Getting back in the game, my dating journey.

[Phoe]

Glad you're back in the saddle!

[somedude81]

I strongly agree with this, and I think it applies to about 95% of the "struggling" guys here and elsewhere.

 

If a woman is really interested in a guy, I doubt she'll say no just because she's tired or a little cranky. After all, she wants to spend time with him. It's possible that she may mention that she's a little weary...and a smart guy who can think on his feet will be able to take that into account and "tweak" the lunch date or whatever as appropriate. If she really had a scheduling conflict...a class, a business meeting, whatever...she'll likely tell him that and either reschedule the date herself or leave the door open to let him reschedule right then.

And what should I do when women aren't giving me strong signs of interest?

 

I seriously doubt I'm ever going to get obvious signs of interest from a woman ever in my life.

[organizedchaos]

 

 

No it never occurred to me to offer to pay for her. Frankly I don't like paying for girls that I'm not actually dating. That's not a topic I want to discus now, but I'll consider it for next time. Also, I really don't like, asking a girl if I can buy her something. It feels like I'm putting her above me.

 

What sounds better?

 

"Hey, lets get some lunch"

"Can I buy you lunch?"

 

 

If you ask a girl out on a first date, and you expect to split the bill, you can bet with 99.95% accuracy that will be your last date with her. You ask, you pay. This IS important to discuss in this thread since it is part of you "getting back in to the game" If you're not will to play the game, then get out of it.

 

A little off-topic, for some reason, not doing as well as I'd like with girls, just makes me really want my ex back. I wish I could just stop trying to chase girls and go back to what felt good. Alas that is not possible, and I have to keep struggling.

 

Dude, welcome to the adult world. We all have to deal with this.

[organizedchaos]

And what should I do when women aren't giving me strong signs of interest?

 

Ask anyway!

 

Yes, it's easier to avoid rejection if you get a sign. But if you want something, go for it. You get rejected, so what? Move on.

 

I seriously doubt I'm ever going to get obvious signs of interest from a woman ever in my life.

 

That's just b.s. talking.

[somedude81]

If you ask a girl out on a first date, and you expect to split the bill, you can bet with 99.95% accuracy that will be your last date with her. You ask, you pay. This IS important to discuss in this thread since it is part of you "getting back in to the game" If you're not will to play the game, then get out of it.

Heh, the very first time, the girl who would became my ex got food together, we split the bill. We also split the bill on parking when we went to the beach and on other stuff as well. Then she became my GF

 

A few years ago, I went on three dates with a girl, and we split the bill on at least the 1st and 2nd dates. There wasn't a forth because I wasn't being physically aggressive enough with her and that turned her off.

 

My reasoning, is that if a girl likes me, she likes me regardless if I pay for her or not.

 

Still, it's something I will consider if I can get the second girl to do something with me.

 

Dude, welcome to the adult world. We all have to deal with this.

Yeah, ever since my ex dumped me, I'm getting a huge dose of reality. Actually, being with her, caused me to grow up. Would you believe, that before I started dating her, I've never actually paid for a bill at a restaurant that has a waiter?

 

The only times I ever went to a waiter restaurant was with my parents (or grandparents), and they always paid. I certainly wouldn't go to a place like that by myself.

 

Ask anyway!

 

Yes, it's easier to avoid rejection if you get a sign. But if you want something, go for it. You get rejected, so what? Move on.

Yup, and that's exactly what I do.

 

I was getting discouraged by some of the posts here.

 

Thank you for telling me that I should ask anyways.

[organizedchaos]

Heh, the very first time, the girl who would became my ex got food together, we split the bill. We also split the bill on parking when we went to the beach and on other stuff as well. Then she became my GF

 

A few years ago, I went on three dates with a girl, and we split the bill on at least the 1st and 2nd dates. There wasn't a forth because I wasn't being physically aggressive enough with her and that turned her off.

 

My reasoning, is that if a girl likes me, she likes me regardless if I pay for her or not.

 

Still, it's something I will consider if I can get the second girl to do something with me.

 

 

Yeah, ever since my ex dumped me, I'm getting a huge dose of reality. Actually, being with her, caused me to grow up. Would you believe, that before I started dating her, I've never actually paid for a bill at a restaurant that has a waiter?

 

The only times I ever went to a waiter restaurant was with my parents (or grandparents), and they always paid. I certainly wouldn't go to a place like that by myself.

 

 

Yup, and that's exactly what I do.

 

I was getting discouraged by some of the posts here.

 

Thank you for telling me that I should ask anyways.

 

Ask anyway. The more you get rejected, the less it will sting when it happens. Happens to everyone.

 

As for splitting the bill on first date, you got lucky. It's just poor taste to invite someone to lunch that you hope to date, and then split the bill.

[topaMAXX]

SD, I think you need to be more edgy.

 

There's a reason that you always end up in the friendzone and it's not your looks (though, I definitely agree that the better looking the guy is, the less likely he will end up there even if his personality is lame).

