ask for.

I don't think there is anything "horrible" or "selfish" about wanting to travel overseas, save hundreds of animals lives, and give a lot of my income to charities....

 

Can someone please explain why you fail to see how a person can be very fulfilled in life without having to birth a child?

I plan to have a lot of friends, I plan to be heavily involved in charities in all my spare time, changing the lives of others who have a disadvantaged start to life. I know first hand of altruistic people who become very close to the families that hey help.

So good friends, becoming close with a few people/families I help, saving thousands of dogs and cats that go from unloved to totally loved (by me! haha), I fail to see why "have to have kids" HAS to come into the equation in order to be truly 'happy'.

 

I know who I am and I am much more generous than other people I meet in my life. I am there to talk to people when they are in need more than any of their other friends. I am the one who will drop everything to look after my friends or people I barely know.

I live my life like an extremely generous person. I fail to see any logic in the statement " not wanting kids makes me a selfish and bad person"

 

I mean heck, my lifelong dream is to save unloved, abused and homeless dogs and not cats ( I am not totally a cat person but I got a little kitten recently and now want to extend my dream to saving cats on death row)

I plan to dedicate my life to saving animals and helping families. So yeah, I in my mind it makes perfect sense that I am still a good person in spite of NOT wanting kids.

How on earth can people possible think I am doing anyone a disservice by wanting to dedicate my life to helping animals and people?

 

How is forgoing being a mother, going to overshadow the fact that I want to dedicate my life into helping others?

 

 

Leigh, you are a sweet girl, but good God, you sound like an idealistic 12 year old...

 

As you grow older you will likely get a bit cynical...You will realize that almost no one gives a flying shyt about anyone but themselves and their families..Not that they would go out of their way to hurt anyone, but no one cares..And thats OK, because thats what life is really about...Your family, close friends, etc....Everything else is just far down the totem pole..

 

TFY

[lollipopspot]

And don't let anyone coerce you because of 'love' into having kids you don't want. Not fair to the kids.

 

I really agree with this. There are a lot of people who should not be parents. They don't have the patience or heart for it. But there is so much coercion in this society to breed.

 

The guy who wrote the thread about not taking in his wife's nephew - he knew he shouldn't be a parent, despite all the pressure, and for that I applaud him, even though I would have made a different choice. But most everyone seems to want to force that on someone, even when they're clear they can't handle it. Just because we can, doesn't mean everyone can or should.

Edited April 20, 2014 by lollipopspot

[BarackObama]

Don't want my kids to suffer this cruel world.

[ltjg45]

I am still undecided at my age of 27. I work around kids quite well but I also understand the work needed to raise and maintain them, which is no laughing matter.

 

If I get in a relationship with a woman, she will ultimately decide if I will have children. Regardless of the choice, I will be fine at the end.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, you are a sweet girl, but good God, you sound like an idealistic 12 year old...

 

As you grow older you will likely get a bit cynical...You will realize that almost no one gives a flying shyt about anyone but themselves and their families..Not that they would go out of their way to hurt anyone, but no one cares..And thats OK, because thats what life is really about...Your family, close friends, etc....Everything else is just far down the totem pole..

 

TFY

 

 

 

My own father grew cynical after a lifetime of helping others, when none helped him.

He picked the kids I knew up, who all attended private schools, and dropped them home again due to their own parents being too stingy to ever take them anywhere.

Dad drove many miles just to pick these kids up and take them to me/home again. Their parents rarely reciprocate.

 

I know first hand that most people are uninspiring dimwits who don't enjoy the notion of making a difference.

Unlike most people I am going so strive to be a remarkable person, via helping out people other than myself.

 

I have no interest to just go about my own business.

 

I am not some idealistic 12 year old for having hopes and dreams of helping others.

 

I see no reason why my dreams are not valid.

[Leigh 87]

I am still undecided at my age of 27. I work around kids quite well but I also understand the work needed to raise and maintain them, which is no laughing matter.

 

If I get in a relationship with a woman, she will ultimately decide if I will have children. Regardless of the choice, I will be fine at the end.

 

I thought I was somewhat similar.

 

Turns out I am not, largely based on my life choices.

 

If I had a college degree and a professional job with an average income from age 22 or thereabouts, by age 34 sure, I would agree to have kids.

 

I simply don't want kids ENOUGH to override the fact I will have little savings or money in order to support them.

[topaMAXX]

No, it isn't.

 

Hate to tell you, but yes it is. As humans (animals), we are programmed to want to reproduce (why do you think we value sex so highly?).

 

In our society, we are programmed to believe that having kids isn't the best idea. Laws are created against fathers that push us away from wanting to do that (topic for another thread).

 

But, biologically, reproduction is the goal. It's all about survival of the fittest and passing on our genes to our offspring.

[Els]

Leigh, you don't need to defend your choice not to have children. At the end of the day, it's better for everyone involved that people who don't wish to have children just not have them.

[Iguanna]

I don't really see what is wrong with that. If people would rather spend their life travelling than settle down and have kids, that's their choice. Since having children is a huge commitment, this is a factor to consider.

