Getting back in the game, my dating journey.

[organizedchaos]

Isn't that the purpose of a forum? To ask questions.

 

It is. Which is why I asked a question for perspective and insight.

[somedude81]

It is. Which is why I asked a question for perspective and insight.

Did you get perspective and insight from my answer?

[Eternal Sunshine]

SD have you graduated?

 

I think you should take a total break from dating for at least 6 months.

[somedude81]

SD have you graduated?

 

I think you should take a total break from dating for at least 6 months.

And go six more months without sex?!

 

Why not just throw me in prison? It's already been four months. I haven't even kissed anybody since her.

 

Plus it just feels too good to actually spend time with a woman to willingly go without their company.

 

If I was in the running to be the next Pope, I'd take a total break from dating. Until then, no thanks.

[organizedchaos]

Did you get perspective and insight from my answer?

 

Yes, I did.

[organizedchaos]

Your post was highly offensive. Telling someone they should know something by 16. Some people are late bloomers and your response attacked that.

 

Hardly. you've misinterpreted my post. And you haven't read the advice I've given him in this thread or in the past.

[organizedchaos]

Wrong. It's about time you admit that you're wrong.

 

You're funny and obviously new around here. Not going to derail his thread any further.

[StanMusial]

I really don't understand. How is it you're 31 and are asking questions a 16 year old would ask? By this age this should be second nature.

 

SD, do you have any buddies you can hang out with that have any success with women?

 

You are at least willing to try and you know you have disadvantages. This is good. But most people, if they wanted to learn to ride a bike, or throw a baseball, or learn to swim, they would need a demonstration. Possibly many demonstrations followed by a lot of practice.

 

There are some things you can't learn from written words. And the sink or swim approach doesn't work for everyone.

[somedude81]

SD, do you have any buddies you can hang out with that have any success with women?

 

You are at least willing to try and you know you have disadvantages. This is good. But most people, if they wanted to learn to ride a bike, or throw a baseball, or learn to swim, they would need a demonstration. Possibly many demonstrations followed by a lot of practice.

 

There are some things you can't learn from written words. And the sink or swim approach doesn't work for everyone.

Nope, I'm flying solo.

 

I'm not going to talk about friends in this thread, as I want this thread to specifically about the girls I'm meeting and asking out.

 

A more general thread is here.

 

---------------------------------

Not really an update, but it's something. I found the second girl I asked to lunch in class, her Facebook profile, and sent her a message asking if she was the girl from my salsa class. Since we don't have any mutual friends, the message apparently went to her "other" inbox, whatever that is. A day later and no reply, I sent a friend request. That must have gone to her other inbox as well, as she hasn't accepted even after two days. If she's seen the friend request, she probably doesn't know I am.

 

I'll just have to talk to her in class next next week. My reason for going through Facebook is that I'd at least get a heads up to what her relationship status is.

 

No biggie if she accepts or not, I'll talk to her in a bit and then ask her out.

[hasaquestion]

out of curiosity OP, where were you last night?

[StanMusial]

Nope, I'm flying solo.

 

I'm not going to talk about friends in this thread, as I want this thread to specifically about the girls I'm meeting and asking out.

 

A more general thread is here.

 

---------------------------------

Not really an update, but it's something. I found the second girl I asked to lunch in class, her Facebook profile, and sent her a message asking if she was the girl from my salsa class. Since we don't have any mutual friends, the message apparently went to her "other" inbox, whatever that is. A day later and no reply, I sent a friend request. That must have gone to her other inbox as well, as she hasn't accepted even after two days. If she's seen the friend request, she probably doesn't know I am.

 

I'll just have to talk to her in class next next week. My reason for going through Facebook is that I'd at least get a heads up to what her relationship status is.

 

No biggie if she accepts or not, I'll talk to her in a bit and then ask her out.

 

I read about 4 or 5 pages of the other thread.