 

Have you ever tried adopting a bit of a bad boy personality? This is my natural personality and I do pretty well with women.

[somedude81]

Ask anyway. The more you get rejected, the less it will sting when it happens. Happens to everyone.

 

As for splitting the bill on first date, you got lucky. It's just poor taste to invite someone to lunch that you hope to date, and then split the bill.

Then I'll just bite the bullet at least for lunch and offer to pay for her. I just don't want to set the precedent that I'll be paying for everything with a girl. This isn't the 1950's.

 

The real trick is to avoid going on dates that cost money, until I know for sure that a girl likes me. My favorite first date was going hiking. Then the next date we just walked around a nice outside mall and then went to Laguna Beach and sat on the sand for hours.

 

Though since class ends at 12, and we've both just finished dancing, it makes sense to get lunch together, so I'll offer to pay.

 

Right now I'm bummed out on how many girls have boyfriends. I don't know if the girl I'm thinking about now has one, but at this point, I'd be surprised if she doesn't. If she's single, then it's most likely because she wants to be single. She's too pretty to never be asked out.

[hasaquestion]

SD, I think you need to be more edgy.

 

There's a reason that you always end up in the friendzone and it's not your looks (though, I definitely agree that the better looking the guy is, the less likely he will end up there even if his personality is lame).

 

Have you ever tried adopting a bit of a bad boy personality? This is my natural personality and I do pretty well with women.

 

This is a great point.

 

Personally, getting my ear pierced and getting a tasteful earring was huge. But I think its harder to pull off once you leave college.

[topaMAXX]

This is a great point.

 

Personally, getting my ear pierced and getting a tasteful earring was huge. But I think its harder to pull off once you leave college.

 

Nah, I do it now...and it's not based on how I dress. I'm a ball buster and I make fun of women a lot. I also have a defiant, "I'll do what I want" personality. Women seem to love this.

 

I've noticed that because, at times, I'll get too into a girl and I'll lose that defiance. Then I ALWAYS lose the girl. If I keep that edge, I keep the girl.

[somedude81]

SD, I think you need to be more edgy.

 

There's a reason that you always end up in the friendzone and it's not your looks (though, I definitely agree that the better looking the guy is, the less likely he will end up there even if his personality is lame).

 

Have you ever tried adopting a bit of a bad boy personality? This is my natural personality and I do pretty well with women.

I've read a lot of your posts topaMAXX. While you're the same height as I am, 5'6 (right?) you say you're pretty good looking. Wherein I'm just average. So you have an advantage over me.

 

As for the bad boy personality, I don't even know where to start. I've studied pick up for a very long time, and was never able to get it to work for me. I even took a $2,000 RSD workshop back in the day.

 

I don't know how to fake being a bad boy.

 

Still, is there anything I can do to be more "edgy?"

 

My personality is mostly mellow, friendly, fun, and a bit goofy.

[topaMAXX]

I've read a lot of your posts topaMAXX. While you're the same height as I am, 5'6 (right?) you say you're pretty good looking. Wherein I'm just average. So you have an advantage over me.

 

As for the bad boy personality, I don't even know where to start. I've studied pick up for a very long time, and was never able to get it to work for me. I even took a $2,000 RSD workshop back in the day.

 

I don't know how to fake being a bad boy.

 

Still, is there anything I can do to be more "edgy?"

 

My personality is mostly mellow, friendly, fun, and a bit goofy.

 

I studied pickup in the past too. I noticed that the more I tried their techniques, the worse I did overall.

 

And yes I'm your height and good-looking (as a frame of reference, I get compared to James Franco and James Dean pretty often....though, I don't see it).

 

But, as I said, I believe it's more my personality. Because when I lose my frame, I lose the girl.

 

I think you should jokingly make fun of girls more (and no, I don't mean "negging" lol). I can't really explain this though, unfortunately. I just do it.

[somedude81]

I actually already do the jokingly make fun of girls thing. It's fun to tease girls, it's something I do naturally. Though I probably do become a bit too nice as well. So I don't maintain that edge.

 

One thing I do a lot more of ever since I got my GF, is touch girls. I used to be so afraid of it and always questioning myself when and where I could touch somebody. Now it doesn't bug me at all. Being in a dance class certainly helps

 

I wish people compare to the James Franco and Dean.

 

I've never been compared to any celebs. I just am.

[hasaquestion]

Nah, I do it now...and it's not based on how I dress. I'm a ball buster and I make fun of women a lot. I also have a defiant, "I'll do what I want" personality. Women seem to love this.

 

I've noticed that because, at times, I'll get too into a girl and I'll lose that defiance. Then I ALWAYS lose the girl. If I keep that edge, I keep the girl.

 

Makes sense. I think the trick is that there always has to be sexual intent there. If you talk to someone the way a friend does, you are a friend.

[Els]

Honestly, if a classmate told me, "Hey, let's get some lunch" after class and we split the bill, I'd think that he just wanted to hang out as classmates. Lots of people do that.