 

The problem starts when you preach that you are altruistic for choosing not to have kids and help other people's kids, but only to the extent that this help doesn't get in the way of your travelling and botox. I respect people who say that they don't feel responsible enough to raise a kid, but my respect ends when they claim to be selfish and live their life in luxury and fun instead. In my opinion we haven't come to this world only to have fun. We can have all the fun we want until a certain age, that's why women have the opportunity of 25 years or so to have kids.

 

I don't need to pretend I am a good person.

 

I am well aware of your delusional idea about kids and people who don't have them are bad people.

 

I don't agree with your way of thinking.

 

I don't believe they are bad people, I think they are selfish and superficial. But live and let others live.

 

You haven't answered to my question. Don't you think that real altruism and charity really matter only when the people who do them miss something at the end? If after helping the kids you have the money for trips and botox, then you don't miss what you wanted. Where is your loss that makes altruism count?

[Leigh 87]

The problem starts when you preach that you are altruistic for choosing not to have kids and help other people's kids, but only to the extent that this help doesn't get in the way of your travelling and botox. I respect people who say that they don't feel responsible enough to raise a kid, but my respect ends when they claim to be selfish and live their life in luxury and fun instead. In my opinion we haven't come to this world only to have fun. We can have all the fun we want until a certain age, that's why women have the opportunity of 25 years or so to have kids.

 

 

 

I don't believe they are bad people, I think they are selfish and superficial. But live and let others live.

 

You haven't answered to my question. Don't you think that real altruism and charity really matter only when the people who do them miss something at the end? If after helping the kids you have the money for trips and botox, then you don't miss what you wanted. Where is your loss that makes altruism count?

 

 

For starters, I dislike the idea of children. It makes no sense for people like me to have children when I HATE the idea of having a child.

 

It makes no sense.

 

Second of all, how do you know that I want to omit having kids for purely selfish reasons?

 

So I can live it up and spend everything on myself?

 

I am not planning on buying a nice house, a new car or eating out at high end restaurants. I am planning to live rather frugally and to ONLY treat myself to overseas travel occasionally.

Looking after my parents and helping people who are disadvantaged through donating my money to needy families and individuals is where my interest lies; I will be spending a lot more of my money towards looking after my parents and other people, than I will on overseas travel.

 

Bare in mind...a mother can also be a stupid skank that cheats on her boyfriend and who has NO interest in being nice to other people.

Where as a childless woman like myself could very well enjoy giving thousands to charities every year, give a child dying of cancer life saving treatment, and be a loyal and loving partner.

 

In short, Iguana, I will do more nice things for other people and give more of my recourses away than the average person who likely has kids, and I am not refusing to have kids for selfish reasons alone, most of the reason is because I want to support my parents and be altruistic and change lives.

 

Overseas travel and botox are certainly not the main reason I want to not have kids.

 

I am not farting around here guys when it comes to altruism.

 

I want to give a large amount away. We are talking thousands a year.

[topaMAXX]

For starters, I dislike the idea of children. It makes no sense for people like me to have children when I HATE the idea of having a child.

 

It makes no sense.

 

Second of all, how do you know that I want to omit having kids for purely selfish reasons?

 

So I can live it up and spend everything on myself?

 

I am not planning on buying a nice house, a new car or eating out at high end restaurants. I am planning to live rather frugally and to ONLY treat myself to overseas travel occasionally.

Looking after my parents and helping people who are disadvantaged through donating my money to needy families and individuals is where my interest lies; I will be spending a lot more of my money towards looking after my parents and other people, than I will on overseas travel.

 

Bare in mind...a mother can also be a stupid skank that cheats on her boyfriend and who has NO interest in being nice to other people.

Where as a childless woman like myself could very well enjoy giving thousands to charities every year, give a child dying of cancer life saving treatment, and be a loyal and loving partner.

 

In short, Iguana, I will do more nice things for other people and give more of my recourses away than the average person who likely has kids, and I am not refusing to have kids for selfish reasons alone, most of the reason is because I want to support my parents and be altruistic and change lives.

 

Overseas travel and botox are certainly not the main reason I want to not have kids.

 

I am not farting around here guys when it comes to altruism.

 

I want to give a large amount away. We are talking thousands a year.

 

While I previously made the argument about the natural biological desire to have children, I think it's a good idea not to have them for most women.

 

After all, the last this country needs is more single mothers living off of the welfare system and bleeding the fathers dry with unfair child support payments.

 

Not saying you would do that, but many women do. I think your choice is a very responsible and wise one.

[Leigh 87]

Well I am graduating college later in life and as a result, will not have any savings or a high enough income to support a child very well.

 

I wouldn't likely need to be on welfare years after I get my degree but it is a real possibility, most college grads start saving from their mid 20's and are more able to have children in their early to mid 30's with savings in the bank.

 

It is a trend for jobs to be harder and harder to get, and wages becoming lower and lower, and the costs of living becoming higher....

This makes it even worse for a mature aged person like me graduating at a MUCH older age than most college kids...