 

I wasn't talking about finding friends who might know some single girls. I was talking about observing guys interacting with women they want to bang. Guys with a successful track record. I hate to say it but watching a womanizer at work could help.

 

As far as this thread, and these girls, my only advice would be keep grinding away. I wouldn't try to track them down on Facebook however.

[somedude81]

So here I am posting from the salsa club. The lesson starts in 10 min. I haven't gone out in forever. Hell, last time I was here it was with my ex.

 

My only goal for tonight is to just dance and have fun

[somedude81]

Well I was there for about two hours. It's amazing how wide the range of people that show up is. Hell, there was even a woman who was seven months pregnant, it was really odd trying to do Bachata with her...

 

While it's fun to take lessons and practice dancing, I have no idea how people meet each other in a club that's playing super loud music and packed everywhere you go.

 

There were a couple of girls that I was attracted to, but I never spoke to them for any length of time to get interested. Maybe if I become a regular and start seeing other regulars, that might be different.

 

For some reason, I just felt lonely since I got home. As I said, the last time I went salsa dancing at that club was with my ex, and I just had a lot more fun back then, than tonight. Plus things got hot and spicy after the dancing. And instead of that, here I am browsing this forum.

 

Sigh.

[twinkly84]

Just try going for it....if it doesn't work-out then, at least you'll know, can move-on & realize that those people were not for you!

[organizedchaos]

Well I was there for about two hours. It's amazing how wide the range of people that show up is. Hell, there was even a woman who was seven months pregnant, it was really odd trying to do Bachata with her...

 

While it's fun to take lessons and practice dancing, I have no idea how people meet each other in a club that's playing super loud music and packed everywhere you go.

 

There were a couple of girls that I was attracted to, but I never spoke to them for any length of time to get interested. Maybe if I become a regular and start seeing other regulars, that might be different.

 

For some reason, I just felt lonely since I got home. As I said, the last time I went salsa dancing at that club was with my ex, and I just had a lot more fun back then, than tonight. Plus things got hot and spicy after the dancing. And instead of that, here I am browsing this forum.

 

Sigh.

 

Become a regular. You'll start to see other regulars as you said, and you'll strike up friendsships - and who knows who they know that is interested in learning salsa! Plus, the people who work there will get to know you and that can work in your favor too. It was one time. Keep at it.

[somedude81]

Wow, so the girl I invited to lunch last week, the one with the boyfriend, came up to me after class telling me that she has money now that if I want to get lunch with her. She has such a wrong idea about me.

 

I politely declined saying I want to stay for salsa. It feels to jerky too tell her that I only wanted to spend time with her because I was interested in her.

 

My vibe with women is way too friendly.

[somedude81]

So I stayed for salsa and I got to talk to the other girl I'm interested.

 

Unfortunately she wasn't in a good mood because her best guy friend moved away. I said something like, him being her best guy friend, not her boyfriend, and she said something back about her ex but the music was too loud so I couldn't understand her. Though most likely this is a good sign that she's single.

 

I was going to invite her to lunch with me today, but I forgot that I already made an appointment with something on campus a month ago. I'm going to try again on Wednesday.

 

Right now I need to somehow convey to her that I'm interested and not looking to just make friend. Though I'd be fine with friends, if it could lead to more.

[organizedchaos]

So I stayed for salsa and I got to talk to the other girl I'm interested.

 

Unfortunately she wasn't in a good mood because her best guy friend moved away. I said something like, him being her best guy friend, not her boyfriend, and she said something back about her ex but the music was too loud so I couldn't understand her. Though most likely this is a good sign that she's single.

 

I was going to invite her to lunch with me today, but I forgot that I already made an appointment with something on campus a month ago. I'm going to try again on Wednesday.

 

Right now I need to somehow convey to her that I'm interested and not looking to just make friend. Though I'd be fine with friends, if it could lead to more.

