Getting back in the game, my dating journey.

[KathyM]

OK, so you meant it as a date too.

 

What I'm talking about is a trial run.

 

I've really only spoken to this girl three times so far. So I don't want to invite her on a real date just yet. I just want to see if we click.

No need to be so cautious, Somedude. Be bold. You've already spoken to her three times and are attracted, or you wouldn't be considering dating her. If you don't click on the first date, then you don't have to ask her for another one.

[Ruby Slippers]

I met the boyfriend I had the longest relationship with so far in a one-time swing dancing class. He got my number, then called and asked me to go out swing dancing Saturday night. Our first 3 dates were at dance spots. Dancing can be very romantic and sensual

[organizedchaos]

No need to be so cautious, Somedude. Be bold. You've already spoken to her three times and are attracted, or you wouldn't be considering dating her. If you don't click on the first date, then you don't have to ask her for another one.

 

Agreed. Be bold. Women like that if the timing is right. And you've established some rapport. So go for it.

[clia]

If you want to date her, you should ask her out on a date -- drinks, dinner, or dancing are all good options. If you are so worried about ending up in the friend zone, why do things that can cause ambiguity, like asking a girl to have lunch with your after class? Go big or stay home. A first date is a trial run -- that's the entire point of dating. If you don't enjoy your date, you don't have to go out with her again.

[somedude81]

Well I didn't talk to her at all today, I just didn't have any opportunity.

 

During the entire class, I only got about 10 seconds of face time with her.

 

Here's the thing though, I can tell that she isn't interested in me at this point. And how could she be when I've barely ever talked to her? She doesn't know me at all.

 

I'm sure she can start to like me if she gets to know me better.

 

That's why I wasn't comfortable about asking her on a date yet. It's me basically asking out a stranger.

 

Friday is the big dance social and I have more time with her as there will be a lot of sitting around. I'll try to talk to her then.

 

If not Friday then I'll have to be much more aggressive on Monday. I am running out of time.

 

There's another girl in the class I'm interested in who seems like she actually dislikes me. She just seems cold and maybe awkward with me, and avoids eye contact. I really don't get why she acts weird around me. My only guess is that she picked up that I'm interested in her, and this is how she's trying to keep me away. I don't think it's the, she secretly likes me so she's being cold thing.

 

Lastly, one of the girls with a boyfriend is really starting to have an affect on me. This isn't the one I tried to ask out. She's super friendly and was talking to me about her body, how she wants to get muscular. I was joking with her, telling her that girls shouldn't be hard, and she lifted up shirt to show me her stomach, asked me how her butt looked and we joked about her boobs. She was definitely having a good time. I'm very attracted to this girl and I could easily fall for her.

 

I know that she isn't bringing her BF to the dance social. So there is a very good chance that she may end up spending most of the dance with me. That is exactly with my ex did last year. She ended up breaking up with her boyfriend, two or three weeks after that dance, because of what I said to her.

 

Honestly, I want to steal this girl from her BF. Though of course I realize this is a horrible idea because of how things ended with my ex.

 

Why do I keep connecting with the wrong girls?

[Babolat]

I didn't

 

Can you add anything about the girl I was talking about? Did she reject me, or was she just having an off day and I should try again?

 

She said she wanted to take a nap, and sorry for her mood. That was not a No, to me, so try again. Maybe this time, shoot further into the future, instead of "right now".

[Babolat]

If I recall you recently went through a bad breakup, you were dumped. You seem a little confused on this thread. "This girl", then "this other girl", then there's "that girl", I think this one may like me, this one may not, etc...

 

Maybe you need some more time to heal.

[Babolat]

I have no idea how people meet each other in a club that's playing super loud music and packed everywhere you go..

 

Sounds like clubs, are not your thing, so don't force it. Try other ways to meet new people.

 

For some reason, I just felt lonely since I got home. As I said, the last time I went salsa dancing at that club was with my ex, and I just had a lot more fun back then, than tonight. Plus things got hot and spicy after the dancing. And instead of that, here I am browsing this forum.

 

Sigh.

 

To my last post, you may need more time to heal. I think it's okay to remember being with her, but not in a sad, longing sense.

[organizedchaos]

Well I didn't talk to her at all today, I just didn't have any opportunity.

 

During the entire class, I only got about 10 seconds of face time with her.

 

Here's the thing though, I can tell that she isn't interested in me at this point. And how could she be when I've barely ever talked to her? She doesn't know me at all.

 

I'm sure she can start to like me if she gets to know me better.

 

That's why I wasn't comfortable about asking her on a date yet. It's me basically asking out a stranger.

 

Friday is the big dance social and I have more time with her as there will be a lot of sitting around. I'll try to talk to her then.

 

If not Friday then I'll have to be much more aggressive on Monday. I am running out of time.

 

There's another girl in the class I'm interested in who seems like she actually dislikes me. She just seems cold and maybe awkward with me, and avoids eye contact. I really don't get why she acts weird around me. My only guess is that she picked up that I'm interested in her, and this is how she's trying to keep me away. I don't think it's the, she secretly likes me so she's being cold thing.