 

Basically, yes there is a high chance I may need welfare assistance if I have even one child, as I will be a low income earner well into my 30s due to graduating at age 31.....

 

And no, it is not innate to want kids, it is NOT biological for all women, not in 2014.

MANY women have no maternal instinct.

They only had kids because it was steeped in tradition, something all women did from the beginning of time, I am sure not all wanted kids...

 

Only now we have the choice not to.

Edited April 20, 2014 by Leigh 87

[Silly_Girl]

 

I am not farting around here guys when it comes to altruism.

 

I want to give a large amount away. We are talking thousands a year.

 

Thousands? Yet you use wanting (money) to travel overseas as a reason not to have kids? You know you can get passports for minors, right?

[topaMAXX]

And no, it is not innate to want kids, it is NOT biological for all women, not in 2014.

MANY women have no maternal instinct.

They only had kids because it was steeped in tradition, something all women did from the beginning of time, I am sure not all wanted kids...

 

Only now we have the choice not to.

 

I DEFINITELY do agree that many women have no maternal instinct these days.

 

However, I believe that the maternal instinct IS natural, but it has been drilled out of women due to blurred gender roles and our entitlement-driven culture.

[Leigh 87]

Thousands? Yet you use wanting (money) to travel overseas as a reason not to have kids? You know you can get passports for minors, right?

 

 

What is the damn deal with me wanting to travel overseas occasionally?

 

And yes I am going to give just as much money away as I spend on MYSELF.

 

Also, you are not read me right; overseas travel is not the reason I don't want kids.

 

The reason is first and foremost, I DISLIKE children and I DISLIKE the idea of having my own. I HATE the idea of having a child, I do not see what is do difficult to understand.

The secondary reasons for not wanting kids is due the reality that I will likely me a low income earner well into my 30's.

I graduate at age 31. Sorry but I Hate kids as it is and I hate the idea of them, do you really think I LIKE the idea of bringing up a child when I am on a low income? No thanks.

 

I have a right to dislike the notion of a low income family.

 

ALONE, sure, I can get by on a low income and if I am frugal, I can even travel overseas once every few years. I can support my parents and travel overseas without a child and on a low income.

I cannot have it ALL on a low income though; kids, supporting my mum, and occasional overseas travel.

Bottom line; I HATE the idea of kids. Having something I don't want on a low income and having to totally struggle as a result and not be able to look after my parents financially, is my idea of hell.

 

There is SO MUCH more to this than me just not wanting kids so I can travel overseas for Gods sake....

[Silly_Girl]

Leigh, seriously, so far what have you done/are doing in your life to help others? Do you volunteer? Rescue animals? Donate regularly to charity?

 

I think things are getting confused here.

 

1. You don't want kids. You and stacks of others, so what? It's your decision and it seems you are absolutely right to rule that out, it's not for you and I fully support you in that

 

2. You say that money is a factor in not having kids (clearly it's NOT, you detest the idea of being a mother) yet you believe you will be able to donate life-changing sums of money to strangers. One contradicts the other. Just don't have kids!

 

3. Overseas travel. I've taken my son to loads of places. Some years less than others. But travelling with kids can be even MORE wonderful, seeing life and new horizons through their eyes. Not for all, but for me, that's the case.

 

4. How will you manage to rescue 'thousands of cats and dogs' with regular travel? I struggle to find somewhere I think suitable for my little jack russell when I'm away for a weekend, not sure how that would work for you if you're running some sort of animal centre.

 

5. Are you sure you're realistic about how much your mum, cancer treatments for children, overseas travel and rescuing animals will actually cost?

[Leigh 87]

Dear Loveshack Posters,

 

If I TRULY wanted children, I would have them on a low income. The idea of having children would be more important to me than things like overseas travel and helping out my parents financially as they age.

 

The fact is: I just don't WANT kids badly enough! Plain and simple.

 

I don't want them at all.

 

People fail to realise there are women who don't inherently want kids due to their upbringing and well, genetics/they way they are wired.

I was taken to third world countries at a young age, a very young age, and saw awful things. My parents have made it so I have always been socially conscience...

I have always been against the idea of having kids, as in: fundamentally against the IDEA of having my OWN kids, due to the sort of things, the pain and the suffering I have seen other people endure in life.

 

I am not too sure why it is people think " oh my god, you need to have someone to look after you as you age or you will be a miserable old bag"

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

There is much joy to derive from the world around us. With or without kids. There are many HORRIBLE people who have kids. Who shouldn't have. And who are miserable sons of bitches.....

[Shepp]

Leigh, you don't need to defend your choice not to have children. At the end of the day, it's better for everyone involved that people who don't wish to have children just not have them.

 

This!!

 

 

For me, kids are amazing, if theyre the center of my universe then so be it cause there the best darn center I could imagine!

 

But Its to talk not for everyone and better those people realise it, not that it's good or bad, but just that it is, and abide by it - cause the alternative can do a hell of a lot of damage!! Especially the having a kid just for your partner - I've seen how that can work out first hand!