 

Then ask her to grab drinks some night this week, not lunch. Lunch says "friends". Asking her to meet for a drink tells her you're interested in more than friendship.

[somedude81]

Then ask her to grab drinks some night this week, not lunch. Lunch says "friends". Asking her to meet for a drink tells her you're interested in more than friendship.

 

Is there a step between lunch and drinks at night? Drinks feels like a date. I want something more casual for the first thing outside of class.

 

I just want to talk to her outside of class and see who she is.

 

As a side note, it's frustrating how many girls with boyfriends want to be my friend.

[organizedchaos]

Is there a step between lunch and drinks at night? Drinks feels like a date. I want something more casual for the first thing outside of class.

 

I just want to talk to her outside of class and see who she is.

 

As a side note, it's frustrating how many girls with boyfriends want to be my friend.

 

Coffee.

 

And these girls with boyfriends who want to be your friend - they probably have single girlfriends they'd love to setup. So seize these opportunities.

[somedude81]

Would any women reading this thread have an opinion?

 

That trying to invite her to lunch would be too friendly?

 

Would offering to buy her lunch make the difference.

 

Basically, after seeing her for class, why not keep the good thing going? Though if she isn't available for lunch then I could invite her to coffee, but then I have to get her number and start arranging a day and time.

[KathyM]

I think the natural thing to do would be to invite the single ones to go out dancing (not as a group, but ask one girl). You could say something like:

 

 

"Have you ever been to ***** Club? That is an awesome place to go Salsa dancing. I'm going there Saturday night and could use a dance partner."

 

 

And then if she expresses an interest, you say "Great, I'll pick you up at 8" (or whatever), and get her number.

 

 

Then in the car and on the date, you make your interest known:

 

 

"You're a really good dancer, and I think I need to get to know you better. Would you be O.K. with that?"

 

 

(Just as an example).

[somedude81]

I think the natural thing to do would be to invite the single ones to go out dancing (not as a group, but ask one girl). You could say something like:

 

 

"Have you ever been to ***** Club? That is an awesome place to go Salsa dancing. I'm going there Saturday night and could use a dance partner."

 

 

And then if she expresses an interest, you say "Great, I'll pick you up at 8" (or whatever), and get her number.

 

 

Then in the car and on the date, you make your interest known:

 

 

"You're a really good dancer, and I think I need to get to know you better. Would you be O.K. with that?"

 

 

(Just as an example).

Thanks KathyM.

 

Taking a girl Salsa dancing is actually a really great date.

 

I definitely want to take her salsa dancing, just not yet.

 

The first time my ex and I went out dancing was also the first time she stayed the night at my place....

 

I'm not saying that if we go out dancing, that the girl has to stay the night at my place, but it's an activity I want to save for an actual date.

[KathyM]

Thanks KathyM.

 

Taking a girl Salsa dancing is actually a really great date.

 

I definitely want to take her salsa dancing, just not yet.

 

The first time my ex and I went out dancing was also the first time she stayed the night at my place....

 

I'm not saying that if we go out dancing, that the girl has to stay the night at my place, but it's an activity I want to save for an actual date.

This is an actual date though. Not just a trial run. Suggesting to go salsa dancing seems like a natural progression from the class to a dating relationship. More natural than inviting them to lunch, IMO. And there doesn't have to be sex afterwards. No need to think that just because you are taking her dancing, that you have to go back to your place or hers afterwards. Dancing makes a great first date IMO.

[somedude81]

This is an actual date though. Not just a trial run. Suggesting to go salsa dancing seems like a natural progression from the class to a dating relationship. More natural than inviting them to lunch, IMO. And there doesn't have to be sex afterwards. No need to think that just because you are taking her dancing, that you have to go back to your place or hers afterwards. Dancing makes a great first date IMO.

OK, so you meant it as a date too.

 

What I'm talking about is a trial run.

 

I've really only spoken to this girl three times so far. So I don't want to invite her on a real date just yet. I just want to see if we click.