 

Lastly, one of the girls with a boyfriend is really starting to have an affect on me. This isn't the one I tried to ask out. She's super friendly and was talking to me about her body, how she wants to get muscular. I was joking with her, telling her that girls shouldn't be hard, and she lifted up shirt to show me her stomach, asked me how her butt looked and we joked about her boobs. She was definitely having a good time. I'm very attracted to this girl and I could easily fall for her.

 

I know that she isn't bringing her BF to the dance social. So there is a very good chance that she may end up spending most of the dance with me. That is exactly with my ex did last year. She ended up breaking up with her boyfriend, two or three weeks after that dance, because of what I said to her.

 

Honestly, I want to steal this girl from her BF. Though of course I realize this is a horrible idea because of how things ended with my ex.

 

Why do I keep connecting with the wrong girls?

 

Don't be that guy.

 

And so what if this other girl barely knows you. You need to seize the opportunity. As SOON as you make eye contact and it looks to be welcomed, walk over and say hello, say you know there's not much time for chatting right now, but you'd like to grab a coffee with her later. Ask her her number so you can find a time that works.

[somedude81]

If I recall you recently went through a bad breakup, you were dumped. You seem a little confused on this thread. "This girl", then "this other girl", then there's "that girl", I think this one may like me, this one may not, etc...

 

Maybe you need some more time to heal.

Oh, I'm definitely ready to start dating.

 

As for me being confused because I'm talking about different girls. I'm not confused at all.

 

There are five girls that I'm currently interested in. Unfortunately I know that two of them have boyfriends. I have lost signficant interest in one of the girls with a boyfriend once I found out she was in a relationship and I won't put in any energy into her.

 

One girl I'm getting more interested in is actually in my business class. She asked me to send her the lecture notes from last class. In that email I'm going to suggest that we study together for the test on Monday.

[somedude81]

Don't be that guy.

Yet it's exactly how I got my first, and only girlfriend.

 

If I hadn't been "that guy" I would still be wondering what it's like to be in a relationship. I wouldn't have gotten to experience anything that I did with my ex.

 

Even though things ended poorly with my ex, it was all worth it. The six months of heaven was more than enough to cover the three months of hell that fallowed.

 

And so what if this other girl barely knows you. You need to seize the opportunity. As SOON as you make eye contact and it looks to be welcomed, walk over and say hello, say you know there's not much time for chatting right now, but you'd like to grab a coffee with her later. Ask her her number so you can find a time that works.

When I read this part it just screamed "Noooo!" in my head.

 

I am absolutely 100% not comfortable with that type of approach. I do not do cold approaches.

[Omei]

If you can easily steal a girl from her bf then she can be easily stolen from you in the future.

[Phoe]

she lifted up shirt to show me her stomach, asked me how her butt looked and we joked about her boobs. She was definitely having a good time. I'm very attracted to this girl and I could easily fall for her.

 

 

gross.

 

 

WHY would you fall for the kind of girl who has so little respect for her boyfriend that she flirts with other men and asks them to look at her body.

 

 

she would do the same to you. steal her and she will find other men to lift her shirt for.

[organizedchaos]

Yet it's exactly how I got my first, and only girlfriend.

 

If I hadn't been "that guy" I would still be wondering what it's like to be in a relationship. I wouldn't have gotten to experience anything that I did with my ex.

 

Even though things ended poorly with my ex, it was all worth it. The six months of heaven was more than enough to cover the three months of hell that fallowed.

 

 

When I read this part it just screamed "Noooo!" in my head.

 

I am absolutely 100% not comfortable with that type of approach. I do not do cold approaches.

 

I can get rich by robbing a bank. Doesn't make it a good idea or me a good person.

 

I can get an "A" on a test by cheating. Doesn't make it a good idea or me a good person.

 

See my point? So what if it got you your first girlfriend that way. A guy who willingly goes out to steal other guy's girlfriends on purpose, is the lowest of the low.

 

Don't be that guy.

[somedude81]

gross.

 

 

WHY would you fall for the kind of girl who has so little respect for her boyfriend that she flirts with other men and asks them to look at her body.

 

 

she would do the same to you. steal her and she will find other men to lift her shirt for.

That actually didn't click with me up until now.

 

If I was dating her, would I want her doing the same thing to other guys? Probably not.

 

Granted it's not like she showed me her bra or anything. Just her midriff. Women show off much more when they wear swimsuits, and to many more people.

 

Though maybe doing what she did, was still being disrespectful to her BF.

 

Either way, what's frustrating me is that she's the girl that I'm closest to. I wish I could talk to the girls who don't have boyfriends more, but those girls almost always have a lot of guys talking to them.

 

So here's what I noticed. I have an easier time talking to and getting to know girls who don't have a bunch of guys around them. The girls that don't have a bunch of guys around them most likely have boyfriends.

 

In other words, if a girl isn't making guy friends in the class, she's most likely taken. The guys are probably quickly finding out that she's taken, so they stop talking to her. Then I come along trying to make a connection with a girl who looks like she's available, but she has a boyfriend.