 

You don't necessarily HAVE to pay, but it's one of the easiest ways of pointing to the fact that it's a date and not just a friendly lunch. Especially if it was lunch after class and somewhere casual.

[topaMAXX]

I actually already do the jokingly make fun of girls thing. It's fun to tease girls, it's something I do naturally. Though I probably do become a bit too nice as well. So I don't maintain that edge.

 

One thing I do a lot more of ever since I got my GF, is touch girls. I used to be so afraid of it and always questioning myself when and where I could touch somebody. Now it doesn't bug me at all. Being in a dance class certainly helps

 

I wish people compare to the James Franco and Dean.

 

I've never been compared to any celebs. I just am.

 

Like I said, man. It's not my looks, most of the time. I'm not good looking enough to rely just on that.

 

If my game isn't there (meaning my edgy personality), I don't get the girl. Period.

[somedude81]

Makes sense. I think the trick is that there always has to be sexual intent there. If you talk to someone the way a friend does, you are a friend.

And that's what I struggle with the most. Putting out that sexual intent.

 

Once I'm in a relationship, I know how to express intent, frankly it's easier because I already know that she wants to have sex with me. But I don't have a clue how to express sexual intent with a girl I'm not dating. I almost feel like I would say, "I want to have sex with you. Please don't bite my penis off."

 

How do you express sexual intent with a girl you've only talked to a couple of times?

[somedude81]

Honestly, if a classmate told me, "Hey, let's get some lunch" after class and we split the bill, I'd think that he just wanted to hang out as classmates. Lots of people do that.

 

You don't necessarily HAVE to pay, but it's one of the easiest ways of pointing to the fact that it's a date and not just a friendly lunch. Especially if it was lunch after class and somewhere casual.

Yeah I've had that happen to me a couple of times as well. Unfortunately girls aren't as good as reading guys as we've been led to believe.

 

If it gets the point across that I don't want to be her friend, then I'll offer to pay.

[organizedchaos]

Then I'll just bite the bullet at least for lunch and offer to pay for her. I just don't want to set the precedent that I'll be paying for everything with a girl. This isn't the 1950's.

 

The real trick is to avoid going on dates that cost money, until I know for sure that a girl likes me. My favorite first date was going hiking. Then the next date we just walked around a nice outside mall and then went to Laguna Beach and sat on the sand for hours.

 

Though since class ends at 12, and we've both just finished dancing, it makes sense to get lunch together, so I'll offer to pay.

 

Right now I'm bummed out on how many girls have boyfriends. I don't know if the girl I'm thinking about now has one, but at this point, I'd be surprised if she doesn't. If she's single, then it's most likely because she wants to be single. She's too pretty to never be asked out.

 

Buying her lunch isn't setting a precedent! And yes, in the early stages, keep it cheap!

[organizedchaos]

And that's what I struggle with the most. Putting out that sexual intent.

 

Once I'm in a relationship, I know how to express intent, frankly it's easier because I already know that she wants to have sex with me. But I don't have a clue how to express sexual intent with a girl I'm not dating. I almost feel like I would say, "I want to have sex with you. Please don't bite my penis off."

 

How do you express sexual intent with a girl you've only talked to a couple of times?

 

I really don't understand. How is it you're 31 and are asking questions a 16 year old would ask? By this age this should be second nature.

[organizedchaos]

And that's what I struggle with the most. Putting out that sexual intent.

 

Once I'm in a relationship, I know how to express intent, frankly it's easier because I already know that she wants to have sex with me. But I don't have a clue how to express sexual intent with a girl I'm not dating. I almost feel like I would say, "I want to have sex with you. Please don't bite my penis off."

 

How do you express sexual intent with a girl you've only talked to a couple of times?

 

But to give you advice, touching is a good start to indicate interest other than friendship.

[Salvatore85]

Do you drink at all SD? Normally having a beer or two will knock off the edge if I'm nervous around a female. Now I'm not advising you to get hammered or anything silly like that but maybe a little bit of alcohol will calm your nerves?

[somedude81]

I really don't understand. How is it you're 31 and are asking questions a 16 year old would ask? By this age this should be second nature.

Do you really have to ask that question?

 

You've seen plenty of my posts right?

 

Just to remind you, I got my first girlfriend when I was 31. While I didn't lose my virginity to her, just pretend that I did.

 

She was also the second girl I have ever kissed. Meaning, I have only kissed two girls in my entire life.

 

That should tell you what my experience level is.

[somedude81]

Do you drink at all SD? Normally having a beer or two will knock off the edge if I'm nervous around a female. Now I'm not advising you to get hammered or anything silly like that but maybe a little bit of alcohol will calm your nerves?

I got no issue drinking.

 

Though I'm not really going to have a beer at 11 am before I go to class.

[Salvatore85]

I got no issue drinking.

 

Though I'm not really going to have a beer at 11 am before I go to class.

 

Don't have a beer, just take a single shot of something. Just something to take the edge off a bit and maybe calm your nerves.