 

Honestly, the girls in my classes that are the most friendly with me, all have boyfriends

[somedude81]

If you can easily steal a girl from her bf then she can be easily stolen from you in the future.

I'm not sure about that.

 

My ex was miserable in her relationship when I met her. She should have broken up with him long before she met me. Why she didn't break up with him till I came around, probably should have been a red flag.

 

Hooray for me that she finally got the strength and independence to be alone when I was dating her :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

[somedude81]

I just sent an email to the girl in my business class, giving her the lecture notes and suggesting that we study together for the test on Monday. She knows I got an A on the last test, so it wouldn't be her helping me.

 

I'm hoping she doesn't have a boyfriend.

 

If she doesn't want to, that's fine. On Monday I will most likely finish the test before she does, so I can just hang back "checking my answers" until she is done. Then we'll finish at the same time and I'll invite her to get a frozen coffee or something like that with me. I want to make it seem spontaneous.

 

Any input on her or the other girls that I mentioned? I really do want to stop focusing on the girls that I know have boyfriends.

[Imajerk17]

I don't know. Its not SD's responsibility to "respect" any of these girls' relationships if the girls themselves won't. However, I don't think SD is the only guy this girl is flirting with. I just think worrying about whether it is "cool" for SD to be stealing another guy's gf is just overanalysis. Which people tend to do on his threads which is why they are all 300 posts.

 

SD enjoy the flirting don't take it too seriously. If nothing else it's good practice. This girl is probably not the love of your life nor are you likely the only guy she is flirting with. When she is single/really interested she'll let you know.

Edited April 10, 2014 by Imajerk17

[Omei]

I'm not sure about that.

 

My ex was miserable in her relationship when I met her. She should have broken up with him long before she met me. Why she didn't break up with him till I came around, probably should have been a red flag.

 

Hooray for me that she finally got the strength and independence to be alone when I was dating her :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

 

 

Cept the girl you like is not your ex and does things like flaunt her body behind her bfs back so my statement still stands if you're with her she will treat you the same way.

 

Ps if you do end up being with the girl that's taken its your choice but keep in the back of your head about the consequences you could get beat up.

Edited April 10, 2014 by Omei

[somedude81]

I don't know. Its not SD's responsibility to "respect" any of these girls' relationships if the girls themselves won't. However, I don't think SD is the only guy this girl is flirting with. I just think worrying about whether it is "cool" for SD to be stealing another guy's gf is just overanalysis. Which people tend to do on his threads which is why they are all 300 posts.

 

SD enjoy the flirting don't take it too seriously. If nothing else it's good practice. This girl is probably not the love of your life nor are you likely the only guy she is flirting with. When she is single/really interested she'll let you know.

Was she flirting with me? I really don't know.

 

I do know that she does the same thing with other guys she knows. A guy that I've never seen before who seemed to know her was talking to her and they were having the same conversation and I joined in. She brought up that I believe that woman should be soft, I forgot what I or she said next and then she lifted up her shirt and showed her stomach.

 

Yeah I'm not taking her too seriously.

 

I wonder if I should let her know that I'd be interested in her if she was single. Maybe have some way to stay in contact when the class ends.

 

Ugh, this is frustrating.

[somedude81]

Cept the girl you like is not your ex and does things like flaunt her body behind her bfs back so my statement still stands if you're with her she will treat you the same way.

Eh, I don't think it bugs me that much if I was dating her and she did the same thing to other guys. I don't think she really crossed any lines. Yeah I'd prefer that my GF not show guys her body, but as long as she isn't showing off her ass or breasts it's not really that bad.

Ps if you do end up being with the girl that's taken its your choice but keep in the back of your head about the consequences you could get beat up.

LOL, I'm not in high school.

 

I wouldn't allow her to cheat on her BF.

 

I highly doubt that if she does leave her BF for me, that he would come looking for me.

[Omei]

Eh, I don't think it bugs me that much if I was dating her and she did the same thing to other guys. I don't think she really crossed any lines. Yeah I'd prefer that my GF not show guys her body, but as long as she isn't showing off her ass or breasts it's not really that bad.

 

LOL, I'm not in high school.

 

I wouldn't allow her to cheat on her BF.

 

I highly doubt that if she does leave her BF for me, that he would come looking for me.

 

I am just saying its possible since you dont know the guy. He's prob in love with her and would find out about you pretty quickly!

 

Anyway I think you should go for a girl that would care souly about just you.

[Babolat]

In that email I'm going to suggest that we study together for the test on Monday.

 

Are you hearing us? This, is Friendzone. ASK her on a date. Why can't men, date these days!? Take a woman on a date, a real date. Geez.

[Babolat]

If you can easily steal a girl from her bf then she can be easily stolen from you in the future.

 

Agreed, why are you investing time & energy in a woman who is not available? I foolishly did it this fall, lesson learned.

[Babolat]

Granted it's not like she showed me her bra or anything. Just her midriff. Women show off much more when they wear swimsuits, and to many more people.likely taken.

Sure they do. But they don't walk up to you and say "look at my body".

 

Man, check your radar. I do not think you are ready for dating.